"An hour, not a minute longer. Timer is running."

  "Yeah, yeah, Daddy," I muttered as I walked out of his bedroom and toward the stairs.

  All the way during the drive to my house, carrying on a one-sided conversation with Carmen, I debated the option of not returning. I'd never seen myself as much of a masochist, pain and humiliation weren't my kinks, but I couldn't stay away. Since almost losing him, my attraction, my stupid unrequited love, all of it was inflated. If Gladys noticed, did anyone else? And could I survive the inevitable revelation?

  We'd go back to our regular lives soon; I could hold out for that long. I'd already done it for two years.

  9

  ROBERT

  With my good hand, I rubbed Roo's soft hair as the sadist parading as a physical therapist rotated my shoulder to check my range of motion. Her tiny hands had a death grip on the sides of my t-shirt. Romeo was in the corner in protect mode, and I didn't know if it was for Carmen or me. Remy had a home visit planned for that afternoon and wanted to get everything set up, at least get a basic room ready for Carmen. Ms. Grier knew he'd been at my place helping me out, so she wasn't expecting miracles. She'd even stopped by a few times to check in. I hadn't reminded him I had a physical therapy appointment because he needed to focus on what he needed to do, and me and Roo were fine. I was the only other person she allowed to keep her.

  "This would work better if you laid her down elsewhere?"

  "I didn't ask you." My voice deepened as she held a bit tighter at the thought of being separated. She was getting better, but she usually relaxed when she knew Remy and I were in the house together. The little girl attached herself to me as soon as Remy had said goodbye, promising to be back and to be good for me. I wondered what would happen when Remy took her to her real home.

  We were both keeping each other calm. Outside of Remy and family, I wasn't much on people touching me. I enjoyed my space. Every time the guy had me move or work my shoulder in a certain way, and I had to shift Carmen, I heard his annoyed huff. He'd learn quickly that Roo and my grandkids always came first in this house. And no amount of passive-aggressive tantrums were going to change that.

  Not soon enough, my hour was up and I stayed sprawled on the floor and didn't bother saying goodbye. He couldn't get away fast enough. Quiet had been scarce recently. As much as I appreciated my kids and Gladys helping around the house, I couldn't remember the last time we'd all been together for that long. All of it made me miss when my kids were little and teenagers, chaos soothed me, but it also reminded me of how alone I'd become without Remy since my divorce.

  I smiled as Roo completely relaxed on my chest, but I didn't stop rubbing her soft curls. Having her there was like when Carol and RJ were growing up. I missed my marriage, maybe not my marriage, but the having someone all mine. There'd even been a few dates, but they were just blind setups that I had no urge to repeat for a second. Remy was the only reason I didn't come straight home every night. We shared dinners or a beer after work.

  "Was that your physical therapist I passed?"

  I opened my eyes to find Remy looming over me with his hands on his hips. He had dark circles and bags under his eyes. I doubted he was getting much sleep between Roo and me, but he never complained.

  "No, I was having an afternoon hookup." I grinned up at Remy as he glared at me.

  "So the blond lean athletic look is your thing, huh?"

  "Who knows? I might have developed a type."

  "P.T. doesn't improve your mood. I'll make a note of that, too."

  "You snitching on me to somebody?"

  "Would I do that? Would I give all your secrets away?"

  "If it was my kids or Gladys, yes, yes, you would." I wouldn’t admit the truth to anyone, but I loved how he and Roo fit into my family, even with Gladys. He’d naturally became part of the group. And I didn’t know what this compulsion I’d developed about keeping him was about.

  "Ouch, you're just mean today. You want me to take her?" He crouched down, and I wrapped my good arm around her, and I lifted my head to see her peeking at him through the hair covering her face.

  "No, we're good. How did everything go?"

  "Good. I was able to get the new bed, mattress, and dresser in my vehicle after I folded the back seats forward. Got those put together, but everything else is supposed to be delivered tomorrow. Mrs. Walton is going to let the delivery people in, and I told her which room was Carmen's. Maybe after she goes to bed tomorrow, I'll head back to the house and arrange everything. We'll be going home soon."

  "Why?"

  "Robert, we've been living with you for weeks. It's way past time for us to go home."

  "Why? This way, you have help with Roo."

  "She's going to be stuck with that name the rest of her life."

  "It's a good name." She lifted her head and rested her pointy chin on my chest to grin at me.

  "I'm going to start dinner. Don't let her take a nap this late. She won't go to bed."

  "Yes, sir. Poor, little Roo can't even have a short nap." I made a face at her, and she giggled. I couldn't explain why I loved that sound so much. She hadn't said a word yet, but I was hoping soon.

  "She won't sleep tonight, do as I say." He dropped to his knees to kiss the top of her head, and she cuddled back to my chest.

  She rested her ear over my heart, and I just stayed still. It would kill me when Remy took her away. I'd gotten used to them in my home. Sharing meals and watching cartoons after her bath for an hour before Remy took her to the guest room for her bedtime story. He didn't come back to talk to me afterward. As close as we were, I sensed he pulled away over the time since I'd gotten hurt, but mostly the distance grew the longer he was there with me.

  I knew he was stressed with getting everything set up for Roo at his place. The time off work. Me getting hurt. But there was something else going on. I wanted to demand that he tell me what was bothering him. We were never alone long enough for me to bring it up.

  I hugged Roo to my chest and tightened my stomach muscles to sit up. I grimaced as my shoulder pulled and struggled a bit to my feet, and then I took a seat on the couch. The remote was in the coffee table we'd pushed aside. I turned on her cartoons, and she turned to watch, her tiny fingers, swirling the hair on my forearm.

  The front door opened, and I barely concealed a groan as Gladys breezed in with a smile.

  "How's Aunt Gladys's girl?" She didn't even bother greeting me, and then she was off to the kitchen.

  Remy and her voices carried from the kitchen, they laughed about something, and then I watched her head upstairs to change. Couldn't I have one night just me, Remy, and our girl…alone? I was a stoic man but had never leaned toward grumpy until recently. Leaning my head forward, I pressed my nose into Roo's hair. She smelled of baby shampoo.

  I didn't know what was going on with me lately. I'd felt off the last few months, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It had started well before the shooting. I wasn't discontent with my life. I had a job I was successful at. I was close to my kids and grandkids. My partner became my best friend, and I adored his soon-to-be daughter. Yes, I got lonely. I'd been a part of a couple for over half my life. Rebuilding my existence as a single man hadn't been easy, and I didn't think I succeeded.

  I was the type of man who loved having someone to come home to. My kids excited to see me. Being a cop's family wasn't easy, and there were a lot of sacrifices. Hence one of the big reasons I was single. I'd grown far too old to start over, and I'd do well to remember that.

  10

  REMY

  The day was finally over, and I ended it as I had since we'd temporarily moved in. I blocked another well-aimed kick to the crotch, but just barely. "I'm going to have to invest in a cup if she keeps falling asleep with me," I complained as I watched her sprawled between Robert and I on his bed. He was rubbing her head as he read his book. She'd made me so proud in how she'd progressed since coming home, well, to Robert's home with me.

  "She does have a tendency to take up the entire bed," he whispered without looking away from his book.

  "You know you're a natural at all this."

  I'd spent weeks watching how he catered to her. His patience during her meltdowns and her tendency to cling. I'd learned a lot about Robert since he got hurt. I'd loved him before, but it would kill me when we went back to business as usual. Living with him had ruined me. Earlier that day, I'd experienced my first instance of jealousy. I'd arrived back from the home visit and found a gorgeous, fit younger man leaving, and he'd been alone with my damn man. Then Robert had joked about developing a type, and that annoyed me. I'd known it was stupid, and I'd pushed it aside, yet that didn't change the fact that the hurt had hit me in the center of my chest.

  He set his open book face down on his thigh. "With our job, well, I missed a lot with the kids. I learned about most of the milestones secondhand. It's the only thing about the job I regret."

  "You're close to your kids. You weren't absent. You love them, and they knew that."

  "I know, doesn't help the regret, though. How are you doing?"

  I grinned as Romeo huffed from his spot stretched fully across the foot of the bed. "Okay. I miss work. I need more sleep. I'm impatient to hear that Carmen is officially mine, but that could take years to happen."

  "It'll happen. She was born to be your daughter." He glanced at me and then back down on her. "She's come a long way in a short time."

  "I just wish she'd try to talk."

  "She'll do it when she's ready. They said she'd learned to be invisible. It'll just take time, Remy."

  "Yeah."

  "I love her giggle and her little smiles. The sound of her running through the house. I don't know what I'm going to do when you two go home."

  "You'll do a happy dance." I tried to joke, but when he looked up, I earned a glare.

  "I'd never be happy to see you two gone."

  My heart kicked into high gear when our gazes locked, and I dropped my attention back to her. I had to leave no matter what. It was selfish of me that I’d stayed that long. I couldn't keep playing house with Robert. He wasn't mine to claim, no matter how much I wanted him.

  "Remy, are you okay? You've been acting distant lately."

  "I'm fine, I promise. I'm just a little stressed, but you have to worry about yourself. We just have to move back home soon, let you get back to your life. With the kids and Gladys spending less time here, I'm sure you're ready to have the house back to yourself."

  "I love having you two here. There's no rush." He went back to reading his book, and I studied his profile.

  I wondered if he knew what he was doing to me. Did he know how I felt? I turned my attention back to the TV to the movie that was almost over. Carmen hadn't made it through the first fifteen minutes before she'd curled up between us. That old part of me, the one with all the dreams of a man to love—a husband—and the family that I'd always wanted, resurfaced.

  Being there with him made me see the future if my partner was gay and saw me the way I did him. To be able to kiss and touch him, cuddle up to him at night. If we were together, I'd go tuck Carmen into her bed and come back to crawl into ours. My chest tightened, and I pretended my heart wasn't breaking. Back in the day, I hadn't dared think about being anything other than a homeless sex worker. I'd had my friends who became family. People I'd trusted completely to have my back and to understand, all our futures were precarious.

  Some of us, when we'd had a good night with a little too much drink or drugs, we'd sit around and play a game of what-if. We'd never admit it the next day when we were sober. Yet, we'd told stories of our perfect lives. I hadn't shared my past with anyone I hadn't known back in the day.

  Would Robert still look at me the same? He'd already seen my scars, and I knew he was curious, but he hadn't asked…yet. He was my friend and partner, and I couldn't lose that. I just needed to keep my past where it belonged. Boss had told me I should come clean; that maybe Robert would feel betrayed that I didn't share. He would look at me differently. Maybe he wouldn't want me around his kids or grandkids, wouldn't feel I was right to raise Carmen, and all that would kill me.

  "I'm going to take her to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

  "Okay, goodnight, Remy." I tried to fuss at him as he picked up Carmen and hugged her, whispered goodnight to her even though she was fast asleep.

  I got off the bed and walked around to his side, and scooped Carmen up, exiting the bedroom before I tried something stupid like kissing him.

  "This is a surprise." Harry's voice was full of affection, and I was grateful we'd remained friends. That had turned out to be an easy transition. We’d both had issues to work out before we’d reconnected. I closed the back door behind me as Romeo sniffed around the backyard for his last potty break of the night.

  "I didn't wake you or the kids, did I?"

  "No, and you know even if we're asleep, we'll always answer. Are you okay? Nightmares?"

  I chuckled softly. I knew what he'd ask. He'd been there through a few of my night terrors, but we'd never breached the line where he asked me to talk about them.

  "I'm okay. I'm fostering to adopt."

  "You'll be amazing, Remy. It's something you always wanted." The happiness in his tone was plain to hear, and I knew he was excited for me.

  "Why didn't you ever want that with me?"

  "Remy, it wasn't that I didn't want it with you. As much as I loved you, I don't think it was that all-consuming romantic love you needed. I found that with Tim, and I know that hurt you."

  "Hate to burst your ego-bubble, but to be honest, I wasn't hurt. When you told me about the baby, now, that hurt."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Don't be. We remained friends, and part of me thinks if we'd carried on with our relationship, we wouldn't have had that."

  "You still carrying a torch for that sexy partner of yours?"

  "Why did I ever show you those pictures?" I groaned as I listened to his deep chuckle.

  "Well, you were showing off the adorable kids you adore so much. It just happened the sexy man was in the background."

  "Sexy straight man." My little bubble of happiness exploded, and I fell back onto one of the patio chairs.

  "That is an obstacle. How's he handling you being gay?" I'd told him what had happened at Christmas when RJ unknowingly outed me.

  "It's good. Nothing changed, really. We had an incident, he got hurt so Carmen, that's the girl I'm hoping to adopt, and I have been staying at his place to help take care of him."

  "How's close quarters going?"

  "Well, let's just say it's torture."

  "Give the man a kiss and a grope."

  I rolled my eyes in the dark. "Sexual harassment, my friend."

  "Some things are worth a risk."

  "Of course you'd say that."

  "Honey, you gotta take a chance some time." He laughed. "Tim agrees with me."

  "He would. You've corrupted my perfectly rational friend."

  "I totally did. Shit, babies are calling. Call more than once every few months, and I expect a visit soon, or we'll be coming."

  "Getting awful bossy."

  "Yeah, yeah, listen to me." We said our goodbyes and passed on my love to Tim and the kids. I disconnected the call and yelled for Romeo. It was already late, and I was already extremely low on sleep, and it wasn't all about taking care of Carmen or Robert. Being in his home filled my head with shit I shouldn't have even contemplated.

  "Romeo, bedtime." I'd only stay another week and then I was going home, no matter what.

  11

  ROBERT

  I was tired of being stuck in my bed or my recliner. Sitting around didn't make me a happy man, didn't help that I had a shadow in the form of a massive Great Dane and a little girl that made herself comfortable in my bed to play or color. It’s as if they ordered her to be my guard, and because I quickly fell in love, I’d do anything when she batted her lashes at me.

  She cried when anyone else tried to pick her up. We'd made progress only for her to take a few steps back. Every day we just had to adapt. Whatever made Roo happy and safe we did, but every day was rife with landmines of what would trigger her, and she only wanted Remy or me for comfort.

  "Hey, you doing okay with her?" I looked away from her to the door of my bedroom to find Remy there in nothing but a towel around his hips. The fabric was tucked under the lower curve of his belly. Since he'd moved in, I'd learned his tattoos were a lot more extensive than I'd first thought.

  "We're good. She's coloring another picture."

  "We're running out of room on the fridge. Gladys has taken to displaying her art with the other kids. I'll take them down when I leave."

  "They can stay, Remy. They belong there just like with my other kids." I didn't miss the darkening of his eyes before he dropped his gaze so I couldn't see.

  "Every time I come by, you're half-naked." An amused feminine voice made me smile.

  "Hi, Fran. Didn't know we were due for a visit today. I'm getting ready to go get dressed. Robert was watching Carmen for me."

  I waved as the social worker stopped outside my room and smiled at Carmen.

  "She doing okay, Remy?"

  "Nightmares aren't much better, but we're making it. I'd prefer to be at home to get her on a regular schedule but leave him to his own devices, and he'd be back at work."

  "I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself. Now, go get dressed." I complained about him being there just to hide the fact of how much I loved him in my house. Every time we had a disagreement and I told him to leave, I fussed at him when he tried to pack them up.

  Remy rolled his eyes, and he disappeared down the hall.

  "May I enter?"

  "Sure, my room has become meeting central around here."

  "How's Remy really doing?"

 

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