Their sister turned toward him and Caleb saw the unspoken communication that passed between the siblings. Seeing their connection hit him like a punch in the gut. He no longer shared that with them. Perhaps a small bit with Justin, who had never stopped reaching out to him, but not anything like the close bond they had shared before. The years away while he pondered the truth about his parentage had cut him from his family almost more than his secret had.

  An aching loneliness burned around his heart, merging with a guilt that nearly took him to his knees at that realization. How much worse would it be when he saw his parents?

  “Come, they are waiting for you upstairs,” Tessa finally said with another frown toward him.

  Justin motioned Caleb to follow her as she exited the parlor, and Caleb acquiesced. As he stepped onto the landing and then up the winding staircase to the second floor of the home, he couldn’t help but feel he was a prisoner being taken to execution, with his sister as escort and his brother behind him as jailer meant to keep him from bolting.

  The feeling only increased as Tessa stopped at the door to his mother and father’s chamber. She turned toward him with a shaky, tearful smile.

  “Papa will be so happy to see you. He’s been asking for you every half hour since he awoke this morning. And Mama is waiting for you at his side.” Tessa tilted her head to look at him. Caleb shifted with discomfort beneath her stare, wondering what thoughts passed through her mind. Then his sister lifted her hand and gently touched his face, her anger with him faded, at least for the moment. “Don’t look so worried, Caleb. It won’t be so bad as all that.”

  Caleb shut his eyes. Oh, if only she knew. But he smiled down at her with difficulty and then turned toward the door. After a few long, calming breaths, he turned the knob and stepped into the chamber.

  It was darker than he had expected, and Caleb stood in the doorway for a long moment before his eyes adjusted and he was able to see clearly. The fire burned low, and across from it his father’s bed was outlined by a solitary lamp burning on the side table.

  “Is that him?” came a weak voice from within the chamber. “Has he come at last?”

  For a horrible moment, Caleb considered turning on his heel and fleeing the room rather than facing the man in that bed. He was certain he could have a horse and be gone before anyone caught up with him, only this time he would be careful never to be found again.

  But then his rational mind retook control. Running hadn’t been a successful way of dealing with this situation for all these years. As he’d told Justin, it was time to stop and reclaim his life. And part of that reclaiming was to face the man who had raised him and find a way to pretend he didn’t know the truth.

  “Yes, my lord,” he said as he entered the room. “It is Caleb.”

  A rustle sounded from beside the bed, and then a woman stepped into the light. Caleb stared as his mother, Phillipa Talbot, rushed forward. In the brief moments before she launched herself at him in a crushing embrace, he noticed that she, like his sister, had lost a great deal of weight. And she had a haunted expression that made her once happy face very long and pained indeed.

  She held him, shaking like an autumn leaf about to break away from the tree, but said nothing for a long moment. And despite his anger with her at the lie she had created, despite his utter lack of understanding of why his mother would do what she had done, Caleb allowed himself to hold her.

  When his arms came around her, a hundred memories assaulted him at once. Ones of his mother’s comfort, of her laughter, of all the special things she had done for their family over the years. Despite not being the heir, despite being born into this family as a middle child who was neither to be groomed for inheritance nor babied, he had never once felt neglected or uncared for, thanks to his mother.

  Finally she released him and stepped away, swiping uselessly at the tears that clouded her eyes and overflowed onto her pale cheeks.

  “Oh, Caleb,” she murmured. “My boy, my precious boy.”

  He dipped his head at the endearment she had used for him as a child. He’d almost forgotten it.

  “Mother,” he managed to say gruffly, but could say no more. He had too many questions to dare it, for he didn’t think she would appreciate such an inquisition with his father lying not three feet away.

  Caleb turned toward the bed and faced the man who lay there. It took everything in him not to stumble away at what he saw.

  The skeletal person who lay within the folds of blanket couldn’t be the same bold, powerful man who had raised him. It wasn’t possible.

  Illness had made the marquis’ skin sallow and stretched it along his face until it was almost translucent. His dark brown eyes, the ones Caleb’s brother and sister shared, proving they were of their father’s true blood even if Caleb wasn’t, were cloudy and dilated with pain.

  The thin, pale hand lifted from the blanket and reached for him. Caleb took it and was shocked by how light and cold his father’s touch was. There was no strength left in it and very little life.

  “Caleb,” he finally said, and the voice, at least, was the same as Caleb had remembered. That deep, resonating voice that could bring down the house in anger or soothe the slightest pain with compassion and grace.

  “Hello, my lord,” he whispered, taking the seat beside the bed that his mother had begun to motion toward wildly.

  “Are you here? Or is this is another dream?” the marquis asked, but it seemed every word took great effort, and he let out a pained sigh at the end of his question.

  “It is no dream, sir,” Caleb choked as emotions he’d vowed not to feel overcame him.

  Had his father truly dreamed of his return, only to awaken disappointed by his absence? The idea of it smashed Caleb as hard as any fist in a bar fight ever had. In fact, it stung more than any physical injury in his experience.

  Caleb swallowed past the lump in his throat and turned toward his mother slightly. “Is he in great pain?”

  She hesitated, her eyes tearing up before she nodded wordlessly.

  Caleb flinched. “And can they give him nothing to relieve it?”

  His mother smiled at him sadly. “He refused his laudanum this morning. He said he did not wish to sleep through your visit.”

  Caleb stared at his mother for a moment before he looked back at his father.

  “You wouldn’t have your ease?” he whispered as he reached forward and gently brushed a long lock of gray hair away from his father’s face.

  “The drug makes me . . .” His father struggled for a moment. “Tired. Far away. And you have been far away from me for so long already. I was . . . afraid this might be . . . the only time I would see you. I didn’t want to . . . forget.”

  Caleb sucked in a harsh and painful breath, not only at the laborious way his father was forced to speak, but at the guilt his words brought. Here he had been wallowing in his own anguish and his father bore his own far larger share with such silent strength.

  “Well, you needn’t worry about that,” Caleb finally choked. “This will not be the only time you see me. I intend to come here every day. After a week you shall have had your fill of me and will be telling the servants to inform me you are not at home when they bring you my card.”

  His father wheezed for a moment and Caleb tensed. Dear God, had he come at the very last moment? Was this his father’s death rattle? And why had he waited so long to return home?

  But after a brief moment of horror, Caleb realized his father wasn’t dying, but laughing. The rattling, awful sound was the closest he could come to a chuckle. Behind him, his mother gasped.

  “That is the first time he has smiled in months,” she whispered.

  Caleb gaped at his father. This grimace was a smile? It was nothing at all like the broad, mischievous grin he recalled from his youth. And this wheezing sound that was now his father’s laugh was but an empty, hollow shell of the booming chuckle that had filled their halls over the years.

  The wheeze faded and his father’s lids drooped slightly as he settled deeper into the pillows. “I promise to kick you out if I grow tired of your presence,” he said with difficulty.

  Caleb nodded, taking the moment of his father’s distraction to swipe at a tear that had somehow escaped and now clung to his cheek. “Very good. Now let me sit with you, sir. I would greatly love to hear about your adventures while I was away.”

  His father opened one eye and speared him with a look. “I’m not certain I will be very entertaining.”

  Caleb smiled. “Then let me tell you some of mine.”

  The older man nodded slowly as he closed his eyes. Behind him, Caleb heard the door click quietly, and when he looked over his shoulder, he realized his mother had left the two of them alone. So he looked down into his father’s haggard face and began to speak.

  Caleb had no idea how much time had passed when he finally stepped into the hallway and stretched his back. As if they had been listening for the sound of the door, his family stepped from the parlor across the hall. Still blinking from the brighter light, Caleb stared at them, gathered as a group before him.

  The anger he had sensed in his sister earlier remained on her face, though there was love in her eyes and empathy as well, as she looked at him. Justin simply appeared worried, his face lined by anxiety.

  As for his mother . . . she seemed drawn. Exhausted. And resigned, as if she realized her time with her husband was coming to an end and she had somehow managed to find peace with that fact. Caleb knew he shouldn’t begrudge her that little comfort, but he found himself angry that she could once again distance herself from the man who had raised him.

  “How was he?” his mother asked, breaking the silence.

  When she spoke, it was as if everyone in the hallway exhaled at once, relieved that the awkward moment had passed at last.

  Caleb shrugged. “He is tired. He dozed in and out during our time together, but I welcomed it, for the sleep seemed to ease his pain. He engaged me seldom, though when I stopped talking, he always encouraged me to continue. He seems to have fallen into a deeper sleep now.”

  His sister nodded. “Yes, what you describe is how he is now.”

  His mother stepped forward and took his hand. Caleb stared down into her face, loving and abhorring her with seemingly equal measure.

  “How are you, my son?” she whispered. “You were in there for three hours, you must be overwhelmed.”

  He slipped his hand free gently, unable to bear the touch meant to comfort him. He ignored the way her lips trembled when he did so.

  “I’m fine. He is the one who suffers,” he said. “But I am tired. Justin, I know I promised I would find another place to stay immediately, but I find I’m not up to the challenge after this day. Perhaps I could trespass upon your hospitality one more night?”

  Before Justin could reply, their mother said, “You are staying with your brother?”

  Caleb let out a sigh before he nodded. “My own town home is in great disarray. Until it has been aired, cleaned, and restaffed, I won’t be able to stay there.”

  “Then come here,” his mother said, her face lighting up with real pleasure for the first time since his arrival. “Stay with us in your old chamber. I could have it ready for you before your things were sent from Justin and Victoria’s home. Tessa and I would love to have you.”

  Caleb’s gaze flashed to his sister, who seemed less certain that she would enjoy such a thing, and then to his brother before he shook his head.

  “No, I think it would be better for everyone if I stayed where I am. As long as my presence is no trouble to Victoria and Justin.”

  The two brothers locked gazes, and Caleb could see Justin’s disappointment. Caleb turned away from it, ready to hear his brother shun him and force him to go to a place he did not desire, but instead Justin said, “Of course it’s no trouble. And it is getting late now, so perhaps it is best to leave you settled where you are.”

  Their mother’s expression fell, but she nodded. “I suppose you are right. Everyone is in such high emotion, there is no reason to rush around changing what is working out. But if you change your mind—”

  Before she could finish, Caleb bowed. “Of course. I will consider your offer.”

  His mother’s lips thinned, but she said nothing further even when his sister wrapped her arm around her gently. For a long moment the family stood in silence, but then Caleb shifted.

  “Justin, might we return to your home now? I assume Victoria must be awaiting a report on how the day went.”

  Justin nodded and Caleb almost felt badly for using his sister-in-law to force his brother’s departure, but Victoria had been feeling ill that morning and hadn’t accompanied the gentlemen to their meeting. He knew Justin was concerned for her health and wanted to check on her.

  “Yes, we should return,” Justin conceded.

  Their mother and sister escorted the two men downstairs. Caleb watched as Justin embraced each woman. Caleb wished he could be so unguarded, but instead he nodded his farewell to each and stepped outside.

  He was surprised to find the sun setting. Time had slipped away from him today, as much as it ever had when he drank it away. Only he preferred the drinking, for it numbed the pain he felt so keenly at present. There was yet another reason to forget all these troubles and return to the carefree life he’d once led.

  Stepping into the carriage, he let out a long sigh. His brother settled in across from him and the carriage rolled into motion.

  “Caleb—” Justin began when they had moved along a few streets.

  He lifted his gaze to Justin. “You are disappointed in me, there is no need to begin an entire treatise about it. I don’t think I can bear it at present.”

  Justin pursed his lips. “I’m not disappointed. Great God, Caleb, it was the first time you have seen our family since you found out the truth about yourself. To be honest, I expected much worse.”

  Caleb laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “Did you think I would enter the house and scream out the truth from the foyer, demand satisfaction, perhaps challenge someone, anyone to a duel?”

  Justin shrugged. “There was much I feared. But instead you remained quite calm about the entire situation.”

  Caleb shut his eyes as he thought of the jumbled images of his time with his family. “Our sister holds a great deal of resentment toward me.”

  Justin nodded. “She, like everyone else, knows nothing of the circumstance which caused you to leave so abruptly. Tessa thinks you abandoned our family and yes, she is angry about it, despite my attempts to defend you since your departure.”

  “Well, I appreciate your efforts, even if they were fruitless.” Caleb rubbed his eyes.

  “If you want to end her anger, I suppose you could tell her the truth,” Justin said after a pause, his voice barely carrying.

  Caleb jerked straight up and stared at his brother in shock. “Tell her? You and I have already discussed this. I have no intention of pursuing the truth of my birth, either by revealing that I know of it to anyone in our family or by making any attempt to uncover more about the particulars of it. You of all people should know why that isn’t prudent or even possible. You kept this secret for years.”

  “For all the good it did us,” Justin said with a shake of his head. “I deserve your rage for keeping what I knew from you. You, of all people, deserved to know it.”

  Caleb looked at his elder brother for a long time. They had been best friends as much as siblings over the years. During his time away, he had missed his brother, even when he was furious at him.

  “I was angry at you in the beginning,” he admitted softly. “Perhaps that anger even lingered beyond my initial shock. I couldn’t comprehend, no matter how I tried, why you would keep me in the dark about who I am. Why you wouldn’t simply confront the truth head-on and be done with it. But after today . . .” He trailed off as he remembered his father’s sickly cough and his drawn face. “After today I’m more determined than ever to pack the past away and forget about it.”

  “I still worry about this ‘solution’ you propose,” Justin said softly. “It may not be as easy to put away your emotions as you believe. I would hate to see you put on a path to destruction.”

  Caleb choked out a laugh though he felt no good humor. “Even before I knew I wasn’t my father’s son, I was well on my way to destruction, Justin.”

  “That isn’t true,” Justin said softly.

  “No?” Caleb tilted his head. “How many times did you pay out my debts? Or help me escape an angry husband who discovered his wife was philandering with me?”

  Justin shrugged. “It isn’t the same thing.”

  “Perhaps not, but the fact is I was never a saint, Justin.” He smiled, a thoroughly false expression. “And I look forward to returning to those wicked ways again. At least when I destroyed myself with pleasures, I didn’t hurt any innocents in the process.”

  He flashed briefly to an image of Marah, but immediately pushed that thought aside. At all costs, he had to forget what they had shared as much as he should forget what he knew about himself. That was what she required and it was for the best, even if it currently seemed like an impossible task.

  “Perhaps you’re right,” Justin conceded with a shrug. “Perhaps you’ll be able to simply pack away the emotions that have chased and tormented you for two years. Perhaps within weeks you will be as carefree as you once were and I won’t worry about you any longer.”

  “You don’t sound very certain,” Caleb said with an arched brow.

  Justin shook his head. “I hope I’m wrong to hesitate, but I still believe you deserve the answers you refuse to seek. And that until you have them, you won’t be able to forget what you know about yourself and what has happened in the past.”

  Caleb was silent for a long moment as his brother’s words sank in. He feared Justin was correct, though he wouldn’t ever state that out loud.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Caleb finally replied as the carriage moved into the drive of Justin’s home and slid to a stop. He fumbled for the handle of the door even before the footman could reach it. “After a few drinks all of this will be numbed. And numbness will have to suffice.”

 

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