P s i hate you, p.3
P.S. I Hate You, page 3
“I can’t believe how mean people are,” I say with a pout.
She cocks her head and deadpans, “Maybe they’ll loosen up if you come dressed as a normal person tomorrow and not an Instagram model.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else. They should accept me for who I am.”
Her laughter stings more than it should. Except for Cindy, she’s the only person who’s been nice to me since I stepped foot off the plane. I hate to admit it, but this strange boyish girl may be my only hope for an actual friend.
“People round these parts see you lookin’ the way you do, and they’re automatically gonna assume you think you’re better than they are. Them red-bottom shoes cost a week’s pay for most folks, and you’re wearin’ ’em to walk a public high school with those people’s kids.”
My conviction melts like ice on hot pavement. “I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I’m not from here.”
“That’s right. You’re an outsider, which means you gotta try twice as hard.”
Her advice sticks in my mind for the remainder of the morning. It weaves around Jace’s warning that I don’t belong. I thought I could do this. I assumed I would effortlessly blend in and quietly finish my senior year without any issues holding me down, but maybe Jace was right. I don’t belong here. I don’t fit in, and I never will.
By the time lunch hits, my stomach’s too twisted to even eat. I shuffle down the line, pushing the brown plastic tray along the rollers as I eye my choices behind the glass. Gray burger patties wilting on flat buns with a sad pile of tater tots as the side dish. I swallow the bile beginning to bubble and opt for yogurt and an apple instead. At the end of the line, I set a can of Diet Coke on my tray and offer the lunch lady a ten-dollar bill. “Lunch accounts only.”
My gaze snaps to hers. “I’m sorry?”
She points at the swipe machine sitting between us. “We don’t take cash. Lunch accounts only.”
Snickers titter through the line behind me. I wrap my fingers around the tray to hide the trembling beginning to take root. “It’s my first day. I don’t have a lunch account yet.”
The lunch lady’s face remains impassive. “You’ll have to report to the office. We aren’t set up for cash.”
The guy behind me pushes through. “Excuse me,” he snaps, swiping his card. I watch in horror as each kid swipes and stomps away, leaving me rooted to the floor in shock. No one mentioned a lunch account when I enrolled, nor did the woman at the office when I checked in this morning. Now I’m standing here with a tray of food and no means to pay for it.
Heat burns my cheeks, but I refuse to cry. I’ll let it all go when I get home, but I won’t dare shed a tear in front of these people. I’m better than that.
Just as I’m about to lose that battle, Jace saunters through the wide-set double doors. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end. Jace and I haven’t exactly gotten off on the right foot, but he did give me a ride in this morning. Surely, he won’t let me starve.
“Can I leave this here?” Without waiting for an answer, I slide my tray in beside the lunch lady and scurry to my only saving grace before he gets lost in the crowd. “Jace! Um … I don’t have a lunch account … any chance I can borrow yours just for today? I can give you the cash. It’s just, they won’t take it, and I have this tray of food … and…”
He stares right through me as I vomit up my current issue in a single rushed breath. “Huh?”
My gaze rolls to the sky in silent prayer before coming back down. “I don’t have a lunch account.”
“That sounds a lot like your problem, princess. Dunno what you want me to do about it.”
Bouncing lightly from foot to foot, I stare at the ground between us. “Can I please just borrow yours?”
“You can borrow mine, Legs. For a price.” I lift my head as the owner of the thick twang steps past with a grotesque catcall.
Jace whips in his direction. A growl rumbles in his chest. “Ima make you eat that whistle, Rod. Keep movin’.”
He raises his palms in surrender. “Sorry, man. Didn’t realize she was one of yours.”
I lift a brow. “One of yours?”
Jace’s scowl curls into a lazy, lopsided smirk. At first, I think he’s smiling at me, but the girl from my first class comes up from behind and fits her body against his. “Hey, Jace.” She traces a heart on his chest with her index finger. “I thought you were gonna call me this weekend?”
“I got tied up.”
“Poo,” she mewls, but her demeanor changes when she finally notices me standing here. “Oh, hey Barbie. Don’t you have a Dreamhouse to scurry off to?”
Jace’s cruel laughter burns me up inside. I don’t know why I expected a little decency from someone like him. I turn on my heel, but the feel of his fingers closing around my arm stops my flight. In his opposite hand, he offers his card between two fingers. “Once.”
He slaps Darla on the ass. She squeals and saunters away as I take the offering with a heavy sigh. “Thank you.”
With my newly purchased lunch in hand, I scan the crowd for an empty spot. I spy Chris and make my way over to her. “Can I sit with you?” I ask.
She slides over to make room. “This is Ellie,” she says, chucking her thumb over her shoulder.
The two girls she’s with smile, but the one with glasses is the only one who talks. “I’m Randy. This is Mae.”
“Hi.” My shoulders drop for the first time in hours. The relief loosens my muscles as I pop the tab on my Diet Coke, but it’s a brief reprieve. A fan of soda sprays in my face, dappling my white top with sticky brown stains. I gasp. A band of curses flies under my breath as I scramble up and stare wide-eyed at my ruined blouse.
“Uh-oh, Barbie. It looks like you made a mess.”
My gut wants to slap that sarcastic grin from Darla’s face, but my brain overrules it with logic. She has tons of friends behind her. I have three misfits who I seriously doubt would have my back in a fight. It will only end badly for me. Instead, I swallow my pride and wipe my neck with a napkin. “You realize Barbie is blond, right? If you’re going to insult me, at least do it right.”
Her overlined eyes narrow. “Stay away from Jace, okay, bitch?”
A smug grin grows on my lips as I look up through my lashes. “Oh, I’d love to. Unfortunately, we live together.”
Her dropped jaw is a small victory, yet a win nonetheless. “You live together?”
I ball my napkin and throw it at her feet. “We do. So if you have a problem with my presence, take it up with him.”
The room’s collective eyes bore into my back as I stroll away, but my head remains high, my cheeks dry. The countdown starts now. I have to finish what’s left of one year at this rotten school. Then, I’ll get my diploma and can kiss this hellhole goodbye. I make a plan right here, right now. I am not going to let them break me.
***
The last class of the day is gym. Rows of pink lockers line all four walls with benches in the center. The smell of Coke still wafts from my cleavage. I huddle in the corner, changing my clothes with my back to the other girls.
At the last minute, I decide to hide my mother’s ring in my bag. The nets strung across the gymnasium indicate we’re playing volleyball. I have a lot of rage to work out on the court, and I don’t want to accidentally knock out a diamond. I slide it in the back and set my shoes in front to keep it hidden. Tonight, I’ll go out and get a lock to ensure my things stay secure. My old school utilized the honor system, but something tells me these barbarians are anything but honorable.
Dressed in shorts and an NYC tee, I jaunt up the steps to the gym floor. My eyes immediately catch on Jace with a group of guys in the corner. The sides of his torso peek through the wide-open maw where I assume sleeves used to be. The front hem is shoved into light gray sweatpants. A lean band of muscle ripples in his arm as he whacks the ball over the net.
I take a sip of water and tear my gaze away. He dresses like a punk and acts like an asshole. I refuse to think he’s hot. I’m certain he’s the reason I made enemies on my first day. He could have asked what’s-her-name to help make my transition smooth, but instead, he used her as a pawn against me. He’s the worst.
I reject all thoughts of his toned body and chiseled jaw and dismiss the way my stomach flips whenever his eyes catch mine. I push them from my mind like yesterday’s trash. Done. Forgotten. Jace who?
But damn, does he fill out a pair of sweats.
A careening volleyball smacks some sense into my head. “Cartwright! Serve!” the coach calls. I blink away the dizziness and punt the ball with a grunt. It sails to the other side. One girl hits it up, and another spikes it over. My feet leave the ground, my war cry echoing as I whale the ball with all my might. I prepare for full annihilation, but instead, I get the wind knocked out of me.
I hit the floor with a thud. Darla and her friend stand over me. “Watch it, Barbie.”
When they turn their backs, I peer at Jace again. He’s not watching, but his grin tells me he saw the whole thing. Humiliation creeps up my spine. I’ve been dealing with this bullshit all day, and I’m tired of it.
This time, I don’t suck it up. When the ball hurls toward Darla, I slam her hard with my shoulder and knock her out of the way. She tumbles to the ground. “Oops.” I shrug.
War is coming. I see it etched on her face as her friend pulls her to her feet, but this time, I’m ready. No shook-up soda behind my back. No whispered insults as I pass. Only fury aimed at me for no apparent reason other than I’m different.
Knees bent and my muscles tense, I poise for attack. She launches into me. A horde swoops around us. A deep baritone cries, “Girl fight!” Blood rushes my ears. I’ve never been in a fight in my life, but my fists instinctively ball as she lurches.
I sink one into her gut, but it only serves to piss her off further. She grabs my hair, nails scratching my scalp as she tears with full handfuls.
The whole thing only lasts a few seconds. The coach drags her to the edge of the gym by the collar. “Go change!” she shouts.
“She started it,” Darla whines.
“I’ll handle her next.”
The minute the coach’s back is turned, Darla floats her middle finger. I’m not sure if it’s meant for the coach or me, but either way, I know I’ve made a bigger problem for myself. She disappears down the steps as the coach’s sneakers squeak across the floor. “Are we gonna have a problem here?”
The New Yorker in me wants to tell her to go fuck herself, but you catch more flies with bullshit. “No, ma’am,” I reply, slathering on a heavy dose of Southern charm.
“Good. It’s your first day here. You better get yourself in check, or it will be your last.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She points at the bleachers. “Take a seat.”
With a curt nod, I do as I’m told. When the class ends, we shuffle back to the locker room like cattle, but there’s no sign of Darla. I let out a heavy sigh. Things that seem like a good idea at the time are, more often than not, regrets we have to live with later. This issue with Darla is far from over, but at least it’s over for today.
That is until I open my locker.
My heart hammers against my ribs. I stare into the empty space, not blinking, not breathing. Panic hitches in my throat. I slam the door and open others praying I’ve made a mistake, but I haven’t.
It’s all gone.
My clothes, my shoes, my bag …
My mother’s ring.
“Missing something?” Darla’s friend—Kirsten or Kristen or Crystal—asks.
I whip around. “Where is it?”
“Where’s what?”
“My stuff. I want it back. Now.”
She rolls her eyes with a smirk. “What makes you think I know where it is? I was upstairs with you.” She pulls the elastic from her hair and detangles it with her fingers. “Probably a bad idea leaving it in an unlocked locker. Guess you’ll know better next time.” She flings the door closed and walks off.
The tears I’ve been holding breach my lashes. I run from the cruel laughter echoing in my ears, past the strange faces lurking in the hall. I run, and run, and don’t stop until I’m safe at Jace’s truck. My knees weaken. I crouch near the burning chassis, shielding my face. I didn’t want to cry, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. I wipe off the tears, but new ones spring in their place. That ring was all I had left. I don’t give a shit about my shoes or my clothes. Darla can have them. She can have my whole fucking closet for all I care, but that ring is priceless. It can never be replaced, and I let that stupid bitch steal it from me.
“What happened to your fancy clothes?” Jace’s baritone floats across the hood.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Just take me home, okay?”
He laughs at my pain. “Sorry, princess. I’m not going home.”
Another rivulet slicks down my cheek. “Can’t you just drop me home first and then go out?”
The sun catches on his narrowed gaze, highlighting his eyes to cobalt slits. “This may be an alien concept to you, but most of us have jobs to go to.”
The thought of getting on the bus breaks me down. I can’t bear to face another person right now.
He wrenches the door open with a creak. “You better toughen up, or folks here’ll eat you alive.”
I take that as an invitation and slide into the passenger side, but my tears don’t stop. He lights a cigarette and blows a stream of smoke from the corner of his mouth. “Do you do anythin’ besides cry?”
My stomach tightens. “My mom just died, I’m in a new place where I have no friends, and everyone hates me for no reason. I’m sorry if I’m a little emotional.” A crack splits my voice, and another wave pools in my eyes. How am I supposed to toughen up when my new life is a disaster? Everything has happened so quickly that I haven't even had time to mourn.
A warbled pfft leaks around the filter of his Marlboro Red. “I bet you can’t go a day without cryin’.”
I pinch my lips, sucking back the last of my outburst. He’s right. I need to build up a thicker skin if I’m going to make it through this nightmare unscathed. “I’ll take that bet. And when I win, you have to wear a sign to school that says, kick me, I'm an asshole.”
His sly smirk kicks up my pulse. “You can forget that ’cause you ain’t gonna win.”
“Watch me.”
He peels in front of the house and leans back with his arm draped over the steering wheel. “Oh, I’ll be watchin’, alright.”
“Thanks for the ride,” I say, hopping down.
He speeds off before I’ve even closed the door, spitting dust and debris all over me. It isn’t until his taillights have faded into the distance that I realize I’ve just made a deal with the devil.
Chapter three
The screen door slams behind me. I fall on the couch, a sigh leaving my lungs as I throw my arms over my damp face. I woke up this morning with such high hopes, but every one was dashed with each passing minute. I thought I’d be able to do this. I have Texas in my blood and New York on my skin. I come from a long line of hardened hearts, yet one day in Hell’s Bend knocked me right off my high heels.
“Tough day?”
Cindy’s smoky voice pulls me from my pity party. I take another deep breath and let it trickle past my lips. “They hated me.”
The couch cushions dip, her warm hand hot on my skin. “They just have to get to know you.”
“They don’t want to know me. I’m just a spoiled rich girl, and that’s all I’ll ever be.”
Cindy slowly peels back my arms and exposes my face. “I know it’s hard startin’ new. But you can do it. You’re tough like your mama.”
Tears spill down my temples and into my ears. “I miss her so much.”
She pulls me up and wraps me in her arms. “I know.”
I jam my lids closed, trying my best to pretend it’s her, but Cindy’s hearty hug isn’t the same. My mom’s body was slender and toned, while Cindy’s is soft. I melt against her, thumbing my tears away like a toddler. “Tell me something about her. Something about her wild years.”
A gentle laugh rumbles in Cindy’s chest. “Your mama had a lotta wild years. I got so many stories and not enough time to tell them all.”
I break from her embrace and curl into the corner of the couch. “Then start with one.”
She presses her lips into a thin line, staring out into an unseeable past. “Okay,” she starts, pushing into a comfortable position. “There’s this swanky country club over yonder in Red Drum—the rich part of town—and your mama got it in her head one night that we were gonna go swimmin’ in that pool after hours.”
My smile stretches from ear to ear. Try as I might, I can’t imagine a young Sarah Cartwright having to sneak into a country club. “Did you get in?”
“Yeah, we got in alright. A few of us climbed over the fence and swam in that pool until security found us and kicked us out. I swear, I’d never seen anythin’ so blue as that water in my life.” She reaches over and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Your mama was never satisfied with the simple things. She was too good for skinny-dippin’ in the creek like the rest of us. She wanted a taste of the good life, and once she got it, there was no lookin’ back.” When her gaze snaps to mine, the whites of her eyes are misty pink. “It was no surprise to me that she made it big. She had that unstoppable fire inside her. That’s prolly what I loved the most about her.”
“I wish I got to know that version of her.”
She takes my face in her hands. “Baby, you are that version of her. You just gotta get outta your own way.”
I pull a heavy breath into my lungs and let it fan across my lips. “Right now, I think I just gotta go shopping. You’re right. My clothes don’t work here.”
“Welp, I gotta be at work in an hour. I can drop you off in town on my way, but you’ll have to find a ride back.”
My lips twist in a pout. “I can’t imagine you guys have cabs out here.”
Another gravelly chuckle slides up her throat. “No, can’t say there is. But Jace’ll be at the gym. You find your way there, and he can give you a lift back.”
