What Channing thought she had actually won, Teal didn’t care to know, but it didn’t stop her feeling highly irritated. Once again, Channing had somehow managed to manipulate her. At least Channing thought she had.

  With a sigh, Teal turned her attention to the more pressing problem of somehow finishing the renovation upstairs. It wasn’t just the loss of her money that annoyed Teal—it was the inconvenience Nicole had caused. There was no way she would meet her deadline now. She would have to find another builder and she dreaded to think how long that would take. It wasn’t as if Bibury was bursting at the seams with them.

  ‘Have you called the police about that scumbag builder?’ Channing’s voice broke into Teal’s thoughts.

  ‘Yeah, though I don’t know what good it’s going to do. She’s probably left town by now.’

  Channing stared at her blankly. ‘You’re too soft, that’s your problem.’

  Teal was lost for words. She was silent while she contemplated her reply. If it wasn’t for my ‘softness’ Channing wouldn’t still be standing inside this house. ‘For once we agree on something.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘Exactly what I said. Look, I meant what I said yesterday, I don’t want you here.’

  From Channing’s expression, Teal could tell Channing didn’t like being told that at all.

  ‘You’re kidding me, right? Have you seen how much space you have here,’ she said.

  ‘I couldn’t care less if I have twenty rooms. I want you to leave now,’ Teal said more forcefully.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’

  ‘Wrong with me?’ The stress from the last few hours finally ignited her anger. Her words were full of fury and frustration. ‘You! That’s what’s wrong with me. I thought you said you would see someone about—’

  ‘I don’t need to see anyone.’ Her face twisted with instant rage as she slammed her hand against the wall beside her.

  ‘That’s just it, Channing. You do, can’t you see what you’re doing isn’t normal?’

  ‘What the fuck’s normal?’

  ‘I can tell you what normal isn’t. Showing up at my house at one in the morning because you think you’re telepathically connecting with me? Normal isn’t threatening to kill yourself in my bedroom.’

  Channing clutched the handle of her bag so tightly, her knuckles were white. ‘I was upset.’

  Teal sucked in a mouthful of air and blew it out hard. She was accustomed to Channing and the stunts she pulled, but that didn’t mean she was going to tolerate them any longer. She’d had enough of pussyfooting around with her. Being reasonable. Placating her. By doing so it had brought her nothing but grief. ‘These are just the latest incidents, don’t get me started—’

  ‘You know I can’t think straight sometimes.’ Channing attempted a smile but it didn’t so much as touch her unblinking, cold eyes.

  Teal grabbed the broom leaning against the wall and started to sweep the floor. She needed to give herself time to think of something. Of a way to get Channing out of the house. She decided to try and give diplomacy one last chance, even though it had never worked previously.

  ‘Channing—’

  ‘This is all because of that bitch, isn’t it?’

  She didn’t need to be a psychic to know she was talking about Carissa. ‘No—’

  ‘You’re blind if you can’t see that she doesn’t want you. Lara’s hot,’ Channing snapped. ‘Why would she want to be with someone else?’

  Channing had a point and it struck at Teal’s core. Carissa had ended their agreement at the first sign of trouble and then ran off to share Lara’s room at the B&B. Just imagining the two of them together tore Teal’s heart to shreds.

  Without thinking, she strode over to Channing, took her by the arm and frog-marched her towards the front door. Despite Channing’s protests, she didn’t resist when Teal opened the front door and ushered her outside.

  ‘If you send me any threats about killing yourself, I’m going to call the police and let them deal with you.’

  Channing opened her mouth to speak but before she could get a word out Teal slammed the door. Her whole body trembled and she put it down to the morning’s events. They were enough to send anyone over the edge. She made her way to the bathroom and went straight to the sink, where she splashed handfuls of freezing water on her face, as if it was capable of knocking some sense into her.

  Had she been too complacent by letting her guard down? It seemed the closer she got to the light, something threatened to enclose her in darkness again. Only if I let it. It was her choice and her choice alone if she wanted to keep revisiting the past.

  Teal stared at her reflection in the mirror. As much as she wanted to keep Alana’s memory alive, she knew it would eventually consume her and any chance that she had of finding happiness.

  As if on cue, Alana’s image appeared in her mind’s eye and for the first time, Teal mentally blocked it.

  The time had come to let Alana go … so she could finally let someone else in.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  If Carissa managed to get through the next couple of minutes without screaming, it would be a miracle. Lara was seriously trying her patience. Ever since they’d arrived at the B&B and Carissa had booked her own room, Lara had been huffing and puffing like a spoilt child. Carissa had tried her best to ignore her, as well as overlooking Lara’s pitiful pleas to go back to her room because there was a ‘double bed’. The only bed Carissa wanted to share was Teal’s but that didn’t look like it was ever going to happen again.

  ‘I don’t know what’s got into you,’ Lara complained as Carissa dumped her suitcase in the middle of her room. ‘Why do you want your own room?’

  ‘Because I need my own space. And ….’ The wound Carissa had stupidly thought was healed, opened up and she realised that it had never even closed. All she had done was put a plaster over it.

  ‘And what?’ Lara said, pouting like a five-year-old child.

  It was then that Carissa had a moment of clarity. ‘I want you to leave.’

  Lara’s mouth dropped open. ‘Leave? Why?’

  ‘Does there have to be a reason?’ Oh my God, I really do want her to go. I don’t want to be around her anymore. The realisation hit her with the force of a speeding train.

  Lara stepped towards her. ‘Yes, there does. There’s always a reason for everything.’

  Despite the chill in the room, Carissa’s cheeks heated. She crossed the room and pushed open the window, letting in some much-needed air. ‘Really? So your reason was to find yourself, but here you are, back at square one.’

  ‘Cass, I made a mistake.’

  ‘And that’s the beauty of life. You can make as many mistakes as you like.’ Carissa turned to face her. ‘It’s your prerogative. Like it’s mine to realise when enough is enough. And you know what? That time is now.’

  Carissa didn’t expect Lara to come up with a viable answer. There was nothing more to be said on the matter. As far as Carissa was concerned, the subject was closed.

  But Lara, as always, had other ideas. She wouldn’t let go without a fight.

  ‘Why give up now, Cass? When we have a chance to start afresh. It’s what your mum wants for us. What I want. We were happy once.’

  ‘Once?’

  ‘Yes, we were. Don’t try and re-write history.’ Lara reached out to grab Carissa’s hand. ‘And we can be happy again.’

  Carissa took a step back, crossed her arms and said incredulously, ‘No, we can’t.’

  ‘Yes, we can. Things will be different. I know what I want now, more than anything.’

  ‘And what’s that?’

  ‘You … and a baby.’

  Lara’s remark stunned Carissa into a long silence. Being a mother was not what she wanted from life. Especially when it entailed having a child with someone like Lara. ‘Are you joking? You think I’d have a kid with you?’

  ‘Why not, loads of lesbian couples are having them.’

  ‘You missed out the word stable.’

  Lara looked puzzled.

  ‘You know women who can provide stability for the child. How long do you think it would be before you got bored and wanted to move on to something else, leaving me lumbered with it?’

  ‘I won’t. I promise. We can get married if you want.’

  Carissa burst out laughing. ‘Now I know you’re taking the piss.’

  ‘I’m—’

  ‘Seriously, Lara, you should go home.’

  ‘And leave you to play happy families with Teal?’ Lara said, kicking off her heels before making herself comfortable on the single armchair.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That’s why you’re behaving like this isn’t it? You’ve been fucking her, haven’t you?’

  ‘Lara—’

  ‘Don’t lie. The truth is written all over your face.’

  ‘The truth? You’re crazy,’ Carissa said, shaking her head.

  ‘Am I?’

  ‘Yes, you are. Regardless, it’s none of your business.’

  Lara studied her more closely. ‘Oh, Christ, don’t tell me you’ve actually fallen for her? You are so fucking gullible, Cass. You really want to throw what we have away for someone who doesn’t give a shit about you?’

  ‘Teal cares—’

  ‘Of course she does, that’s why she didn’t try and stop you from leaving.’

  ‘We have an agreement.’ Carissa paused. What was the point. Lara would never understand their relationship. The special connection they shared.

  ‘Oh no.’ Lara laughed. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re fuck buddies.’

  Carissa winced at her crude remark. ‘We’re not fuck buddies. We’re two adults sharing a mutual—’

  ‘Quit the bullshit, Cass. Believe me, I can understand why you’d be embarrassed.’

  There was a moment of silence and then Carissa threw her hands up in the air with frustration. Why did she feel the need to explain herself to Lara? It wasn’t as if they were together anymore, or even friends. ‘I’m not embarrassed. If anyone—’

  ‘Whoa calm down. It’s all right. I don’t like the idea of you sleeping with someone else and it hurts—’

  ‘Are you seriously going to start playing the victim in all of this. You walked out on me remember?’

  ‘Maybe there was a good reason—’

  ‘Oh get a grip. It was just you and your fucking ego thinking the grass was greener on the other side. And now you’ve found out it isn’t, you’ve come back with your tail between your legs.’

  ‘So you’re an expert on my life now, are you?’ Lara demanded. ‘It’s a pity you weren’t so forthcoming when we were together. If you had been, you would’ve seen the signs.’

  Carissa’s eyes widened. ‘The signs?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Lara said, sounding deflated as she got up and walked over to the window, pulling the curtain aside.

  ‘Yes, it does. Tell me what I missed?’

  ‘All right, you want it?’ Lara spun around, her bottom lip quivering as she spoke. ‘You smothered me. I felt like I was suffocating. It was all about you.’

  Carissa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was never about her. Talk about rewriting history.

  Lara’s expression hardened a little, but Carissa kept her emotions in check and let her continue.

  ‘Pushing me to stay in a job I hated. My life was miserable,’ Lara ranted. ‘Is it any wonder I slept with Trudi!’ As soon as the words left her lips Lara’s hand flew to her mouth.

  Trudi’s face floated into Carissa’s mind. The image of her lingered there for a minute as she remembered all of the times Trudi pushed for information on Lara. Their sex life. If they were happy. At the time, Carissa thought nothing of it. Why would she? Trudi was her best friend and Lara was her partner. But now, hearing the truth spill from Lara’s lips, Carissa knew that belief was false. Her previous life had been a lie. The regret she felt at losing Trudi was like a physical pain. Lara she could do without, but Trudi? She had been her rock. The only reliable thing in her life.

  Carissa’s vision blurred as tears welled in her eyes. ‘When did it start?’

  ‘I … I ….’ Lara stuttered

  ‘Tell me when?!’ Carissa needed to know. Was it when she went on her field trips at university or was it when she stayed the odd weekend at her mum’s. Or did Lara sneak round to Trudi’s when she said she was going to the gym or to yoga, or one of the million other activities she took part in?

  ‘Six months ago,’ Lara finally admitted.

  ‘How did it start?’

  ‘Why do you want to torture yourself? Does it really matter?’

  ‘Yes, it does! To me it does!’ Carissa stumbled to the small bed and dropped onto it. ‘How could you both do this to me?’

  ‘It didn’t mean anything.’

  Carissa looked up. ‘Then why do it?’

  ‘I just wanted something different.’

  ‘Maybe you should have gone to India sooner instead of getting into Trudi’s knickers,’ Carissa said more to herself than Lara.

  ‘That’s why I went to India.’

  Carissa looked up at her, not quite understanding her comment. ‘What do you mean? If it wasn’t to find yourself, what was it?’

  ‘I needed to get away from Trudi. She was threatening to tell you the truth.’

  Carissa’s voice rose a notch. ‘It just gets worse.’

  ‘I tried to stop it so many times,’ Lara said. ‘But Trudi wouldn’t let it go.’

  ‘So that’s it, huh?’ Carissa said in disbelief that Lara was trying to shift the blame onto Trudi. Yes, Carissa knew Trudi had betrayed her, they both had, but one was not less guilty than the other, no matter how hard Lara tried to make it seem that way. ‘You left me in the shit because you needed a get-out clause?’

  ‘The most important thing is that I’m back now,’ Lara said, coming to kneel in front of Carissa. ‘I know it was a shit thing to do, but—’

  ‘You are so fucking delusional.’ She pushed Lara away and stood up. ‘Seriously delusional.’

  ‘Why don’t we go to the bar and have a drink?’

  ‘What for?’ Carissa said, trying to keep her voice from trembling.

  ‘To get things back on track,’ Lara whispered.

  ‘It’s not going to happen.’

  ‘Look, we’re even now,’ Lara said. ‘We’ve both slept with someone else—’

  ‘I can’t listen to this anymore.’ Carissa grabbed her case and made for the door.

  Lara jumped to her feet and was at Carissa’s side by the time she reached for the door handle. Lara looked at Carissa, her face frozen with shock. ‘Don’t go! Please.’

  ‘I’ve got nothing left to say to you.’

  ‘We can’t leave things like this.’

  ‘Yes, we can, and we are,’ Carissa said. ‘Do the decent thing, Lara, just leave. I really don’t want to see you hanging around here. If, as you claim, you still have feelings for me, you’ll go.’

  Carissa turned and walked out of the room. As she left the building, she didn’t know where she was going, all she knew was that she needed to put as much distance as possible between Lara and herself. When her feet began to tire, she sat on a bench under an oak tree and stared heavenwards. What she wouldn’t have done to be able to speak to her dad right then. Just for a few minutes. Firstly, to know that he was still around in spirit and secondly for him to tell her what to do, because she was at a loss.

  Please give me a sign, Dad. Tears filled her eyes and she rummaged in her pocket for her dad’s handkerchief she always kept there. After his death, it had been in constant use. Now, not as much. As her fingers made contact with the hanky, her mobile phone buzzed underneath it. Her first intention was to ignore it in case it was Lara. But when a little sparrow hopped onto the arm of the bench, she knew her dad was sending her the person she needed most.

  Carissa withdrew her phone. One message. She opened it. The message was short and to the point.

  Come back. I miss you!

  Emotion stuck in her throat. ‘Thank you, Dad.’

  By the time Carissa reached the house, her breath was fast and laboured. She hadn’t stopped running from the second she’d received Teal’s text to the moment she’d arrived at Teal’s gate. Carissa wiped the film of perspiration from her forehead with the back of her hand as she pushed open the front door. Teal was standing in the hallway.

  Her eyes bored into Carissa’s. ‘You came back.’

  A smile tugged at Carissa’s lips. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t?’

  ‘We need to talk about—’

  This wasn’t the time to talk and they both knew it. Carissa pulled Teal towards her and silenced her by crushing her lips against Teal’s. She clung to Teal, unbuttoning her shirt while their tongues moved in an unruly dance. Teal’s trembling hands gripped Carissa’s hips and she pressed tight against her, pushing Carissa against the wall. Adrenaline sent Carissa’s heart rate into a frenzy as Teal pulled up her top and slid her hands underneath Carissa’s bra.

  Teal’s hands covered every inch of Carissa’s bare skin. Her breasts, the nape of her neck and her toned arms. Their hearts and breath in sync, they tore at each other’s clothes in mad desperation, as if they were lovers tasting each other for the first time. But this wasn’t the first time and Carissa would do everything in her power to make sure it wasn’t the last. Their kiss deepened, more slowly and passionately than ever before, as the stress of the last couple of hours washed away and Carissa’s carnal desires overtook everything else.

  Carissa loved that Teal knew her way around her body. That her hands left a trail of heat wherever they lingered. Carissa let out a faint gasp when Teal thrust her fingers inside of her. Teal moved slowly at first, and then as the intensity built, she began to thrust harder, with more urgency.

  Carissa’s climax built, a surging tide of warmth that left her limp with pleasure. One hand gripped Teal’s hip and the other pulled at her hair, as Teal pummelled into her with more force than Carissa had expected. The result was shivers of pleasure as she tried to contain the moment and commit it to memory.

 

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