The other eight, p.16
The Other Eight, page 16
“Wait, I don’t understand,” said Bomb Sniffer.
“We never had a chance at the team!” Nonsensica growled, slapping down the files. “They handpicked the people they most wanted and then picked the last few after the endurance tests. The rest has been a show. We’ve been a publicity stunt. For the last few days of notes they’ve been referring to Johnny and his clique as the primary candidates and us as ‘the other eight.’”
“But there’s seven of us,” The Number said.
“They include Afterthought with us. In fact, they made sure to put a reminder on his form for each day. ‘Do not include on the final squad.’”
“Well, we could still turn it around. We’ve still got the last test,” Phosphor said.
“They don’t care, Phosphor. Their minds are made up. They obviously aren’t even listening to Aiken anymore, because he’s been making big red notations about ‘severe mental stability concerns’ and ‘strong evidence of homicidal tendencies’ for Hocker since the interviews, and he’s on the squad. The last test is just a formality. There are comments about ‘publicly acceptable means to ensure the desired outcome of the final rounds.’ The last round is some war game, and they are going to make sure we lose it so that the squad they want looks legitimate to the viewers at home.”
Sullen silence buried the mood at the table.
“Well, in that case I’m going to have pie, too,” Gracias said, flagging down the waitress.
Nonsensica clenched her fists and sizzled with anger, her breath coming and going in furious hisses for a few minutes, then grabbed a handful of dollars from one of her pouches and threw it on the table. She maneuvered her way into the aisle.
“I’m going to get some fresh air,” she said.
Turning to leave, she stopped short when she nearly collided with a pair of high school girls, one nearly her height and the other a few inches taller.
“Oh my God, you’re totally her,” said the shorter of the two, a dark-skinned girl with oversized glasses and a T-shirt for some manner of extra curricular activity called SHOW Club.
“I told you it was her,” he taller friend gushed, straightening a puffy sweater that was either a decision based entirely on fashion or evidence of severe body heat issues.
“We are such big fans,” continued the first. “I was never really into the whole superhero thing, but you kick so much butt.”
“We have got to get a picture with you. Oh my God! Is that Bomb Sniffer, too? And Chloroplast!”
The two girls degenerated from a tag-team assault of adoration to incomprehensible groupie squeals. For the next five minutes cell phones were held awkwardly at arm’s length and waitresses were waylaid until the girls, followed by a group of young men and then some college girls, who were attracted by the commotion, each got pictures with the would-be super-team. Finally Nonsensica managed to excuse herself. Non Sequitur, not exactly the most sought after member of the team, threw down his part of the waffle bill and joined her. She leaned against the wall, the happy face she’d put on for the cameras slowly giving way to something between anger and hopelessness.
“You okay?” he asked.
She sighed. “It’s times like this I wish I smoked, you know? It just seems like what I should be doing right now. Dragging on a cigarette, under a streetlight at midnight, contemplating this whole mess.”
“Yeah, but what sort of a message would that send to your adoring fans?” he asked, offering a weak smile.
“Don’t,” she said, turning her eyes to him and squinting. “Just don’t.”
“Look,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We all knew it was a long shot.”
“I don’t care if it was a billion to one chance, Non Sequitur. If there was ever a shot at all, a fair shot, I would have made it. I would have done what it took, worked as hard as I had to, and got it done. This was it. This was my chance. It was all I had.”
“So you bask in the fame for a while, then go back to your old life. How bad could that be?”
She sighed again, then looked left and right. A few drunks were heading into the Waffle House, so she waved him around the corner of the building where they were out of sight and earshot of any witnesses. When she was sure of it, she spoke.
“Guiying Berrish,” she said.
He furrowed his brow. “Nothing happened that time.”
Her shoulders slumped a bit. “I’m not trying to use my powers on you, I’m telling you my name.” She removed her goggles. “My name is Guiying Berrish.”
“Oh! Uh, that’s nice name,” he said.
“It’s a mouthful. My friends call me Gee. You know what I do for a living? I’m a waitress at a Chinese buffet that my mom owns,” she said. “I’m an Asian woman who works at a Chinese buffet, and I know martial arts. I’m practically a caricature. That’s my life. I refill drinks and soy sauce bottles.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I know there’s nothing wrong with that, but I was meant for more! This was going to be my way to finally become something special.”
“You’ll have other chances.”
“No, Non Sequitur. I won’t. Not to be a legitimate, sanctioned superhero. You might, but not me.”
“With your skills? Your dedication?”
“Don’t be so naïve. Skills and dedication are great, but it all comes down to the powers. Powers are what get your foot in the door. You’ve got the power to bend space and time. I’ve got the power to make people flinch. I’ve got the same superpowers as a flashbulb. If FM hadn’t leaked this whole project to the world, I never would have known it was happening, because they sure as heck wouldn’t have sought me out. I wanted to be a hero, Non Sequitur. And now I won’t be. Ever.” There were tears in her eyes now as she looked up to him. “And you know what the worst part is?”
“What?”
“You.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“Nothing!” she said. “Don’t think it doesn’t show. While I’ve been giving a hundred and ten percent, you’ve been giving eighty. You’ve got awesome powers, awesome, and you’re just squandering them on whatever it is you’re looking forward to going back to when this sham comes to a close. You actually had a shot at his, you know. The notes are all about how the general in charge wanted you in, but then he changed his mind when you didn’t quite meet expectations. If I had half of the power you had, I would have been first on the list. Seeing you barely even trying, seeing that you don’t even want to be a hero, is a slap in the face.”
“Look, no offense to the rest of you. It just isn’t my thing.”
“How can that be! There were over a thousand people in that line on day one, and I talked to hundreds of them. You’re the only one who wasn’t frothing at the mouth for this opportunity. How can you have a great power but not feel the need to put it to good use?”
“Because I’ve seen what happens when someone like you or me gets in over our heads. Seriously, it isn’t like we’re invincible! Bullets don’t bounce off of us, we don’t heal super fast. It doesn’t take a super villain to take us down, it takes an idiot with a gun. It doesn’t make sense for us to put ourselves out there, to put our lives on the line time and time again. Eventually the luck runs out, and we don’t come home.”
“That’s the risk you take,” she said.
“And what about the ones who didn’t sign up for that? What about the wives and husbands. What about the kids?”
“You’ve got a wife and kids?”
“No.”
“Well, then why… wait,” she said. She thought back to the chats they’d had. “You said that your dad was in law enforcement. And that he died when you were nine… Where are you from?”
“Chicago.”
“You’re from Chicago and your dad died right about the same time as… your dad wasn’t…”
He nodded slowly.
“Ambition? Ambition was your father?!” she said. “No wonder you’ve got such a good power! It’s in the genes! What was he like?”
“Injured, mostly. And when he wasn’t injured, he was out getting injured. Mom has powers, too. She can change her hair color. It isn’t in the same class as Dad’s powers, but she got a job as a model. That’s where our money came from, since Dad didn’t get a paycheck from the city or anything.”
“Powers on both sides…”
“That’s probably why she wouldn’t let up on me until I came and tried out. She had the whole hero mindset, too. Even after what happened to Dad.”
“Wow. With a backstory like that, we’re lucky you didn’t turn villain,” she said.
“It isn’t a backstory; it’s my life! We aren’t fictional characters. We don’t need catchphrases and origins. And we don’t need to risk our lives fighting crime. Super villains are even more rare than superheroes. It isn’t like costumed maniacs are flooding the streets, running wild until people like us stop them! And…” He cocked his head to the side, suddenly noticing something in the street outside. “What’s with all of the traffic? It’s almost 11 p.m., isn’t it?”
Nonsensica turned and joined him in peering across the highway. It had been clear just a few minutes ago when they’d stepped outside. Now every lane in both directions was clogged with cars. Across the highway stood some sort of large office park with a multistory building at its center, the walls completely covered with windows. The parking lot around it sat empty except for three cars. As the two heroes stepped toward the road to get a better look, the car doors popped open, and out stepped a dozen or so individuals, some of whom stuck out like sore thumbs even across four lanes of beeping traffic. Most were dressed in unremarkable dark clothing, but among them were two women, one in a skimpy white costume with a cape and the other in leather. The strangest was a man in bright yellow, wearing a chicken mask, with a sledgehammer in his hand.
“You were saying?” Nonsensica said with a grin.
“What are the odds?”
“Pretty good whenever I’m around,” Johnny On the Spot said, stepping out the restaurant. “Either of you got a smoke? I’m out.”
She smiled and slid her goggles back into place. “If I’m not making it onto that squad, I’m at least going to foil one robbery.”
The door to the Waffle House swung open and out stepped Gracias. “Hey guys! I got that grad student’s phone number. She and her friend are botanists, and they want to ‘study’ me and Chloroplast. Wink, wink. Score another one for Team Green!” he said.
“Get the others, Gracias. There’s evil afoot,” Nonsensica said, pointing to the trio of villains across the street.
Gracias looked. “No way. No way! Hey guys, come on, it’s showtime!”
Chapter 26
“You guys have your orders. We’re looking for something in the shipping room. It’ll be a red box in the outgoing area about the size of a car radio. Get it and we’re gone,” Chicken Scratch called out. He singled out one of his darkly dressed cohorts and held out the sledgehammer. “You, bust the door.”
The nameless thug snatched the tool and rushed to comply.
“From this point forward, no heists without minions,” he said with satisfaction. “Best hundred bucks a head I’ve ever spent.”
“You can say that again,” Dentata agreed. “I never realized minions were so affordable.”
“I might not even have to use my powers this time around, which would be nice. Still a little sore from last time,” Pollinatrix said.
“Stop right there!” warned a voice from the edge of the highway.
The three villains turned to the road to see Phosphor and Nonsensica standing battle ready. Nonsensica had her non-chucks out, spinning them expertly. Phosphor brandished twin fluorescent bulbs like swords, each one glowing.
“Do-gooders,” growled Chicken Scratch. “It’s two of those overrated idiots who have been polluting the Internet with their pointless exploits.” He turned to the nearest pair of minions. “You two, get inside and bring me the box. The rest of you, take care of those two… oh, there’s more of them.”
Chloroplast and Gracias were the next to appear, followed by The Number, Bomb Sniffer, and finally, Non Sequitur.
“I’ve been waiting to use these,” Pollinatrix said, uncoiling a bullwhip and brandishing a riding crop. “My costume guy threw them in for free for some reason. Attack!”
“Nonsensica, you take the lady in leather. I’ll take the man in yellow. Bomb Sniffer, the lady in white. Number, help her,” Phosphor dictated. “Team Green, defend the cars. Make sure they can’t get away. Non Sequitur, you’re on support. Anyone gets in over their heads, bail them out.”
“Let’s do this,” Nonsensica said, reveling in the long-awaited battle.
Non-chucks twirling, she launched herself at Pollinatrix. The villain cracked her whip and swiped with the crop, once again moving with surprising nimbleness considering her cumbersome footwear. Nonsensica leaped, dove, and rolled around her, dodging the lash of the whip and the fists and feet of the poorly organized but extremely eager hired thugs.
“I’m warning you,” Pollinatrix stated. “If you don’t back off, I’ll have to use my powers. Neither of us wants that to happen.”
“You can’t scare me, villain!”
Two thugs closed in on either side, but Nonsensica sprang away, delivering a boot to the gut and a non-chuck to the side of the head that sent them staggering.
“Wine weasel!” Nonsensica blurted.
The words caused Pollinatrix to flinch, and a snap of the whip missed to the left. Nonsensica grabbed the leather tip and yanked it from her hand. The two exchanged a few attempted kicks and weapon strikes, each managing to just barely avoid feeling the wrath of the other. Finally Nonsensica got close enough to land a punishing shot with the non-chucks, and received a slap across the face from the crop in return.
“So you wanna play rough?” the hero asked with a grin. In a single motion she holstered the non-chucks and dove at the villain, sending the pair sprawling to the ground.
#
“Minions! Protect me!” ordered Dentata. Judging from her tone, her opinion of the super villain business had plummeted once she realized that there would be opposition.
A pair of thugs, the battered ones who had discovered Nonsensica wasn’t the pushover they’d expected, answered the call and stalked toward Bomb Sniffer
“Uh, uh, little help?” she said, fists awkwardly raised in a manner that practically screamed “inexperienced fighter.”
The Number swept in and stood back-to-back with her, his stance somewhat more confident, though his face was a mask of barely contained panic. They circled slowly around, the surrounding thugs holding back for fear of what powers these two might have.
“Well? What are you waiting for? Make with the dance fighting!” Bomb Sniffer whispered urgently.
“I can’t! I didn’t bring my gear, and even if I did, no earplugs. You guys would dance, too,” he said.
“Well, that’s kind of a big limitation on your power, isn’t it?”
“I don’t see you sniffing out anything useful.”
“So what do we do, just fight?”
“Looks like it. I’ll take one of the guys, you take the girl.”
She nodded shakily. The Number crouched and sprang in a graceful dive that drove his shoulder hard into the gut of one of the thugs, knocking him down and leaving two to grapple. Bomb Sniffer charged through the opening left by the attack and stopped just short of her target, turning her head aside and squinting her eyes. She swiped wildly with her hands, evidently attempting to either slap Dentata or rake her with her fingernails. The villain cringed and returned a similarly ineffectual sequence of attacks. The two continued in that fashion, failing to even make contact with one another. The Number was in something of a stalemate with his own opponent, rolling on the ground and trying to get the upper hand. The remaining thug decided to go after Bomb Sniffer, but The Number managed to lash out and grab his ankle, sending him to the ground as well.
#
“You’ll never defeat the devious Chicken Scratch,” proclaimed the chicken-masked madman.
“We’ll just see about that!” Phosphor countered.
The thugs who had jumped to their employer’s defense each received a bulb to the side of the head. With a burst of light, glass, and glowing powder the tubes shattered and staggered their targets. It was more than enough for Phosphor to deliver a ham-sized fist or size fourteen boot to send the minions to the ground. None of them seemed terribly motivated to rise again. Additional minions poured into the fight, but when Phosphor pulled additional tubes from his bag, they eyed up the towering foe and decided to join in on one of the other battles. Chicken Scratch was left to fend for himself.
“Next time I’m springing for the two-hundred dollar minions,” he growled.
#
“Come one, come all!” announced Gracias, prancing from one foot to the other. “Won’t someone please come and get a piece of Gracias? Come on! Over here! Look over here!”
Thus far the minions had their hands full with the other heroes, leaving Chloroplast and Gracias to do little more than stand menacingly between the villains and their vehicles.
“Ignore me! Grassy ass!” he attempted, to no effect. “I guess they have to do it on purpose. Worth a shot, though.”
“Screw this. I’m getting in on one of the real fights,” Chloroplast said.
“But the sun isn’t out! Your powers are useless right now!”
“All of our powers are useless all the time, Gracias. Or hadn’t you noticed?”
“But… Phosphor said—”
“Who elected him the leader? I’m getting in there,” Chloroplast stated.
He rushed into the fray. After a moment of indecision, Gracias followed. “You can’t do it without your partner!”
The duo sprinted away from the vehicles. Phosphor seemed to have things well in hand, and likewise Nonsensica was doing well. As a result of the wholesale butt kicking that each of them was handing out, most of the spare minions had jumped ship to fight The Number and Bomb Sniffer. Non Sequitur noticed it as well and joined the fight. Things quickly devolved into a total free-for-all.
