Ashes of a nightmare, p.20
Ashes of a Nightmare, page 20
“Erin?” Newbie’s terror-stricken voice rose as he called for me. “Erin, where are you?”
A sense of relief as palpable as the floor I stood on sent me lunging toward him. “I’m here,” I screamed, throwing my arms around his neck.
“You scared the shit out of me.” He held me close to his chest. Through his shirt, I could feel the pounding of his heart. “Don’t ever do that again!” he said into my hair.
I weaseled my hand in between us. His chest rose and fell in rapid waves. “I’m sorry. I woke up, and you were gone. I panicked that something bad had happened to you.” His heart rate and breathing slowed. “I was going to get help for Kris and me, and help to find you, too.”
“No need for that.” He took a step back but held my hands in his. “I’m right here, and I’m fine. I’m sorry my absence scared you. I thought I had time before you woke up.” Sun rays from outdoors shined on him like a headlight. His eyes were bloodshot with dark bags underneath. His skin was more ashen than the night before.
“Time to do what? What’s going on? And why do you look so miserable?”
“Kris,” he said her name as if it was an explanation.
I yanked my hands from his and turned to check on Kris. I opened the drapes wide. Sunlight bathed the room in an amber glow. Despite the sense of warmth the light offered, goosebumps pebbled my skin.
“Oh my God! Where is she?” I asked, staring down at crumpled sheets on an empty bed. All that remained of her was a strand of hair on her pillow. It couldn’t be. I’d seen her less than five minutes ago. I flung pillows in the air as if she’d be hiding underneath. I tore apart the bed leaving nothing but the mattress behind. “Where is she?” I yelled louder. “Tell me. Now.”
Newbie closed and locked the door. He straightened his spine as if summoning the strength to continue. “I need you to listen and try to stay calm.” He brushed the hair away from my face then cupped my cheek. “Do you think you can do that for me?”
A tangle of fearful thoughts and words were stuck in my throat. I nodded, not knowing how to speak around the worry choking me.
He guided me toward Kris’s bed, or what used to be Kris’s bed. I sat on the corner while he scooted a padded chair closer and sat down opposite me. He leaned his elbows on his knees.
“When I woke up this morning, I checked on you since you were right beside me. I looked in on Kris after I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I assumed the lump I saw on the bed was her, but with the curtains drawn, it’s like nighttime in here. When I parted the curtains, I realized the lump was only crumpled sheets and a pillow.
“I didn’t want you to panic until I knew that she wasn’t just outside or something. That was when I left to look for her. I pulled the curtains closed, crossing my fingers that I’d come back with good news, but...” He sucked in a deep lungful of air and shook his head while he released it.
“But?”
“I couldn’t find her. I looked everywhere. I even went to Andy and asked if he’d seen or spoken to her.”
“Had he?”
“No, he’d just started his shift. He called across the street to that dinner and asked if she was there or had been. I gave Andy her description so that he could pass it on to them, but they hadn’t seen anyone resembling her. I walked around the building and through the patch of woods in back. I even went all the way down to the creek, but I couldn’t find her.”
I tried to grab hold of his words and make sense of them. Kris had vanished. How? Why would she wander off on her own?
“Andy suggested I call the police to report her missing. I knew it was too soon to file a missing person’s report, but if I did nothing, he might do it for me. We had planned to call the police today anyway; her disappearance just forced our hand.”
“What did you tell them about us?” A muscle in my jaw ticked. I forced myself to remain calm.
“I called the state police, in case Doris was telling the truth about Joe knowing the local cops. First, I told them about Kris, that she was missing, though I couldn’t be sure for how long. They confirmed what I’d known, that there was nothing they could do right now but make a note of it. After I’d shared all the information I had about her, I broke the rest of the story to them. I told them everything that had happened to me and what I knew of your situation. I did as Doris said—I gave them details but no names.”
The silent intensity of his green-eyed stare entranced me. It calmed and unnerved me.
“What did they say? What will happen next?” My lungs wheezed like they were filling with concrete.
“The cop said it was quite the story but that he’d check the house and question the neighbors to see if they had witnessed or heard anything. I told him where we are. He said to stay put while he investigates. I hope he is because, honestly, I don’t know if he believed what I said.”
I swept my hair over my right shoulder. “Who would make up a story like that?” I finger-combed my hair in long, nervous strokes.
He shifted back in his seat, his long legs going straight out in front of him. “I have no idea.” His bouncing foot tapped into my lower leg.
“They have to find them. I can’t live wondering if they’re still out there, waiting for another chance to capture me or kill me.” The concrete in my lungs shattered. My breaths rushed out ragged and pained.
I worried they’d be like the serial killer I read about from Betty’s newspaper clippings, always feared but never found.
“They’ll find them.” Newbie fell to his knees before me. “I promise you’re going to be safe now.” He held my limp hands, his thumb stroking my knuckles.
“You can’t promise that. And what about Kris? Are they going to search for her now that they know she’s a part of it?”
“For now, they’re treating this as if it’s two cases: her disappearance and our abductions.”
“What the hell are they doing that for? She’s as much a part of this as you or I.”
“I agree, but right now, all they have to go on is a possible missing girl and a crazy story.”
“They will find her, though, right?”
He sat on the bed beside me. “Of course they will.” He wrapped his arm around my torso, guiding me to his chest. I listened to his steady heartbeat as he stroked my hair. “If they don’t, we will.”
“I wish I knew she was okay.”
“Yeah, me too.” His jaw rubbed against the top of my head as he spoke. He absently drew circles on my upper arm.
“What do we do now?”
“I suppose we wait.”
Through aged, sheer white curtains, I saw the silhouette of a man walking past our window with a suitcase rolling behind him. I heard car engines roaring to life in the parking lot, trunks and car doors closing, and the sounds of families preparing for another day on the road. Outside our four walls, people were living, enjoying their lives. I was, once again, trapped in a prison without bars.
I tugged on Newbie’s shirt. I knew it was a mistake. But I had to wipe Joe’s memory from my mind. I had to remove his mark from my skin, replace it with one from someone who, inexplicably, cared for me as if we’d known each other our entire lives. I’d regret it when it was over, a truth I could live with if it helped me to forget, if it helped free me from Joe’s prison.
He tilted my chin up. His expression was that of a startled fawn. “What are you doing?” His brows pinched together.
“I want to forget.”
“I don’t think this is the time or place—”
I silenced his protest with my fingers to his lips. “You’re right, I’m sure, but I still want to forget.” My hand inched its way under the hem of his shirt. My fingertips skated along the ridges of his taut abs.
“Erin,” he trapped my wandering hand between his and the soft waffle texture of his shirt, “we can’t do this, not now, not like this.” His breathing became ragged, the beats of his heart irregular.
“Please.” My stomach twisted and turned like the roots of an ancient oak tree. “Please help me forget. I can’t take it any longer. I’ve been as strong as I can for as long as I could, but I’m tapped. I need something other than fear and dread. Please.” My hand curled into a ball beneath his shirt. “I’ll take the blame later for whatever hell I’m unleashing between us if you’ll just help me escape from my mind for a while.”
He dragged his lower lip between his teeth. His focus turned to the opaque world outside our sheer curtained window for several long seconds before he angled a glance down to me, studying me with piercing scrutiny. My chest heaved in anxious anticipation for his answer.
With a tender grip of my chin, he drew my mouth close. My eyes closed in time with his. The kiss was soft, gentle, consuming. When his tongue penetrated my mouth, all the pain, hurt, and regret of the past few weeks melted as I connected with his warm embrace. I threw my leg over his lap, both arms around his neck, and kissed him with abandon. Whatever regrets I experienced later would be worth it. Thanks to Newbie, reality was disappearing all around me, leaving nothing but wisps of smoke in its wake.
I breathed in the sweet smell of motel soap on his skin as our kiss deepened. His hands glided over my shoulders, down my back, then rested on my backside. With my legs wrapped around his waist, he stood with me in his arms.
With purpose, he carried me across the room, our lips never parting. Beside the narrow, two-drawer dresser serving as a TV stand, he braced me against the wall, steadying me between it and his body. He trailed kisses down my neck then back up to my swollen lips, leaving my skin aflame in their wake. His free hand traveled along my rib cage, drawing out a soft moan as it brushed past my breast. His hand traveled upward to my face. His thumb strummed across my lower lip, never breaking contact from our kiss.
His fingers wove through my hair. With a gentle tug, he angled my head, exposing my bare neck. The hungry way his lips and tongue kissed, stroked, and sucked my skin pulled another moan from my chest. After Joe, I never imagined I’d be capable of standing a man’s touch, of wanting to be touched by a man ever again, yet with Newbie, I wanted him to never stop.
Tears nearly fell from my eyes when he broke contact with my skin. I needed more, wanted more. He couldn’t stop.
While still in his hold, he walked us toward the bed we’d shared the night before. Despite all this having been at my insistence, he waited, fiery eyes penetrating mine, for me to say that I wanted his fingers on my skin.
“Please,” I whispered into his ear.
“You say you want this,” his eyes were wild, his breath strained as he fought his animalistic instincts, “but how can you know? I won’t be another person who hurts you. I refuse to do that. The smart thing would be to wait. You’re upset, fragile, vulnerable—this will be a mistake.”
I tugged on his neck. “I don’t care.”
“You might not, but I do. If you won’t think of what’s best for you, I will.”
His hold on me slackened. “No way! I will not be told any longer what I can or can’t do. If you don’t want me, if I repulse you, say so, don’t hide behind some altruistic stance.”
The force with which his lips made contact with mine would have knocked me off my feet if I were still on them. He kept my lips hostage, never breaking contact, even as he lowered our entangled bodies onto the bed.
“It would be criminal if I found a gorgeous woman like you repulsive. Whatever you want, you got,” he said, parting our lips long enough to utter those words.
“I want you. I want this.” My hands roamed the ripples of his back.
“I’m yours for as long as you need.”
Hearing his declaration flamed the fires of a primitive beast dwelling low in my womb. I dug my hands into his shoulders, forcing him onto his back. I straddled him. My thighs tightened around his.
I lifted my shirt over my head and flung it across the room. I unhooked my bra. Holding it in place with my hand over the cups, I stared down into his eyes, glazed with need. Against his primal cravings, he allowed me to remain in control, to do as I wanted without coercion. He was selfless and caring in a way I’d never known before.
I lowered one bra strap then the other. His eyes watched with eager anticipation as my bra slipped away, and my breasts spilled free. He held onto my hips as if they were balancing him on unsteady ground. I entwined one of our hands together. We roamed my body as one. He explored my body with no qualms or hesitations as if the touch of my skin was his very life force.
Our breathing was fast, deep, harmonious with one another. I no longer knew whose breath belonged to whom. A euphoric high shot through me like an arrow sailing through the sky. Every molecule of my existence came alive. In the world we were creating, I was invincible.
Our hands glided from one side of my belly to the other and back again, stopping only once to linger on my womb. Resuming momentum, we inched higher, stopping just under my breasts. His eyes rolled closed. Mine couldn’t look away at the peaceful yet aroused expression etched into the corners of his eyes and across his forehead.
Together we stroked my soft flesh, cupping one breast, then the other in our gentle hands. His thumb caressed my nipples as we passed over my swollen mounds. An unbridled moan escaped my mouth. Newbie’s eyes sprung open. A burning desire built within us, making our hands move faster, rougher, and of their own accord. Our bodies’ desires overpowered our brains’ logic. Within the bubble we’d created, I found what I’d been searching for—peace and solace in my existence.
In one swift motion, Newbie lifted me, then threw me onto my back. I willingly submitted myself to him and his sudden need to be in control. Hovering above me, my hands rolled the hem of his shirt higher on his back. He sat up long enough to remove his shirt, tossing it onto Kris’s bed.
Kris’s bed.
She was gone, Joe and Doris were still free, and Newbie and I weren’t safe yet.
I slammed the door closed on my worries, choosing to stay in that moment of tranquility.
I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. The cold metal chilled my heated flesh. He rolled onto his back and shimmied from his dark blue jeans. As if our bodies were magnets, he was drawn back to me after he’d shed all his clothes. My nails dug into his skin as his mouth devoured mine.
His arms, long and agile, curved around my waist, drawing me closer to the hard pulse of his arousal. Our tongues and hands moved in time with one another as if they were dancing to the beat of our ragged breaths.
I hitched my thigh around Newbie’s, urging him to roll onto his back. Before he complied, he tore my leggings and panties off in one swift motion. In moments, flesh was on flesh, and every part of that flesh was touched, kissed, or stroked. Our hands were like liquid overflowing with ecstasy, scattering it all over our bodies and straight into our souls.
I pinned his arms above his head with my hands while my lips and tongue nipped and tasted his salty skin from his chest to the sensitive skin behind his ears. I paused above him, taunting him. He squirmed beneath me.
In an instant, I was beneath him. It was my arms now pinned above me, holding me firmly in place. Unlike me, he didn’t tease me—his lips crashed into mine so hard and fast a low guttural moan escaped my lungs. He nestled himself between my legs. His erection pressed into my belly, striking a match inside me.
My core ached to be filled by the man above me, willing to be my distraction for one day.
His lips parted from mine. “Are you sure?” He breathed against my cheek. I wrapped my legs around his back and thrust my hips into his. “I swear I’ll never do anything to hurt you, Erin,” he said before slipping between my slick folds in one swift motion.
I yelled out his name at the bittersweet intrusion. Disturbing, painful images of not-so-distant memories flashed behind my sealed eyes.
“Look at me, Erin. I’m not him. Please look at me.”
He stilled inside me. I clenched around him, not wanting him to leave but not positive I wanted him to stay either. I did as he asked. With my eyes opened, it was only Newbie and me. I was safe in his arms. Joe couldn’t hurt me anymore.
“Say the word, and I’ll stop.” His eyes glistened as if he might cry.
“Did you not want to do this?” I asked as an invisible hand of dread pressed into my windpipe.
What if I’ve forced him like Joe forced me?
“Erin, I very much want to be with you, but not if it’s going to hurt you.” He twitched inside of me, reigniting a dying fire.
“I want this. For this one moment, I need to forget. But when I close my eyes, I see him.”
Understanding dawned in his eyes. “Hold onto my shoulders.” I did, without question. My legs tightened around his back. “Keep your eyes on me, silence your worries, ignore your past; just focus on me.”
With every one of Newbie’s slow, deliberate thrusts, one less ember crackled by the raging fire Joe had built. Our eyes remained locked as his speed increased. Soon, thoughts turned into feelings. Feelings turned into sensations until those sensations threatened to explode inside me.
Never closing my eyes, never looking away from his, and never faltering in our steady motions, I let myself go to that most elusive place where my veins boiled, and my conscious thoughts evaporated. Only as my orgasm erupted did I throw my head back, breaking eye contact. A scream tore me apart, clouding my vision. Despite my freefall back to the present, my body stayed in synch with his until the rush of his ecstasy flowed through my womb.
Still joined, he rested his head in the crook of my neck. He held most of his weight on his forearms. My legs fell from his waist. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I rubbed the back of his sweat-soaked hairline, tugging at his unruly hair. He lowered more of his weight onto me as his body succumbed to his sated state.
