Ramaas, Planet of Adventure

  by Tony Chandler

  It was the greatest contribution known by the human race, the supreme epitome of human technology. The monument’s fame had spread until it had even been added to that most prestigious of honors, ranked as one of the ‘Wonders of the Known Galaxy’. It beckoned even as I gazed at the splashy advertisement Beamed up from Ramaas, Planet of Adventure.

  Excelsior!

  The biggest, meanest, most mind-boggling roller coaster ever constructed, wrapping its twin magneto-rails from the peak of Mount Excelsior down to its broad flanks and distant valley below. And that famous first drop, just shy of two thousand feet and capable of sending you speeding over … well, let’s just say as fast you ever dared while still attached to the ground.

  Next came the Dirty Dozen — twelve twisting loops sure to slam and spin even the hardest alien head. With that intense initiation completed, the rider now had a mere twenty minutes more of sheer exhilaration to experience.

  It was almost spiritual.

  “You see that coaster, Dtang?”

  He grunted absent-mindedly.

  “We’re going to ride that ‘bad-boy’.”

  “Hmph, is this Earth thing?” Dtang growled.

  I smiled, thumping my chest with pride.

  “The best of ‘Earth’ things,” I said.

  Dtang rolled his red eyes and nodded with aroused appreciation, remembering the other Earth treats I had introduced him to lately, especially peanut butter.

  “Aren’t you forgetting one little detail before you start this little vacation?”

  Why do women have to ruin everything? I was going to have to figure that out one day, and soon. I turned to face my ex-wife, who quite inexplicably was still aboard.

  She strolled onto the bridge of the Lightning.

  “You remember Kragon, don’t you? Andarian Pirate Captain. And that little thing about stealing his gold?”

  I flicked off the video.

  “He was supposed to be dead! Anyway, it’s done now.”

  She shook her head and I felt more bad news on the way. Just what I needed before I start my vacation.

  “You can’t brush off Kragon, he’s dangerous. Very dangerous.”

  “And you should know, huh babe. I mean, being a loathsome pirate yourself and all. By the way, what were you doing on that ship in the first place?”

  She ignored me.

  “I’m trying for some odd reason to save your hide. Not that its worth saving.”

  “Listen, we’re several quadrants away from that little incident now, orbiting the “Family Planet.” They don’t even allow weapons on the surface. I mean, with all that security in place we couldn’t be safer at the moment. Besides, if it wasn’t safe, aliens and their children from all the known galaxy wouldn’t have made this the vacation capital.” I leaned back in my chair.

  “And there it waits, Ramaas, an entire planet of fun. Waiting for me.”

  Turning, she stormed off.

  Dtang sat beside me, a look of extreme concentration on his features.

  I got busy punching in the coordinates for our landing and going through all the hoopla they call standard procedures. About ten minutes went by in relative quiet.

  That’s when I became afraid.

  Now, I don’t normally get involved with any alien’s “personal business.” I figure, well, it’s personal.

  But Holliths have a digestive system that can be outright dangerous to the unwary.

  Especially in the tight quarters of a small, but fast, starship.

  “Dtang, you’re not going to have another bowel movement, are you? You just had one three weeks ago?!?”

  That look of intense concentration continued, which is a bad sign as Holliths aren’t known for their mental abilities.

  Unlike normal aliens, the Hollith digestive system is weird. Extremely efficient in tearing and ripping all the minerals and nutrients from their food intake, this same dynamic system stores the mutilated waste until it’s time.

  And when it’s time, by space, it’s time.

  “Get up, now!”

  I pushed his stiff, muscular frame forward as he stumbled along as if in a daze. I guess these things are so infrequent that it takes them a few minutes to realize what’s happening.

  I finally got him to the porcelain throne. As I turned I picked up several Etabzines for him to read. For a Hollith, going to the bathroom was both a long and titanic ordeal.

  I got busy with the security and clearances, all of which are dragged out to the nth degree, but which make Ramaas the safe haven it is. I had almost forgotten him.

  And then the noises began.

  Now, I’ve learned to ignore most of the growling and the strained grunts, and even the death-like moans don’t phase me much anymore. But I start to get nervous when the rapid-fire splashing and strange noises begin.

  Strange noises like, well, something like a gigantic foghorn that has been stretched so far out of shape it seems to be in agony as it tries to bellow forth. Sometimes it’s more like an extra-large Brakian WereRat — barking, but with a really bad head cold.

  And then the results of Dtang’s last bombastic bowel movement crystallized in my mind, and not a pretty picture it was.

  “Dtang! This time remember to clean off the walls too. Alright? I don’t want Natalie going in there and screaming or throwing up or anything. OK?”

  Yeah, that would be lovely, Natalie finding that horrendous mess from last time.

  Oh well, Holliths were good for one thing — fighting. I had to keep reminding myself of that during times like these.

  About an hour later we were finally landing and the big ThunderStar engines were winding down when she hit me with it.

  “A daughter? What daughter!?!” I didn’t realize I was screaming.

  For the first time since I had met her, Natalie looked like she regretted something.

  “I should have told you.”

  “I guess so, me being only the father and all!”

  And then that old familiar look came back. Anger.

  “If I could have found you! Three months of marriage and poof! You’re gone, flying off in this tin can to who knows where, looking for space knows what. And the only thing I knew for sure was that you’d come back and probably be gone again, if you made it back in one piece.

  Well, that wasn’t the life for me, so I left.”

  I had always wondered why she left. I guess we should have talked more.

  I shrugged. “Maybe I should have taken you with me. I … just thought it was too dangerous for

  …”

  “… a woman! Is that what you thought?! And after that Trgallian beast incident?!? Had you already forgotten it was I who’d saved our lousy necks?” She turned to head out the door.

  A shiver went down my spine. I hate Trgallians, and I’ll never hunt down another. Unless they pay me better.

  We had landed only moments before. Dtang, finally finished with his business, and I were eager to spend some money. And now this: I was a father and had never known it.

  But she stopped.

  “I guess we never should have gotten married, Chase Broughton.” She paused, deep in thought about what was behind, and what might have been. And where to go from here, now that we were there.

  “She deserves to know her father. Margaret’s done nothing wrong in all this.” She turned those burning blue eyes on me. “So come on, you’re going to meet your 11-year-old offspring.”

  “Has it been that long?” I stammered. “And who’s been watching her?” I had finally gathered my wits from the four winds.

  Natalie smiled the smile of the ambushing carnivore.

  “With Prem; he’s her guardian. He’s an Exxtrol.”

  I stopped just short of the bright sunshine and the sudden wave of humidity that washed over my skin. Why did all vacation spots have to be so blasted hot? I already knew that Ramaas, the entire surface covered with rides and amusements, was also a planet of tropical weather, what with the one large and two small suns that it circled. But still, why didn’t anybody build these things in more moderate climates?

  And now this, getting to know the daughter I never knew I had, and competing with this alien surrogate father, who no doubt would live up to his reputation as being the “perfect parent.”

  That’s what their race lived for, to raise their own offspring. Naturally, they got good money as “standins” or nannies or whatever for other sentient races. The short, big-eared, by-the-rules, pompous …

  I hated him already.

  Still, we all made our way out into the crowd and into Alien Customs — another long and tedious ordeal. And the questions. It took us four long hours to get through it.

  ***

  Warriors filled the darkened meeting room of Kragon’s flagship, the Avenger, almost to overflowing. Dark-maned heads and the gray-furred, muscular bodies of Andarians were interspersed by other aliens, each clad in a wild assortment of body armor that partially covered fur, rippling scales and mottled skin.

  In the middle of this smoky throng stood Kragon, straight and erect, as he surveyed his best warriors. He smiled at what he saw. The most feared crew of pirates in the known galaxy.

  Shouts and yells filled the air. Kragon mused to himself how good it felt when other ships of his growing fleet returned with good news. And more booty.

  His steady gaze turned to a group of arriving troops. It was Axthran, Captain of the Kilgrath, freshly return

ed. Kragon’s black eyes narrowed as he motioned his personal cadre of officers closer.

  The jackbooted Andarians of the Kilgrath marched steadily up to Kragon where they stopped, their bodies stiff as they bowed their heads to their clenched right fists in solemn salute. They held their pose.

  Kragon remained silent, not acknowledging the honorific gesture in the slightest.

  The crowd began to grow tensely silent as all eyes turned.

  The electric feeling in the air quickly grew unbearable in the crowded room of armed warriors.

  “Kragon!” Axthran shouted, still holding his salute. “I am a commander in your fleet; I bring you treasure I have taken by force and power. Your share!”

  Kragon’s eyes narrowed as a snarl curled his lips. Still, he remained silent.

  Finally, not able to bear the rising tension any longer, Axthran slowly raised his own black eyes as his clenched fist lowered to the blaster strapped on his right hip.

  “Why do you not accept me, my Captain?!” he spat out.

  “I have two laws which I require from commanders in my fleet, Axthran!” Kragon hissed.

  They stood before each other as both sets of underofficers backed away. Kragon and Axthran’s eyes burned into each other as the room went deathly silent.

  “The First: Never cheat me of my ordained cut of the booty!” Kragon growled.

  Axthran’s right hand slapped onto his blaster as he brought it out in one motion.

  But Kragon was even faster. The red tracer went through Axthran’s body like it was hot butter as its force threw his lifeless body backwards into several shocked warriors.

  Kragon strode forward and eyed the still form.

  “The Second: Don’t let me catch you, if you dare to try.”

  A great sound of hearty laughter rose as Kragon’s personal troops closed on the remaining officers of the Kilgrath.

  Kragon raised his blaster and fired into the air, silencing the rising shouts.

  “Take the officers below, to the torture rooms. I will let Mispah deal with them.”

  A babble of fearful awe rose at the announced fate of the officers of the Kilgrath.

  One of them broke free of the grasp of his captor as he threw himself upon the floor before Kragon. Kragon looked mercilessly upon him.

  “Please! It is I, Saltha, who have served even upon the Avenger in times past. Please, I ask mercy for my crimes.”

  Kragon nodded. “You have served me well in the past, Saltha. I will reward you for that good service.”

  The blaster sounded again as the body fell heavily to the deck, and the rest were quickly taken away.

  Two more Andarians approached, albeit much more respectfully. They stood and held their clenched-fist salutes.

  “Yes. Report.” Kragon sounded quite bored as he holstered his blaster.

  “We have word of the human, Broughton.”

  Kragon smiled, showing his fangs.

  “And?”

  “He has landed upon Ramaas. The Hollith and the human female from the Impaler’s crew are with him. Our contact from the Ramaasian Customs has even informed us that Broughton has an offspring there.” The two men remained bowed to their fists.

  “You have done well.”

  They slowly raised their heads.

  “I want him brought here, alive. I wish to kill him myself.” Kragon suddenly smiled an especially evil grin. “Dispatch the Nerillian ship; we don’t want to attract the attention of the authorities any more than we have lately. Get the offspring and bring it here.” Kragon started laughing. “The human will come here for it, if I know humans.”

  Kragon stroked his chin with his taloned finger.

  “Then he will know Kragon’s wrath!”

  ***

  I had thought the worst thing in the known galaxy was an ugly alien. But there was worse: entire families of ugly aliens dressed in loud, clashing colors and all of them wearing shorts. Showing way too much skin. Or scales. Or whatever.

  It wasn’t a fashion show.

  In all my travels to the farthest reaches of that same galaxy, I had never seen a stranger sight than this motley collection. Their knees were the worst of all: armored knees, horned knees, and knees covered and contorted and shaped so ugly that I just had to keep my gaze up at eye level as they approached from every direction. And still a few big alien knees came into view.

  We made it, finally. And so I was to be rushed into fatherhood. Well, I could handle that; after all, I had survived Kragon.

  Twenty minutes later, and I wasn’t as sure.

  My heart was still in my throat as I slowly pushed her door open after she had run away crying.

  “You know, I didn’t even know I had a pretty little daughter with red hair before …”

  I stepped back as she threw herself onto her bed and her sobs rose in volume.

  “I hate my red hair!” She cried.

  I could tell she was her mother’s daughter alright.

  I inhaled and exhaled very slowly, wondering if there was anything I could do to make this suddenly sad occasion right.

  “Why haven’t you ever come to see me?” Her big blue eyes looked straight into my soul.

  “Don’t you know little girls need their fathers?”

  I coughed.

  “You are going about it all wrong.” Prem’s voice enunciated carefully from behind me.

  I again considered punching that face. Actually, a broken nose or a few missing teeth might help his looks.

  “Listen, Margaret. I can’t change the past; nobody can. But we have today, and then tomorrow. I can be here for you now, and forever.”

  She looked up under those red curls.

  “And hey, we’re on Ramaas; you and I are going to ride every ride on this entire planet. Us, together.”

  I saw my daughter smile at me for the first time.

  By the end of that first week we were almost acting like old pals. I couldn’t get over how happy I felt being with her and listening to her laughter. Even simple things like sitting and talking to her.

  Dtang had joined us for some of the more exciting rides. We were squeezing our way through the constant morass of beings that was also pushing back on us. You wondered sometimes if you were really making any progress.

  As we worked our way slowly forward I pulled out my portable Comm unit and dialed up the public net to check and see if we had been assigned a day and time for Excelsior.

  Magically, instead of the usual “IN QUEUE” prompt, I finally got a real date and time.

  “Margaret!” I shouted through the crowd. But she was nowhere to be seen. I had slowed my pace while using my Comm unit and they had gotten ahead of me. Looking around, I spotted the ebony face of Dtang above the heads and shoulders of the moving throng.

  “Dtang!” Do you see Margaret?”

  He put his four arms up in a shrug.

  This wasn’t like her to rush ahead like this. And then I heard something that made my blood run cold. Over the constant crowd noise around me I heard the faint scream of a familiar tiny voice.

  Dtang heard it too. He began throwing people out of our way.

  And then I heard it again.

  “Daddy! Daddy!”

  I redoubled my efforts against that sea of beings. Then the crowd seemed to open up magically.

  There were two big Nerillians, short and stout with the typical flat noses. One of them had his red-skinned hand around Margaret’s throat while the other held a wicked-looking knife to her abdomen. The other one held his knife toward the huge frame of Dtang, who had already caught up to them.

  I stepped beside Dtang while their black eyes regarded us evilly.

  “Let her go. Now.” My voice was deeper than usual. And threatening.

  “You have made a very bad mistake human. You must pay for that,” said the one to my right who faced a snarling Dtang.

  “Let … her … go! Or I’ll kill both of you right here!” I gritted my teeth with rage as I saw the tears stream out of her blue eyes.

  “Then she dies.” He snarled.

  Reaching over, Dtang grabbed a small flagpole, one of dozens, and easily snapped it into a five-foot club. He handed it to me.

  Dtang brought his four tensed arms out in front of his body, his muscles bulging so tightly it seemed his ebony skin would tear.

  “Dtang thinks that it’s ‘Butt kicking time’ again.”

  The knife’s point wavered.

  Dtang growled and took a step forward.

 

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