Kade, p.27
Kade, page 27
“Control your lady, Lance. I didn’t do shit. Someone snapped a few lewd photos of us and texted them to her. She went all Exorcist on my ass when she saw them.”
I hear Jen in the background grumbling about chauvinism, and I smirk at the irony. After all, Ainsley was the one with the upper hand as she was crushing my heart into dust. “Great, she’s not answering her phone. I’m gonna kill that asshole.”
“Chill out, baby.” Banger’s voice is muffled, but I can hear the Georgia drawl he can’t seem to shake punctuated in the syllables of his term of endearment. Years of being in California have leveled it out considerably, but every now and again, it resurfaces as a constant reminder of where we came from.
Jen’s continued yapping becomes progressively quieter. A door clicks, and I no longer hear her at all. “So what now?”
“Fuck it; I’m done with this shit. There’s a reason I don’t do relationships.”
The line is so silent that I pull the phone away from my ear to see if I’ve lost the call.
After a few minutes of contemplation, he finally talks. “After over a year of pining for this babe, you’re giving up just like that, huh?”
“She told me to go! What am I supposed to do?”
“Same thing you did before. Give her a rest then go back out there guns blazing. Y’all fight like pit bulls and hump like bunnies. It’s what makes you guys good together. You’re both firecrackers.”
Ever since we were kids, Banger has been the yin to my yang. He’s the calm when I’m the storm, the logic when I’m irrational. I don’t appreciate that quality in him nearly enough. He’s a good guy to have in my corner.
“I don’t know, man. Maybe she’s right. What if she and the kid are better off without me? I’m moody, arrogant, jealous…” An unexpected shot hits me in the chest when I mention Shay. The girl’s gotten inside my heart just like her mother.
I have to get them back.
“And she loves you anyway, man. I don’t know what kind of magic voodoo shit she’s cast, but she changed you. Do not make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.”
Banger’s right. I’m not the same selfish bastard I was before she came along. For all my “I don’t share” bullshit, I not only found one person I want to share my life with, I found two.
I should have busted through the damn door, kissed her until her lips were raw, and told her what she meant to me. I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to walk away from her again, but the first time shit got hard, that’s exactly what I did. I’m a fighter down to my very essence, but I didn’t fight for us. “That’s some insightful shit. When did you turn into Mr. Miyagi, dude?”
“Oh, Kadeney-San,” he jokes in a garbled Miyagi-esque impersonation. “You’re not a quitter, man. But since you’re here, let’s cut our next album and get the hell outta this cesspool of a state. Ya dig?”
***
My eyes are bleary with sleep deprivation and overwork. I feel like I’ve just gone to bed when the alarm on my phone starts blasting through the room. Ainsley’s case is today. I despise myself for not hopping on a plane to be there. The thought of her sitting in that courtroom to face that asshole alone makes me want to punch something, only I’m too exhausted to even move my arms.
She’s set to appear at ten, which is seven a.m. California time. I’d set my alarm for six hoping to catch her before she goes. It’s been over a week since I’ve heard her voice. I’ve not stopped working since the minute I got home except to sleep and wash the sweat off, but it’s done little to ease my mind and strip away the burden I feel for having left her high and dry. The album is terrible, and I don’t even care. My only goal right now is to get it finished and get back.
With a heavy hand, I slap the screen of my phone to hit the snooze button. Just ten more minutes of sleep, and then I’ll call her.
My phone stirs me awake again, only this time, it’s skittering across the nightstand with the annoying buzzing sound I set it to while I’m working. My face still mashed into the pillow, I pick it up with a garbled hello. “It’s ten o’clock, dude. Where the hell are you?”
I shoot up in my bed and look at the clock. I must have turned off the alarm instead of hitting snooze. Not only did I miss Ainsley before court, but I also slept through our nine a.m. call time at the studio.
Goddammit!
My arm moves on its own accord and hurls my phone against the wall. Plastic explodes, shattering it into a hundred pieces on contact. Instantly, I realize what I’ve done. How am I going to call Ainsley now?
I rub my eyes, attempting to relieve the stress building behind them. Once again, I let my anger overshadow the parts of my brain that control logic, but I don’t have a lot of time to sit and stew over it. I jump out of bed and get my ass to the studio to get to work.
Chapter 47
Ainsley
“What do you mean you’re pregnant?” The look on Bob’s face isn’t quite what I anticipated when I imagined telling him our good news. We are going to be parents. “You’re supposed to be barren. Isn’t that what you told me?”
The word barren makes me wince. It seems so hateful coming out of him. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Endometriosis—that was the diagnosis for all the problems that have assaulted my insides since puberty started as a teenager. In laymen’s terms, my periods suck and getting pregnant on my own would be damn near impossible.
“Well, yeah, I thought so, too, but I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant. Look.” Bob’s brows crease as he plucks the strip from my fingers and looks at the word pregnant written across the front. This particular test is the last one of three. I didn’t trust those little pink lines. What if they were wrong? What if the test was faulty? No, I needed to be one-hundred percent sure. When the word came up clear as a bell on the fancy digital test, there was no mistaking it. I was, indeed, pregnant.
Bob hands the strip back to me and runs his fingers through his blond hair. “How could you let an accident like this happen, Ainsley?”
Tears threaten, but I don’t want to let them fall. We’re not children anymore. Bob just graduated dental school, and I’m a semester shy of finishing my degree. This isn’t an accident; it’s a surprise. One I was ecstatic about until ten minutes ago. “You were there too, ya know. I didn’t knock myself up.”
He rolls his eyes and turns away, his hands still holding the hair off his forehead like he can’t believe this is happening. “I guess you expect me to marry you now.”
The tears I’d been holding slowly begin to fall. “I expect nothing from you, Bob, and I’m having this baby with or without you.”
A bout of nausea hits me so hard I feel dizzy. After five years together, I assumed that was where we were headed. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d longed for marriage and children since I was a little kid playing baby dolls in my bedroom, and I’d wanted those things with Bob.
I run into the bathroom in his tiny studio apartment, the one he moved into after one year in the dorm because he couldn’t get along with his roommate, and yack up the contents of my stomach into the outdated pink toilet.
Humiliation. That’s what I’m feeling, in addition to nausea. I thought Bob saw a future with me. I thought we’d be together. But I’m pregnant and alone on a dirty tile floor, regurgitating my lunch and crying like a loser.
The whisper of his sneakers pads across the floor as Bob enters the bathroom. “I’m sorry, Bob,” I sob. “I didn’t think this would happen.”
“It’s okay, Ainsley. I was just surprised is all. You know I planned to marry you eventually. We may as well just do it now.”
***
Jenny: Good luck today, lovie. Thinking about you. Everything is going to be fine! xo
I chuck my phone back into my purse without responding. Jenny has tried several times to get in touch with me, and I’ve ignored every attempt. I just can’t talk to her. She represents a part of my life that’s too painful to face, and I have enough drama to deal with today.
My head’s in a fog as I get ready for court. The last time I was in a courtroom, I was losing my husband. Today, I may be losing my daughter. I curse myself as I compulsively check my phone again. As pathetic as it is, I’d hoped for a small something to show that he cared, but there’s nothing from him, and I know there won’t be. I haven’t heard from Kade since he left. Can’t say that I blame him. I’ve thrown him out twice now. How much do I expect the man to put up with?
The distance between us is like a phantom pain. The ache is everywhere. I can’t sleep, yet I’m exhausted. My stomach is in a constant knot. I told myself it was because of the court case, but I know that’s only part true. I miss him so much it hurts.
My appointment is scheduled for ten o’clock, but I arrive early. The house, much like the cavern of my chest, feels huge and empty. I can’t stay there anymore waiting for the silence to swallow me whole. Over the past year, I’ve done many things alone, but I’ve never felt quite this lonely. He should be here.
You’re a strong, independent woman. You can do this.
“Good morning, Ms. Daniels,” Maxwell greets me in the lobby of the courthouse. His suit looks expensive and powerful. In our prior meetings, he was professional yet casual, but today he’s polished from head to toe, right down to the blinding shine on his dress shoes. “Greg Warner arrived just a short time ago. Mr. Daniels isn’t here yet. As soon as he arrives, we can get started.”
The sloppy appearance of Bob’s lawyer is surprising. His suit appears off the rack and is a size too small. The buttons on his jacket are screaming for release, stretched so tight across his round belly they’re seconds from popping right off. In a life where he demands utter superiority above all else, Bob’s attorney seems like a staggering choice.
I nod and take a seat. I can’t speak for fear that the moment my mouth opens the river of tears I’d managed to keep at bay will flow and drown everyone in this room. There’s nothing to do now but wait.
…and wait.
…and wait.
Maxwell glances nervously at his watch. It’s almost ten-thirty, and Bob still isn’t here. Greg Warner paces in and out of the building, trying to call him but offering no update regarding his whereabouts. I cross my legs to control the bouncing of my knees. The idea of prolonging this any longer is agonizing. Now that we’re here, I just want to get it over with. “What happens if he doesn’t show up today?”
“The case will get thrown out, and everything will remain as is.”
I want to believe that what happened on Thanksgiving changed Bob in some way. That he learned how important family is, or even that he realized I’m not as bad of a person as he thinks, but it’s more fitting for his character to put me through all of this bullshit for nothing. No wonder his lawyer is a joke. He probably found the cheapest ambulance chaser he could find, knowing that he did not ever intend to show up. I should have known from the start that he didn’t actually want Shay. He never did from day one.
An hour after we’re supposed to appear, the judge calls a mistrial and sends us all home. Bob never surfaced or even answered a single call from his lawyer. He ignored the whole thing. His main goal was to get rid of Kade, and he succeeded. His horrifying photos made sure of that. There was no need to continue with this charade.
I pull my phone out of my bag and start to type a message. Victory is mine, but it doesn’t feel complete unless I could share it with Kade. I want him to know my nightmare is over, and that everything is going to go back to normal. My thumb hovers over the send key as I look at the tiny thumbnail photos of his face next to all the other messages he’d sent over the past month, but I can’t do it. If he cared to know, he would have asked.
The trial was coincidentally just like my relationship with Kade—a lot of useless energy expelled for nothing. I make a promise to myself that I’m going to move on from all of this. Shay is, and has always been, my first priority, and I allowed that to falter as Kade became more of a presence in our lives, but he’s gone now.
He’s gone.
I need to accept it.
Chapter 48
Ainsley
Torn gift wrap litters just about every inch of my living room floor. Shay got me up at dawn this morning, excited to get downstairs to see if Santa came. I went overboard, as usual. I watch her from the couch, drinking my coffee as she sits near the tree on the floor tinkering with her new Kindle. One of these days, it will occur to her that Santa doesn’t shop on Amazon, but today, she’s still wide-eyed with Christmas wonderment, and I’m content to let the ruse continue. She may not be a baby anymore, but she’ll always be my baby.
I drain my mug, yawning as I stand to get another cup. My family was over late last night for Christmas Eve, and now that the adrenaline of opening gifts has subsided, all I want to do is go back to bed. I plan to spend the whole day asleep. Bob will be coming to pick Shay up any minute to celebrate the holiday at his house, and the idea of spending another Christmas alone is too depressing to face.
The doorbell rings as I tip the carafe, and I miss the mug. Coffee puddles across the counter and trickles onto the floor in a steady stream. “Shit.” I’ve been off my game, and it’s becoming obvious to everyone around me. Even my friends at work have noticed the shift in my attitude lately. I blame it on holiday stress, but in reality, I still miss him.
It hurts just as bad as it did the day he left, if not worse. I lost not only my lover, but also my best friend, my favorite band, and my joy. If not for Shay, I might not be able to drag myself out of bed at all. Throwing him out was a stupid, impulsive decision that I should never have made, but hindsight is twenty-twenty.
The bell rings again while I’m sopping up the boiling hot mess. “I’m coming!” Tired, depressed, and annoyed, I can now add ‘covered in coffee’ to the list of things destroying my holiday glee. It’s better that Shay goes to Bob’s. I’m in a foul mood, and it seems to be getting worse by the minute. Being festive for her sake is exhausting in its own right.
I’m prepared to unleash the full force of my aggravation on my ex-husband, but the wind leaves my lungs when I see who’s standing on my stoop.
Dressed all in black, he stands out against the snowy backdrop behind him. A knit hat is pulled low over his forehead, calling immediate attention to piercing blue eyes like the ghost of Christmas past coming back to haunt me.
“Kade…” The whisper of his name floats off my tongue into the cold morning air.
“Merry Christmas, beautiful.”
I stand frozen, drinking in the sight of him. His cheeks and nose are pink from the cold, and each breath blows out in big white puffs. I haven’t heard from him in a month, yet here he is in the flesh. I’d spent countless hours fantasizing all the things I’d say should I ever get the opportunity, but now that he’s here, my brain can’t seem to get my mouth to function.
“This month without you has been torture, Ainsley.”
I blink my eyes, still half expecting him to vanish into thin air. My heart slams against my chest so hard, I swear I’m about to lose consciousness. My head screams at me to tell him to leave, that it’s too late, and what’s done is done, but my heart wants to pull him into this house and kiss him until I can no longer breathe.
“Don’t leave me hanging, sweets. Say something.”
My mouth opens, and I force myself to speak. There are a hundred things I want to say, but only one seems to make it out. “What took you so long?”
There’s an old saying: If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it’s meant to be. He came back to me, just as he said he would. No matter what happens, Kade will always come after me, and I’ll always want him to. We belong together.
The last time we were in this exact situation, I pushed my heart aside and listened to my head. Not a day has gone by that I don’t regret that choice. Neither of us is perfect. We’re both hardheaded, jealous idiots who’ve each made mistakes in this relationship, but I don’t want to make another one.
Grasping the lapels on his jacket, I pull him toward me. His lips are frozen, but the warmth from his mouth spreads throughout my entire body. A gust of wind blows through the open door, whipping my hair around us. Kade runs his fingers through it, smoothing it back and cradling my face in his hands, as he kicks the door closed with his boot. “I missed you so much, A. I’m never going to leave you again.” His lips move against my face, dropping determined kisses all over me.
A horn blast comes from outside. I can make out the sight of a mangled red blob through the thick decorative glass panel in my front door. Bob’s here. “Shay! Dad’s here!”
Shay bounds in from the family room, spritely and energetic as usual. “Kade!”
He squats down to her level as she runs toward him, flinging her arms around his neck. “Hey, kiddo.” The soft look on his face as he embraces my daughter engulfs me. Adoration reflects in his deep blue eyes. “I missed you.”
“We missed you, too!”
She whispers something in his ear. His dazzling smile widens, and his eyes crinkle in the corners. “Thanks, kid. I appreciate that. And I won’t,” he says with a wink.
“I got your back!” She returns his wink and smiles.
The horn blows outside a second time. Shay kisses me before grabbing the coat and bag waiting for her on the bench. “Hold up a sec.” Kade’s fingertips lightly grip Shay’s wrist before she walks out the door. She turns back toward him as he pulls a tiny sliver of silver from his pocket. “I’m sorry I didn’t wrap it,” he says, working the delicate clasp with his thick fingers. “Merry Christmas, Shay.”
Christmas lights glint off the chain as she holds up her wrist to inspect it. Three tiny charms hang against her skin: a rock, a pair of scissors, and a piece of paper. She smiles, fingering the charms. “This is awesome! Thanks, Kade!” she says, wrapping her arms around him a second time.
