Charlies planet, p.12
Charlie's Planet, page 12
part #5 of Bob and Nikki Series
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen this before.”
I looked at Greg. “You think we should cut them some sticks?”
He replied, “I don’t know, Uncle Bob. Might be too primitive for the likes of them.”
It’s a blessing John still has his natural teeth. If he had dentures, he would have lost them in the fire, as hard as he laughed. Finally, he wheezed out, “I like that boy!”
“I like you too, Uncle John. You make my Mommy smile.”
Greg and I got up and got some more sticks. Jane watched closely as I let Greg carve the ends, but she didn’t say anything. He brought Lyla and Crocus a pair of sticks. “Here you go.”
They sat down and speared a couple of marshmallows. Crocus didn’t pay attention, and got a flame up. Jane said, “You might want to blow that out, before it’s all gone.”
She pulled it out of the fire and blew on it, but not hard enough. Greg said, “Blow harder.”
It went out, and she asked, “What now?”
John said “Blow on it some more to cool it off, and then eat it.”
“But it’s burned.”
I said, “Some people like the burned ones, some people like them just browned.”
She cooled it off, and then sat looking at it. “How do I take it off to eat it?”
Greg had one ready to eat. “Like this”, he opened his mouth wide, and stuck the whole thing in, catching it with his teeth and sliding it off the stick. She copied him, and said, “Oh! That’s good!”
Jim came up and said, “Bob, if you’ve got a minute, I’ve got some plans drawn up for that recreation facility you wanted on the land behind Shady Oaks.”
“Just a minute.” I looked at John, and asked, “You got this?”, pointing my head at Greg.
He said, “Sure.”
We went inside, where Jim could lay out his plans on the table. It all looked well thought out, he even had a couple bathrooms so people wouldn’t have to walk all the way inside. I said, “I like the looks of this. I’m guessing you already ran it by John?”
“I did, but he wanted your okay, too.”
“I’m taking Taz with me, but you’ll have Topper and Ozzie to help you. I guess you could draft some of the residents, if you don’t work them too hard.”
“John said the same thing. I think people would enjoy it more, if they put some work into it. What about that new girl, Ruth. I haven’t got to work with her yet.”
“She’s headed out with Taz and me. We’ll be back in a couple of weeks, I think.”
“Place won’t be the same without you, Bob.”
“All of you folks are good help. You’ll do fine.”
“Get good people and trust ‘em. You’re learnin’, Bob.”
“Just goes to show, even a dumb old hillbilly can learn, if you beat him about the head enough.”
“If you’re a dumb old hillbilly, I’d surely hate to meet the smart ones.”
We went back out to the fire. Even Greg was full of marshmallows by now.
Jane came over. “Bob, thanks for being Greg’s friend. He’s going to need one.”
“Those papers he was talking about?”
“Yep. He decided to split the blanket rather than come home. I don’t think he wants to share his oilfield pay.”
“We’ve got a lawyer on call, if you need one.”
“Considering that account you guys set me up with, I’m thinking I’ll just let it go uncontested. He didn’t ask for joint custody, even.”
“That’s sad. Greg thinks the world of him.”
“He’s pretty fond of his Uncle Bob, too.”
“He’ll get over it, once he gets to know me better.”
“I doubt that. I had a question, though.”
“Yes?”
“Could I get in on some of that training you’re passing out?”
“Oh Crap! Of course, I just missed telling you, just like I missed telling everybody else. Get with Dingus, I think he wants to train you up for his deputy head of security.”
“What? When did he decide that?”
“When he saw you shoot.”
“But you’ve had all that training already. Why bother with me?”
“Dingus says you’re a natural. Thinks you’ll be better than me, once you have the training.”
“Oh! He really said that?”
“Words to that effect, anyway.”
“I better talk to him before we leave, then.”
“Could I ask you a favor?”
“Sure, Bob.”
“Hear what it is, first.”
“Okay. I guess.”
“John is my friend. Has been for a long time. He cares about you and Greg. If he doesn’t have a shot, you really need to let him know.”
“Bob, I understand you’re looking out for your friend, and thank you for caring enough to take an interest. I wish things were clearer, so I could give him some direction. I just can’t, right now, at least not until things are settled.”
“I understand. Sorry to get in your business.”
“No need, you look out for your people. It’s how you are, why we all listen when you talk.”
“Thanks for that.”
“I better get with Dingus, Dee looked like she wanted to take him home early.”
“I think they’ve got some baking to do.”
“Baking?”
“Putting a bun in the oven.”
She looked a little shocked. “Oh, I see.”
She went to look for Dingus. Max came up. I said, “Dang, do I need to get office hours?”
“Might not hurt. Everybody wants to ‘clear it with Bob’, before they do anything.”
“What can I do for you, Max?”
“I talked my dealer friend down to one saucer and a hundred ounces for that ship we were talking about. It doesn’t have the best maintenance history, but the bots can bring it up to spec pretty quick.”
“Get Joanna trained up before you leave. Do you need to transfer funds, or can you just use my Galactic account?”
“I can just use your account, no problem. So it’s okay if I leave before you get back?”
“If John and your Dad can’t handle something, Dee and Jane will come down on it like a rogue asteroid. I think we’re good.”
“Good enough.”
I found Nikki talking to Crocus and Lyla. “Hey Space Cadet, how’s it going?”
“Fine, Caveman. You finally get done talking to people about plans?”
“I guess. People stopped coming up to ask things, so I figured I was done.”
“I’m getting these two up to speed on how to slave one saucer to another. They’re heading out tomorrow, and they want to ride together.”
I looked at Crocus. “You decided you didn’t need to hide out until things blow over?”
“Lyla’s putting out a story that will clear me. It’s even mostly true.”
“You two have my comm code if anything goes sideways.”
Lyla said, “We know. One call, and Bob’s your asshole!”
“It’s so nice to have friends.”
Greg came running up. “Uncle Bob, I have to go home now. I’ll see you when you get back from your trip.”
I picked him up and hugged him. “You sure will. Take care of your Momma, like we talked about, okay?”
“I will. Fly safe, Uncle Bob.”
“We will.”
I put him down. Jane said, “Thanks for everything, Bob. See you when you get back.” She looked at Nikki, and Nikki nodded. I still wasn’t sure about it, but Jane was. After my eyes came uncrossed, I said, “No, thank you.”
The ladies giggled. Crocus asked, “Wow, can I be next?”
Nikki replied, “You’re not out of the doghouse yet, young lady!”
“Snagfart!”
Nikki said, “I’ll come find you when I’m through here, Caveman.”
“Sounds good.”
I wandered off to see who else would come and find me. I found Joanna standing alone. “What’s up, Director?”
“Oh, hi Bob. Just thinking about things, I guess.”
She looked over towards Nikki. “I see. Things changing, what with leaving the restaurant?”
“More than just that. I let myself get confused.”
“Welcome to my world. Only time I’m not confused, is when I haven’t had enough coffee to understand what’s going on.”
Just then, every comm in the place went off. I looked at mine. It said “Incoming!”. I pulled Joanna down behind cover with me. She produced a little Sig from somewhere. My Ruger had appeared in my hand. Snitz and Molly came screaming across the yard. Jangus stepped out of the woods with his ugly stunner, and was immediately downed by two furry meat missiles. Molly convinced him to drop it by biting his wrist. Snitz was growling at his throat. Dingus had come running when he saw the dogs take off. He took over from Snitz, stepping on Jangus’ other hand, and pointing a Colt between his eyes. “We even gave you back that ugly piece of junk. What do you think we owe you?”
“I came back to get those bots. I can make big bucks selling saucers like this. You silly primitives don’t have any idea what you have here. I could put it to use!”
Dingus called out, “Bob, could you bring a truth cap out here?”
I went and got it, and hooked Jangus up. He said, “You’re not fooling me. It’s not even turned on. It doesn’t hurt.”
I looked at Dingus. “And you call me a hard head.”
He sang out again. “Reggie, could you come here a moment, please?”
Max came running up, “Yes, Dad?”
“Could you run this man’s ID, and see if you get the same result I do?”
Max fiddled with his watch. “Oh, my! These two will never want for dog treats again.”
I said, “I’ll comm Mike. Did he give us his real name?”
Dingus replied, “Yes, he did. None of us thought to run it, earlier.”
Mike answered, “Hi Bob. How many, and where should we pick them up?”
“Just the one, as far as I know. We’re at John’s. His name is Jangus Nollum.”
The line was quiet while Mike looked him up. “Nasty one, he is. How’d you cross paths with him? Says here he hasn’t been heard from in fifty years.”
“He was marooned in Mexico.”
“Says here he has a partner, Sandax Melcum.”
“Yep. We didn’t run their ID’s when we found them. Never thought anything of it till this moron decided to come back and steal from us. I can have Topper send you the codes of the saucer he left in, if that will help.”
“Yes, please. See you soon.”
“Bye.”
John came up with a nighty-night. He asked, “Are you through questioning him?”
Dingus replied, “Not worth the effort. Go ahead.”
John pulled the truth cap, and put him out. Dingus said, “Let’s restrain him, too. These two are slippery customers.”
I asked Max, “Any way to cancel the transaction on that saucer, and refund his money?”
“We’ll have to give him a two percent cancellation fee.”
“Do it.”
He messed around for a little bit, and said, “There you go. All canceled.”
“I’m guessing it’s out there in the woods”, I said, pointing in the direction he came from.
“It is, and someone is attempting to fly it away.”
“Could you lock them in?”
“With pleasure.”
John said, “I’ll go get some party favors. Any preferences?”
Dingus said, “A levergun, if you’ve got one.”
He came back shortly with an armload of rifles, night vision, and a bag of flash bangs. He handed things out, and Max led us to the saucer. John and I stood on either side of the door. He handed me a flash bang, then he looked at Max and said, “Open it.” We chucked our grenades as soon as we could and followed them in when the door was open. Sandax was groaning on the floor. John gave him a nighty-night, and we trussed him up. I commed Mike. “Yes, Bob?”
“Found Sandax for you. Anything else you need?”
“I could still use the transponder code for that other saucer. It could be stolen property.”
“I’ll get that right to you.”
I commed Topper. “Yes, Boss? Did I get the warning out quick enough?”
“Yes, you did fine. Did you happen to record the transponder codes for Sandax’s saucer?”
“I did.”
“Could you send them to Mike, please?”
“Sure. There you go. Anything else?”
“Yes. Can you remind us to run a background check on anyone we pick up, unless we remember to do it on our own?”
“I can do that, Boss. Thanks for letting Mr. Sloan put in the nanny protocol. It makes us feel a lot better about being around humans.”
“I would have done it sooner, if I had known it existed. You know how behind the times I am.”
“You’re getting there, Boss.”
“Talk to you later, Topper.”
“Later, Boss.”
I flipped Sandax over my shoulder. I asked, “Max, could you put this saucer away, please?”
“Sure, Bob.”
We went back to the yard, and I carried Sandax out front. Dingus picked up Jangus, and brought him along. As we rounded the corner of the house, we felt a breeze, and a door appeared with Mike standing in it. We took him the prisoners. Mike asked, “Where do you want the money?”
“Just put it in the business account you set up last time, and I’ll deal with it later.”
“That’s easy. Thanks, Bob, Dingus.”
“Sure welcome, Mike. They’re stunner resistant, so I wouldn’t count on those badges too much.”
“You introduce me to the nicest people, Bob.”
The pilot turned around. “Hello, Major. Sorry to get you out so late at night.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Wilson. Catching these two is worth it.”
“Afraid I didn’t see the record. My people were impressed, though.”
“Spacecraft theft, armed robbery, murder, you name it. You say they’re stunner resistant?”
“Seemed to have a little effect on them, but not put them out. We met a fellow a few weeks ago who had an implant that let him just shrug off a stunner blast. Whatever they have doesn’t seem to be as good.”
“And yet the badges work on them?”
“They’re acting as if the badges work on them. I wouldn’t trust that, if I were you.”
“Anyone ever mention that you’re paranoid, Mr. Wilson?”
“Yes, but on the other hand, I’m still alive to hear it.”
“You do have a point.”
I resisted the urge to be a smartass, but it was a near thing. “Have a good evening. Thanks for taking out our trash.”
“Oh, there’s one other thing. I’m told you sold one of these fellows a saucer?”
“My business manager already canceled that sale, and paid the fee. The saucer is back in the barn, safe.”
“Snagfart! I had hoped to confiscate it, and conduct an extended evaluation of its flight characteristics.”
“Oh! I see the problem. Send us the specs on your personal saucer, so my crew can get parts fabricated ahead of time. Then come by, and it won’t take but about two hours to fix you up. We could even misplace the bill, if that’s not too close to bribery.”
“Why would you do that for me, Mr. Wilson?”
“I like you better when you’re friendly.”
“No line of BS about helping out the Patrol, and doing your civic duty?”
“Would you believe it?”
“Well, no, but it is customary.”
“I’ll try and do better, next time.”
“I’ll look forward to it. Have a good evening, Mr. Wilson.”
“Good evening, Major.”
We stepped out, and the door closed. Before we made it back to the house, we felt the wind of their leaving.
Dingus said, “The Major acts a lot more civil, these days.”
I replied, “He does, doesn’t he. I wonder if it’s the real thing?”
“Pity Steve wasn’t with us.”
“Ain’t that the truth. How hard is it to make one of those learning machine courses?”
“Not bad. What’s that terrible smell? Oh, I know! It smells like Bob plan.”
“Funny. Do you suppose you could get with Steve, and see if you could make a training course out of his cold reading skills?”
“That might be difficult. I’d probably have to scrape Bucky off him for a whole day or more.”
“Do what you can. Send her shopping with Dee, that’ll keep her busy.”
“My billfold is screaming in pain at the very thought.”
My comm rang. “Bob Wilson, how can I help you?”
“Bob, this is Major Rottum. That saucer you gave us the codes for is hidden in a tight little crevasse on your Moon, and we can’t break into the command codes to fly it out on remote. Any suggestions?”
“Not right off the top of my head. Let me get with some of my people, and I’ll call you back shortly.”
“Thanks, Mr. Wilson.”
“You’re sure welcome, Major.”
I commed Topper. “Hi, Boss. What do you need?”
“Thirty hour days? Seriously, did you happen to leave any kind of backdoor into the command software on Sandax’s saucer?”
“I know where there’s a planet with thirty hour days, but I don’t think that would help, Boss. You’d just find a way to fill them up. There’s a weakness in the hardware on that model saucer, so it can’t be perfectly secured. I don’t know how to exploit it, but Mrs. Wilson probably has something in her bag of tricks.”
“Thanks, Topper. I’ll ask her.”
“Bye, Boss.”
I went back over to where Nikki was talking with Lyla and Crocus. “Space Cadet, I need to interrupt again.”
“It’s okay, Caveman, I was just waiting for you to finish up. Do you need something?”
“Yes, I do, but that will have to wait till we get home. Sandax parked his saucer in a bad spot on the Moon, and the Major’s having trouble breaking into it for remote piloting. Topper thought you probably had a hack for that model saucer, since it has a known weakness.”
She fiddled with her watch. “Oh, I see what he means. It can be cracked, but it takes a two pronged attack. Where’s Bucky?”
