Saints and sinners the d.., p.28
Saints & Sinners: The Devlin Saint Trilogy, page 28
But when I reach his bedroom, I stop dead, not sure whether to laugh or to cry.
The room is exactly how I left it. Candles on every surface. Burned down a bit, yes, but still there. And the rose petals I’d scattered on the bedspread are undisturbed.
My heart flips, but it takes a moment for me to fully understand what this means. That he wants this too. That he’s not as closed off from me as he wants me to believe.
That there is, at the very least, a tiny crack through which I can slide to get into his thick skull that the only way to protect me is to be with me. Because if he’s not, I will surely die of a broken heart.
I wonder where he’s been sleeping if not in his bed, but that question is answered quickly enough when I go to the room where he’d put me up the night I learned about The Wolf. The sheets are mussed and there’s a book by the bed. He’s been sleeping here, and I wonder if it’s simply out of necessity or if that room reminds him of me.
I hope it’s the latter, and as I put my bag down, intending to change my clothes for tonight, I realize that I’m right. Of course it’s about me. Just like the candles are. Just like the key code is.
Five-twelve-twelve-nine-five. The letters of the alphabet. E. L. L. I. E.
My knees go weak and I sink to the floor. He wants me. Hell, he always has.
I only hope I’m strong enough to convince him that I still want him, too.
I’m on the sofa when I hear the beep of the key code. I’ve changed into a cute little wrap-around dress and my favorite designer heels—a pair of pink Manolo sandals that I bought for my interview with Roger over three years ago. I got the internship, and now I wear my lucky Manolos whenever the situation warrants.
Tonight, I figure I need all the luck I can get.
I stay seated, trying to look casual, but I’m pretty certain he’ll hear the pounding of my heart.
I hear the door open, then close, then his footsteps in the hallway. I swallow, my body going tense. I have absolutely no idea how he’s going to react when he sees me, and the best that I can do is hope that he doesn’t pick me up bodily and toss me out. Because God knows I’m no physical match for this man.
And then there he is, standing in the hallway, his hair gleaming in the light from the dim overhead fixture. He stands tall, his face emotionless. It’s the posture and expression of a man used to dealing with the public even when he wants to do nothing but disappear. It’s poise and control, but I see under the surface. I see him, and in that moment, I realize, I always have. There’s still Alex in him, just as there was a bit of Devlin in the boy I used to know. None of that matters now, though. He’s the man he is, and that’s the only thing that counts.
Because he’s the man I want.
I stand up, then move around the couch to him.
“El,” he whispers, his voice laced with the tiniest hope. “Why are you here?”
“Don’t be stupid, Saint. You know why I’m here.”
For a moment, that hope flares, only to fade again. “You don’t want me, Ellie. I’m not a good man. I’ve done things. So many things. Some I regret. But others…” He trails off with a shake of his head. “Whatever you think you know, you don’t.”
“I know that you thought your father would punish you if you didn’t kill Peter. He’d have me killed, right? To teach you a lesson?”
He drags his fingers through his hair. “Tamra told you.”
“Don’t be mad at her. She only did it because she knows I love you.”
He looks at me, his gaze sharp.
“Yeah, you heard me. I love you.” The words come so easily, not scary in the slightest. “I always have. Don’t you get that? I love you, and the rest of it doesn’t matter.”
“But it does. There will always be secrets between us. Things I’m not willing to talk about. Not ever.” He drags his fingers through his hair. “You should have stayed away. I’m a dangerous bet.”
I swallow, my head tilted back to meet his eyes. “Did you mean what you said before? That you would never hurt me? That you’ll always protect me?”
“With all my heart.”
“Then believe me when I say that I will always trust you.” I move closer, but he still doesn’t touch me. “Who doesn’t have secrets? And besides, I thrive on danger, remember?”
That earns me the hint of a grin, and I’m so joyous at the reaction you’d think I’d just won the lottery.
“I trust you, Devlin. More than that, I need you.” I lick my lips, then swallow. “And you were right.”
He cocks his head. “About?”
“That it’s not control I need. It’s surrender.” I draw a breath and meet his eyes. “But you need the control, don’t you? Because for so long you were at your father’s mercy. It’s why you do what you do.”
His laugh is raw. “Well, you’re right about that. More than you know.”
I don’t know what he means by that, but right now, it doesn’t matter.
I take one more step, so close that I can feel his breath and the air between our bodies seems to shimmer. I untie the sash on my dress, opening it to reveal a lacy bra and very tiny panties. I let it slide off my shoulders, then fall to the ground behind me.
“Ellie…”
I shiver from the heat in his voice, my nipples going hard against the lace. “Remember what you wanted at the track? Take me like that now.”
I slide closer, then pull his hands to my breasts. “Tie me up. Bind me. Use me however you want to and for as long as you need to get it through your head that I’m yours. I always have been. And if you want to get rid of me, you’re going to have to fight harder than you ever have in your life, because I’m not going willingly. Instead, I’m surrendering, but only to you. Because you’re the only one I trust to pull me back out again.”
“Trust,” he repeats, an ironic edge to his voice. “El, I—”
“Hush.” I take his hand and tug him to the bedroom. I’ve already lit the candles, and when I open the door, I hear his sharp intake of breath. The room is aglow from the light of dozens of flickering flames. I leave him there, then crawl onto the bed in bra, panties, and my pink Manolos.
I’ve threaded a rope through the headboard so that it emerges on either side, a slipknot at each end. I lay back, put my wrists into the loops, then tug sharply, forcing the knots to tighten at my wrists. Then I flash him my most innocent smile. “You could untie me. Or you could take advantage of the situation.”
I know I’ve won when I see his lips twitch. “I’ve never been one to close my eyes when opportunity knocks,” he says, letting his eyes roam slowly over me. “And right now, opportunity is pounding at the door.”
I lick my lips, but don’t say anything.
He comes to the foot of the bed, then leans forward, still in the tailored suit he wore to the office. He puts his hands on my thighs and slides them down to my ankles, leaving a trail of heat in his wake. I close my eyes, relishing the feel of his hands upon me, only to open them again when he breaks the contact.
He takes off his jacket, then tosses it over the back of a nearby chair. His tie comes next, and then the button at his collar. I expect him to continue, but he doesn’t. Instead, he meets my eyes. “Spread your legs.”
That’s all he says, but it’s enough to make my entire body tighten with longing. I’m wet, I know I am, and I know he can see how soaked my panties are, especially when his heated glance at my core is ratcheting my own desire up higher and higher.
“You like that,” he says, moving onto the bed. He kisses the back of my knee, his hands stroking up my thighs like an advance team. “You like being open for me. Being on display.”
I want to deny it, but how the hell can I? I never knew before what a turn-on it is to be watched—at least when the person watching is exactly who you want.
He inches closer, then teases his finger along the elastic band that separates my thigh from my pussy. I bite my lower lip and squirm a bit, anticipating the moment when his finger dips under.
Except it doesn’t come. Instead, he strokes his fingers lightly on the outside of the thin cotton. It’s a delicious sensation, but not nearly enough. “Please,” I murmur. “Devlin, please.”
He flashes another sexy, mysterious grin, then closes his mouth over me, panties and all. I bend my knees, arching up, trying to increase the friction, but he just pulls away, then continues his slow climb up my body until his hands cup my breasts, and I whimper with longing.
I want this, yes, but I want so much more.
And, damn him, he’s right. Because what I want most of all is to surrender.
Then his hands are on my shoulders, then my hair. Then he’s kissing me with such tenderness I think that I will melt. And by the time he eases back down, my entire body is on fire.
Devlin stands again at the foot of the bed. “Look at me.”
I do, looking straight in his eyes and forcing myself not to look away.
“Tell me what you want.”
“I—I don’t know.”
“Don’t you? Because you deserve everything. Every pleasure I can give you. The sweet thrill of a sting on your ass. The soft delight of a kiss on your cheek.”
Yes, I think. Yes, yes, yes. But what I say is, “What if I want something in between?”
His brow rises. “What’s between hard and soft?”
“You.”
Heat flares in his eyes. “Christ, baby. How you break me.”
He turns around, his gaze scanning the floor. Then he bends and picks up something out of sight. When he stands, I see that he’s holding his tie. I frown, confused, then feel my pulse kick up as he comes toward me and tells me to lift my head.
I don’t argue, and soon enough, I’m blindfolded, the silk of his tie soft against my skin, and only the occasional flicker of candlelight sneaking in around the edges of the material.
“Do you like this? Being naked? Exposed? Vulnerable? Knowing I could do anything I want to you, and probably will?”
My nipples are painfully tight, and I’m certain he’s aware of that, so I can’t get away with a lie. The truth is, I don’t want to lie to him, even if it does make me vulnerable. Because Devlin Saint is the one person in all the world with whom I can be vulnerable.
“Tell me,” he presses. “Do you like this?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“Why?”
“Because you can do anything.” I swallow. “And because I’m a danger junkie.”
“That’s part of it, yes. But it’s more than that. All those men you’ve fucked? You’re the one calling the shots. That idiot in the parking lot? What did he do for you other than exist?”
“Nothing,” I admit.
“He was a walking talking sex toy,” Devlin says.
“Do you think I don’t know that?” I hear the sharpness in my voice and know that it’s a thin cover for regret. And maybe even a bit of shame.
“I think you don’t understand the power of being vulnerable. It’s not fear that pushes you over the edge—not entirely. It’s putting yourself in someone else’s hands. In trusting them—in trusting me—to be the arbiter of your pleasure.”
I nod. I know all this of course. Hell, I pretty much said the same thing right back to him just a few minutes ago. But it’s different being on the receiving end.
“Do you know why pain can be so potent?” he asks when I stay silent.
I don’t want to seem naive, but I admit that I don’t.
“Because how can you judge pleasure without it?”
I hear the drawer open beside the bed, then a quick metallic flick.
I frown, because I recognize the sound of a pocket knife opening. My pulse kicks up, but I tell myself I’m not scared. It’s just a remnant of my training.
Even so, I’m hyperaware, and that only increases the intensity of the moment as I feel the flat side of the cold steel blade tracing down my cleavage. “Don’t move,” he says, and I don’t even breathe as he flicks the blade through the small bit of material between the cups of my bra. And then, the moment the danger’s passed, a sharp bolt of electricity breaks through me, wracking my body with the sweet release of something that feels very close to an orgasm.
“They say that the moment before you come can be like balancing on a precipice.”
“You could have just unfastened it from the back,” I whisper.
“Would you have preferred that?”
Behind the blindfold, I close my eyes. “No,” I admit.
“Why not?”
“Because I liked the way it made me feel. Knowing you wouldn’t hurt me, but at the same time feeling the danger.” I lick my lips. “You’re my safe space, Devlin. I trust you. But—”
“But your body doesn’t know that. Not yet. And the adrenaline’s one hell of a rush.”
“Yes.” I let out a shaky breath. “Oh, God, yes.”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he slides his hands up my body and tugs down my panties. I want to murmur in protest—I’d been expecting him to cut them off, too—but I keep silent. And then, when I’m bare, he orders me to spread my legs.
I comply eagerly, and I’m expecting it when he uses the cords I’ve attached to the corners of the bed to bind me spread-eagled on the mattress.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says, then slowly takes off my sandal. He strokes my foot, then almost sends me to the moon when he sucks lightly on my toe before kissing his way up my leg until he reaches my pussy. “So, so beautiful,” he murmurs, then uses his tongue to take me right up to the edge.
I writhe and shimmy, but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even buck against him, as there’s very little give in these ropes.
And then, right as I’m on that precipice, I feel the mattress shift as he gets off the bed. Then I hear the swoosh of the curtains being opened, followed by the metallic slide of the door. A cool breeze wafts over my body, heavenly against my heated skin.
A moment later, he’s back, with something soft brushing over my belly.
“The curtain tie-back,” he tells me. “Do you remember the tassel?”
I shake my head. I didn’t pay much attention to the decoration in the room. But now I wish I had, because if this particular tassel is any indication, it’s a magical room indeed.
I can’t see, but I can feel, and all of the loose tassel ends are stroking my belly, my breasts, leaving heated trails across my skin as he blazes a trail lower and lower until he reaches my legs and uses the soft cord to tease the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.
The sensation is incredible, but it’s nothing compared to the jolt of erotic pleasure when he flicks it lightly against my pussy. I arch up, both surprised and delighted.
“Tell me, baby. Did you like that?”
“Oh, God,” I say. “Couldn’t you tell?”
He chuckles, then flicks it again, a little harder this time, and the contact so close to my clit sends ripples of pleasure spiraling through me. I arch up as much as I can as he alternates between flicks and soft brushes with the tassel until I’m so close to coming that I’m panting and begging. But he doesn’t take me over. Instead, he slides up my body, his clothes rough against my bare and sensitive skin, then brushes his lips over mine.
“Do you know turned on I am? How much seeing you spread out and naked for me arouses me? Do you have any idea how hard I am? How much I want to fuck you? How much I want to own you? Baby, I want your complete surrender.”
“Yes,” I say as my heart skitters, enthralled by his words, thrilled by his touch. “But I want to own you, too.”
“Oh, El.” I feel his lips graze softly over mine. “Don’t you know that you do?”
“Please,” I beg. “Devlin, please untie me. I want to touch you. I want you inside me.”
He doesn’t answer, but he does move to loosen the cords at my wrists and free my ankles. I pull off the blindfold as I kick off my second shoe, then I kneel on the bed, expecting him to get undressed. He doesn’t though.
Instead, he opens his fly and frees his straining cock. “Here, baby,” he says, from where he sits on the foot of my bed. I don’t hesitate, straddling him and easily taking him deep, deep inside me. I’m so wet, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been this aroused in my life.
His hands cup my ass and we move together, the motion of our hips working him deeper into me as we both strive to be one person. At the same time that I’m bucking against him, my mouth closes on his in a kiss that’s as deep and intimate as fucking, and as we both reach for more and more, I know I won’t be satisfied until this man has completely consumed me.
And then, finally, lightning explodes inside me. I claw his back, feeling his body tighten in time with mine as he holds my hips still and empties himself into me, the force of my orgasm milking him until we both collapse, exhausted, onto the bed.
For a moment, we simply breathe. Then he reaches out and takes my hand, his face calm and in perfect control, as if he hadn’t just completely melted me.
“So we’re good now, right?” I ask. “I’ve made my point? I’m yours, and you’re not getting rid of me?”
His smile lights his eyes as he says, “Yeah. I think you made your point very well.”
“It does scare me, you know.”
I see fear flash in his eyes. “My secrets? Because—”
“No.” I swallow. “Loving you. Being this close to you. This intimate. Giving you all of me.” I glance at him, but he stays silent, so I continue. “I lost you once before. Hell, I’ve lost so many people I’ve loved. I don’t think I could stand it if—”
He presses a finger to my lips. “You won’t lose me again,” he says. “You’re mine now. For better or for worse, Ellie, you’re mine.”
And then, to prove it, he seals his words with a kiss.
Something startles me awake, and I open my eyes to see the candles flickering on the side table. I pull the covers higher and snuggle closer to Devlin, wondering what woke me.
Probably something outside. After all, he opened the patio door before we went to sleep, and even now I can hear the coyotes howl in the distance as well as the lapping of the waves against the shore. All around us, the world is wild. Our world, too. I know that things will get crazy now that the reclusive Devlin Saint has a girlfriend and our racy pictures are out in the open.
