Charming, p.27
Charming, page 27
“Well, how was I to know?” Charming snapped. “And I was desperate!”
“Well, desperation makes fools of the best of us,” Doctor Rapunzel said, all laughter gone, looking Charming straight in the eye.
He dropped his gaze.
“So you took Von Witherham’s advice, and summoned a demon,” she said. “The nature of your pact?”
“He said that what was wrong with my father was a curse. He’d lift it in return for a pile of gold as high as I am tall, to be paid seven years and one day after the pact was made, by me, in person, at the top of a mountain in my country. It’s called Devil’s Head, and now I know why, I suppose.”
“A pile of gold as high as you are tall. Specifically gold,” Doctor Rapunzel said.
“Yes.”
“So why the rest? The crowns, the necklaces, the mechanical bird? You had no need of them. To sell them?”
“Because they were pretty and I wanted them. And because I could.” The Prince glowered. “I really hate this truth potion,” he said.
“And if you fail to fulfil the bargain?”
“Not only does Daddy Dearest kick the bucket, but I then get sick, and die in seven years. The due date’s in about six months. And now, thanks to you lot—”
“Whatever the next words were that were about to leave your mouth,” Marie Blanche said, “I strongly suggest you swallow them.”
Her voice was so utterly cold it did, in fact, shut him up.
“This mess is your doing,” Marie Blanche went on. “No one else’s. In order to avoid your responsibilities, you behaved in a most stupid and dangerous fashion.”
“I was trying to save his life.”
“Only because you wished to continue acting like a child,” Marie Blanche said. “Running about and playing while others do the work. Had your brother still been around, would you have taken so much trouble to save your father?”
Charming’s shoulders slumped, and he sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “It was a while ago. I was scared and, yes, probably stupid. And my father is not a nice man. He’s a pretty competent king, all things considered, but he’s not nice. So maybe not. Anyway. Are you going to turn me over to the guard? Because they did finally find that cousin-by-marriage to take the throne.”
“They did?” Doctor Rapunzel looked irritated. “My sources were inaccurate. How annoying.”
“In any case,” Charming went on, “I’ve been cast from the succession, and I’m going to be executed for treason as soon as I get home, and I’d much rather not, if you don’t mind.”
The women looked at each other.
“We can’t, can we?” said Bella Lucia. “I mean, not without making sure the demon gets paid. Otherwise, the King is going to die.”
“Indeed. The Prince cannot make the payment if he is dead,” said Marie Blanche. “And I doubt the King will believe his story. Unless, doctor, you can persuade His Majesty as to the worth of your truth potion.”
“Oh, she wouldn’t even be allowed in the country,” Charming said. “After what happened, every single doctor of the arcane was banned from setting foot there. Bit of a tendency to overreact, has my dear old dad. Especially when he doesn’t know all the facts. Rather like some other people I can think of.”
“Oh, bugger,” said Nell.
Doctor Rapunzel flung up her hands. “After all this!”
Charming eyed the flickering glow at the ends of her fingers uneasily.
Marie Blanche frowned. “Unless someone else can make the payment...”
Doctor Rapunzel shook her head. “The bargain specifically requires the Prince to make the payment. You may trust me that Mephistopheles had a very good reason for that.” She looked at Charming again and shook her head. “Probably so that he may continue to toy with you in whatever way gives him pleasure.”
“Oh, lovely,” Charming said. “Thanks for that.”
“So what now?” said Bella.
“Now,” said the doctor, “I suggest we go through the rest of the treasure and work out how to return most of it to its original owners. I am prepared to sacrifice a portion of what was stolen from me, to save the King’s life, if necessary. However.” She fixed Charming with a cold stare. “There will be a full accounting.”
Charming pouted. “You’re going to count every penny?”
“I am,” said Marie Blanche. “I have been working with my father’s accountants to try and rebalance the kingdom’s books since a large portion of our treasury inexplicably disappeared. We will have either yourself or money. The money is of far more value.”
Charming sunk his chin into his collar and muttered.
“What,” said Bella, “do you feel humiliated, being treated as though you were worth less than gold?”
“Ouch,” Charming said. “You’ve changed.”
“I wonder why,” Bella said.
“You’re going to let me go, then?” Charming said.
“Once you have been measured,” Doctor Rapunzel said, “yes. And we will each keep aside some of our portion of the gold, which you may retrieve in time to pay Mephistopheles—if everyone is in agreement?” She looked at the other women, who nodded. “If you try to slip out of it, we do know exactly where you’ll be in six month’s time. And the precise date, if you please?”
“September twenty-second. The first day of autumn,” he told her, then tried to glare down at his own mouth. “Oh, shut up.”
Bella stepped up to Charming and looked down at him. “You’ve got a chance,” she said. “I’m not going to ask you to change, that’s up to you, just... don’t hurt anyone else like you did us. Please.”
He chewed his lip and looked away. “Can I go, then?”
“I suppose we have no choice, do we?” said Marie Blanche. “I don’t know about anyone else, but the thought of riding herd on you for half a year is more than I can bear.”
“Rest assured that the feeling is entirely mutual.” Charming heaved himself to his feet. “My boots?”
“Don’t even think about it,” said Nell. “If you want something to wear, you can take those damned glass shoes.”
“Fine.” Charming swept a bow. It was a very elegant bow for a man in ill-fitting breeches and stockinged feet. “It’s been an experience, ladies.”
None of them said anything, not even Bella. The cat yawned.
Prince Charming made a mundane exit, closing the door quietly behind him.
“Well,” said Doctor Rapunzel, and clapped her hands together, as though ridding them of dust.
Bella sighed.
Marie Blanche stroked the cat, which purred and stretched.
“Do you think he’ll come to get the gold?” said Nell.
“He will,” said Rapunzel. “And if he doesn’t, we can always find him.”
“But the necklace is back with the other treasure,” said Bella.
“The necklace is, yes. But the truth potion... well. There might have been a charm of finding in it, too.”
“Of course there was,” said Marie Blanche. “Always one step ahead, doctor.”
“If only that were true.”
“Is that...? That seems wrong,” Bella said. “He only knew it was a truth potion, he didn’t know about the charm.”
“Had he known,” the doctor said, “he would not have drunk it.”
“He might,” Bella said. “He really wanted us to believe him. And you could have asked.”
“Oh, really,” Marie Blanche said. “After everything he’s done, this troubles you?”
“Well, yes, it does.”
“Why is it different from the necklace?” Nell said.
Bella frowned. “Because... he knew he was stealing the necklace? That... comes with consequences?”
Marie Blanche made an exasperated sound and threw up her hands.
“No,” Doctor Rapunzel said. “She has a point.” She looked down at her own hands, turned them over, stared at the stained fingertips. “I have tried very hard not to become she who raised me,” she said.
“You’re not!” Bella said. “That’s not what I meant at all!”
“You might not have meant it so, but you are right, nonetheless,” said the Doctor. “Whatever gifts the Good Folk gave you, you have one of your own: you have a sense of what is right, and that is all yours. Take pride in it, even though it is likely to make your life more difficult—and that of those around you,” she added, with a wry twist to her mouth.
“Well,” Nell said, “it’s too late now, in any case. Don’t regret what’s done unless you can do something to remedy it, that’s my motto. One of ’em, anyway. Which reminds me.” She turned to Bella. “I never meant to hit you quite so hard. I’m sorry. I really wanted to hit him, and it sort of got misdirected.”
“If you hadn’t done it, I might have killed him,” Bella said, “boots or no boots. So it’s probably just as well.”
“I’m still sorry. Forget my own strength, sometimes.” Nell sighed and stretched her shoulders. “I suppose I should start for home. Funny, I never thought I’d miss kitchen work, but damn, it’s been nice to do a little cooking again, make a decent dinner from scraps and not have to watch my mouth all the time in case the Queen disappears and Nell pops up.”
“Maybe you should let Nell out now and again,” Marie Blanche said. “Personally, I find her refreshing company.”
“I spent a lot of time shoving her into hiding,” Nell said. “Couldn’t have a kitchen girl running things.”
“If more rulers knew how to run a kitchen, they might be better at running countries,” Marie Blanche said. “I suppose I should head back, too.”
“And me,” said Bella, rubbing her thumb over a mark on the table.
“Well, I will not—not just yet,” Doctor Rapunzel said. “There is a great deal of property that must be returned to its original owners, if they can be found. I should have asked the Prince more questions while he was under the effects of the potion, but with everything else going on, it rather slipped my mind.”
“You have been doing most of the thinking for all of us,” Marie Blanche said. “You can hardly be blamed if you did not think of absolutely everything.”
“So...” Nell said. “If you want some help... I don’t absolutely have to go home just yet. I left good people in charge, and if they slip”—she gave a slightly malicious grin—“Godmother’ll whip ’em into line.”
“Can I ask...?” Bella said. “Is your godmother one of the Good Folk?”
“Not if you ask her,” Nell said. “It’s usually safer not to broach the subject. At all. Ever. Anyway, what do you say, doctor?”
“I would greatly appreciate the company,” Rapunzel said.
“You know, my parents aren’t expecting me back just yet, either,” Bella said. “I mean, it’s not as though I’ve found someone appropriate to marry...” She shuddered. “I’m not sure I want to get married at all, honestly. Not unless I know the person really well first. Anyway, I can always tell them I’m still looking.”
“Your company, too, would be very welcome,” Doctor Rapunzel said.
Now, they were all looking at Marie Blanche. “I can’t,” she said. “I have responsibilities.”
“You have had more responsibilities than you were due since you were fourteen years old,” the sorceress observed.
“You want to go back to all that lovely bureaucracy?” Nell said. “Those delightful endless meetings about a yard either way on a border? All that fascinating paperwork? All the people who need your attention and time and energy every minute of the day and half the night if they can get it?”
“If I were you,” Bella said, casually, “I’d rather be going on a hunt. A treasure hunt in reverse, but still, a hunt.”
“Oh, you wretched women,” Marie Blanche said, throwing up her hands. “All right, all right. Papa can manage without me for a little longer. In fact, it may do him good. So long as we don’t get involved with any more Good Folk, or Infernals, or...”
“Or dragons?”
“Dragons are all right, if you know what you’re doing,” Marie Blanche said.
“So’re some of the Good Folk, under the right circumstances, not that my godmother’s one of ’em in any way at all,” said Nell.
“And Roland turned out alright in the end, sort of,” Bella said, “and he’s Infernal.”
“Fine, fine, can everyone promise not to fall in love with terrible people? Is that too much to ask?” Marie Blanche said.
“No, don’t,” Nell said. “A promise like that is just asking for trouble.”
“We can promise to look out for each other,” Bella said. “That much, at least.”
“Oh, yes, that goes without saying,” said Rapunzel.
“Doesn’t hurt to say it, all the same,” said Nell. “So. Where do we start?”
“We start with going through the loot in more detail, I suppose,” said the doctor.
“I can remember most of what the other... the other victims told me,” Bella said. “I know who some of the magical things belong to.”
“I need to do more research on Mephistopheles,” Rapunzel said. “I should see if that fool Von Witherham is still undeservedly alive and in human shape, for a start.”
“I just thought of something,” said Bella. “Who do you think put the curse on Charming’s father in the first place? And why?”
“Now that,” Doctor Rapunzel said, “is a very good question. As is the nature of the quest Charming’s brother went on, and whether he is actually gone, or merely... missing.”
“Oh, dear. So many questions,” Marie Blanche said. “This is all going to take quite some time, isn’t it?”
Nell grinned. “You never know your luck,” she said.
Eventually the room was empty.
The cat uncurled itself. The sun had moved. The cat wandered into the other room, and there the sunlight still fell through the window, making a pleasantly warm patch on the bed, coincidentally illuminating the cuff of a boot poking out from beneath it.
Some things just get forgotten. Some things, perhaps, have a knack for it.
The cat sniffed at the boot, then pawed at it, and eventually dragged it and its scruffy companion out into the light.
It sat down and looked at them, and an expression that was unusually thoughtful, for a cat, began to creep across its face.
(And Charming? He swiped a pair of quite ordinary boots from under a bench in the bar, and though they were a little small, they kept his feet out of the mud. He slumped and grumbled and sulked down the road, but the sun was out, and the birds were singing, and before many more miles had passed, the sound of a merry song with extremely rude lyrics—perhaps one he learned from Roland—began to echo through the trees...)
The End
About the Author
Jade Linwood was raised in Oxfordshire, with books, cats and apple trees.
Jade has lived in Dorset, Wiltshire, Wales, Cambridgeshire and London, and has travelled to Venice, Paris, Rome, Athens, Jordan, and Egypt’s White Desert. Jade has competed in swordfighting competitions, been a member of a travelling theatre company, flown on military transport and was once offered a part in The Bill.
There are still books, cats, and apple trees. Everything else is mutable.
All Tastes! All Species! All Currencies!
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But a prurient cult are protesting in the streets, sex workers are disappearing, and Babylon has bills to pay. When the powerful Diplomatic Section hires her – off the books – to find a missing heiress, she has to take the job.
And then her past starts to catch up with her...
Originally published as Babylon Steel in 2011 to critical acclaim, this trope-busting, inclusive, sex positive fantasy is back to delight and entertain readers, complete with a gorgeous new cover from Discworld artist Stephen Player.
“A pacy fantasy romp – idiosyncratic and entertaining.”
The Guardian
“Sebold has a flair for storytelling.”
SFX
Available from the Rebellion Store
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An adventure with zombies. And vampires. And romance. And croquet.
Toni Windsor is trying to live a quiet life in the green and pleasant county of Staffordshire. She’d love to finally master the rules of croquet, acquire a decent boyfriend and make some commission as an estate agent...
...but first she’s got to deal with zombies rising from their graves, vampires sneaking out of their coffins and a murder to solve.
It’s all made rather more complicated by the fact that she’s the one raising all the zombies—oh, and she’s dating one of the vampires. Really, what’s a girl meant to do?
Available from the Rebellion Store
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But when the family descend on the house for the annual Fertility Festival, Shine is plunged into dark intrigue; stolen letters, a fugitive spy, and family drama mix with murder, sex and secrets, and Shine is forced to decide both her loyalties and future...
