Untrainable, p.14
Untrainable, page 14
“I don’t see Heather or Keith out there,” I argued, although it was hard to put any heat behind it when she talked about Nana.
“Jared probably came early because he wanted to see you. We’re a lot of things in this house, but unwelcoming isn’t one of them. Let him in.” With that final order, Mom disappeared into the kitchen again.
Sighing, I started to push up off the floor, but Theo wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled my body close. My breasts pressed against his chest and my nipples hardened to painful peaks.
“You’re mine, Hadley.” Moving forward until his face was against my neck, he ran his nose down my pulse point and murmured, “You know it. I know it. And Jared Schwegman is about to know it, too.”
“HI, I’M HADLEY’S BOYFRIEND.” I didn’t bother with a name as I introduced myself to Jared.
Informing him Hadley was taken was priority number one.
I sized the man up as he stomped his boots on the doormat. Removing his black stocking cap, he revealed sandy-colored hair cropped close to his head.
“Huh?” His hazel eyes narrowed at me.
There was no need to repeat myself because I knew he heard me the first time.
I reached out for a handshake, and he stared at my extended limb like it was a rabid dog. “I don’t bite.” I threw a wink at Hadley. “Most of the time.”
Her cheeks flared red.
For a few seconds, Jared looked constipated, his cheeks puffed up, lips pressed into a thin line.
Suddenly he hunched over, slapping his knee while laughing. “Oh, man. This is a prank, right? Good one, Hadley.”
She stepped close to me, clasping my still-hovering arm before linking her fingers with mine at our sides. “Not a prank.”
Silence. Milk man set to detonate in three, two, one…
Jared’s face reddened as he glared at our joined hands. “You can’t be serious. Do you even know who he is?”
Shit. Jared obviously had cable. Not good.
“I’m well aware of who I’m dating,” Hadley snipped.
“I knew you going on that stupid talent show was a bad idea.”
I was about to open my mouth to defend her, because what the fuck, man?
But she beat me to it, proudly lifting her chin. “That stupid talent show was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and it was a huge accomplishment for me. Not many people would’ve had the guts to do what I did.”
There wasn’t much he could say to that without sounding like a massive douchebag.
He glowered at me.
Tension and unspoken words stifled the air around us.
As much as I hated to admit it, Jared was thinking the same thing everyone else would: What was a smart girl like Hadley doing with a loser like me?
“We’re keeping things quiet for now,” I said, my voice hard with a subtle warning. “I’d appreciate it if you did the same.”
Jared didn’t have time to respond, because the front door burst open behind him, bringing in some flurries and the two people who had to be his parents.
The resemblance to his father was uncanny. Same hair and stocky build. They even wore matching red flannel shirts. His mother was tiny woman in an oversized red turtleneck, with curly auburn hair and wire-rimmed glasses.
Oblivious to the shit storm they’d just walked into, Heather and Keith Schwegman introduced themselves. When Hadley told them my name was Theo, I waited for recognition on either of their faces.
Nothing.
Good.
Now if Jared could just keep his mouth shut, today might not be a complete crapshoot after all.
“So, are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” My current arch nemesis—who could definitely not keep his mouth shut—was sitting on the other side of my girl.
Apparently, he’d been holding onto that question for a while—probably waiting for when we’d all be in the same room together—because first the guys had gathered in the living room while Hadley, her mom, and Heather finished preparing lunch in the kitchen. It’d been a bit awkward, hanging out with men I barely knew, while one of them knew me entirely too well. At least he thought he did. I was willing to bet Jared believed every damn thing that’d ever been said about me in the tabloids.
Now that we were all settled in the dining room, he had everyone within earshot. I leaned forward to give Jared my most intimidating death-stare. At least he had the decency to shrink back.
“Elephant in the room?” Heather asked, confused.
“Theo-Dog Legend,” he answered.
“A who?” Now Noel was the one sounding puzzled.
“Your daughter is dating Theodore Legend. He was on a reality show years ago. He’s famous for—well, what exactly are you famous for, Theo-Dog?”
My list of reasons to dislike the asshole was growing. Not only had he just blown my cover to what seemed like the only people in the world who didn’t know my identity. He also had a fond attachment to my nickname.
So much for a relaxing day.
Hadley cleared her throat and laced her fingers with mine under the table. I couldn’t see her face because it was aimed at Jared, but I had a feeling he was on the receiving end of one hell of a stink-eye.
“Theo used to be on a show with his family on NTT,” she told her family. “It was very successful until his parents passed away in an accident two years ago.”
A chorus of “Ohh” and “I’m so sorry” and “You poor thing” echoed around the table.
Ah, the sympathy card. Worked every time. I squeezed her hand as a gesture of thanks.
“This news was supposed to be my present to you, but since Jared basically spilled the beans—” More stink-eye “—I guess I should tell you now.” She had everyone’s undivided attention. “I got a job. A really good one. Theo and I are going to be on a new show together.”
“Oooh, like one of those dating shows?” Heather asked dreamily.
“No,” Hadley replied. “It’s a comedy with… philanthropic endeavors.”
Oh, she was good. Even I couldn’t have spun that shit the way she did.
“Congratulations,” Brandon exclaimed, clapping his hands once.
“I can’t believe we have a celebrity in our house!” Noel gushed before beaming at Hadley with pride. “Make that two celebrities. Thank goodness, I decided to use our fancy china this year.”
I looked down at the china she referred to. The plates were just white with gold trim. And I found it enormously endearing that this was what they considered fancy. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
“What a blessing,” Noel squeaked out—just like Hadley did when she got emotional—and there were happy tears shimmering in her eyes as she fanned her face with a green napkin. “This is wonderful.”
“This is not wonderful.” The outburst came from Jared. “He has a terrible reputation. They call him Theo-Dog for a reason. He’s going to corrupt her!”
Noel hummed, nodding. “Well, it’s about time someone did.”
“Mom!” Hadley gasped, her face going pink.
“What? I’m just saying you could lighten up a little. You never have any fun. When I was your age… Well, that was the year I met your father.”
“Spring break, Panama City,” Brandon chimed in. “Your mother was a wild one.”
Embarrassed, Hadley groaned. I laughed.
Since she’d already saved me, I thought breaking up the awkwardness with a change of topic was a good idea.
“Noel, this all looks great, fancy china and all,” I said, surveying all the different pies spread out in front of me. There were ten in total. “The Holiday women certainly have a talent for baking.”
“Who’s Noel?” Jared asked.
In answer, I pointed at the brunette sitting at the end of the table. Silence descended. It was broken by the quiet snorting coming from Hadley. Several others snickered.
“What’s so funny?” I asked the room.
“My name is Tracy.” Noel—no, Tracy—burst out laughing. And so did everyone else.
The pranks. Right.
Despite the fact that I’d been made a fool of, I smiled. What a crazy fucking family. I loved it, and I couldn’t wait to dish it out in return.
Scooting back in his chair, Brandon disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a small cooler. “Almost forgot the beverages.”
Tracy already had a glass of wine, so he went to Keith first. He made his way around the table and when he got to me, I chose a Dr. Pepper. Passing over Hadley completely, he stopped on the other side of Jared’s chair.
Hadley flailed as she tried to reach the drinks. “Hey, what about me?”
“Oh, I saved you one of the last root beers.” He placed a can in front of her. “There you go.”
Pursing her lips, she tapped the aluminum with her fingernail before pushing it away. “I don’t think so, Dad. I’m not falling for the shaken can of pop.”
“You want to trade with me?” Tilting his head to his seat across from her, he indicated his own root beer. “Take mine.”
“No.” She shook her head adamantly. “No, you could be tricking me. You could’ve shaken yours up, knowing I would want to switch.”
“All right.” He shrugged. “You could just drink wine instead.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You know I don’t drink alcohol. Give me the cherry soda.”
Again, Brandon shrugged like she was just being paranoid and handed her the can before taking his seat.
“I’d like to propose a toast.” Tracy raised her wine glass. “To me! Being the talk of the town because I have a famous person in my home. It’s going to be the tits. And to Hadley and Theo—congratulations on your new successes in your careers and your personal lives.”
“Cheers,” everyone said in unison, raising their sodas before popping the tops, and—
MAYHEM.
Utter chaos exploded—literally—because every single can of pop sprayed, fizzed, and overflowed. Amidst the carbonated liquid drenching faces and clothes, there were gasps and screeches.
I wiped at my chin, which had taken the brunt of the impact.
Loud cackling drew my attention to Hadley. I’d heard her laugh before, but never like this.
“You shook them all,” she said, her voice strained because she was laughing so hard she had tears leaking from her eyes. “I’d like to say I can’t believe it, but I totally can.”
“All except for one.” Smirking, Brandon raised his own can. “You should’ve taken it, Hadley.”
He cracked it open without so much as a fizzle, took a long drink, and let out a satisfied sigh. Reaching underneath his chair, he produced a package of baby wipes, like it was totally normal to have those on hand when there were no infants around.
It got passed to Keith first, who was quietly grumbling about needing to change his shirt. By the time the wipes made it to me, I’d already dabbed most of the mess off with my napkin but decided to give myself a scrub-down anyway.
“This is what I get for behaving and passing up on the wine,” Heather griped.
Tracy was ready for her, armed with a bottle of Lambrusco and an extra glass.
“Theo, you’ve officially been Holiday’ed,” Hadley announced it proudly, like I’d passed some sort of test.
“Huh?”
“Holiday’ed,” Brandon reiterated. “You’re one of us now, son.”
And damn if I didn’t like the sound of that.
My shirt was damp and my skin was a bit sticky, but I didn’t feel like an intruder anymore.
WELCOME TO THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL family meal of my life.
And that was saying something, considering all the horrible things we’d done to each other over the years.
There was simply too much testosterone in this room, and the seating arrangement left a lot to be desired.
Jared had a history of being a jerk when he didn’t get his way, but he was taking it to a whole new level today.
Trying to ignore his moping on my left, I slid my plate a few inches to the right toward Theo, letting him assume we could share our food.
After all, it was ‘our thing’ and he’d never suspect me of foul play because he hadn’t realized how devious I could be yet.
It was all part of my plan, and I knew it was going to work when Theo licked his lips as he ogled the two slices of pie I presented to him. The crust on the bottom was a golden brown and the next layer was a sunny yellow. The white and fluffy top was piled high, with stiff decorative peaks.
“Is it lemon meringue?” he asked, excited. “Oh, or banana cream? No, don’t tell me. I want to be surprised.”
Oh, he’d be surprised all right.
I held my breath as he scooped up a large bite on his fork. Bit my lip as he brought it to his mouth. Clenched my fists while he closed his lips around it.
And I waited for his reaction.
His eyes went wide, and he gagged. Then he gagged again. And God bless the man, he attempted to chew it but finally gave up trying to swallow the nasty concoction that I’d disguised as something delicious.
Grabbing his napkin, he spit it out and hacked a few times. He guzzled some soda and swished it around in his mouth, no doubt trying to rid his mouth of the taste.
“What the hell was that?” he gasped.
“Mustard pie,” I replied sweetly, without a hint of apology. I lifted a shoulder. “Gotcha back. I was planning to go easy on you until you pulled that stunt in the car.”
He gaped at me, silent.
“If it helps, that’s actual Cool Whip on top,” I informed him.
“It doesn’t.” He shuddered. “It doesn’t help at all.”
Without warning, Theo cupped the nape of my neck, jerked me forward, and planted his mouth on mine.
I was so shocked I didn’t even have time to react.
The kiss was over before I knew it, but it lasted long enough to transfer the mustardy essence to my tongue.
“Now that helped,” Theo proclaimed cockily.
“Ack.” Grimacing, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
Theo gave me a satisfied smirk as he twirled a lock of my hair.
Mom and Heather clapped, thoroughly entertained.
Dad and Keith were bickering over who got the last slice of pumpkin pie; apparently, that took precedent over the fact that I’d just pulled off one of the best pranks ever.
Jared left the table with an angry huff.
And me, well, I served myself a large chunk of my mom’s chocolate cheesecake.
Because if I was going to make it through this lunch, at least I wouldn’t be hanky.
The rest of the meal went off without a hitch. No pranks and everyone behaved themselves. For the most part, anyway.
Once Jared came back, he spent the rest of the time quietly seething.
My mom and Heather drank about three too many glasses of wine.
Theo went at the potato buffet like he was a starving man. And maybe he was, because after the pie incident he seemed hesitant to eat much of anything I put on our plate.
Lucky for him, my parents went all out this year with the buffet.
The long kitchen counter was covered from one end to the other, starting with three party-sized slow cookers full of at least three dozen potatoes with a good variation of different kinds: gold, russet, and sweet. There were savory toppings like butter, three types of cheese, bacon, sour cream, and even taco meat. Homemade salsa and green onions added a fresh element. And for the sweet potatoes—brown sugar, marshmallows, cooked apples, and pecans topped off the menu.
It was heaven.
Now, everyone was stuffed, and I could hear Dad and Keith chatting about farm business in the other room while Theo and I washed the dishes.
We worked well together; he scrubbed, and I rinsed and dried. As always, the sexual tension between us was palpable as we occasionally brushed elbows at the kitchen sink.
“You missed a spot on this one.” I passed a coffee mug back to him.
He peered at it closely. “I think that’s a stain.”
“Not that. There’s a smudge of chocolate on the back.”
He flipped it over and saw I was right.
“Tyrant,” he muttered.
“Slacker.”
“Nag.”
“Slob.”
“Mustard of my pie.”
“Ouch. I lost my apple status?” I teased. “That hurts, Theo.”
He tipped his head toward me, placed a kiss on my hair, and whispered, “You’ll always be my apple no matter what.”
My insides swooped, and I almost dropped the cup I was holding.
Sometimes I forgot how deep Theo’s feelings for me ran. After all, it was just last night that I found out the truth. Did I need time to catch up? Yeah. But my heart was in a dead sprint to get there as quickly as possible.
Theo and I locked eyes, freezing for a moment while the faucet poured. Soap suds covered him up to his forearms. He licked his lips, and I wanted nothing more than to tackle him right here.
Despite the fact that we were at my parents’ house—an inappropriate place to get it on—my fantasies ran wild.
Maybe he’d lift me up and put me on the counter, getting soapy handprints on my waist.
Maybe he’d yank me to the edge where he could fit his hips to my aching core and rock against me with the perfect amount of pressure.
Maybe he’d—
“Hey, uh, I’m about to take off,” Jared’s voice came from behind me, interrupting my dirty thoughts. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”
Ugh. “Sure.”
I wiped my hands off on the towel, sent Theo an apologetic glance, and met Jared by the front door.
“So, I didn’t expect this,” he started, sheepish.
“Neither did I, but I’m happy.” I crossed my arms, wondering if an apology was coming my way. Probably not. Jared wasn’t the type to grovel.
His expression was unreadable, but I searched his face for some understanding. I didn’t want to throw away a lifetime of friendship just because he finally realized it would never be more than that. He’d always known I dated in the past, but it never seemed to bother him much.
