Over the moon with you, p.26
Over the Moon With You, page 26
Beatrice had bought a quart each of five different flavors. Along with avocados, tomatoes from her garden, and a bag of tortilla chips. Seren picked up the avocados, her mouth already watering.
“You’re going for the avocados over ice cream?” Paige had snagged the container of rocky road and was already cracking the seal. “I swear that baby of yours needs a direct line.”
“Pipe down, you.” Beatrice swatted Paige’s arm. “Avocados are full of vitamins. A pregnant lady knows what she needs better than anyone else.”
“Thank you, Bea.” Seren raised an eyebrow at Paige. “You should listen to your mom. She’s smart.”
Beatrice grumbled about Paige never listening to anyone, then turned to Seren. “Is there anything else that baby wants?”
“No, Bea, but thanks. How’s your hip this week?” When she’d broken her tailbone, Bea had also wrenched her hip. That had sent her back into a spasm.
“Better. I’m not even taking those medications. Rita wants to get in with you too. I told her you probably can’t take new clients, but she wanted me to ask anyway. Her neck’s been giving her a headache.”
“I’ll give her a call.” Seren cut an avocado in half, shook on some salt, and grabbed a spoon.
“I could make you guacamole,” Paige said.
“This is faster.” Seren spooned a bite into her mouth, savoring the rich nutty taste.
“I’m worried about how much you’re working, Seren,” Bea said. “You sure you can take on another client?”
“Rita’s a friend. And, honestly, I need the money. I want to build up a nest egg so I can afford maternity leave.”
Paige looked over at Bea. Something passed between them. Seren nearly asked what she was missing but stopped herself. If it was important, Paige would tell her. But what if she didn’t? Something had seemed off earlier that morning, and she felt it again now.
“Well, like I said, pregnant ladies know what’s best for them.” Bea sniffed. “If you want more customers, say the word. Nearly everyone in water aerobics has some ache or pain you could do your magic on.”
Paige shook her head. It was a subtle head shake that Seren would have missed if she weren’t watching closely.
“Speaking of…” Beatrice gathered up her purse and keys. “I’m off to check on Claia. She wasn’t at water aerobics again this morning.”
Seren had noticed Claia’s absence as well and had worried about her. Claia lived alone and insisted she was fine taking care of herself, but she was ninety-two. “If there’s anything wrong, let me know. I’d be happy to drop by with some soup if she’s under the weather.”
“I’m hoping she went off to Tahiti and forgot to mention it.” Bea gave Seren a half hug. “Ooh, you’re hot.” She looked over at Paige. “You need to get the AC fixed in this place. You’ve got a pregnant lady here.”
“I’ll get on it, Mom.”
“Today.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Seren watched as Paige saluted then thanked her mom for the food delivery. As soon as her mom left, she held up the grocery bag full of avocados. “She definitely likes you better than me.”
“At least she lets you share my ice cream.”
Paige chuckled, finishing off a bite of rocky road. She put the container in the freezer and then held out the mint chocolate chip. Seren loved that Paige knew it was her favorite and treated it accordingly. “You want a different spoon for this?”
“Nope. Mint chocolate chip goes with avocados.” Seren opened the ice cream. It took a little maneuvering, but she managed to get avocado and mint chocolate chip on the same spoonful.
Paige’s eyebrows bunched together as she watched her. “I’m trying to be okay with that. Really I am. But I don’t think everything goes with avocados.”
Seren waved her spoon. “Remember what your mom said? Pregnant ladies know what’s best.”
“I bet I could find you some avocado ice cream at the Co-op. Can’t imagine it’d be anywhere else than at the hippy store.”
“I’d try that.” Seren laughed when Paige groaned.
“You knew I was joking, right?”
“And you know how I feel about avocados.” Seren scooped up another bite, this time only the mint ice cream. “Can I ask you something?”
Paige nodded.
They’d talked a lot about not keeping things from each other after the ultrasound appointment, although she’d decided she was okay with Paige knowing the baby’s sex. In a way, it was comforting. Paige had reassured her that the baby was fine, and she trusted her completely. But this was different. This time she didn’t know what Paige wasn’t saying. She’d only felt some space between them and seen the look between Paige and Bea.
“This morning I had a feeling there was something on your mind you weren’t mentioning, and now when your mom was here, I got that feeling again.” Seren kept her tone light. She didn’t think that whatever Paige and her mom had exchanged a glance about was too serious, but the whole keeping-things-from-her thing was definitely not her favorite. “Is there something we should talk about?”
Paige exhaled. “There is something I’ve been thinking about—about us—but I’m trying to wait to bring it up. I might have mentioned it to my mom. Kind of on accident.”
“Tell me. I’m only going to worry until you do. Even if it’s something little. I don’t really like your mom knowing something about us that I don’t know.”
“That’s fair. I don’t like it either.” Paige hesitated still. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “I want you to move in with me.”
Seren narrowed her eyes. “You told your mom you were thinking about asking me to move in with you before talking to me about it?”
“No. I mean, not exactly. I accidentally called one of the rooms the baby’s room. The one we were painting today.”
Seren set the avocado down with the ice cream. Okay, she’d been wrong. This wasn’t something little. “What’d your mom say?”
“She asked me when you’d decided to move in. I told her you hadn’t.” Paige didn’t seem to want to continue, but said, “My mom thinks I’m going to push you too fast.” She shook her head. “She also said you were the best thing that’s ever come into my life and I was going to screw it up if I backed you into a corner. Which I think, from the look on your face, I may be doing right now.”
“Us living together hasn’t ever been the plan.”
“I know. And right now, this place is a disaster, but once I have it in better shape…” Her voice trailed. After a moment, she straightened. “Once I get it fixed up, I’d love it if you moved in with me. That’s why I’ve been trying to work so much to get it ready. Why I’ve been working on the house instead of the barn. I want it to be some place you’d like to live.”
It wasn’t that she hadn’t imagined living with Paige. She had—too many times to count. The problem was what it would mean. “Does your mom also know we agreed our relationship wouldn’t become serious?”
Paige’s jaw clenched. “No.”
“That’s probably an important detail, right?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever we call our relationship, you living here makes a lot of sense. For one, we can get your mom’s place ready to sell easier if all your stuff is out of it. If you can get it sold before the baby comes, you’ll have that money in your savings account if anything unexpected happens.”
When Seren didn’t respond, Paige continued, “While you’re here, you won’t need to pay rent or anything, so you can save up that nest egg you were talking about. I can swing all the bills. And you won’t have to take on as many massage clients. It’s gonna get harder for you to be on your feet all the time, and—”
“Paige, stop.” Seren felt blindsided by the whole conversation. Her head spun with too many thoughts. “I can’t move in with you.”
How had she not seen this coming? A moment later, she corrected herself. She had seen it coming. She’d even added fuel to the idea by saying how much she loved the ranch, how peaceful it was being away from town. The spot was close enough to feel like they weren’t isolated but far enough away to feel like there was plenty of room. And the sunsets were gorgeous with no buildings getting in the way. She’d said all of that only last weekend. And Paige had looked at her and smiled. Agreed with her. Fuck.
“Why not?”
“For so many reasons. Mostly, I’m six months pregnant. I won’t be able to focus on a relationship when the baby comes. And you knew I didn’t want this to be anything serious because of that. Me moving in with you is the definition of serious.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I’m not asking you to marry me. You could have your own room. The baby can have their own room too.”
“And you’re telling me that you wouldn’t help take care of the baby?”
“Well, of course I would.”
“Right. We’re two months into a relationship. When the baby comes, we’ll have known each other for a little over five months. You don’t know someone well enough in five months to sign up to co-parent with them.”
“Well…What if I didn’t help unless you really needed it? I wouldn’t make parenting decisions. It’d be all you.”
“I don’t even want to have this conversation. I’m not ready.”
“Okay, fine.” Paige dropped her gaze to the brown linoleum. “Forget I brought it up.”
“I can’t forget you brought it up.” A weight pressed down on Seren’s chest. “Dammit, Paige.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s too soon for us to take our relationship to the next step. But you moving in here makes sense. Even you could agree with that, right?” A moment later Paige added, “You like it here. I know you do. And I’d love coming home to you every night.”
“Paige…” God, what could she say?
Paige came over to where Seren stood and reached for her hand. “When I close my eyes and picture a perfect life, it’s you here with a baby and us raising calves and chickens and growing avocados. And too many black cats running around.”
Seren couldn’t help smiling. Cymbal loved life on the ranch and was best friends now with Squirrel, Paige’s cat. But liking it here wasn’t the point.
“I know you always wanted something more exciting, and this place isn’t that, but—”
“I don’t want excitement. Not anymore. That was my teenage self wanting…wanting my life to start.” Seren shook her head, trying to hold in her emotions. “This place is perfect. I love it here. I really do. But we can’t jump in to living together. It’ll backfire. I know it.”
“How can you be so sure? I’ve never been with someone where things felt so right. Maybe we don’t need to wait.”
Seren pulled her hand out of Paige’s grip. “You said you weren’t the marrying type.”
“I’m not talking about marriage. But even if I was, maybe I hadn’t met the right person before.”
“Very funny.”
Paige shook her head. “For the first time I’m thinking about forever.”
“Don’t do that.” Seren squeezed her eyes closed. She hated what she’d said, but she hated that Paige had pushed her to say it more.
Paige was quiet. Waiting for her. What else could she say? She looked around the kitchen. Brown tile counters, brown appliances, brown shutters on the windows. Paige hadn’t tackled the kitchen remodel yet. She’d joked that she wanted to wait on that part until Seren moved in. Except clearly it wasn’t a joke.
“Fuck, Paige. I wish you hadn’t started this conversation.”
“If I’d waited two months, do you think you’d have a different response? Then it’d only be one month before the baby was due. You’d say the timing was wrong and you couldn’t think about it then.” Paige continued after a moment, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Seren immediately pictured the baby booties she’d found with the price tag still on them. And the note from the father she’d never known. “Do you know what’s in my car, Paige?”
Paige’s expression made it clear she was thrown by the question.
“I was going through my mom’s attic last week. She’d saved some of my old baby toys and I found a little shoebox. There was a note from my father with these two little cute pink booties that I’d clearly never worn.” She took a shaky breath. “Do you know what the note said? ‘To Serendipity—I’ll love you forever.’ Except he didn’t.”
“Shit, Seren. I’m sorry.”
Seren felt tears sting her eyes, but she fought them back. “My mom and my father were together for eleven months. You can do the math. Two months after I was born, he split. Before I ever fit those booties. He couldn’t even love me to my first birthday.”
“I wouldn’t leave.”
“He didn’t think he would either.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Seren felt Paige’s eyes on her, but she only stared at the popcorn ceiling until she had control of her tears. When she was sure she could speak without crying, she said, “My mom did fine without him. I did fine too. And those booties are going to the Goodwill where they should have gone thirty-eight years ago. I don’t need help raising my baby. I’ll figure out the finances part and I’ve got Leslie if I need anything and about a dozen women from water aerobics already lined up to babysit.” Water aerobics. To think this had all started there.
“If I made a promise, I wouldn’t leave.”
“Dammit, Paige. Stop. I don’t want you to make a promise after knowing me for only two months. Think about it. You’re amazing and I love spending time with you, but what happens when the honeymoon wears off? What happens when we start fighting over money, or time, or whatever people fight about? Then I’m stuck trying to deal with a co-parent that I never wanted in the first place.”
She saw the hurt in Paige’s eyes but pushed on. “If I move in with you, you know what’ll happen. We both do. Things will be great. And when the baby comes, you’ll end up helping. You’ll help me raise the baby. But then when our relationship goes sideways, everything will be fucked and messy.”
“If. Not when. You’re assuming it wouldn’t work out. But it might. I’m not your dad. You aren’t even giving us a chance here.”
“You want to know how to test a relationship and make sure it fails? Throw a baby into the mix when two people haven’t even been together for six months.”
“If I promised to let you parent, and not get involved, I wouldn’t break that promise.”
“Like how you promised that this wouldn’t be anything serious?” Seren didn’t look at Paige then. She knew it was harsh. She knew she’d been as much to blame. But she wouldn’t take the words back. Silence stretched, and when she finally looked up, she saw anger for the first time in Paige’s eyes.
“I think I just realized something.” Paige’s voice was calm. Almost steely. “I’ve been going on the assumption that this relationship has the potential to be great, and this whole time you’ve planned on it failing.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to.”
Seren felt Paige’s words like a gut punch.
“I’m sorry, Seren. Whatever happened between your mom and your dad, I’m sorry. You didn’t get two parents raising you, and I bet it was hard on your mom. And now you can’t trust me.”
When Seren started to interrupt, Paige held up her hand. “I’m not done. You’re right. Your mom did an amazing job on her own, and I’m sure you’d do the same with your kid. You don’t need my help. Maybe, though, you’d like it. Sometimes things work out, you know. Not every relationship fails. Although if one person has already decided it won’t work…”
“I never said that.”
Paige laughed, but it sounded hollow. “I felt bad bringing this up, and rushing you and everything, but now I’m glad I did. If you don’t even want to talk about where our relationship could go, there’s no reason for us to keep going.”
“Don’t say that.” Seren swallowed, tears burning her eyes all over again. “I’m not the bad guy here. You’re the one who’s being unrealistic.”
“Unrealistic? Because I think some relationships work? Fuck, Seren. What do you want me to say? That your way of seeing the world is right and mine’s wrong and we leave it at that?”
“I’d be fine if you just thought I was someone fun to mess around with.” Seren heard the catch in her voice but pressed on. “Someone who doesn’t mean anything more than a good time.”
“I can’t do that.” Paige held Seren’s gaze. “I love you. It hurts how much I love you.”
Seren heard the rawness and the pain in Paige’s voice. She saw the truth in her eyes. And she wanted to say one word—same. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Because no matter how much she loved Paige, the most important thing was still the baby she’d soon have. That had to be her priority. Nothing could get in the way of her focusing on that.
“I met you when I was four months pregnant. A relationship—like what you want—was already off the table. It’s not that I’m not in love with you. I am. And it’s not that I can’t imagine how great it would be us living together. I can. But I want to be a mom. I want it more than anything else. And as soon as this baby comes, that’s what I want to focus on.”
“Okay. I get it now. Thanks for the explanation.”
So damn calm. Why’d she have to be so calm? Seren wanted to throw things and rage, but Paige stood there simply looking sad and resigned. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Well, I guess now we know.”
“Now we know what?” When Paige didn’t answer, Seren asked the question she didn’t want to ask. “Do you want to break up?”
“No. Not at all. Remember the part about me loving you?”
Seren squeezed her eyes shut. “Just because we don’t want to break up, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.”
