“Why were you in the woods?” she asks me.

  I sigh. “I didn’t have anywhere to go. I saw you there. You had on your blue jacket and you were crying about something.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is quiet and she pushes her hair behind her ear self-consciously.

  “I could never find you, Vandelya. I only found you a couple weeks ago.”

  She swallows and nods once. She’s finished with the conversation, but at least she isn’t getting up and leaving. I think it has more to do with the fact that she can’t wait to stop working with me.

  And I do what she wants. We pick out our individual songs, even though we can’t find one that describes both of us. We start working on our presentations, and Mrs. Marshall lets us check out two flash drives to save the PowerPoint presentations on. We work, together, choosing fonts and templates that best describe ourselves. Then, we start creating slides with sound clips and short video clips of our favorite movies and TV shows. It’s fun, because the clip from SpongeBob is hilarious. And we show the gun scene in Crash. She freaks out about the scene at first, but decides that it’s good.

  We get this sad scene about Anne Frank and the Holocaust from The Freedom Writers. Vandelya even told me that the kids were real, and she showed me the real book. She got mad at me when I picked a clip from the True Life: I’m Bullied episode, but I wouldn’t take it off. I think when she left she was still mad about it. But it’s important to have that episode up there.

  And even though we work until Friday, we don’t finish. We finally decided that our thing in common is our movies. We both like movies with strong messages in them. A lot of good winning over evil stuff. Music is different. I like soft, acoustic stuff, while she likes pop and country. We get everything, but we still can’t figure out our song. Vandelya just says that she’ll make it up on her own, and I’ll just have to deal with it.

  That day, we walk out of the library together. I’ll have one more week with her – the one after break – and then we change schedules. I don’t know if we’ll have a class together in the spring semester, and she won’t talk about it with me.

  I walk home alone that afternoon. The girls are mad at me because I didn’t ask Lane to the winter formal, and I’m cool with it cause the guys don’t care. They totally accepted my excuse of having to spend time with my parents. And I have the weekend with Jeb. I called him a couple days ago and asked if I could work Friday to help keep my mind off of the dance and the girl. He thought it was a good idea, and he told me that he needed some old flower beds dug up.

  I’ve got about an hour till I need to get over there, and I lie down to watch an episode of SpongeBob before showering and heading over. While I do all of this, I try not to think about Vandelya and what she’s doing tonight. But I do anyway, because she’s the only thing in my head these days. Her and that stupid project, because I’ve got something planned that goes along with the whole thing, something that will make it better than Mr. Preston could have ever imagined. Better than Vandelya could imagine.

  And I have to do something for her. I have to show her how I feel, because I can’t ever find the strength or time to tell her the truth about it. She doesn’t know that she’s the only girl that makes my heart race. She doesn’t know that when she’s writing or typing, I watch her eyes, her mouth. I watch the emotions play out on her face. When she’s happy, her eyes kind of fade to a lighter shade of green. When she’s nervous, the flecks of gold seem to pop out more. And when she’s mad at me, her lips almost frown. They tilt down, just at the edges. It almost makes me smile.

  The attraction that hit me in the woods hasn’t gone away. That love at first sight thing spins around my head like a kaleidoscope. And I’m going to keep it there, along with my feelings, until the presentation. Because it is the best time to open myself up to her.

  And this is what I keep telling myself as I tuck the flash drive in my jeans pocket and zip up my hoodie. I walk over to the door and open it up to find Lane. She’s pretty drunk and leaning against the railing over the pool so that she can throw up. Good thing I didn’t go with her to the dance; I’d have to take care of her all night.

  She turns around when she’s done and runs into me. “Carter, please take me to the dance. I can’t go alone. I’ll be a loser like Vandelya. I bet she’s going alone, and I can’t be like her, Carter.” She bursts into tears right then, and something hits me.

  “Did you decide to come over here by yourself, Lane?”

  She looks confused for a second. Then she shakes her head. “Anne Marie told me that I’d be a loser if I showed up alone, and she dropped me off here. She told me she’d be back after she picks up everyone else,” she says as her lower lip quivers.

  “Why would she do that to you, Lane?”

  She shrugs and reaches out to hug me again. I almost forgot that she was drunk. That’s why she doesn’t care.

  I sigh and push her away from me. “I’ve got somewhere to be right now. But I’m gonna get Anne Marie to come back and pick you up.” I drag her inside and put her in the bathroom after grabbing her cell. I really need to get one for myself, but I don’t really have a choice right now.

  She tries to mumble something to me, but she ends up throwing up instead. Man, she’s really bad right now, and I’m going to try not to blame myself. I should, though, because I let her think we were gonna hook up and stuff. And I’m sure she doesn’t remember telling me that she doesn’t actually date people, so I bet she’s expecting me to ask her out sometime. Girls are seriously complicated.

  I shake my head and unlock her screen. I’ve seen her trace the pattern so many times, that I could do it in my sleep. I try to look for Ryan’s number first but don’t find it. I go back up and call Brooke. But it isn’t Brooke that answers the phone.

  “Listen Lane, you need to find the guts to make that boy go with you. Brooke and I don’t want to take care of your drunk, sorry ass tonight. You need to convince him. I don’t care what you do. Sleep with him. Pay him, beg him. Just get him here.”

  “Hey, Anne Marie,” I say.

  I hear Anne Marie pull in a breath. “What the hell are you doing, Carter?”

  “Trying to get y’all to come pick her up for the dance, Anne Marie. You can’t just do that to her. She’s your friend.”

  Anne Marie laughs. “No, she’s not my friend. She’s my acquaintance, Carter. And she’s not going to hang out with us when she’s drunk. Why don’t you get your parents to drop off your car or something? That’s the only way she’s getting here.”

  “You know I crashed my car,” I growl. I pinch the bridge of my nose, getting more frustrated with Anne Marie and her crap. And mine.

  “Sorry. Ryan and the gang forgot to let me in on that one. And what’s your excuse for not having a phone, Carter?” She stops, waiting for me to answer her.

  “Waiting for an updated number,” I say with a sigh. “And it doesn’t matter about my phone, either. All that matters is the fact that Lane is throwing up in my bathroom, and I have somewhere to be right now.” I’m trying not to get angry, but this bitch is about to unleash my crazy side. And no one wants to see that.

  Anne Marie laughs. “Listen, Carter, if you want her out, bring her to the dance. Bye, loser. Oh, and tell Lane that I’ll see her on Monday.” She hangs up without another word, and I’m left wondering what I’m supposed to do.

  “Lane,” I say after knocking on the bathroom door. “I’ll be right back.”

  She mumbles something that I can’t understand, and I don’t stick around to ask her again. I head down to the main office and borrow Dane’s phone so that I can call Jeb. He insists that I bring Lane over so that his nurse can take care of her while I fix the gardens. I try to argue but he won’t listen to me. And in the end, I give up. Especially because Dane’s giving me a slightly interested, yet creepy look. I don’t need to see Lane’s picture on some national news station.

  After giving Dane back his cell, I run across the street and get some bottled water and a few types of medicine. I’m no expert on drinking, but dealing with my mom and Jack, means that I have dealt with a bunch of drunk people. And I know what works.

  By the time I make it back upstairs, Lane is moving around. She’s sitting on the edge of my bed, bent over a trash can while she dry heaves.

  “We’re going somewhere, Lane. And no,” I say when she lifts her head up hopefully, it’s not the dance. I’ve got to help someone out right now. And you can’t stay.”

  She smiles and puts the trash can on the floor. She accepts the water and drinks the whole first bottle in seconds. “You don’t think I remember our conversation,” she says when she’s done. “I do. And I want you to know that Anne Marie has been pushing me to go out with you. She says it’s best that way.”

  “To have everyone be a couple?” I ask her.

  She shrugs.

  “Why do you all like Anne Marie? She’s a bitch, Lane. And she doesn’t care about any of you. Like, at all. I don’t get you.”

  “I don’t really know why. She’s just popular, you know?” I shake my head but she continues. “She kind of owns the school. She gets what she wants and if you don’t fit in, then she ruins your life, Carter. No one wants to be like Vandelya, no matter who you are. Especially not me, but I will be, come Monday.” She starts to cry then, and I have no choice but to rub her arm awkwardly. When she stops, she looks up at me.

  “What?” I ask her.

  “She doesn’t really control you, does she?” Lane asks. “That’s why she doesn’t really like you. She’s threatened by you.”

  Well that definitely helped my ego. And I stand up. “Come one, Lane. We have to go somewhere. You’ve got to get on the back of my bike. You can sit on the seat. I’m gonna stand up. But you’ve got to hold on to me.”

  She nods and gets up to follow me out the door. I shove the bag of water and pills on the handlebar and help her up while I hold the bike steady. When she’s up, I swing my leg over and start pedaling. It doesn’t take too long to get to Jeb’s, but when we get off, she throws up in the rock driveway.

  “I’ll hose them off,” I say when I reach the porch.

  Jeb gestures to the woman with the dark, curly hair. She smiles and holds her hand out to Lane. “Come on, honey,” she says in her scratchy voice. “Let’s get you cleaned up and changed. You can wear some of my daughter’s clothes. She’s about your size.”

  Lane thanks her and lets the woman drag her upstairs to one of the guest rooms. When she disappears, I look over at Jeb.

  “Don’t apologize to me, Carter. But don’t tell me that was the girl you wanted to ask to the winter formal.”

  I shake my head. “No, sir.”

  He sighs in relief and claps before getting up. “Come on, son. Let’s work on those flower beds before you go up and get ready.”

  “Ready for what, Jeb? You’re scaring me right now,” I admit. I follow him and listen to him explain what he wants me to do in the gardens. Then, after I start turning the beds, I ask him about what he’s talking about.

  Jeb just smiles and tells me that I’ll have to wait. That gets me motivated, and it doesn’t take long for me to finish my work for the evening.

  When I’m done, he leads me into the large, formal living room and holds out the tux. I shake my head but he won’t listen to me.

  “I bet you she’s there right now, Carter. She’s probably just waiting on you to get the courage to try again.”

  “I doubt that she’s going,” I answer.

  “No way of knowing if you don’t try to find her. I’m happy like this, alone and helping out the people that need me. But you’re young. You need to find out if there’s something different out there, Carter.”

  “There’s nothing different, Jeb.”

  “Maybe there’s too much junk clouding your vision, son. You know, starlight is the purest out there. And you can’t see the shadows in the dark.”

  I look into Jeb’s eyes. He’s talking about my past. And it’s working too. I take the tux and grab a shower. When I’m finished, I fix my short hair so that it’s a little more tamed than usual. My brown eyes are a little bit stormy, but it’s cause I’m nervous about seeing Vandelya tonight. I don’t want her to hurt me again. And my lips are dry. I lick them before straightening my shirt again.

  A knock at the door makes me turn around. The woman with the dark curls walks in. She asks me if she can help me with the bow, and I accept her help. Because I wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own.

  “Thank you,” I say when she’s done.

  She looks up at me, and tears shimmer in her eyes. “You look like I would have wanted my son to look right now.”

  I wrinkle my brow. “What happened to your son, ma’am?” I ask.

  She bites her lower lip. “There was an accident, and he didn’t make it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say.

  “No matter, Carter. It was some time ago.” She moves aside so that I can walk out. I turn before leaving the room, and I see her folding my jeans and shirt as she cries.

  “Thank you,” I start to say. But I don’t know her name so I can’t finish the sentence.

  “You can call me Mrs. Tucker,” she says.

  That’s all it takes. Next thing I know, I’m running out the door. I grab my bike and race down the road. Vandelya’s mother. Her son died. Something about Vandelya’s dad. And Vandelya’s probably at the pond. And that’s where I have to be.

  I drop my bike off at the edge of the woods. I make sure it’s hidden so that no one finds it there, and then I stumble off into the dark woods. I have no flashlight or cell phone app, but I know that I’ll find her somehow.

  And I do. And she’s there, in a white gown. She’s sitting on the log next to a lantern. She’s got some soft music playing, and she’s throwing rocks into the water’s edge. She’s perfect.

  I walk up to her slowly so that I can take in every inch of her creamy skin. Her dress is strapless, and I know she has to be cold right now. But she doesn’t have a jacket.

  “I thought you weren’t coming here anymore,” I say.

  “I thought you’d be at the dance,” she replies without looking at me. She throws in another stone.

  “I asked you and you never answered me.” I move to sit next to her, but she still doesn’t turn to look at me.

  “I have a hard time letting people in, Carter. And the fact that you hang out with the girl that tortures me, doesn’t make me want to talk to you. I don’t understand why you can’t see that,” she says after she throws the last stone. She looks over at me and takes in my tux. “Why aren’t you at the dance?”

  I smile at her. “I am at the dance,” I say as I get up. I hold my hand out to her, and she just stares at me like I’m crazy.

  “What? There’s music. I’m in a tux and you’re wearing that amazing dress. You even have your hair pulled back and curly, Vandelya.” I reach out and pull her hand into mine. “You look amazing tonight, and you’re supposed to dance at a dance,” I say as I pull her from the log. She’s standing there in some heels because she’s closer to my face.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever danced with someone before,” she says. Then she looks up at me and smiles – I made her smile!

  I pull her arms up over my shoulders, and I put my hands around her waist. She feels good in my arms, and she relaxes. We stay like that, swaying back and forth for a while, just looking at each other in the starry night. He was right. The stars are more pure. I can see her perfectly.

  A song ends and she pulls away. The next song that comes up is Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know, and she sits down so that she can turn it up a little bit. I take off my jacket and wrap it around her shoulders before sitting down next to her. I look out over the pond and listen to the song. She hums along to it, and I can’t help but fall in love with her a little bit, right there.

  “Vandelya,” I whisper.

  She stops me from speaking by grabbing my wrist. “Don’t ruin this,” she says. “I feel perfect right now. Don’t change that about tonight.” She looks at me and offers a small smile.

  A little bit of my hope sinks in my chest. She doesn’t want me to tell her how I feel. She knows. And just like the dance, she isn’t going to answer me at all. It hurts me. And I don’t really know what to do, except just do what she wants of me. So I rest my elbows on my knees and watch the water.

  After a couple more songs though, I’m done with over-thinking this. I turn and shut the music off. Vandelya looks up at me, and I can tell that I’ve startled her. Her green eyes are wide and bright in the light of the stars. But she’s just waiting.

  “What do you want from me, Vandelya? Do you really just want me to leave you alone after English is finished? Do you want me to stop coming here? Do you want me to stop talking to you, stop thinking about you?”

  She just looks at me.

  I sigh. “I can’t stop those things, Vandelya. I don’t want to. And I want to know what you think about that, because right now, I can’t really tell what you want from me.”

  She bites her lower lip, and this time, I can’t hold it in.

  “Will you stop that, Vandelya? You have no idea how attractive that is, do you? You’re driving me crazy over here. But you don’t care, do you?”

  “Of course I care,” she tries.

  “Then why don’t you ever say anything. I found out how Anne Marie makes you feel. I found out how Colton makes you feel. But I don’t know about me. And I asked you to the winter formal. I’ve tried to tell you a hundred times, but you keep stopping me, Vandelya. And I can’t hold it in. Not anymore.”

  Well, I guess I decided not to wait for the presentation. Not really.

  Vandelya stops me with a shake of her head. Her curls, which were covering one of her shoulders, fall behind her back, along with my jacket. I reach forward and pull it around her body. She shivers.

  “You scare me, Carter, and I don’t know how I feel about you,” she says when I pull away. I open my mouth to talk again, and she stops me. “You’re so intense. You know what you want. You know who you are. I don’t know any of those things, Carter. And here you come, trying to fix me, trying to change everything that’s wrong.”

 

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