Defining moments, p.23
Defining Moments, page 23
“W-wait... doan . . . don’t hang up . . . I n-need to talk to you . . . you.”
“What?”
“You said you loved me.” Shaking her head, she added, “You neber loved me.”
Nicholas interrupted her. “I’m not doing this with you, Sheila.”
“You doan leave someone you love, Nicki.”
There was no response.
“Nicki, you there?”
Nothing but dead silence. Sheila feared he’d hung up on her.
She sat up straight in her chair. “C’mon, Nicholas. I’m trying to talk to you,” she managed without tumbling the words.
“No, you’re not. You’re trying to make me one of those men who have lied to you, cheated on you, whatever. Sheila, I love you—only you can’t accept the truth. Well, that’s your problem and not mine. Goodnight, Sheila. And don’t call my house drunk.”
Nicholas hung up the phone, breaking her heart all over again.
“You said you’d always be here for me,” she whispered before bursting into tears.
“What am I doing here?” Nicholas muttered to himself, standing outside Sheila’s house.
I promised to be there for her.
Shaking his head, Nicholas rang the doorbell.
When Sheila still hadn’t opened the door after he rang several times, Nicholas started to panic.
Using his fist, he beat on the front door.
“Uh coming,” a sluggish voice yelled. “Jis’ wait a minute.”
Sheila threw open the door. “Uh thought Uh was seeing things when Uh looked through the peephole. Wha’ you doing here?”
Nicholas brushed past her. “Since you won’t try to save yourself—I guess I have to do it for you.”
She looked like she had trouble grasping what he was saying to her. Sheila looked terrible.
He took her by the hand. “The first thing you’re going to do is take a nice hot bath.”
“I don’t stink.”
“You smell like alcohol, Sheila,” Nicholas countered. “Now sit down while I run your bath.”
“Why don’ you join me?”
Hiding his frustration, Nicholas stalked down the hallway to the guest bathroom. He filled the tub with water and some of the bath salts Sheila had in jars around the tub.
When he walked back to the front of the house, Sheila was pouring herself another drink. Nicholas snatched the bottle from her and picked up the glass.
“Wha’ you doin’?”
“Saving your life.” Nicholas didn’t stop walking until he reached the trash can, where he threw the bottle after pouring out the liquid.
He walked back to get Sheila and escort her to the bathroom. “C’mon... let’s get you in your bath.”
“My drink . . . I want my drink.”
“No more drinks for you. Not tonight—not ever. This is not you, Sheila.”
She shook her head. “You don’ know me . . .”
“It’s not for lack of trying on my part, Sheila.”
Nicholas left her in the bathroom. “When I come back to check on you, I expect to find you in the tub.”
He received a grunt in return.
While Sheila was in the bathroom, Nicholas went around the house looking for alcohol. She had everything from Jack Daniels to Parrot Bay. Apparently Sheila was planning on getting smashed.
Nicholas tossed everything into a garbage bag and took it out to the garage.
He went to check on Sheila.
“Uh jis’ got out of the tub,” she managed while securing the towel around her. Sheila tried to walk toward him, then stumbled.
He caught her in his arms. “I got you, sweetheart.”
Nicholas picked her up and carried her into her bedroom where he deposited her on the king-sized bed. “I’m going to make some coffee.”
Sheila shook her head. “Nooo . . . no coffee.” She pointed to the closet. “Could you bring me my robe?”
“Sure.” Nicholas did as she requested.
He turned his back on her until she made herself decent.
“You can turn around now.”
Crawling into bed, Sheila whispered, “I guess you hate me.”
He sat down beside her. “Sweetheart, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”
“I hurt so bad.” Sheila put a hand to her face. “I hate being like this.”
She closed her eyes.
Nicholas studied her. It looked like Sheila had passed out.
He made sure all the doors were locked and secured before leaving.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“The lighthouse was named after a ship called the Californian,” the tour guide explained. “The Californian’s radio operator was off duty and asleep at the time the Titanic sent out distress signals as she was sinking in icy waters. This small piece of bad karma perhaps sealed the Californian’s fate. She went down in rough seas off the Aruba coast a few years after the Titanic sank . . .”
Tori snapped a couple of photographs of the lighthouse. She glanced over her shoulder at Jake and waved.
He walked over to join her. “Having a good time?”
Smiling, she nodded. “You know how much I love history.”
Jake embraced her. “We’ve seen the old windmill, the Alto Vista Chapel and the Bushi—”
“Bushiribana Ruins,” Tori finished for him.
They’d spent the last three days shopping, swimming, horseback riding and touring the island.
“What do you think about making a side trip to Venezuela? It’s only about fifteen miles off the coast.”
Tori dropped her camera into her tote. “I’d love to see Venezuela. I think we should do it.”
Jake adjusted his sunglasses. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so rested. This trip was something I needed.”
“We both needed it. I miss my babies, but it’s been wonderful to get away for a few days.” Tori felt more relaxed now that she and Jake weren’t concentrating on trying to get pregnant.
She had a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. God had truly blessed her.
On Labor Day, Sheila woke up with a strange feeling in her legs. She threw back the covers to examine them. They looked and felt puffy.
She dismissed it as the result of being on her feet too long the day before. One of Madison-Moore’s employees had died in a car accident, and Sheila had attended the funeral yesterday.
I stood too long at the cemetery, she surmised.
Sheila took a walk around her neighborhood a couple of hours later. When she removed her shoes, she could tell that even her feet were swollen now.
She spent the rest of the day on her sofa, keeping her legs propped up.
Her feelings turned to concern when the swelling continued for the next two days. But in addition to the swelling, she was experiencing what Sheila could only describe as inside shaking. She supposed it was probably the tremors the doctor had warned her about.
She couldn’t stand it. Sheila felt like something terrible was going to happen. She considered calling Nicholas, but changed her mind.
He hadn’t called her, so Sheila assumed he didn’t want to be bothered with her. She would have to deal with this disease alone.
The following Friday, Nicholas surprised Sheila at her home.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again.”
“Why?”
“I hadn’t heard from you.”
“I went to Philadelphia for the Labor Day weekend.” He sat down beside her. “How’re you feeling?”
“I’m back on my medication,” Sheila told him. “I went to the doctor on Wednesday. I’ve been having inside shakes.”
“Inside shakes?”
“I feel like everything in my body is nervous. I just can’t sit still. Dr. Daniels said I’ll have them until the outside shaking starts—that’s the best way I can explain it.” Pointing to her legs, she added, “And my legs and feet are so swollen. They even look a little discolored. I really messed myself up, I think.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Can you stay for a while? I don’t want to be alone.”
Nodding, Nicholas sat back against the cushions.
“This is one of the worst symptoms I’ve ever experienced. Can you imagine me trying to put my lipstick on and shaking all over the place?” She released a short laugh. “Or trying to put on mascara? Wow . . .”
Chuckling, Nicholas responded, “That’s why you don’t need to put all that stuff on. You’re beautiful enough without it.”
“You are so good for my dwindling ego.”
“Are you still drinking?”
Sheila shook her head no. “Not since all of my alcohol mysteriously disappeared. I haven’t felt much like going out to buy more.”
“When did you decide to get back on your medicine?”
“After the stern lecture from my doctor,” Sheila admitted. “She’s right. You’re right. Okay?”
“It’s not about being right, sweetheart. I just don’t want to see anything happen to you.”
“I wasn’t sure you still cared anything for me after all the things I’ve done.”
“I’ll always care about you, Sheila.”
“But you don’t want to be with me. Right?”
“Right now, I think you need to spend some time with Sheila. You have a lot you need to deal with. I can’t help you with that—you have to help yourself. Sheila, I will always be here for you. But only as a friend.”
Pain ripped through her heart. Tears filled her eyes, overflowing and rolling down her cheek.
She placed a hand to her face, trying to hide her tears from Nicholas.
The warmth of strong arms around her only made Sheila’s sobs louder.
“Sssh . . . sweetheart, it’s going to be okay. Don’t cry.”
She’d lost again. But this time, she could only blame herself.
Nicholas hated the sound of Sheila’s crying. It echoed his own heart breaking.
“Sssh . . .” he whispered.
Sheila composed herself and tried to stand. Nicholas helped her up.
“I’ll be right back,” she said.
She washed her face, then returned to the family room where he was sitting. “Sorry for being a big baby.”
Sheila sat down. “I was just thinking about something. I don’t think you should come over anymore. Or call. Right now, it’s too hard for me.”
She wouldn’t look at him, just stared down at her hands. She looked so lost and forlorn—Nicholas yearned to pull her back into his arms, but to do so would be wrong. He and Sheila were not meant to be a couple.
She had too many problems and refused to work on them.
“That’s not what I want, Sheila, but I will respect your wishes. I want what’s best for you.”
“I can’t just be your friend, Nicholas. My feelings are way too strong for that.”
“I will always care for you, sweetheart. I just think you need time to get over some things. Get rid of some of that anger. Everybody is not out to hurt you, Sheila.”
She didn’t respond.
Nicholas stayed for another hour.
He rose to his feet. “I need to get going. Are you sure about this, Sheila? You don’t want me to call or come by here?”
“It hurts too much.”
“Take care of yourself. Okay?”
Sheila gave a slight nod.
“If you ever want to talk or if you need me, Sheila . . . please don’t hesitate to call.”
“Goodbye, Nicholas.”
He resisted the urge to kiss her and walked through the house to the front door.
Nicholas didn’t have to look back to know Sheila was crying. His heart broke at the sound of her sobs—the last thing he’d ever wanted to do was add to her pain.
“Lord, I need to know if I’ve done the right thing. I love Sheila with all my heart and I hope by leaving her—she’ll become the person I know she can be.”
Nicholas climbed into his car and drove away without looking back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Two weeks passed, and Sheila heard nothing from Nicholas. He was honoring her wishes, but it didn’t make her feel good. In fact, it only saddened her more.
She was shaking so badly now that she thought she would go crazy. It was a horrible experience. And her balance was so bad that she had purchased a walker, just in case.
Sheila had no choice but to call and plead with her mother to move back in with her.
Essie had been back now for a week. Sheila was grateful she didn’t have to be alone in the house for now—especially on those days she could barely get out of bed or function because of the pain.
“Ma, can you help me get to my room?”
“C’mon.. .”
Essie made sure Sheila was settled before leaving to cook dinner.
“Thanks.”
“You want me to give you yo’ injection?”
Sheila nodded. Deep down, she felt like crying. She couldn’t even give herself an injection any more. Her tremors were lasting longer and coming more frequently. She couldn’t even make it to the bathroom without her quad cane. If her condition continued progressing, she would need to use that walker.
She noticed the Bible lying on her nightstand.
How did it get there?
Only Nicholas could have placed it there during his last and final visit. Or her mother. It had to be one of them, because she’d left it on her bookshelf in the den.
Funny she hadn’t noticed it there until now.
Sheila sat down on the edge of the bed. As if drawn by some unseen force, she reached for the Bible.
She held it unopened in her lap.
“What am I doing?” she whispered. “I don’t want to read the Bible.” Looking up, she said in a louder voice, “God, you and I have nothing to discuss.”
Sheila released a small sigh of resignation and opened her Bible to a random chapter. She glanced down. “Fifth chapter of Mark. Probably nothing special here . . .”
She began to read.
Sheila found herself intrigued. She was reading the story of how Jesus was on his way to heal the critically ill daughter of a local synagogue leader. Throngs of people crowded around him, anticipating the spectacle of a miracle. There was a woman in the crowd who had had a hemorrhage for twelve years.
Sheila couldn’t believe it. “Twelve years,” she repeated. “I don’t have that kind of patience.”
The most remarkable thing to Sheila was that, despite the woman’s constant bleeding and social stigma, she never gave up. She had heard about Jesus and was trying to get to him. Eventually she was able to come up behind him and touch the fringe of his robe. Immediately the bleeding stopped and she could feel that she had been healed.
“Just by touching His robe? Boy, she had some radical faith,” Sheila murmured.
She heard the telephone ringing, but ignored it.
Her mother came to the door a few minutes later. “It’s Nicholas. He want tuh talk tuh you.”
Surprised, Sheila picked up the receiver. “Hello.”
“I know you didn’t want me to call but I had to check on you. I hope I’m not upsetting you.”
“It’s okay,” she murmured. She was so glad to hear from Nicholas. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you, too. I really miss you.”
“How’s your day going?” he inquired.
“As well as can be, I guess. I had to have my mama come back to live with me. Nicholas, I’ve been wondering about something. Did you leave my Bible on my nightstand?”
He laughed.
“I figured it was you. You don’t give up, do you?”
“Not on the people I care about.”
“Well, you’ll be happy to know that I read it today. I read about this lady who hemorrhaged for twelve years and she was healed just by touching the hem of Jesus’ robe. Now, I need a miracle like that.”
“Did those verses speak to you?”
“Yeah. They did, actually. It was a revelation in how I need to handle my condition. That woman never gave up, Nicholas. Like her, I can’t give up. I can’t allow my defects to defeat me.”
“This is what I like hearing, Sheila. Just because you have to accept the fact that you have MS, you don’t have to let it beat you. Like the woman in the Bible, you don’t have to stop seeking healing either. Jesus can heal you today the same way He healed that woman all those years ago. You have to have faith.”
“I’m scared God won’t listen to me. I’ve not listened to Him at all. I know I’m a sinner in a big way—He probably gave up on me a long time ago.”
“God never gives up on us. We are always the ones to give up on Him.” She heard Nicholas’s words, but she didn’t really believe that they applied to her.
“Sheila, all you have to do is open your heart and let Jesus come in. But you also have to let go of your anger. You’ve got to forgive, Sheila.”
“Even if I do forgive everyone, God probably won’t forgive me, Nicholas. He doesn’t want anything to do with me,” she insisted.
“That’s not true. Acts thirteen thirty-eight declares, Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. God is loving and merciful, Sheila. He is eager to forgive us of our sins. Second Peter three nine tells us that He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. God desires to forgive us, so He provided for our forgiveness.”
“So you think I need to get some religion, huh? You think that will make me feel better?”
“Sheila, I don’t think getting religion will do a thing for you,” Nicholas countered. “What you need is Jesus, pure and simple.”
She was quiet.
“Sheila . . . you there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here. I was just thinking about what you said.”
“I’d like to pray with you. Is that alright?”
“Sure,” Sheila answered after a moment.
“Heavenly Father, we come to You repentant and humbled. The Scripture says that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Father God, we come to You asking that You please forgive and forget all the sins that we have committed against You. We offer our bodies as a living sacrifice to You, Lord. Enable us not to be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Father, we ask that You pour out Your Spirit upon us in an abounding measure and purge off the undesirable things in us, which are not pleasing to Your sight.
