But those realizations, those terrible facts made the smile currently etched across his face that much more horrific and scary though.

  Because it was in those realizations that he had not only sought Alex’s approval, which is something he could have dealt with over time, but he also seemed to have captured a piece of his soul and given it to Denny. He did already care, and he couldn’t understand why. And it was within that same horrible truth that Roland realized that he hadn’t just come to care for one person, which he was unfortunately learning to deal with, but actually coming to care for at least two people.

  It was madness. He didn’t like it. And he didn’t appreciate it. But he had no fucking idea what to do about it.

  “So about him going to see his dad,” Roland started. He wanted to move the subject of interest off of himself. He couldn’t afford to have the thoughts that he was having, and he couldn’t afford to have her look at him anymore for fear of letting down his guard once again. He couldn’t do it again. He wasn’t sure he would have the strength to build any sort of wall back up if this one were to fall as the other had. This was it. All or nothing. And he couldn’t back down. So, the best plan of defense was to steer away from it all. And stay away at all costs.

  “Well, he’s sick… so if the doctor agrees, then it may be good for him,” she said in the most rational tone he had ever heard, especially from her. “To get closure.”

  He nodded, understanding her rationale. “I wish I had,” she whispered sadly.

  “Do you need closure?” Roland asked, kicking himself as soon as it left his mouth. It was as if it had a mind of its own, as if it had jumpstarted in an electric frenzy quicker than his brain could send the signal to stop it.

  He didn’t need to delve any further into her life; he knew that. The more he delved, the further he was in. The further he was in their lives; the more he felt for them.

  She scoffed. “Not in the slightest. I don’t care enough to have closure anymore. Allen is as dead as Faye is.”

  He sighed, understanding the hostility a little too well. So well, in fact, that he felt himself becoming angry too, and a sense of familiarity once again came crashing back. Only this time, the familiarity wasn’t with Denny…it was with Alex’s resentment towards her father and seemingly her mother, as well. He cringed; he couldn’t deal with it all. He had to shake it off.

  And shake it off he did, but not before Alex caught a glimmer in his eye that gave way to a heap of truth. It was as if his eyes gave him away every time his emotions and thoughts shifted to something human, at least to her they did. It was if those gorgeous browns trusted her just enough to tell her the truth every time he so quickly made moves to hide it away.

  They were truly windows into him, into his soul, and she believed that if ever there was one view that she could see herself growing old looking at, it was one through his eyes. It was the one she could look at, while sipping coffee, day in and day out.

  It was cheesy, sure. It even made her a little nauseous to think of how corny it actually was, but it was true. Damn it all, it was true. The more and more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was truly in love with a man that bought her, a man who paid her for her company, a man who basically turned her into a whore.

  But it didn’t matter. None of it did. All that mattered was that she felt more whole; she felt as if there were things she could hope for; she felt that those hopes wouldn’t be in vain; and for once, she felt like the day wasn’t headed to destruction or chaos.

  It just was.

  He just was.

  And they just were.

  Everything—though it wasn’t ideal—was in that moment as it should be. Denny was under the same roof as she was; Roland was standing before her, his eyes telling a different story than his words. They were telling her that he cared. And finally, her heart was beating again, rather than faintly sputtering out like her shitty, little, white sedan. She was feeling again; she was alive. And so was he, even if he didn’t realize it yet.

  Chapter 4

  Alex continued to stare into the eyes of the man she was now able to admit she was in love with. They were big and brown, and no matter how much he tried to blink and look away, she held strong and peered into the gorgeous brown orbs. They held a sense of innocence about them, which was absurd. He was a lot of things, but innocent definitely wasn’t one. Yet, the windows were open, and there it was; it was an innocent gentleness. It was something sweet, and kind.

  Sure, she saw the hurt behind those big brown glittering balls that she almost called perfection due to the immaculate view that lay just beyond them—the view to his inner being, his heart, and his soul. But the hurt that was present, though large, was only a mere blade of brown, a single weed, flowing with feverish disdain, but surrounded by nothing but a cascading greenery that seemed to roll over hill after hill in the view that she was fortunate enough to gaze into.

  The view into Roland’s true inner being was definitely something to be proud to have a glimpse at; it was a treat that few ever obtained. It was miraculous and special, and Alex didn’t know if she possessed some special power that allowed her to see him for what he really was, or if perhaps she was just special to him in general and he allowed her to see him. It was a view that was rarely seen by anyone, regardless; but, she knew that the negative weed, persistent in growth, could be dealt with—regardless of its permanent presence.

  “Alex!” he called, waving his hands in front of her eyes, clearly indicating that she hadn’t been listening. It was strange, really. She was so focused on him but didn’t hear a word that he had been saying. “About Denny? I’ll go talk to him and tell him what you decided.”

  She nodded in response, hoping she didn’t come across as awkward as she now felt. She knew the inner turmoil he possessed. She knew how hard it was for him to open up. She knew how much he hated being seen.

  She knew it all, but she couldn’t help edge further and prod at his doors until they opened—if only just a crack. She couldn’t help it, but she knew that if she wasn’t careful, she would cause him to retreat and risk losing access to the most beautiful view her eyes had ever befell: his eyes. His true eyes. The ones that weren’t disgusted by a brooding darkness; a haze of black.

  Just as he was about to turn around and walk away, she found herself realizing that she had spent the entire day with Holly and the beginning of the evening with Roland. It was almost like she was avoiding her brother. She wasn’t sure why or how, but it wasn’t like her not to seek him out. And she hadn’t.

  Perhaps she was scared of him; of what they might talk about. The last time they had been alone, they fought. The last time they were together, he was so angry at her, so disappointed. Could her heart take that sort of chaotic guilt and regret again?

  Maybe it was something else though. Maybe she was scared he’d ask why she was living with Roland, and the horrible liar within her might spill the beans on the fact that she was nothing more than a glorified whore there to bed Roland and adhere to his every desire and whim.

  She knew that her heart couldn’t handle that sort of chaos.

  She knew that her heart couldn’t handle that sort of disappointment from her brother.

  Those were the only things for certain.

  But regardless of it all, she missed him. And she needed him.

  “Wait!” she called after Roland, who immediately turned on his heel to face her again. “Tell him after dinner. I want brother-sister time.”

  Roland smiled faintly and nodded—almost sadly—and walked away again.

  As he approached the kitchen, he wondered what he might say, but it seemed to come easily when he saw the young boy’s joyous face as he aided Maria in chopping a few carrots. It was simple to talk to Denny, much simpler than talking to Alex. Both were equally strong in their beliefs and outspoken to an annoying extent, but Denny was much kinder. And Roland had to wonder if it was the lack of years and the lack of experience in the world. He wondered if it was too early for Denny to have grown truly bitter by the world around him.

  But then he looked up at the boy with a dazed look. If anyone should be bitter, you’d think it would be Denny. But he wasn’t. He was kind; he was thoughtful; he was joyous; and he looked like he appreciated every breath his lungs made and every beat his heart took. Then, Roland wondered if it was because he was dying that he wasn’t bitter; that he was actually thankful.

  “Well, you’re a little guilt-tripper, but you can go,” was all he had to say before Denny burst out in an amazing child-like laughter that seemed to tickle even Roland’s ears with pleasantry.

  “Does this mean you’re paying for it, too?” Denny asked, cockily smirking and leaning against the counter smoothly, a knife still in hand. Maria smacked the boy in the back of the head almost as quickly as he had leaned into the counter, and Roland couldn’t help but laugh.

  “No playing with a knife in your hand!” she yelled, walking behind him, still concerned with cooking dinner rather than whatever Roland and Denny were discussing.

  Alex found her way into the kitchen to watch the men communicate with each other. She was intrigued to say the least. Denny never had any sort of adult male influences, and she wasn’t sure if Roland was the best role model, but she was happy that they were at least getting along.

  “Why do I have to pay?” Roland asked with humor. “Don’t you have a whole bucket of money that I’m paying your sister?”

  “Why should I have to pay when you’re keeping my sister?” Denny cut, gesturing towards Alex. She felt heat rise into her cheeks; she was actually blushing. “Or even allow a poor, sick, sixteen-year-old boy stay with you under your large roof?”

  Alex had to giggle at the dramatics; it was quite impressive, really. It was probably the first time she had ever seen him really use his sickness as leverage, and probably the first time she had ever seen him feign a pitiful act. Usually, his pitifulness was no act. It was usually just the harsh reality.

  “I feel like you’d extort me if you had any real leverage,” Roland said, rolling his eyes at Denny’s production. “I’ll pay for your trip, but we have to go over ground rules so you’re not living it up. I’m giving you a set amount to go with.”

  Alex couldn’t even believe that Roland was willing to give money to a stranger. Sure, he was her brother. And Roland was definitely wealthy. But why would he do that? Before today, Roland had never even seen Denny. They had never met. Why would he be doing this?

  “I just want you to get answers…and closure,” Roland said, nearly reflecting exactly what Alex had said, but if he had actually meant it, then he was almost vocalizing Alex’s inquiries, answering them. Almost.

  With that, she decided she’d leave them be and let them have their discussion. Later, she would have Denny all to herself, and after that, she would even have Roland to herself. If she had any questions, she knew she could bring them up then.

  “Thanks… I do really wish that I could stay here though,” Denny commented with a smirk.

  “Do you even know what your sister does for me?” Roland asked, not really sure why he asked. But he wondered. He truly wondered if Denny knew, and if he’d want to stay if he knew the truth. What brother would though?

  “I have my suspicions,” the boy scoffed, obviously knowing that they’ve been sexually involved. But then Denny glared at him slightly, a trace of hurt in his eyes. And for a split second, Roland was truly terrified. Did the boy really know? Could there be any sort of possibility of him actually knowing?

  Would he be acting so civilly to him if he did know the truth? Surely not, but then again, Roland knew nothing about Denny.

  Nothing at all. Not really.

  Chapter 5

  Denny had gone to visit his father, and Roland wondered how it’d been going. Unfortunately, he didn’t want to inquire. He didn’t want Alex to catch on; he didn’t want her to get the impression that he cared. Whether he did or didn’t wasn’t the issue anymore, well at least not entirely. The main issue was the constant struggle he had just trying to keep her from seeing he actually cared.

  But she had seen.

  She saw everything.

  She hadn’t seen the darkness come forth in days now, and she wondered how long it’d be before it returned again—or if it was gone forever. It had definitely been—since she had personally known him—the longest he had gone without exhibiting the deliberate cruelty. Indeed, the terrifying haze of shadowy misfortune usually surrounding his eyes hadn’t reared its ugly head in quite some time.

  They hadn’t even fucked. Now, albeit, that part of everything was a little frustrating, to say the least, but she could accept it. Because there was something else there; something beyond that of sex.

  Sure, she still wanted it, still craved it, but there was an intimacy level that he actually seemed comfortable reaching. It was innocent, really, but still very appreciated.

  In fact, they were currently sitting together on the couch, watching a movie. It was something they would have never had done before. It was something friendly and personal, spending leisurely time with one another. It was something she felt enthused about, as they curled up together in kind-spirit, cuddled up with blankets and a bowl of popcorn.

  She wished they would have shared a blanket, so she could somehow snake her hand over to his crotch, feel him, touch him, and make him grow hard… but alas, that wasn’t so. But it didn’t make the moment any less special. She was frustrated sexually sure, but she enjoyed the simplicity of the evenings as they were.

  The room was dark, and she felt like a teenager again when she dipped her hand into the popcorn bowl and grazed his. The electric shock that sparked across her flesh and down her spine made her almost giggle with nostalgia. It was funny, really, especially when he seemed to snap his hand away like a teenage boy would have done.

  The humor wasn’t wasted on him though. Before Alex thought Roland was in all actuality a bit of a dud. He never joked, at least not often, and seemed to be characterized by a lack of a sense of humor. But when he looked at her, the glow of the television igniting a few distinct features of his face, she knew that he understood why it was so funny.

  “Should we go play seven minutes in heaven?” he joked, but she couldn’t help but wish more than anything that it could have somehow became a reality. She needed seven minutes of heaven; hell, at this point, it’d probably take just seven seconds before she found herself orgasming around him.

  Just as she was about to respond, the doorbell rang. It was strange. No one ever came to Roland’s home outside of his workers and an occasional client. The visitor list was a short one, and no one ever came this late. When Alex looked to Roland, who slowly rose to his feet, she knew that she wasn’t alone in her confusion. He wasn’t expecting anyone either.

  And he sure as hell wasn’t expecting who was standing on the other side of the door when he pulled it open. She felt disgusted as soon as she had seen him, she could only imagine what Roland felt. The visitor was an ugly reminder of what they had both done, what he had done. There he was with all his fat glory: Mr. Gresky. He was the reminder that she was purchased and that Roland had been the one to purchase her.

  “We need to talk,” he growled, his double-chin jiggling as he spoke and before anyone could protest, he checked Roland’s shoulder and ran through him, nearly knocking him over with his enormous gut. She could tell that Roland was angry at his unannounced presence, and his rude entry, but she also knew that something must have been truly wrong if he was there.

  Because by the look of it, by Roland’s facial expression alone, his unannounced presence had never happened before, and she could tell that it wasn’t appreciated.

  “Tell me how the fuck that weasel of a strip club owner knows about the agreement between the two of you?” he said, gesturing to Roland and Alex both. Strip club owner?

  “Terrence?” Alex asked, confusion caked over her voice.

  “Yes, you cunt. Terrence,” he was mocking in his tone, unrefined and rude. He was definitely a different man in behavior than the last time she had seen him. And she knew that it was likely not only because he was on his best behavior before. She knew that his tail-feathers had been ruffled. He had lost all composure in himself; but why? What did it matter if Terrence knew? He was one of his recruiters; he obviously knew what he was up to and who Gresky was.

  “What business is that of mine?” Roland asked, his voice deep and warning. He had left the door open, obviously hoping the large girth of a man would catch the hint and find himself on his way out.

  “Well, see, it’s a lot your business, boy,” he growled, turning to face Roland, who walked slowly and defensively around the man. Alex knew that if this escalated it wouldn’t be good. She could only hope and pray that Maria was nowhere around. “He shouldn’t know more than her being sold. I do this sort of confidentiality to protect my clientele. Without your protection, what do I have?!”

  “I’m fine and clearly not upset with this. So why are you?” Roland asked, obviously not understanding Gresky’s point. Alex had to admit, she didn’t either.

  “I had that fucker come into my establishment and demand to pay off Alex’s fucking contract and come in like a knight in shining fucking armor and sweep her off her fucking feet!” Gresky was cursing way more than she was used to.

  Hell, she wasn’t used to him speaking so crass in the first place, let alone every other word something as explicit as the word “fuck.” “It’s bad because when assholes like this get word of shit, then they come in my place of business and not only jeopardize your safety,”—he turned to Roland and poked him harshly in the chest—“but then I get clients calling me up and asking if the same thing is going to happen to them! I get the sort of reputation that no ring owner wants; that I can’t protect the people that buy from me!”

  Roland looked at the man, the darkness in his eyes finally arriving. Gresky had obviously pushed him too far by poking him. But he quickly seemed to regain composure.

 

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