Vitamin q, p.10
Vitamin Q, page 10
"I don't think anything but monogamy can work for me." Shane uttered these words as a kind of confession for not having thought through these issues as much as Nico. "On the other hand, if those guys on the beach were long-term lovers, maybe they had an agreement for occasional threesomes."
"Or maybe hooking up with other couples?" Monogamy wouldn't be so challenging if threesomes and quartets were kosher.
Shane looked across their small table at Nico, who said nothing, forcing him to respond. "It's all kind of theoretical right now. Sure, shared stuff might be okay down the line. But life is already so hectic. I feel so grateful that we're lucky enough to sneak in this trip. Usually we're both so busy."
"Are you saying you're married to Microsoft?"
Shane grimaced in frustration but did not disagree. "Well, there's only so much time and I have only so much energy. Once we get more settled in, maybe we could trust each other enough to permit some quickies with other guys. You know—honest disclosure, no sneaking around."
"Wow! That's quite liberated. It's certainly an option." Except what if you or I want to see that new guy more than once? "Well, sounds like we're doing pretty well already what with computers, threesomes, and quickies. I'd say that's better than 'pure' monogamy. My opinions are uninformed, however. I've never had a relationship last long enough to try anything unusual." That announcement deserved a pause, so he took a sip of tea. "I do believe that it's better to be monogamous at the start if you're hoping for a long-term commitment, though."
"God, monogamy certainly has a poor reputation. On the other hand I know several couples in GLEAM who seem to be able to pull it off." Shane shifted awkwardly. "But then again I've heard that sixty percent of all gay men are single at any given time, so I know there's no easy answer."
"Sixty—that's the same percentage Out gives for gay couples in nonmonogamous relationships." Nico gave him a "You can't deny that's how it is" look and pushed his chair back.
"But you're okay with staying exclusive for a while longer?" Shane wondered, searching for reassurance.
"Sure. Ultimately, however, every relationship needs to figure out its own policy. Me, I'd like to go on record against a lifetime of monogamy because, especially for gay men, it just doesn't seem to work. After a while we could develop 'ground rules' that allow us some freedom."
"Okay, okay." Shane sounded exasperated. "These things don't have to be decided right away."
Relieved to have exposed the subject to a bit of rational discussion, Nico took his final sip of tea. Shane pocketed his credit card, refusing to let Nico leave cash for the tip. "I'm looking forward to going downtown tonight and right now that's as far ahead as I want to consider."
Later that same evening, Nico covered what turned out to be a boring, scoreless soccer match while Shane got some work done. Obligations satisfied, they hailed a cab to visit the Odyssey. Later they indulged their curiosity in a couple of other gay bars. It didn't take very long for the novelty to wear off. They grabbed a cab back to the UBC campus where they decided to have a nightcap at the Pit, the undergraduate bar in the Student Union.
"Here's a good place!" Shane called out from a table with a bird's-eye view deep down into the sunken dance floor.
Nico held their vodka tonics high as he maneuvered through the youthful crowd. It was too loud to talk, but there was a lot to see, mostly male undergraduates dancing with each other. Many guys seemed enigmas, sexually speaking, but almost all of them struck him as attractive in one way or another. (Unfortunately, he did not bump into any of the Washington Husky soccer players he had met earlier that evening, cute guys whose eyes had lit up when he reminded them that the drinking age in BC was only nineteen.)
"A lot of sexy guys," Shane had to yell.
Nico screamed back, "So confusing!"
"What's confusing?" Shane acted perplexed.
"Well, where are they coming from? Gay, ambiguous, or just straight guys having fun with each other?" Despite his perplexity, Nico was happily surprised. A decade earlier, his four years at the ultraliberal Evergreen had produced no scenes like this. He loved seeing guys being affectionate with one another.
"I would have hated to be an undergraduate here and have to try to figure out who was gay." Shane looked at Nico, assuming that he was simpatico, but Shane's exasperation with these men contrasted with Nico's delight.
"Hey, don't knock it. They all seem so accepting of themselves." How great would it have been to meet guys like these in college! Nico found the amorphous scene arousing. "Surely this is better than what you had at old, tight-ass, straight-white-boys-who-all-look-alike, WSU." (Nico pronounced it "WAZOO," as the locals did.)
Shane became thoughtful. "Well, of course, the closet dominated there. It was pretty nerve-racking. That's why I love Seattle. I'm so accepted at Redmond. Microsoft, as you probably know, lobbied hard for gay marriage in Washington." Shane scratched his head. "As for guys who only want a quick peek at queer life, I'm not sure how involved I'd be willing to get with them."
"No problem," Nico laughed, drawing from his store of experience. "They'd drop you before you even had a chance to fall in love."
While making their way back to the suite, they gently swayed together in the cool night air, arms around each other's shoulders. Feeling energetic, Nico bounded up the stairs ahead of Shane and, once inside their room, opened up some vodka. He also got him to partake of a joint purchased at the beach. By the time they started necking on the couch, Nico felt himself letting go. Finally. Neither of us is in a hurry. When the kissing became deeper, they reached down into each other's pants. To Nico this was blissful—the intimacy of kissing with the charge of holding, tugging, and jerking that brick-hard, white dick while his lover slowly pulled his foreskin up and down. Still kissing, they stood up so that their already unbuckled pants could drop to the floor. Energy built up quickly. As usual, Nico tried to slow things down. "Let's take our drinks to the bedroom," he suggested.
Nico "refreshed" their drinks with two huge splashes of vodka. He found himself bursting into laugher for no good reason. That glorious weekend feeling! Go ahead and ogle him. What a rush! Lovers on the road with no cares in sight. Once they lay on the bed, Nico got even more aroused, à la Pavlov, whiffing that Tom Ford cologne.
Nico got up on his knees so he could reach down and squeeze Shane's milky white buttocks. At first Shane tensed up, but then Nico felt him get into it. He retaliated by wiggling out of Nico's grasp and shoving him onto the bed so that his rump bounced upon contact with the mattress. Nico gave up and lay there, letting Shane jump on top of him. First Shane grabbed his nipples. Then he bit them, as a prelude, before once again returning to Nico's lips.
Nico loved this stage of a romance, when mutual attraction kicked in so emphatically. Tonight simply became a question of drawing on their already extensive repertoire of previously established possibilities, extensive enough so that there was also the uncertainty, which Nico loved, of what would come next. Borderline drunk, they were so much in the moment, so happily high, that he couldn't imagine their doing anything that wouldn't leave them both fully satisfied.
CHAPTER EIGHT
"Wait up!" Bobby hustled up to Nico's old Toyota just as he was about to drive home from the AIDS walk. "I'll go with you and help you get ready."
"Thanks. Jump in." Nico was rushing back to Plato's Cave to prep for his annual post-Walk luncheon.
Thanks to Bobby's offer, Nico instantly felt less pressure. Forgiving Bobby had become much easier since Bobby had started to act as if he would spend the rest of his life trying to appease him for bolting. I know most people have mixed motives most of the time, but, goddamnit, nice is nice. "The place is the usual mess. Carmen will rake me over the coals. I still haven't bought anything new."
"It's too bad Kim had to cancel." Kim and Grady, Nico silently corrected him. "She gave us a huge contribution, you know."
"Carmen was in a good mood this morning," Nico grudgingly volunteered. "Has she been behaving herself on this particular visit?"
Bobby nudged Nico with his foot, deftly avoiding the gearshift. "Your mom likes hanging around with Brianna."
"I know, I know." Why's he prodding me? "And you're not jealous that she's 'hanging around' Brianna so much these days?"
"Why should I be jealous? I'm just starting to get to know her and I like her."
"Brianna obviously does, too."
"Nico, it's not like that." Bobby took a deep breath. "We told her that she can stay with us overnight when she comes up from Tacoma."
"Okay, I'm jumping to conclusions." Hey, flow with it. It's much better if she stays with them.
"Why don't you want her to stay with you anymore?" Bobby was giving him the chance to let her have it.
"Well, if you're looking for a warning, I can tell you in just two words: 'intrusion' and 'enmeshment.'" Feeling goofy, he decided to use them in an appropriate sentence. "Watch out for her 'intrusions' or you'll end up all 'enmeshed.'"
"Oh, Nico," Bobby slightly forced his laugh. "Remember, we're both only sons. I know that scene. Having a father doesn't exempt me from the same Oedipal pitfalls."
Nico's laugh wasn't at all forced. Once he had found out about Freud at fifteen, he often let off steam by poking Oedipal fun at his mother. He found it exhilarating that Bobby had picked up on it. "That dynamic is still in place. Watch how she scolds me for my apartment this very day. Watch how she gives advice to transform me into the son she wants."
"As if you'd ever let her do that!" Bobby uttered those words very slowly for comic effect.
"Well, I need your help. I expect you to jump to my defense." Nico tried to sound admonishing.
Nico parked and they jumped out and scurried up the steps. Once inside, they tossed their jackets aside and zipped into the kitchen. "I've got to get the pizza crust in shape. How about if you cut up the ingredients for the salad? Don't forget the curly cress, panisse, and arugula—Shane's teaching me about designer greens. I'll grab the wine."
"I see dessert is from the Madison Bakery. Remember how we'd always stop off before coming back to the Cave?" Bobby's waxing nostalgic took Nico by surprise. "I know this sounds crazy, but I always thought our lovemaking was best when we started with their fruit tarts."
"Yeah, that was a splendid ritual." They smiled at each other and then turned away, somewhat awkwardly. "Well, today it's zabaglione as well as a variety of fruit tarts—for old time's sake. Something for everyone." Nico finished the crust and got out the toppings—many kinds of cheese, artichokes, Italian sausage, sun-dried tomatoes, and Pesto alla Genovese.
Bobby washed and spun the greens. "Okay, they're all dry. God, Nico, you really need to clean your spinner."
Nico glared at him. "Now don't you start! It's amazing that I even own a spinner! I found out they were only eleven dollars—new, I mean. At that price I lost motivation to get a used one at Goodwill."
"Nico, I hope you're not readying those sarcastic anti-consumer cracks for your mother. Be restrained and all will go well."
"Be Freudian, Bobby."
"Okay, cut your nuts off and..."
"...And all will go well." Once again their nervousness dissipated into laugher.
"And things are also going well with Shane?" Bobby busied himself with the salad, ready to wait indefinitely for an answer.
"Yup." Nico decided not to make him wait. No more subtle tortures for his redeemed friend.
"I'm happy for you. He's a great guy." Bobby passed his comment on as a blessing.
It occurred to Nico that his success with Shane relieved Bobby of his own guilt for fleeing their romance. Good, I need this opportunity to kvetch about Shane. "He wasn't here today because he fell behind on his work last weekend while we were up in Vancouver."
"It was great weather last weekend. Did you guys go to the beach?"
Nico hesitated to formulate his answer. "Well, he treated me to this exotic Indian dinner—sweet pomegranate cocktails and all. We had a good romantic indoor weekend, but he didn't have time for any outdoor frivolity."
"Times are tough. I know—I'm busting my butt at work, too." Bobby had just earned a promotion at his company, Thunderware.
"Quality time ahead, though." Nico was trying his best to be upbeat. "He's committed to going on a short camping trip at the end of the month."
"Where?" Bobby registered so much curiosity that Nico braced himself for a whole series of questions.
"Near Snoqualmie, up in the mountains." Nico decided to answer the next question without being prompted. "It was Kim's idea. She invited us to go with them."
"I see." Two questions had been answered, but Bobby's quizzical look implied that controversy had not been averted.
"And what's new with you and Brianna?" My turn to divert the discussion. "I noticed you lovebirds holding hands on the Walk."
"We're doing fine. Living together teaches you quickly about the other person's likes and dislikes. We're all creatures of habit, but her habits and mine tend to be compatible so we're adjusting quite nicely, kind sir."
Such ambiguity allowed for all kinds of scenarios, but Nico decided to hold back further interrogation, at least for the moment. "I know you are both very neat. I see lots of compatibility there."
"Oh, thanks. I know we would both drive you nuts."
"And her wild ideas about relationships?" Nico couldn't restrain himself when it came to that subject.
Bobby laughed. "I know you think those 'wild ideas' are good for me." Finished with the salad, Bobby carried it out to the coffee table, giving him a chance to turn his back to Nico and pretend to ignore what he knew was coming.
"Yes, if you mean I know how much you like sex with men." Unsure of his ground because he couldn't see Bobby's face, he pressed on. "I don't believe either of you is suited to monogamy," he called out from the kitchen. "Brianna definitely isn't." He turned on the oven.
"Maybe we'll experiment. We'll see. I'm also ready, however, as you well know, to commit myself to just one person, a woman." Bobby needed a gulp of wine.
"I think I just heard your parents' sigh of relief, but you've also got to think of yourself." Nico arched his eyebrows in a cheesy way to imply that he was making a profound point. "Brianna's kookiness might provide a way." Nico had to give some advice. "You've got to deal with your gay side, Bobby. And for that you need more than a computer!" Nico stared at him, awaiting a response.
"Nico, isn't all this premature?" Bobby more or less pleaded.
Nico acted as if he heard nothing. "What the hell. We're men! We're insatiable. We constantly need new delights." He had hooked Bobby's erotic curiosity.
"And what, pray tell, have you in mind?"
"If we only had Digital Beaches in our culture, you could go there and loll about, linger a bit, lurk here and there, and, finally, loiter the afternoon away. But, in reality, it's a tough world. Even the Sleuth hardly ever stumbles upon a truly exhilarating adventure!" Realizing he had shifted back to talking about himself, Nico concluded his attempt at sagacity with, "What's the point I'm making? Your homoerotic side will inevitably precipitate a self-destructive explosion if you try to repress it."
Nico awkwardly shifted his weight and turned back into the kitchen. He knew that he had put a lot of pressure on Bobby, but before his friend could muster a response, the bell rang. He buzzed in Brianna and Carmen. They climbed up the stairs, chattering loudly, still high from the march. "What a revoltin' development, old chap," he complained to Bobby, assuming his friend would quickly switch back to his role as confidante. "As if her joining PFLAG wasn't enough, my dear ol' mother's becoming tight with my best pals."
The women burst through the unlocked door. "Well, you two," Nico declared, "look who's becoming such fast friends!" His smarmy comment succeeded in momentarily silencing both of them.
"Hi Bobby, hi Nico." It was Carmen who recovered first. She was showing off an informal but chic outfit—designer jeans and a coral shirt, one of Nico's favorite colors. She had dyed her hair jet black to remove all traces of gray. Her hair was much shorter, perky really. Gone were those long hippie tresses that she had favored a decade earlier. "So when are you going to get some decent furniture for this place?" Nico knew his smartass crack had put her on the defensive, so now he would pay. "You're almost thirty. Aren't you getting a little old for all these mattresses and pillows on the floor? I know I am."
Nico stood at attention and saluted her as if she were his commanding officer. "This is an actual lunch," he declaimed like a robot. "You won't have to sit on the floor today."
Although his response was a little brusque, Nico was determined to invoke his "silence is golden" policy around Carmen because arguing with her, with anyone, really, was an exhausting waste of time. He gave her his best smile and shrugged his shoulders.
"Have some champagne, Carmen." Brianna, with her usual generosity, had brought along some bubbly. Moments later the cork popped. Tension evaporated while everyone eagerly held out a glass, awaiting the sparkling liquid.
"Brianna! That's so nice, but I wanted this to be my treat." Nico felt compelled to throw out the obligatory protest. "I owe you for so many great dinners and parties at your place."
"Enjoy, Nico." Brianna looked very appealing, her frizzy, bleached-blond hair once more stylishly chaotic now that she was out of the dreary confines of the office. Her green blouse outlined what every straight man desired and her firm thighs beckoned from under those tight, black shorts. Nico understood how even a partially straight guy like Bobby could be drawn to her.
"Yes, Brianna, you were very thoughtful." Carmen loved simultaneously playing the roles of mother and intimate friend with Brianna. Nico warned himself to watch out for her curveballs. Indeed, suddenly she switched her focus. "As for you guys, I'm so sorry it didn't work out between you, my favorite young men." Where was she going with this? "I still think you made an adorable couple." Carmen always came to life when she got to offer her opinions on contemporary dating. "It's just that, how would you put it, one of you wasn't able to commit. But, Bobby, I totally understand your position in your family. You wouldn't believe what I had to endure with my Mexican mother!"
