Desired, p.6
Desired, page 6
Our lips joined again as Crispin eased the rest of his length between my legs, forcing a large moan from me. He grabbed my cheeks and kissed me as he waited patiently for me to adjust to his size between my legs. His dick was so large and heavy that buried in me, he was basically pinning me to the bed. Crispin had me right where he wanted me and instead of moving his hips, he teased me with slow swiveling motions that made his piercing stimulate my walls. And then he kissed me. So many slow and deep kisses. I felt Crispin’s tongue in places I didn’t even think it could go.
I kissed him back, moaning in desperation once in a while when his piercing touched some hidden spot of pleasure inside me. After what felt like half an hour, Crispin’s brows tightened like he was about to burst.
“I have to move,” he whispered. “I can’t stand not having you any more…”
He moved his hips out and then slowly made love to me in the guest bedroom. I came immediately as Crispin moved his hips. His size and the jewelry fixed to the tip of his cock made it impossible not to cum. I tried not to be loud, but I couldn’t help it, hoping noise from the party would drown me out. Crispin tried to muffle my pleasurable moans with kisses, but feeling his lips on my body only made things worse. When I came two or three more times, he slipped away from me and kissed his way between my legs. Once there, his tongue moved along my slit and he made me cum several times that way before sliding into me a second time.
The second time, I was much wetter, but we were both covered in sweat and each other, which made it very messy once Crispin thrust into me. I pulled his body deeper into mine with each stroke and we climaxed together, Crispin grunting and plunging forward as my hips thrust up to meet him. His body collapsed on mine soon after he came and I made a little gasping choke as the air flew out of my lungs.
“Sorry,” Crispin muttered. “Crushing you.”
“Yes…” I gasped. But I couldn’t bring myself to let go of him still. I just wanted his body pressed against mine forever, even if it was a horrible, stupid idea.
“We… didn’t use protection,” Crispin whispered. “Shit.”
“Well I haven’t slept with anyone else,” I answered. “Have you?”
“Interesting question to ask with my cock inside you,” he murmured.
I pushed against his chest. “Answer the question, white boy.”
“Of course not,” Crispin whispered. “I don’t want to shag another girl when I could make love to you.”
He kissed me again, but now that I’d had so many orgasms and the reality of what we’d done smacked me in the face, my chest tightened nervously. We were supposed to be talking about our relationship in here. How the hell had I ended up naked beneath Crispin and wanting him so damned bad?
I pushed against his chest and groaned. “Ugh. Get off me.”
“At your service, Twiggy.”
He pulled out of me and then rolled onto his back. Wow. His chest muscles were so defined. The only thing better than his chest were his abs. They were mouth-watering.
“I’m on birth control again. This time, no one can tamper with it.”
“Really?” Crispin asked, pushing blond hair out of his face so it lay in a halo behind him. He was gorgeous.
“I got an IUD.”
“Okay. That’s not permanent.”
“No. It’s not. And I want us to be ready when… you know what, this is stupid. There isn’t an ‘us’ anymore.”
Crispin just kept staring at me, which was starting to get annoying. I definitely had a very cranky face on, which got even crankier when he smiled gently.
“What are you smiling about?”
“I don’t care if you’re angry with me. I just want to be around you.”
“We should get back to the party,” I said. “And can you promise me to stay away from drugs for like… a week?”
“I dunno,” Crispin said.
“You have football,” I snapped. “You need to get it together. This isn’t like you.”
“Well, we aren’t together,” Crispin said in a very annoying voice. “So you don’t have to worry about my bad decisions anymore.”
“Good point,” I muttered bitterly.
Crispin pulled my hand so I fell against his chest and then he kissed me again. I wanted him, but there was still so much uncertainty about him. I didn’t want to jump headfirst into trouble. Although, sex definitely counted as trouble and made my feelings towards Crispin more complicated.
“Don’t get dressed,” he whispered. “And definitely don’t go downstairs.”
“Why not?”
He grabbed my hips, sending a rush of heat through me that I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t bring myself to pull away from him. His lips were so soft. I needed his lips more than I needed space. He shifted as I pressed myself against him to allow me closer. He smelled delicious.
“Round two?” Crispin whispered.
Those two little words drove me crazy. I nodded and let him have me again – against my better judgement.
Chapter 7
Eventually, I peeled myself away from Crispin. We didn’t talk at all about the future or what would happen now that we hooked up while broken up. I felt like I belonged to him still, but didn’t know exactly how he felt about me. This man was so dark, so disturbing… Yet we were so connected that I wanted to give him a second chance.
I didn’t want to start over and fall in love with another man.
But I had to be strong. Crispin wasn’t chatty, so I snuck out while he was half asleep to search for a ride back to campus since Vi was nowhere to be found. Sarah G was awake making a protein shake in the house kitchen downstairs and agreed to give me a ride back.
Like Vi, she wanted to talk about the school rules, which I didn’t mind because I wasn’t exactly going to put my personal business out there. Boarding school kids loved discussing rules, rule breaking, grades, sports, and hookups.
Sarah G, loved our school’s new rule about the athletic requirement.
“You should join the cross country team, Amina. You’d be perfect at it,” she said in a lilting accent between sips of her protein shake. I was skeptical. I didn’t drink protein shakes or wake up early to exercise like Sarah.
“Really?” I replied, curious why she would suggest such a thing. I thought of myself as too weak to run cross country, but unless I got a medical exclusion, I’d have to pick an activity by the end of next week.
“You’d be perfect,” Sarah crooned. “And it’s not a racial thing. I just mean you’re tough.”
“Thanks,” I said. Although I hadn’t thought it was a racial thing at all until she brought it up.
“I bet you could even make top ten,” Sarah continued excitedly. She talked about the cross country team all the way back to campus and I didn’t mind because she made it sound fun. Sarah was in Vi’s dorm this year, not mine, and by the time she dropped me off at Thatcher’s, she made me promise that I’d show up to their first practice on Monday afternoon. That was an easy promise to make, especially since I was so sleepy. Freddie hadn’t come back from the party yet, but I thought she’d probably stumble in closer to three or four in the morning. I guess she was having fun with Jude, although I thought they were at least second or third cousins.
I pulled out my phone to let the group chats know I got back safely, but I got distracted by a message from Crispin.
Crispin: You’re not my girlfriend.
Me: I’m aware.
Crispin: I hate that.
Me: Goodnight, Crispin.
I turned my phone off. I’d have to confess to Violet in the morning that I’d slept with Crispin and I didn’t want anyone to know. How stupid could I get? I blamed myself for giving in to my vulnerabilities. Now that he wasn’t here, it just felt… dumb.
I didn’t believe Crispin could get past this based on how heartbroken he seemed, and now he was turning all his sadness into drugs. Our feelings for each other would fade eventually, but it was hard to see him and not just want to have him.
We probably should just have stayed away from each other until our feelings faded. Instead, I’d gone for about four “round twos” with him in the bedroom that Jack specifically asked us not to have sex in. Oops.
Why hadn’t I learned my lesson with Crispin? Why wasn’t it simple to quit Crispin Barclay entirely? Was it just the hair and the height? Sigh. My feelings for him were so strong, that I couldn’t control myself and I wanted to have control. Especially now.
I’d never felt that way about stupid Devin or anyone else. Despite my boy-troubles, you know, the ones I caused by having sex with my ex, I fell asleep eventually.
In the morning, I woke up to Freddie sneaking into our room wearing a boy’s t-shirt and fishnet tights. She’d lost her combat boots at some point and didn’t appear to have any regrets about it.
“Good morning,” she chirped gleefully, sliding into a pair of black Ugg boots.
“Hey,” I said, yawning and sitting up in bed. My stupid scarf had gone flying in the night and half of my hair had practically glued itself to the right side of my head in a tangled mess.
“Did you have a good night?”
“Jude Fox…” Freddie answered dreamily. “He was a great shag for a younger boy.”
“Great,” I said.
“He was a virgin until last year, he told me. Exciting.”
“If you’re happy, I’m happy,” I muttered and pulled my blankets over my head, hoping I could just slip back to sleep and skip the first day of classes, running into Crispin and probably having to confess my sex-night to Violet.
“Are you hungry?” Freddie asked.
“No,” I muttered, worming my way out from beneath the covers and accepting that I’d have to get out of bed and head to the dining hall soon.
“Neither am I,” Freddie said. “But we’d better eat.”
“Ugh. First day of classes, first day of hell.”
“First day of getting to watch Katrina prance around,” Freddie said in her sing-song voice. “I think you scared the Islam out of her.”
“I’m not sure that’s how it works,” I grumbled, yawning and sitting on the edge of my bed.
“So. Did you talk to my brother?”
“Yeah. But I thought we didn’t have to talk about him.”
“We don’t. But… he texted me all night about you and I wanted to let you know I told him to fuck off.”
“Thanks,” I said, although I wasn’t entirely sure how grateful I should be. Freddie grinned and then hopped off her bed and searched through her neat closet for a uniform.
“My therapist says I need to eat at least 1500 a day. What are you up to?”
I gave her a weird look. Freddie smiled.
“Come on. You can’t hide it from me.”
“1580,” I muttered.
“Lucky,” Freddie said, but I could tell she didn’t think it was very lucky. For people like us, this would never be easy.
“Vi said she’d have breakfast with us,” I said, remembering a vague and drunken conversation with her before I got a ride back to campus from Sarah G. Freddie grinned.
“Right on, then,” Freddie said, fussing with her hair in the mirror and then searching through her things for her school uniform.
Freddie slipped into a pair of sheer tights and then pulled on her school skirt. She pulled on her white shirt and navy blazer and then slipped into combat boots. She pulled her hair back with a black velvet headband and then lined her eyes in thick kohl liner.
It was still warm enough for me to get away with not wearing tights and I didn’t really dress up my uniform much. I was too lazy to spend much time on anything but my hair. I twisted my hair into its signature style with two mini-buns at the top and my puffy coils cascading down my back. It took lots of water and various hair potions to get my hair out of its scarf mess, but I ended up getting it done successfully. Freddie watched toward the end with the same curious look Crispin had on his face when he watched me do my hair.
Violet texted our group chat to let us know she was already walking over to the dining hall — right on time. Freddie and I followed suit and walked together, exchanging notes over our class schedules. Freddie’s schedule had a lot of art and history classes, two subjects I absolutely hated.
The fact that she loved history reminded me of Crispin, which I also hated. He’d never stop talking about how incredible it was to be English and how proud he was of all the things his people had accomplished. When I muttered something bitter under my breath about colonization being a bad time for almost everyone else, that would only set him off more.
Freddie at least kept her knowledge of historical detail to herself and I didn’t have to hear anything about Winston Churchill or the Battle of Normandy or God forbid, Dunkirk. Again. We walked to breakfast together, Freddie telling me a story of her mother taking her to the beach in Barbados when she was a little girl and how she cried when a fish swam close to her.
“I’m not like Crispin. I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I especially hate Barbados. Have you met my grandparents?”
I nodded.
“Then you understand,” Freddie continued solemnly.
Yeah, her grandparents were definitely on the crazy side. Crispin hadn’t brought them up all summer and I wondered if they’d show up in his life again, even if I shouldn’t have cared a hoot about stupid Crispin and his stupid life. I was trying to stay broken up with him, not let him play with my heart.
Freddie and I sat with Violet and Jack at breakfast. They both had plates piled high with fruit and waffles. Violet was peeling Jack’s tangerine for him as he stole whipped cream off her plate. Freddie giggled as she watched Jude Fox walk into the dining hall with his new friends. He didn’t wave at her, but he gave her a polite smile. Sarah Clifford wandered in and waved at our table before sitting with Sarah G and a couple other girls.
“We’re working on another feminist project together,” Vi said, referring to Sarah Clifford, not Getty. “If you two want to join.”
Freddie was making flirtatious eye contact with Jude across the dining hall and apparently not very interested in feminism for the time being.
“What project?” I asked politely, although I struggled to imagine having time for another feminist project if I also had to find the time to be on an athletics team.
Katrina walked into the dining hall, diverting all our attention once more. She was still wearing a scarf, this one navy to match our uniforms and beneath her uniform she wore thick black tights. Vi rolled her eyes and then went back to our conversation.
“We want to raise cultural awareness of like… different women’s experiences,” Vi said.
Jack dutifully answered, “That sounds delightful, babe.”
“Thanks, darling.”
We were all distracted again by Katrina’s new seat in the dining hall. Alone – at one of the tables in the corner that you only went to after you failed a test or fell out with your friends. Suspicious. And then…
“Oh my God…” Vi whispered, nudging me and pointing to the dining hall entrance. “She’s back.”
Chapter 8
Ella Novak had gone to America but she wasn’t in America now. And she was still blond. She’d cut her hair into waves and her uniform was nearly as short as Katrina’s was modest. Naturally, she made a beeline for Katrina’s table and they both smiled as Ella sat down.
No one at my table smiled. My table looked up at the next person to enter the dining hall. Crispin. He was probably the only person who could have taken my attention away from the fact that Ella Novak had returned to Rapetti Academy.
I thought she would have stayed in America, especially after everything that happened with my dad. But here she was. Despite Ella’s surprise appearance, my eyes lingered on Crispin.
Crispin’s school shirt was half unbuttoned and nearly billowing and he hadn’t bothered to tuck it in. He’d rolled up his sleeves, which only made his arms look worse from all of his unhinged drug use. I hated seeing him like this. I winced, despite trying to hide my reaction. He greeted a couple new football boys as he walked in, but he looked out of it and high, like he hadn’t bothered getting a wink of sleep all night.
His hair was a total mess, like he hadn’t even tried to brush it. I liked his messy, sexy hair, but this time, I couldn’t even think about how sexy he looked because I knew he’d probably used before showing up here. It was early, before classes, and this was a major school rule. Not to mention he had football practice today.
I was about to launch out of my seat when Freddie put her hand on my arm.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll talk to him.”
I gave her an appreciative look and she stormed over to her brother, dragging him by the arm to the food line and giving him what looked like a very passionate lecture from across the dining hall. Vi tucked her hair behind her ears and cleared her throat.
“Well. I suppose we’ll have an eventful first few days,” she said, throwing a disapproving look at Ella and Katrina’s table.
Jack sighed. “Listen, I’ve got a meeting with the counselor about my maths grade. They don’t want me to play football if I can’t get a C.”
“I feel you,” I grumbled. “Have they ever tried making school easier?”
“Perhaps you could try studying,” Vi muttered.
Jack and I exchanged glances and then shook our heads. Vi was crazy. At least I studied more than Jack anyway, so I told myself she wasn’t talking about me.
Instead of coming back to sit with us, Freddie dragged Crispin to a corner of the dining hall where her arguing with him continued. Crispin must have really been out of it because normally, he was more motivated during his arguments with Freddie. Apparently that had changed.
“I’m worried about him,” Jack said, which brought a shocked expression to both our faces. Jack never expressed sentiments like worry or anything near it. But his brows scrunched up and he appeared to be serious. His hair was getting long again, which he preferred. “If he’s too strung out, he can’t play. He’ll ruin our season.”
