Gilt, p.30
Gilt, page 30
It was one thing to ask the universe to vanquish bad energy. But human emotions were another thing; she knew Jack was deeply hurt. Because of her choices. Maud was right.
Jack wouldn’t understand why she was afraid of getting married if she never really told him, and so he wouldn’t understand how she let go of that fear. She’d just have to hope that somehow, talking to him tomorrow, he might not understand her but he’d at least believe her. If not, it wouldn’t be because of the curse. She’d have only herself to blame.
Celeste passed the ring to Elodie, who hesitated a few seconds before taking it in her hand. She gazed at the ring, turning it between her thumb and forefinger in a way that caught the moonlight. When she spoke, it was so quietly that it was hard to hear over the rush of the waves.
“Our family fortune was built on the words ‘A Diamond Says Love.’ But it’s obvious now how flawed that is. A diamond doesn’t say love. Moments like this say love. Family says love. Forgiveness says love.”
Celeste reached out to put her arm around her sister. And then Elodie passed the ring to her niece.
* * *
Gemma looked out at the sea. From her position in the Intention Circle, she had the best view of the water, liquid silver in the moonlight.
She held the remains of her mother’s diamond in her palm, her fingers wrapped tightly around it. She had to resist the urge to slip it onto her finger one last time.
“Speak when you’re ready,” Maud nudged.
It was her turn to declare what she wanted to bring into her life. At the beginning of the summer, that would have been simple. She’d wanted to grow her company. She wanted her name to be synonymous with modern jewelry. She wanted the Pavlins to realize the mistake they’d made in casting her aside. And she wanted the Electric Rose, the symbol of all she’d lost—and been denied.
“I have . . . a lot I need to figure out,” she said slowly.
“Gemma, may I?” Elodie piped up. “I’m sorry for turning you away from what’s rightfully yours. I hope you’ll forgive me. And you were right about what you said: The company has become stagnant. We need new energy. And I hope that energy will come from you.”
“From me?”
“I want to offer you a design position with Pavlin & Co. It would be entry-level—you would be part of a team under our head designer. But there’s room to grow. There’s a future for you at Pavlin & Co if you’d like it.”
Gemma, stunned, glanced at Celeste. Where had this come from? Celeste smiled.
“I don’t get it,” she said.
“I’ve seen you at work this summer. I’ve seen how people respond to your designs. You’d be an asset to Pavlin & Co. It’s as simple as that. I would offer this to you even if you were a stranger.”
Here it was—a moment she had dreamed about as a teenager, only to realize it would never happen. But what if it could?
Gemma bit her lip. She knew, standing in the moonlight, flanked by her mother’s sisters, that she didn’t need to work at Pavlin & Co to make her life complete. She’d come to her aunts looking for a diamond, and instead found her family.
“Thank you, Aunt Elodie,” she said. “I’ll think about it. But first, can we agree on one thing? No auction. Tell Sloan Pierce it’s off.”
“Agreed,” said Elodie.
“Are you two really negotiating right now?” said Maud. “Please, let’s stay in the moment. Gemma, you need to focus on what you most want to bring into your life.”
Looking at the silvery water, at the stillness punctuated only by the rolling tide, she missed Sanjay with a physical ache. What did she want most in the world? The answer was clear to her.
“I want Sanjay back.” There it was. She couldn’t deny it: She wanted the true love Maud had promised earlier in the summer.
“Good,” said Maud. “Now we’re ready to release the past. Gemma, since you’re the last one holding the ring, I ask you to step into the water and toss it as far as you can manage. And in your mind, hold the thought that you are intentionally letting it go.”
“Won’t the tide just bring it back in?” Elodie said.
An amused smile played at Maud’s lips. “We must trust the universe to accept what we’re offering it,” she said.
Gemma glanced at Celeste, who nodded at her. She walked a few feet into the water. It was cool and pebbly underfoot. She felt goose bumps rise on her arms and kept walking until she was up to her thighs, just before the water could reach her shorts. She felt herself squeezing the ring, as if afraid to lose it. Here it was, an object she’d wanted so badly for years. And she was about to toss it into the ocean.
Surrounded by black water and under the spotlight of an August full moon, all she could think about was her mother. The sea had taken her mother, and now the sea would take the remains of her ring.
Gemma pulled her arm back and then thrust it forward like she was pitching a ball, her fingers unfurling to release the ring into the pull of the outgoing tide. It was shocking to let it disappear, not even hearing it hit the water over the churning waves. She stood for a minute, as if expecting it to come back to her.
And then she realized she was happy to set it free.
71
She was the uninvited guest at the party that should have been her wedding.
Celeste had never felt so uncomfortable walking into the Barroses’ house, not even on that summer day twenty-five years ago when Jack brought her—his “wash’ashore” girlfriend—to meet the family. They’d welcomed her with open arms. If Jack loved her, Lidia and Manny loved her. And Tito. And the kids, Marco and Jaci.
Today, all she got from Lidia was a tight smile.
Celeste set a few packages down on the kitchen table. Birthday gifts for Jack. She decided to leave them in the house; nothing more awkward than presenting birthday gifts while simultaneously begging for forgiveness. Jack wasn’t big on extravagant presents. He usually asked her for something experiential, like, Spend the day on the boat with me. Or, this year’s whopper, Let’s get married.
“I know you’re both hurting,” Lidia said, standing against the sink while Celeste stood a few feet inside the doorway. “But I gotta say I’m Team Jack on this one.”
Of course she was. That’s why, first thing that morning, just six hours after leaving the beach, Celeste knocked on Elodie’s bedroom door to fortify herself with one more conversation. Her sister, half asleep, patted the spot next to her on the bed and Celeste moved next to her. She felt like they were girls again.
“When I left for the city last week, Tito told me that he’d never visit Manhattan,” Elodie said. “My first thought was, well, that’s the end of that. And I think he knew it, and we both thought there’s no way to compromise. But then, I was in Manhattan, and it didn’t mean anything without him. And maybe, while I was gone, he realized the same thing because he asked me to move in with him. It was a gesture, something to show me he’s all in. I don’t know if we’ll work or how, but it means a lot to me that he made the gesture. You need to show Jack.”
“How?” she’d said. But of course her sister couldn’t give her that answer. No one could.
Lidia busied herself slicing tomatoes on a cutting board.
Celeste sat in one of the chairs around the table. “Lidia, I would never ask you to be in the middle. That’s why I haven’t come over to talk to you before now. Before I wasn’t ready to tell Jack that I was wrong. I’m really sorry, Lidia. I know deep down Jack is traditional, and that he tried to forget that to accommodate me. But I’m ready to be his wife now. If he’ll accept me back.”
Lidia put down the knife, her eyes softer now. “Celeste, I love you like the sister I never had. And I want nothing more than to see you and Jack together in the way that Manny and I are. But you can’t get married to make someone else happy.”
“I know. That’s what I’ve struggled with. But truly, it’s what I want, too. It just took me some time to get here.”
“Well, then don’t waste any more time yapping here with me. Jack’s out back helping Manny set up the bar.”
Celeste nodded, feeling buoyed by the conversation. One down, one to go. She stood to leave.
“Just one more thing,” Lidia said. “I hope everything goes great. I hope we’re all laughing about all this over drinks tonight. But just in case it doesn’t . . . I think it’s best if you leave. It’s Jack’s birthday and I don’t want anything to spoil the day.”
“Of course,” Celeste said, swallowing hard.
* * *
Outside the house, neither Manny nor Jack noticed her approach. They weren’t, as Lidia had suggested, attending to the bar. Instead, they were at the edge of the dock with Jack tying a rope on the back of a skiff.
Jack loved everything about the water, down to knowing the ins and outs of how the vehicles that transported him worked. It was just a testament to his love for her that he had spent most of the past two decades helping to build her dream of an antiques shop. Now he wanted to get back on the water. And if buying into Marco’s oyster farm was the way to do it, didn’t she owe him that same support?
She took a moment to gaze at him, the late summer, deep brown tan of his arms, the way his silver hair tufted around his ears because he’d been too busy to get a haircut. The gray T-shirt from Outermost Automotive stretched taut against his chest.
She didn’t just love him, she was in love with him. The worst part of their whole predicament was that she’d led him to believe otherwise.
“Hey—sorry to interrupt,” she called out, giving a nervous little wave.
Jack looked over, surprised. He seemed happy to see her for a second, but his expression became guarded. He said something to Manny, but the breeze and the squawk of a gull carried it away. She felt her heart race as he walked over to her.
When they were face-to-face, it took all of her will not to just throw herself into his arms.
“Happy birthday,” she said.
“Thanks,” he said stiffly.
“Jack, I love you. I’m sorry. I was letting fear hold me back, but I’m past it now. Please—I’m so sorry for hurting your feelings, for letting you doubt for a minute my commitment to you. Let’s get married. I’m totally on board with the oyster farm. I want a life with you—that’s all that matters. I want to be your wife.”
Jack sighed. His expression changed from wariness to almost . . . pity.
“That all sounds great, Celeste. But how can I believe that when the time comes, you’re not going to back out again? I can’t set myself up to be let down.”
She shook her head. “I won’t let you down.”
He seemed about to reach out to her, to take her hand or touch her arm—something. She stepped forward. But then, he moved away. “I love you, too. And maybe you even believe what you’re saying. But I’m sorry—I don’t.”
He turned and walked back toward Manny.
So that was it? No. She wouldn’t accept it. He was being stubborn, as he was inclined to be. And she could be stubborn, too. But if they both gave in to their worst instincts at the same time, the relationship was finished. What could she do to get through to him?
Her sister’s words from earlier that morning repeated in her head. It was as if an airplane flew a kite overhead with the words emblazoned on it: It was a gesture, something to show me he’s all in . . . You need to show Jack.
Of course. It was so obvious!
She rushed back toward Commercial as partygoers began arriving in bunches. She didn’t have time to say hi, so she kept her eyes ahead and moved quickly. But when she reached the alley she ran into Clifford and his husband, Santiago. There was no escaping a greeting from Clifford.
“Celeste!” he said, passing the large, extravagantly wrapped gift box he was holding to Santiago. “I’m so happy to see you here. Did you two patch things up?” His face was shiny from the heat, but he was dressed impeccably as always, in an eggshell-colored linen suit and lavender button-down with a matching pocket square.
“Um, no. We didn’t patch things up,” she said.
“Don’t tell us you’re leaving already,” said Santiago.
“I’ll be right back. I just forgot something.”
And she had: her wedding dress.
72
The Barros boatyard was strung with twinkling lights and filled with dozens of friendly faces. Jack and Manny stood in front of one buffet table, drinking bottles of Red Stripe.
Gemma felt awkward, considering what was going on between Jack and Celeste. But he’d been so kind to her since day one. Of course she would celebrate his birthday.
“Happy birthday,” Gemma said, giving him a hug.
They smiled at each other but fell into a silence that she was able to break only when she noticed Clifford Henry waving at her wildly, his arm linked with that of an attractive younger man. The younger man was talking to a familiar woman: She was in her sixties, extremely thin with silvery blond hair in a knot at the back of her neck. Gemma noticed she wore a yellow gold Pavlin tank watch.
“Clifford’s calling me over,” she said, excusing herself.
The music changed, switching decades from Spice Girls to Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight.” She grabbed a glass of red sangria from the bar.
“Gemma,” Clifford said. “This is my husband, Santiago.”
Santiago smiled at her with beautiful big brown eyes that gave her a pang, reminding her of Sanjay.
Clifford leaned forward conspiratorially. “Such a shame about Celeste and Jack. But then, marriage isn’t for everyone.” He turned to the woman beside Santiago.
“And this lovely lady is Susan Harrison,” Clifford said. “She rented out Maud’s jewel of a house on the West End for the summer.”
Gemma blinked, suddenly feeling overheated. Connor’s place.
“Are you . . . related to Connor Harrison?” she said.
The woman gave a small laugh. “I’m his mother.” She narrowed her eyes. “Have we met?”
Gemma realized why she recognized her. “I saw you once in his gallery.”
“His gallery? You mean my gallery.” She rolled her eyes and gave a wink to Clifford. “Though I’m done with that money pit. Another failed venture courtesy of my son. Are you an artist?” Susan Harrison asked.
Gemma reached up and reflexively touched her charm necklace. She felt a hand on her arm and turned to find Elodie.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Elodie said. “May I speak with you for a moment?” Elodie was dressed more casually than she’d ever seen her, in a khaki dress and wedges in red canvas that tied around her ankles. Her only jewelry was pearl earrings.
“What’s up?” Gemma said, looking around. “Have you seen Celeste today? She was gone from the house when I woke up this morning and I haven’t spoken to her.”
“Well, you’re not going to find her here, unfortunately. A little birdie told me her conversation with Jack didn’t go very well.”
Gemma closed her eyes. She felt awful for her aunt. She knew what it was like to make a mistake and not be forgiven. If she suffered this much after losing Sanjay after just a few months together, she couldn’t imagine what it was like for Celeste after decades with Jack.
“I can’t believe Jack won’t forgive her.”
Elodie crossed her arms. “Well, I suppose forgiveness is complicated. Can you forgive?”
Gemma sipped her drink. “I don’t think this is the time and place to get into all that, Elodie.”
“I’m not asking for myself. I’m asking because I want you to really consider my offer to work at Pavlin & Co. I would hate to see you turn it down because of things that happened in the past. I know that your mother—and my mother, for that matter—wouldn’t want that.”
Gemma felt a lump in her throat. Of course she’d thought about the job offer. She’d thought about little else all day. And she believed Elodie was right: Her mother wouldn’t want her to walk away from it just because it had taken this long for the Pavlins to welcome her back. But she also knew she couldn’t accept for her mother. She’d spent too much time looking back.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I appreciate the offer. I really do. I just need some time.”
Gemma smiled at her aunt. As she surveyed the crowd, she saw Maud and Alvie a few feet away, posing for a photographer.
And the photographer was Sanjay. Her first thought was, This sangria is so strong I’m hallucinating.
The music changed again, to the hypnotic slow burn of the song “Delilah” by Florence + The Machine. And then Sanjay looked up and their eyes locked. Gemma’s chest constricted.
“Excuse me,” she murmured, drifting away from Elodie. Each step felt like it was happening in slow motion, through water.
“Hey,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
He started to say something about Maud but then looked past her. It took a second for her to realize everyone was gazing in the same direction, looking back toward the Barros house. She turned to see what everyone was staring at.
And saw Celeste walking into the party in her wedding gown.
73
Celeste knew it was a long shot.
The party turned quiet as she walked to Jack, not down an aisle, but across a paved lot, past the boat rental office, and toward the dock. Her pulse raced the entire way, and it took all of her will to put one foot in front of the other for the solitary, terrifying march toward a bewildered-looking Jack.
She glanced at the crowd, searching for Elodie. Her sister gave her a thumbs-up. Celeste knew that she, at least, would understand what she was doing. Trying to do.
