Fortune teller, p.1
Fortune Teller, page 1
Copyright © 2023 by Jana DeLeon
All rights reserved.
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Design and composite cover art by Janet Holmes using images from Shutterstock.
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Contents
Miss Fortune Series Information
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Miss Fortune Series Information
If you’ve never read a Miss Fortune mystery, you can start with LOUISIANA LONGSHOT, the first book in the series. If you prefer to start with this book, here are a few things you need to know.
Fortune Redding – a CIA assassin with a price on her head from one of the world’s most deadly arms dealers. Because her boss suspects that a leak at the CIA blew her cover, he sends her to hide out in Sinful, Louisiana, posing as his niece, a librarian and ex–beauty queen named Sandy-Sue Morrow. The situation was resolved in Change of Fortune and Fortune is now a full-time resident of Sinful and has opened her own detective agency.
Ida Belle and Gertie – served in the military in Vietnam as spies, but no one in the town is aware of that fact except Fortune and Deputy LeBlanc.
Sinful Ladies Society – local group founded by Ida Belle, Gertie, and deceased member Marge. In order to gain membership, women must never have married or if widowed, their husband must have been deceased for at least ten years.
Sinful Ladies Cough Syrup – sold as an herbal medicine in Sinful, which is dry, but it’s actually moonshine manufactured by the Sinful Ladies Society.
Chapter One
I lifted the crate off the floor and was surprised at how light it was given its size. I looked over at Gertie, who was paying Walter for what felt like empty crates.
“Are you buying air?” I asked. “Doesn’t feel like anything is in this.”
“Jell-O,” Gertie said.
I stared. “You’re buying two crates of Jell-O? Why?”
“Nope,” Ida Belle said. “That sounds like a question that will lead to things I don’t want to hear about. I’m just going to assume she’s about to visit fifty recent tonsillectomy patients and go on my merry way.”
Gertie shot a sly look at Walter. “I bet Walter wouldn’t mind hearing about my plans for that Jell-O. Might get some ideas…”
Walter turned an adorable three shades of red and fled the front of the store.
“See?” Ida Belle pointed at his retreating figure. “You’ve gone and scared the man.”
“How scared can he be?” Gertie asked. “He’s married to you.”
Ida Belle and I grabbed the two crates, and Gertie tucked her receipt in her purse as we headed out to Ida Belle’s SUV, loaded up the crates, and then climbed in.
“I need you to swing by Nora’s place before you drop me off at home,” Gertie said as Ida Belle pulled away from downtown.
“Uh-oh,” I said.
Ida Belle gave her a suspicious look that quickly shifted to horrified as she put it all together. Nora was a Sinful local with lots of cash that she used almost exclusively to travel the world in search of the best buzz. At some point, she’d decided she could do a better job than her suppliers and had become an amateur chemist, which might not have been so problematic if she hadn’t also tacked amateur pharmacist onto her many professional titles.
“Why do you need to stop at Nora’s?” Ida Belle asked. “I thought your legs were better.”
Just the week before, Gertie had put her legs through the wringer with a runaway horse ride and then this whole church/pigeon/catching-on-fire thing—Gertie caught on fire, not the pigeon. To help her out, Nora had hooked her up with some of her magic pills, consisting of something that everyone was afraid to ask about.
Gertie nodded. “My legs are better. I just need to pick up something for the party.”
“The party is at Nora’s. Why are you taking things away?”
“Because I’m making gummy worms with Nora’s new home brew. I was going to use our new Sinful Ladies grape, but we sold it all at the Mardi Gras festival on Saturday and we don’t have time to make more before tomorrow.”
Ida Belle stared in her rearview mirror in dismay. “You’re going to infuse children’s candy with something from Nora’s stash?”
“Children won’t be eating them. Only adults are invited to the party.”
“The word ‘adult’ is up for discussion.”
I had to agree with Ida Belle on that one, although no way was I missing this show. Nora had decided that because her New Year’s party had been such a hit—meaning no one had been arrested or died—she wanted to do it all over again for Mardi Gras. Technically, Sinful always held its Mardi Gras festival on the Saturday before Fat Tuesday. That way, if anyone was brave enough to venture into NOLA for the real throw-down, their Tuesday was open.
The Catholics mostly attended the Sinful festival on Saturday, used Sunday through Tuesday to recover, then confessed about it all and gave it up for Lent on Wednesday. The Baptists followed the same timeline, except they replaced confession with deniability. But I had zero doubt that both religions, and quite a few unapologetic, unrepentant sinners, would be represented at Nora’s place tomorrow night.
“That woman is going to kill someone playing chemist,” Ida Belle said. “You won’t catch me eating or drinking anything there that didn’t come straight out of the manufacturer’s package. And I have to be the one who opened it.”
“I’m eating a pizza before I go and bringing a protein bar,” I said.
Gertie rolled her eyes. “It’s just CBD. We’re not loading up gummies with meth. Beer will pack a bigger punch, but the gummies might help with pain and inflammation. This is a blue-collar town. Lots of injuries walking around here.”
Ida Belle laughed. “You’re one of them.”
She pulled up to the curb in front of Nora’s house, and when we climbed out, I heard a ruckus inside. First there was a crash, then Nora yelling. As I took off running for the front door, Nora’s cat jumped through the living room window and onto the porch, taking the curtain with him. The giant orange tabby, appropriately named Idiot, was clearly scared because his eyes were half the size of his face.
Or maybe he was high. Idiot had a bad habit of pilfering from Nora’s stash.
At first, I thought the curtain was freaking him out as it was covering his lower body, but after only a second of hesitation, he leaped out from under the curtain and off the porch, and I could see that the real source of the problem was the purse he was tangled in. The strap was wrapped around his neck, and his back legs were stuck inside the open handbag. Every time he took a step, he felt the constriction on his back legs and likely choked himself a little.
Then the first shot rang out.
I dived behind the trash cans, pulling my weapon as I went, did a quick roll, and popped up to scan the area. Ida Belle and Gertie, who were farther behind me, had retreated to the SUV and were crouched near the front bumper, looking as confused as I was about where the shot had come from.
Idiot froze for a split second in the middle of the yard. Then a piece of paper blew across the sidewalk, and he jumped straight up in the air—as only cats can do—and another shot fired. This time, I saw smoke coming out of the handbag.
Good. God. There was a loaded gun in that handbag.
The second shot sent Idiot into another round of panic, and he took off across the lawn and did an impressive jump over the fence, firing off another round.
Nora burst out onto her porch, waving her arms in the air. “Don’t shoot the cat!”
“I’m more worried about the cat shooting us!” I yelled back.
“I just need to get the purse off him.”
“Neither the cat nor the purse is worth dying over.”
Nora ran back inside—presumably to the back door—and I looked over at Ida Belle and Gertie and threw my hands up in the air. They both shook their heads, clearly with no better idea of how to handle the situation than me.
Two more rounds went off, and I heard sirens in the distance. If we didn’t figure out how to get that purse off the cat, he was going to be occupying his favorite spot on Nora’s mantel as taxidermy.
Gertie grabbed the curtain as we ran across the porch. “Maybe we can get him wrapped up in it and cut the purse off.”
“I’m not getting near that cat as long as he’s trigger-happy,” Ida Belle said. “A cat with a loaded gun and the ability to fire it is what a lot of nightmares are made of.”
We dashed down the hall, then paused at the back door to peer outside. The cat was on top of a storage shed, eyes still huge, and I could see him panting. If he didn’t shoot himself, he was going to have a stroke. Nora was standing in front of the shed with a can of tuna, trying to entice the frightened animal down.
“How many rounds in that gun?” I c alled out.
“Six.”
“That only leaves one,” Gertie said.
“It only takes one,” Ida Belle retorted.
“Tuna is never going to work,” I said. “That cat is seriously stressed and likely high as a kite to boot. He probably doesn’t even recognize Nora at this point.”
Ida Belle nodded. “I know the odds are more in our favor now, but I’m not leaving this house unless that gun is empty or the cat runs back in here.”
I studied the situation, trying to come up with a nonlethal solution for us and the cat. “I think our best gamble is to scare the cat into firing off that last round. If any neighbors were outside, they’ve retreated in by now, so the only risk would be to the cat. Assuming we can get Nora and her tuna back inside.”
I leaned into the open door. “Nora! We’ve got a plan, but we need you to come inside.”
“Not if your plan is to shoot my cat!”
“No one is going to shoot the cat.”
Well, except maybe the cat.
“You promise?” Nora called out.
“I promise.”
Nora looked up at the cat, who was frozen in place like an extremely odd, and lethal, weather vane, then back toward us as Gertie motioned for her to come inside. Finally, she lowered her arm and headed our way.
I knew I had to be ready to scare the cat as soon as Nora got inside because if she knew what my plan was, she’d be back out there with her can of tuna. I looked over at Ida Belle and she nodded. She’d gotten as good as my former CIA partner, Harrison, at reading my mind. As soon as Nora walked inside, Ida Belle pulled her off to the side and I put a round through a branch hanging above the cat. Nora yelled and the branch split and dropped onto the cat. He took a dive off the shed and onto a wheelbarrow next to it. I was hoping that final round would let loose when he bolted, but no such luck.
That’s when I saw Carter and a man I didn’t know rush into the backyard.
“Run!” I yelled. “The cat’s packing heat!”
They stopped short and glanced my way, clearly confused, then the cat jumped out of the wheelbarrow and shot off across the lawn right toward them. Halfway across, the purse tripped him up and as he tumbled, that final round went off, hitting a bird feeder next to the two men. Birdseed exploded everywhere, and both men hit the ground.
“Last round!” I yelled and took off after the cat.
Idiot, now completely frantic from the last shot, jumped right over Carter and the other man, aiming for the top of the hot tub.
Except the top wasn’t actually on the hot tub.
There was a big splash followed by another round of fire, and then water came streaming out of the hot tub and right on the two men. They both jumped up as I ran to the edge of the hot tub with Ida Belle, Gertie, and Nora right behind me.
“Look at that,” Gertie said. “Cats can swim.”
The plunge had freed Idiot from the purse, and he swam for the opposite side of the tub and climbed out. He took off running for the porch and after a clean leap onto it, came to a complete stop, sat down, and started cleaning himself as though nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.
“Sorry,” Nora said as she peered into the hot tub. “I must have had one chambered. I wonder if the water is going to hurt my gun. Oh well, as long as the yard dries up before the party, I’ll be fine. Gotta patch up that hot tub, though. I was planning on using it tomorrow night.”
“I think you might need a professional for that,” Ida Belle said.
She waved a hand in dismissal. “Got this stuff off the internet. It’s amazing what you find when you’re high at 3:00 a.m. Anyway, they used it to put an aluminum boat together, so the hot tub should be an easy fix.”
She stepped through the slosh, getting her bare feet all muddy, and headed back inside, not even stopping to wipe them on the mat. The man standing next to Carter grinned.
Midfifties. Six foot two. Two hundred pounds. Good general muscle tone. Weak right knee. Stood like a cop.
“Gotta love these bayou towns,” he said. “Morning, ladies. Since someone’s forgotten his manners, I’ll introduce myself. I’m Andy Blanchet, and I’ll be filling in for Carter for a bit. I have to say, looking after such lovely women is not going to be a hardship.”
Ida Belle rolled her eyes and Gertie gave him a huge smile. I raised one eyebrow.
“Stop flirting,” Carter said. “This is Fortune, Ida Belle, and Gertie.”
He extended his hand, giving me a closer look. “Heard a lot about you.”
“Really? From who?”
“Some from Carter, but also some grapevine sort of stuff. Cops talking.”
“Uh-huh. And what are they saying?”
He shrugged. “Mostly it’s a lot of whining about you messing in police business, but I figure that’s just ’cause you’re showing them up.”
I looked over at Carter and nodded. “I like him.”
Carter snorted. “Give him a week here and see if the feeling is mutual. We just got fired on by a cat.”
“I would say it was a fluke, but Idiot’s got issues,” Gertie said.
Andy stared. “You call your friend ‘Idiot’?”
“No, she named her cat Idiot. And it fits.”
I nodded. “I assume you got a call about shots fired? Well, now you have a name for your report.”
Carter looked over at Andy. “I clocked out when we left the sheriff’s department. This ride-along was a favor. That bit of paperwork is all yours.”
Andy looked around and nodded. “Did the cat hit anyone?”
“Just the bird feeder and the hot tub,” I said. “And I took out the branch to scare the cat off the shed.”
Andy shrugged. “Then no harm, no foul, I guess.”
“You’ll do,” Ida Belle said.
Carter shook his head. “You’re making me look bad. Just wait until you deal with shenanigans for a couple days and you’ll be restructuring that relaxed thinking.”
Andy looked at the three of us and narrowed his eyes. “You guys planning on doing anything questionable while I’m in charge?”
“Nothing any different than we’d be doing if Carter was here,” I said.
Carter clapped his replacement on the back. “Good luck.”
That afternoon, I stood with Carter in my living room. His bag was packed, and he was on his way to the airport. And that was the extent of my knowledge on what he was about to do. But that’s the way things were. I knew he wasn’t going to be part of the infiltration team—at least, that’s what he’d told me, and I believed him. But I also knew things could change on the ground, and if something went sideways and Carter thought he could help, he’d be right in the middle.
So I’d worry until I set eyes on him again. The same way I worried every time my father left when I was a kid. But not for the same reasons. I was a teen when my father left on the mission he never returned from. Back then, I was worried about my future if my sole parent didn’t return, and then I got to find out exactly what that looked like. Now I was a self-sufficient adult with enough money, no debt, and steady income. I had a nice house, good friends, and a disgruntled cat.
I didn’t need Carter, per se, but I wanted him.
More than I’d ever wanted anything.
Which is why I felt just a tiny bit queasy.
“Check in as soon as you can,” I said.
He nodded. “With any luck, it will only be a few weeks. Andy is a good guy and was an excellent cop, but I want you and Harrison to watch his back. Things have been strange here for a while now. I don’t want him coming out of retirement to do me a favor and winding up in the middle of a big crap show.”
“I could say the exact same thing about you.”
He blew out a breath. “Point taken.”
He put his arms around me and drew me in close. I could smell his shampoo and aftershave, and I took in a deep breath of him. When he released me, he lowered his lips to mine and kissed me…gently at first, then with a passion that I’d come to know so well.
