I take a step back. “No. Or, well, I don’t know. I mean, yes. But only as an option. It wasn’t like I went there wanting one.”

  Her hands slide into the pockets of her jeans. “I had one. I was nineteen.”

  “Oh, Moira.” My heart aches for what she must have gone through emotionally. “Are you okay?”

  “I am. And I was then, too. It was hard, but it was the right decision for me. It was a one-night stand in college. I barely knew the guy, and he wasn’t—” She waves the words away. “Doesn’t matter. Ultimately, it was my choice.”

  “Did you tell him?”

  She shakes her head. “Like I said, we weren’t even dating. Hell, he never even called me again.” She shrugs. “He wasn’t part of the equation.”

  “Did you regret it?”

  “No. I mean, sometimes I wonder. And I do want kids. But not then. I was way too young and clueless.” She smirks. “As you can probably tell, I’m still pretty clueless.”

  “Ryan never told me.”

  Her weight shifts from one foot to the other. “That’s because I never told Ryan.”

  “Why not?”

  She shrugs. “Well, it wasn’t his business, was it?”

  I nod. With me, it is his business. And while I’m still a little miffed that he thinks I would do that without first talking to him, I do understand why he’d be upset. “I hate whoever posted that stupid photo.”

  “Yeah. Too many people poking into other people’s lives.” She draws a breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I wanted to tell you about me.”

  “I’m glad you did. We’re sisters now.” I give her hand a squeeze. “We’re supposed to share secrets.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Even though I had nothing alcoholic to drink last night, I feel hungover when my phone’s sharp ring blasts me awake.

  I roll over, only to see that Ryan’s already out of bed. Understandable, since when I check the clock, I see that it’s ten.

  The ringing stops, and I wait to see if a voicemail pops up, but it doesn’t. The message notification icon bounces from 10 to 11, though. I pop over and find a text from Matthew saying that he and Carson are on their way. They’ll be at my house by ten-fifteen.

  What the bloody fuck?

  I groan, then slide on some leggings and a tank top, splash water on my face, then run a brush through my hair. And that’s about as good as they’re going to get.

  I use my phone to see that Ryan—or, at least his phone—is at Stark Security. No big surprise there. But it means that he’s not here to play host while I take a few minutes to feel human.

  I head barefoot to the kitchen, then stare into the refrigerator, only deciding on a yogurt cup when the doorbell rings. I frown. I’d assumed I’d have a heads-up when they called from the gate we share with Damien. But I forgot that Matthew has the code.

  With one part curiosity and one part dread, I hurry downstairs. I can’t think of a single reason they’d come over this early. And to me, that means bad news.

  I know the second I open the door that I’m right. Both of their faces are tight with fury, and it’s easy enough to see that it’s not directed at me.

  “The fucking studio,” Matthew says as I usher them in.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The studio is demanding we fire you,” Carson tells me, making the yogurt curdle in my gut.

  “But they can’t. I mean, isn’t it against the law to fire someone because they’re pregnant?”

  “That’s not why they’re firing you,” Matthew says, pacing. “Or, rather, why they’re making me fire you.”

  “Then why?” I feel numb. Lost. And very confused.

  “Apparently, you’re not right for the part.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Fucking Bryan Raine,” Carson says. “The studio’s golden boy. He got ahold of the rehearsal vids, and then he took them to the studio.”

  “The rehearsals went great,” I say, still utterly bewildered. “And those rehearsals weren’t with him, anyway.”

  “That’s the point. It’s all about how the suits wanted him as the male lead. How he shares the studio’s vision. And that vision just doesn’t jibe with your interpretation of the role with an actor who’s no longer on the film.”

  “That conniving, egotistical little prick. He can’t do that.”

  “He did,” Matthew says. “We got official orders to fire you for not being suitable for the role. The termination provision is sweet—you’ll get a nice check—but we’re stuck. I’ve already talked with the studio lawyers and my attorney.”

  “But I’m totally suitable. I’m perfect.”

  “You are,” Carson says. “We all know damn well why he’s doing this, but we can’t prove it.”

  “Because I’m pregnant.”

  “That. And because he wants to bring his girlfriend in.”

  “Annalise Vail,” I say. “Like she’s suitable for any role. The woman can’t act. Did you see her last film?”

  “I did,” Matthew said. “For some inexplicable reason, Bryan Raine has some pull at this studio.”

  “I could sue. It can’t be that hard to prove the real reason.”

  “You could try. And you’d probably win. But the studio would just kill the movie. You’d have cash, but no film.”

  “Fuck.”

  Matthew comes over and gives me a hug. “I’m sorry. This is a great role for you. But there will be other great roles.”

  Maybe, I think, as I watch them leave. But this is the one I want.

  I start to call Evelyn, but I’m too much of a wreck and hang up before she answers. Then I shut my phone off entirely.

  I slip on some shoes, grab my car keys, and head out. I have no idea where I’m going. All I know is that I want to walk. I want to be alone.

  Most of all, I want to think.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Where the fuck could she be?” Ryan paced Evelyn’s formal living area. He’d come over the moment Evelyn had called with the news that Jamie had been fired off the picture.

  “Matthew and Carson went to her,” she told him now. “She was upset but holding up when they left. That was about three hours ago.”

  “Shit.” He sagged into an overstuffed armchair. “That fucking excuse of a human being did this to her.”

  “Oh, he definitely did,” Evelyn said, taking a seat opposite him.

  “No, I’m talking a long game.”

  Evelyn frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve had my people poking around. That photo was sent to The Eye anonymously, but I’ve got a few strings to pull there, and we were able to nail down the source.”

  “Raine?”

  “Might as well be. Annalise Vail.”

  Evelyn nodded. “His girlfriend. She asked me to rep her a few years ago. I turned her down. Didn’t like the way she looked at people.”

  “You’ve got good instincts.”

  “Why would she have been at the clinic? Did she go there herself and just got lucky?”

  Ryan shook his head. “My guess is that she’s been tailing Jamie for a while. My wife’s got a rep as a wild child. A valid rep, if a little outdated.”

  “You’re a good influence.”

  “Yeah, well, she’s still Jamie. But Annalise was probably hoping she’d hop on stage at a strip club. Or pick a fight over a sale rack. Something Raine could use to get her kicked off the set. Once Jamie was gone, Annalise would be in.”

  “She’s a climber, that one. Wouldn’t put it past either of them. For that matter, Raine may not know.”

  “He knows,” Ryan said. “And right now, I don’t care about either one of them. I just want to find my wife. She’s not herself right now.”

  “Hormones.”

  “And the pregnancy is the whole reason she’s lost the job.”

  Evelyn frowned. “You don’t think she’d—”

  He drew in a breath, then let it out slowly. “I don’t know. I hope not. She swore she wouldn’t do something like that without talking to me first.”

  “But?”

  The dull headache he’d been fighting all day started pounding. “But Jamie’s pissed off right now. She’s scared for her career. And she’s impulsive. She’ll want to get back at Raine. And how better to do that than to wrangle her way back onto the movie.”

  “And she can only do that if she’s not pregnant.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Are you thinking like a security agent or a husband?”

  He sighed, then rubbed his temples. “I don’t know. I believe she’d never hurt me on purpose. But I also know that she’s jumped off many a cliff without looking.”

  “She has. But not since she married you.”

  He thought about it. Evelyn was right. There might have been a leap or two from a street curb, but from those she always landed straight.

  But this?

  Someone fucking with her career. Someone manipulating her like that?

  That wasn’t the kind of thing the woman he loved would ever put up with.

  What he didn’t know was how far she’d go to get her revenge. “I need to find her,” he said, as Evelyn nodded. “But I don’t have a goddamn clue where she is.”

  Evelyn snorted. “Don’t try that shit on me, Ryan Hunter. You’re the head of a world-renowned security company with an essentially unlimited supply of funding at your disposal. So quit whining and go find the girl.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  It’s hard to disappear in this world, but disappearing is what I need. So I leave my car in Santa Monica, buy a bus pass with the small amount of cash I have in my purse, and get on the first one that comes by.

  I have no destination. No plan. I’m not even sure what I want to think about. All I know is that I feel broken. But I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been fired, because there’s a baby growing inside me, or because I’m not certain what I want to do about either.

  All I know for sure is that I don’t want to think about any of it. Not my career. Not my family.

  Not even Ryan.

  I close my eyes as the bus bumps along. Not even Ryan.

  Has there ever been a time since that day so long ago when I first made him eggs that I haven’t thought of him? When I haven’t wanted him in my head, not to mention beside me?

  There hasn’t, and that simple realization thrusts me back into anger. Raine did this to me. He stole something from me. Something vital. And when he did that, he poisoned everything. And I don’t know how to dig out of it.

  No, that’s not true. I know perfectly well what I need. But going back in time really isn’t practical. I can only move forward and try to figure out which twists and turns will lead me back to where I need to be.

  When the bus stops near the Roosevelt Hotel, I get off, then wander down the block for a while, just strolling along the Walk of Fame.

  This was my favorite place when I first moved to Los Angeles. The Hollywood area isn’t glamorous. Honestly, it’s kind of grungy, and even the lovely old Roosevelt Hotel feels a bit battered. Like a gemstone in a dull, unpolished setting.

  Even so, that line of stars is magical, and I would buy a latte, put on my headphones, start my playlist of favorite movie soundtracks, and spend blissful hours just walking and imagining my life to come.

  It’s been a hell of a journey, and nothing like what I expected. I never planned to get married. Why would I when fucking around was so much fun? And kids? Way too much trouble. I was more than happy with the idea that someday my friends would have them, and I’d be the favorite babysitter who let them get away with anything.

  I want to think I’m still that person. Fun, free Jamie with a huge career laid out in front of her.

  But I’m not that girl anymore. And the truth is that I don’t want to be. I’m still a little wild—maybe a lot—but only with Ryan. He’s my anchor. My safety net. And I can’t imagine a world without him.

  But my career…

  I sigh, looking down at the stars under my feet. How many times had I imagined my name there? Or my hand and foot prints at the Chinese Theater?

  And now?

  Well, now I’m not sure if I’ll ever get there at all. And I can’t even blame Bryan Raine. Well, actually I can. He knocked me off the path.

  Still, the truth is that I can be right back on the path tomorrow if I want to. But there would be a hefty price to pay.

  That’s the thing about adulting. It’s like online shopping. There’s almost always a hidden cost.

  I keep walking, trying to silence my thoughts, but I’m not having much luck. I have a very noisy brain.

  And a very distractible one. At the moment, it keeps pulling my eyes away from the stars and toward little kids and pregnant women. Apparently, they’re everywhere.

  Or I’m just more prone to noticing them now.

  With a sigh, I cross the street to a coffee shop, hoping they have some sort of non-coffee drink, too. But the smell pushes me back onto the street the moment I open the door.

  I fight a gag reflex and keep on walking, feeling unreasonably weepy.

  Pregnancy changes everything.

  With a sigh, I walk back to the Roosevelt and cut through to the back parking area, finally certain of where I need to go.

  The valet calls me a cab, and I climb in, give him the address, then close my eyes, and let the last little bits of doubt fizzle away.

  * * * *

  I’m half-groggy in bed when I hear the key in the lock. I’m completely empty from crying and my head is fuzzy, but I stumble out of the bedroom to see the door open and Ryan step in.

  “You tracked me? How did you track me?”

  He shakes his head. “No, Kitten. I just realized that I’d known all along where you’d go.”

  He looks around my old apartment, his expression nostalgic. I bought it when the building went condo and now I use it for both office space and a guest house when friends come to town.

  “Are you mad?”

  He shakes his head, then comes to me, but he doesn’t pull me close. “Of course not. Frustrated, maybe, that I can’t ever really know what’s going on in that head of yours. And maybe a little stung that you came here instead of coming home to me.”

  “I’m sorry. I just wanted—I don’t know. The memories. Me and Nikki living here. Me being young and stupid and wild.”

  “You can still be as wild as you want with me.” He holds out his hand, almost tentative. I take it, then yank him toward me until I’m pressed against his chest and his arms are around me, just the way they’re supposed to be.

  “You’re my safety net.” I blink back tears. “Ryan—you know—I mean, I hope you know—that I’d never intentionally hurt you.”

  “Oh, baby.” His arms tighten around me and he kisses my forehead.

  “I thought about it,” I say, sniffling against his shoulder. “I could go to the clinic, then call you from there. That door was wide open, you know? Beckoning. And it would make everything right again. I could get the movie back. I could be Jamie again, not mommy. It would be like resetting the scoreboard for everything. Except you.”

  I lean back, meeting his eyes. “You’d agree because you love me, but things would change.”

  “Kitten, no. If it’s important to you—”

  “Wait. Let me finish, okay? I already know that you’d understand. That you’d be okay with it because you get what being pregnant could do to my career at this stage. How it could mess up all of my plans. The dreams I had as a kid. The rocket ride that was just about to start.”

  I stroke his cheek, smiling at the stubble. “I know you would agree because that’s who you are. And so, yeah. I came here, and I climbed into my old bed, and I thought about it. But I didn’t do it.”

  I see the almost imperceptible nod of his head.

  “I couldn’t. I know how much family means to you. I know how much you want a baby.”

  “I don’t want anyone more than I want you.”

  I smile, my heart swelling a little. “I know that, too.”

  “Jamie, if you decided not to terminate because of me—”

  “I did, though. But that was only part of it,” I add, hurrying on before he can interrupt. “The thing is… I want it, too. A baby, I mean. I really, really do.”

  “Oh, Kitten.” He brushes my cheek, then tugs me to the sofa. “I never doubted that. Never doubted that we’d have a family, and that you wanted it, too. But are you sure you want it now?”

  I look into those ice-blue eyes, trying to read the answer he expects. But I can’t. For better or for worse, he’s really left this decision to me.

  “I was an only child,” I say, shifting to sit sideways so my feet are in his lap. “I don’t really get the whole sibling thing, but I do know how much better my life was once Nikki and Ollie were in it. They were my sister and brother. My family. And, yeah, I want this little niblet. And unless I truly suck at mothering, I’ll probably want another one.”

  His brows rise, and I point a stern finger. “But no more than two. Even with help, Nikki and Damien are outnumbered. That’s scary shit sometimes.”

  He laughs. “Moira and I made a pretty good team. I think two is the perfect number.” He cups my ankle. “But baby, are you sure? I don’t like the idea of you giving up your dream.”

  “I’m not,” I tell him. “I can still work. And the mega-movie star thing?” I shrug. “Well, I almost got there with Intercontinental. Nothing can take that away.”

  I watch his face and can tell that even though he’s understanding me, he’s still not sure. Well, he’s not sure that I’m sure.

  “People change, Ryan,” I say. “Being on the big screen was my dream when I was thirteen years old. Before that, I wanted to be a fighter pilot. I don’t even remember what movie I’d seen, but damn I wanted to fly like that.” I pull a face. “Maybe that’s why I like sex so much. That rush.”

  He chuckles. “I’ll have to see if I can figure out what movie that might have been.”

  “Gold star if you do. But here’s the thing. The little kid dream didn’t stick. The thirteen-year-old’s dream lingered, except it was still just a dream. And that thirteen-year-old girl didn’t factor in how amazing it is to have a husband who loves her. And—I swear, I’m not keeping the baby for you. But I am keeping it because of you. At least a little.”

 

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