I was about to tell him sure I would come over later, I didn’t really have time today but if it would get him out of the house I would make the time when I heard Nathan. He was heading down the hall toward the kitchen, talking to me and I cringed.

  “Sugar, are you sure you don’t want to hop in with me? Your shower is freaking amazing. What I want to know is why we’ve been sleeping at my crappy apartment if you have a shower like that? I mean seriously, Lexi…” He trailed off when he came around the corner, naked except for the towel low around his waist. He froze when he saw Tony sitting there.

  “Lexi?” Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Oh shit,” He murmured. “Oh shit, oh shit. Sorry, um, let me just um, let me go and get dressed.” He turned and ran toward the bathroom.

  “Fuck,” I said turning back towards Tony. “You stay here. Obviously, we need to talk, but first, I need to go check on Nathan.” I knew he was upset and blaming himself for outing me to my brother. This wasn’t the kind of thing he would handle well.

  I went into my bedroom, and sure enough, he was hurriedly trying to get dressed. I could tell he was a wreck.

  “Sunshine?”

  “That’s your brother, isn’t it? I recognize him from your pictures. Shit, I’m just gonna get my stuff and go. I’m so, so sorry. I had no idea he was here. I would never have come out there if I had known.

  “Nathan, stop,” I said more firmly.

  He stopped and looked at me. “Stop what?”

  “Stop freaking out. Stop getting ready to leave. Just stop for a minute.” I went to him and pulled him into a hug and held him there until I felt his body relax against me.

  “Seriously, Alex. I’m so sorry. You have to know I would never do that to you.”

  “I do know that, baby. It never even crossed my mind that you would.” I gently kissed his head and stroked his hair. “Honestly, it’s okay. I was planning to tell him soon anyway. I’ve been thinking about what Blake said about time and he was right. There’s no good time. There’s only now, and I don’t want to hide what you mean to me.”

  He stepped back and looked at me.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. Now here’s what I think we should do. You run down to the bakery and grab us some breakfast while I talk to my brother. Then you come back here, and we’ll figure out the rest of our day. Okay?”

  “Okay.” He finished getting dressed and braced himself as he prepared to go out the door and face my brother. Then he turned and looked at me. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  “I don’t really have a choice, Nathan. But yes, actually, I’m okay with it. My brother will either be okay with it or he won’t, but that doesn’t have anything to do with us because I’m not letting you go. You hear me?”

  “Yes, I hear you.”

  “Let’s get this over with. Make sure you get me some of the Bavarian cream puffs. I’ll need them after this.” I was trying to make light of it because I didn’t want him feeling guilty, but honestly, I was terrified. My brother was my best friend and my hero. If he couldn’t accept my relationship with Nathan, it would really hurt. But I meant what I said, I wasn’t letting him go. Period.

  I walked with him to the door, and Tony sat at the bar watching us the whole way.

  “I forgot you don’t have your car. Do you want to take mine?” I asked him, trying to sound reassuring.

  “No, I think I’ll walk. It isn’t far and that’ll give you and your brother extra time to talk.” He started to head out the door, still looking nervous and upset with himself. I wanted to wrap him up and make it all go away, so that’s exactly what I did. I grabbed him and pulled him into a big bear hug.

  “I love your hugs,” he whispered into my chest.

  I chuckled. “That is why you wanted a big, furry bear, remember?” I tilted his chin up and gave him a kiss. I mean, why the fuck not? That ship had already sailed anyway. If I wanted to kiss my boyfriend, I was going to kiss him. And that sounded pretty fucking good.

  “I’ll text you before I head back and make sure you guys are finished. I’ll probably grab a cup of coffee while I’m there, as well,” he said as he reached out and squeezed my hand reassuringly. And then he was gone, and it was time for me to face my brother.

  “So, um, yeah, that was Nathan,” I stated like an idiot.

  “Isn’t he the nurse from the ER that we met when you busted your shoulder?” Tony asked as he pushed the cup of coffee he brought my way.

  “Yeah. He works at the hospital.” Again, like an idiot. Shit. I was never so tongue tied, but I simply didn’t know what to say.

  “So, Lexi,” he said with a smirk. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

  “No, not really,” I responded honestly.

  Tony shook his head, and then in the way only big brothers could do, he gave me a look and ordered, “Sit the fuck down, and tell me what’s going on.”

  I sighed. “Fine,” I said as I sat down. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, I would think that what you saw was pretty self-explanatory.”

  He raised his eyebrow and waited and waited. The longer he waited, the more nervous I got. I stared at my cup of coffee like it was the most interesting cup of coffee ever. Finally, I caved. I didn’t look at him, but I started talking. “Okay, so Nathan and I are together. I mean together-together. I mean, he’s my boyfriend.”

  I took a breath and looked up at my brother, praying that I wouldn’t see disgust or god forbid, hate in his eyes. My brother was a truly good guy, and I had never heard him say anything that would cause me to expect that reaction, but you never know. But I didn’t see either of those things. All I saw was concern.

  “Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?” he asked.

  “Fuck yeah, it was,” I answered.

  He chuckled and shook his head. He studied me a minute and then he asked, “So you’re gay?”

  “No, I’m not gay. I’m bi. Nathan is gay, though.”

  “How long?”

  “What do you mean, how long? How long have I been with Nathan, or how long have I been bi?”

  “How long have you known you were bi? I mean, I don’t care who you fuck, but I don’t like the idea of you keeping shit from me.”

  And now I was annoyed. “First off, I am not ‘fucking’ Nathan. He’s my boyfriend and has been for a while now. And second, I wasn’t really keeping things from you. I haven’t been interested in a guy in ages, and since I figured I would fall in love with a woman and get married and pop out little Doyles like you and Cynthia, I didn’t see any reason to say anything. But I hadn’t counted on Nathan.”

  My brother studied me for a minute, and then he said, “You love him.”

  “Was that a question?”

  “Nope,” he replied. “That was a statement. You love him.”

  I looked him in the eye, trying to judge his reaction. It was frustrating because he wasn’t giving anything away, but I bet that was a useful trait in a cop. However, in a big brother, it was just annoying.

  “Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “I love him.”

  “Does he feel the same?”

  “I think so,” I said. “Neither of us has said it. But I think he does.”’

  “Is he out of the closet?”

  “Are you kidding? Did you meet him just now? There isn’t a closet big enough to contain Nathan.”

  “Let me get this straight.” When I snorted, he stopped talking to glare at me. “Anyway, he’s out and you love him, but y’all have been keeping it a secret, why?”

  “I just wasn’t ready. At first, I wanted to make sure it was something real, and then the time never seemed right.” This was going way better than I expected. Way too good actually. “Wait a minute, time out. How are you so okay with this?”

  “Well, it could be that I’m a super cool brother. Or I could have gone on a call to the warehouse district one night a couple weeks ago and saw y’all together, so I had time to get used to the idea.” He shrugged.

  “Seriously, you knew? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Yeah, I knew. I figured you would tell me when you were ready. Now call your boyfriend and tell him to bring enough donuts for me, too. I’m going to stay for breakfast and make sure he’s good enough for my baby brother.”

  I rolled my eyes and made the call.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Nathan

  Fuck. I mean, seriously what else could I say. I said I wouldn’t push Alex. I told him not to rush anything for me, but I freaking ended up outing him to his brother. Leave it to me to have blown up Alex’s life before he’d had time to decide I was worth it.

  I walked to the donut shop that Google told me was down the street. It only took me about fifteen minutes to walk there, which wasn’t long, but it was long enough for me to decide Alex was never going to forgive me. I didn’t do it on purpose, but on purpose or not, I still took the choice of when to come out to his brother away from him. And what the hell was his brother doing there, anyway?

  I tried to distract myself by taking in the neighborhood. It was really nice. People were out walking, and kids were playing. Everyone was enjoying the nice weather while it lasted. Not that Austin had brutal winters, but it did get cold and every few years we seemed to get hit with a bad ice storm.

  I had just arrived at the donut shop when my phone buzzed with a text.

  Alex: Two things. First, everything is okay. Stop beating yourself up and worrying.

  I laughed. Of course, Alex was worried about me when I’d just messed everything up.

  Me: lol easier said than done. What is the second thing?

  Alex: Get enough donuts for Tony. He’s staying for a while.

  Me: wtf

  Alex: Everything is fine. He already knew. Get donuts and come back to me

  Me: ok

  I stood there for a minute looking at my phone. Really, Tony already knew? How? And he was staying for donuts? Looked like our lazy day had turned into ‘meet the family’ day which I’d thought I had plenty of time to prepare for, but apparently, I had none. I was trying not to panic, but I was doing a pretty crappy job. I needed yoga and some kitty cuddles. That was what I needed. Or another one of those big bear hugs. They were super nice.

  I sighed, got the donuts, and headed back to the house. I could honestly say looking like I had literally just crawled out of bed, no shower, no nothing, was not the way I wanted to meet Tony. But C’est la vie.

  I paid more attention to the house when I got back. From the sidewalk, it looked really nice. Kinda modern but still warm and homey. There were a lot of things I really liked about this neighborhood. The developer didn’t take out all the mature trees, so even though the houses were all new, the neighborhood looked established. I entered the house with my hands full of donuts and my coffee and went to the kitchen to find Alex and Tony.

  I set the food on the counter and turned around to introduce myself to Alex’s brother. Before I could say a word, Alex got up from the table. He pulled me into another big hug and gave me a quick kiss.

  “Why don’t you go take your shower? Then I’ll introduce you to my brother, and you can swap embarrassing stories about me.” He winked, and I immediately felt better. “Oh, and Sunshine, you don’t have to get all pretty for me, but I sure wouldn’t mind.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered as I reached up and gently caressed his beard, showing him that I understood what he was really saying. And he was right. I would have played it down to meet Tony. This was one more reminder that Alex saw the real me, and that he was okay with who that was.

  “Nothing to thank me for. Now go.”

  After taking a quick shower and getting dressed in record time, I put on the peach lip gloss Alex loved. Stepping back to take a look at myself in the mirror, I did feel better about meeting Tony like this. I had my hair fixed, eyeliner on, and was wearing my favorite Saturday clothes. They weren’t fancy, but the yoga pants made my ass look fabulous, and my favorite sweatshirt was the perfect color to make my eyes pop. I looked good and was ready to take on the world, or Tony anyway.

  I found Alex and Tony in the living room watching a college game on TV. If Tony wasn’t there, I would go to the couch and curl up next to Alex. I wasn’t sure what to do with him here, but Alex must have sensed my uncertainty because he patted the couch next to him. I sat down, and he pulled me close, tucking me up next to him. I folded my feet up under me and got comfortable waiting for the questions to start. I didn’t have to wait long.

  “So you work at the hospital?” Tony asked.

  “Yep, I do. In the ER.”

  “Cool, are you from Austin?”

  “Nope. Grew up a couple hours from here.”

  “Hmmm.” He nodded after I answered each question.

  I had been trying not to laugh at him as he built up to the whole what are your intentions with my brother thing, but I lost the battle. I cracked up. Once I finally got myself back together, I decided to let him off the hook. I was feeling pretty confident all tucked up against my guy.

  “Okay, how about if I make this easy for you? I grew up in a small town not far from here. I’ve always known I was gay. My family did not take it well. After that, I lived on a ranch with the most wonderful family in the world. I have a biological brother and sister I haven’t talked to in years. I also have a brother and two sisters by choice. I’m twenty-six. Love my job. Love my cat. Love your brother. Any other questions?”

  “Nope, I don’t have any, but I’m thinking maybe my brother does,” Tony chuckled.

  I turned and looked at Alex. He looked absolutely shell-shocked. I quickly ran through what I said, where I grew up, how I came out, family, age, job… love your brother. Shit. Seriously, did I just say that I love Alex? To his brother? Before I told him? Yep, I did.

  “I’m going to go outside on the deck and call Cindy. I want to tell her we’re headed over to mom and dad’s. Come get me when you’re done.” Tony got up and headed out the back door dialing his phone.

  “You said you love me.”

  “Yeah, I kinda got on a roll there, and it came right on out.”

  “But did you mean it? Or did you say it because you were ‘on a roll’?”

  I could have blown it off. He had just given me an out. But the thing was, I didn’t want an out; I wanted him. “Yeah, Lexi. I meant it.”

  He took my face in his hands and gently kissed me. “I love you, too. So much.” He leaned back in to kiss me again, but something clicked in my head, so I put up my hand and stopped him.

  “Hold on, did Tony say you’re going to your parents?”

  “Yes, I’m going to tell them about us. Tony’s going with me. I figured you could go play with Sassy and hang out with Linc, and I’ll come get you after.”

  “Are you sure? I’m so sorry, I know you weren’t ready.”

  “No, Tony and I discussed this, and he’s right. He said I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the holidays anyway with this hanging over my head. I love you and I want to be able to say that instead of pretending I’m single.”

  “Okay, if you need me, just call.”

  “I will.” He leaned in and gave me another sweet kiss. “But I’ll be fine.”

  Alex

  “You’re sure they’re going to be okay with this?” I asked Tony for at least the fifth time since we got in the car.

  “Yeah, I really am. They’re going to be surprised. It’s even possible they might not be thrilled. But they love you, so even if it takes a little time, they’ll be okay.”

  We rode in silence for a minute, and my brain was spinning.

  “I liked Nathan. He’s funny, and he’s obviously crazy about you.”

  I was pretty sure he was trying to distract me, and it was a welcome distraction. I was ninety percent sure my family wouldn’t have a problem with me being bi or with my relationship with Nathan. Actually, I thought they would love him. But that ten percent was scary. I loved my family, and I didn’t want to lose them.

  “Stop worrying over there. You’ll always have me and Cindy, no matter what. But I believe in mom and dad. They won’t let you down.”

  “Nathan’s family kicked him out when he came out.”

  “I gathered that from what he said. That happens more often than people think. A high percentage of homeless youth identify as LGBTQIA. We see it all the time.”

  “Well, he was one of the lucky ones and had a place to go. I don’t understand it. What do these parents think a fifteen-year-old is going to do out on the streets?”

  “You can’t imagine what some of these kids do to survive. This shelter project is going to be great for the city,” Tony said as we pulled into the driveway at our parent’s house.

  As we walked into the house, I took it all in. The school pictures that lined the wall. The door frame where dad marked our height as we grew. I could hear mom and dad talking from the back of the house, and it was like I stepped back in time. This house held my childhood. A good childhood, a great one even. I hoped I wasn’t about to taint all those memories with a really bad coming out.

  I paused in the living room doorway and watched my parents. They were watching some B-rated natural disaster movie and arguing about the probability of said disaster. They did this all the time and somehow never got tired of it. After thirty-five years of marriage, they loved each other as much today as they did back then. Mom said they were young and stupid and grew up together. Dad said he knew the first time he saw her she was his. Either way, what they had is what I wanted. What I believed I could have with Nathan.

  I cleared my throat to let them know we were there. My mom looked over at us and smiled so big it was easy to see she was glad to see us. All I could think was, please don’t let this be the last time she’s this happy to see me. I smiled back, and I thought it was convincing, but my dad was looking at me like he could tell something was wrong.

  “Hey, boys, you’re just in time to see them deploy a nuclear missile and save California from a giant earthquake,” she said while giggling.

 

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