Alphas good girl, p.1
Alpha's Good Girl, page 1
The Alpha's Good Girl
JP Sina
Copyright © 2022 by JP Sina
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.
First edition
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Contents
Acknowledgement
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Meet the Author
More by Jp
To you, the woman still living under him.
Leave.
There’s a Daddy with a fatty out there more than willing to make it all better.
Acknowledgement
To Lima and B, my babies. You keep me going.
To Amos, the man-child who proved to me that sometimes the demons are those closest to you. I didn’t stay silent.
To Joseph, the man who showed me there were still real men out there. I love you. Thank you for loving all my broken pieces. Thank you for not trying to fix me.
To mom, it wasn’t your fault.
To Amy, for being my best friend and sister. Thank you for always having my back and trying to help me with my depression when you were drowning in yours.
To my readers, thank you for loving my broken, twisted characters. Without you, there is no me.
Content Warning
Graphic Sexual Depictions
Intimidation
Rape
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
Harassment
Drugs
Alcohol Abuse
Violence
Depression
Self-hate
Suicidal Thoughts
Prologue
Before
The hot water scorched my fingers, but it didn’t stop me from finishing. I didn’t flinch, and I didn’t try to alleviate the pain. If anything, I inched my hand further into the water so the heat could make its way higher. The burn reminded me I was still alive. Something I wondered sometimes. The burn reminded me I could still feel. I was still here. I pumped more soap on to the sponge and picked up a plate from dinner. I scrubbed in circular motions directly under the faucet. My skin turned red where my hand met the water.
I tensed as the sound of footsteps drew near. I lowered my chin and kept scrubbing, hoping he wouldn’t notice. I just wanted him to stay as far away as possible. I knew it was hopeless to try and hide. He could scent my fear, everyone could. They all knew what was going on. They just turned their heads from it. Ignorance was bliss, but it just made me feel hopeless, trapped in the void that was my life.
He said nothing as he walked through the kitchen. He didn’t have to, though. I held my breath as he came to a stop by my side. He was close enough that I could feel his warmth on my arm, but far enough that we weren’t touching. My fingers began to shake, and I pushed them beneath the surface in an attempt to hide it. I pretended to reach around for another dish, or utensil, anything to wash.
He hadn’t moved, just stood beside me, taking in my fear, taking in the anxiety he caused. He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t turn my head to look at him. He preferred that. He didn’t like it when I looked him in the eyes. I didn’t have to look at him to see him. I watched his every move in my peripheral vision. It was hard to tell what mood he was in when he was silent like this. He lowered his plate into the sink and the fork scraped along the plate before it dropped. He didn’t move as I placed the dishes on the rack and picked up the next thing I touched.Please, please, please go away.
After what felt like an eternity, he took a step back and walked toward the doors. I waited until the sound of his footsteps disappeared down the hall. I let out a sigh and my shoulders slumped with relief. I don’t know why I let myself believe I was safe. The sun had disappeared beneath the horizon and the moon had risen into the sky. I had an hour, if that, left until I had to return to our room. I did my best to prolong the inevitable, but eventually the dishes were done, the counters wiped, and the kitchen spotless.
There was no other reason for me to stay downstairs anymore. The next meeting was starting, and I would be dismissed. My legs wobbled as I made my way down the hall and up the stairs. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I grabbed the door handle. I pulled it open and could have cried when I heard the sound of the shower going.
I wanted to wash too, but with him here I wouldn’t. He normally made it back to the room before I did, and I would shower the next morning. I rushed to my wardrobe and yanked open the doors. I pulled my shirt off and pushed my pants down. I put on a dress t-shirt that went down to my knees and put on shorts underneath. I gathered my clothes and put them into the hamper. I could still hear the water, so I turned the lights off and rushed to the bed.
I prayed for sleep to take me.
I got my wish because the last thing I remembered was the moon outside of my window. I don’t know how much time had passed before the bed dipped and I was aware of where I was. I was in bed; I was sleeping, or I had been. I liked to lie to myself and say he wouldn’t do anything while I was sleeping, but I knew better. I convinced myself to stay still. If I could just stay still, he would lay down in bed and go to sleep.
If I was lucky, it wouldn’t be one of those nights and I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep. I was being a fool now, and I blamed the Goddess for not giving me this night. The bed creaked, confirming my fears as in one moment he climbed on the bed and in the next, his fingers trailed up my thigh and hooked into my shorts. I squeezed my eyes tight as he pulled them down and dropped them to the side onto the floor.
Large hands gripped my ankles and spread my legs apart as he climbed in between. The same large hands that had once protected me now hurt me.
I inhaled a deep, shaky breath and forced myself to relax. I exhaled and tried to push out the stress, anxiety, and fear out with it. He knew I was awake. The only thing that could lighten this was if I went along with what he wanted. I lifted my hands and wrapped them around the back of his neck.
He pulled them from him and got onto his knees. He didn’t want me to touch him. He wanted me still beneath him, obedient. I bit on my lower lip as I lifted my hips, and he gripped them. Shock coursed through me as he flipped me onto my stomach and held my hips up.
I wasn’t wet for him, but he didn’t need to check to know. He spat on his length, and I reached out and grabbed the pillow. I buried my face into it as he thrust his hips and entered me. The fabric soaked up my tears, and I clenched my teeth as I fought to keep my cries down.
He grunted behind me as he slammed into me over and over again. The bed creaked, and I prayed it would be over soon. He pulled out and thrust into me again. I screamed out as he entered the wrong way.
“Stop, please. It’s the wrong—” I whimpered.
He brought his hand down on my shoulder. He knew. He pulled out and thrust into me again. It felt like I was being ripped open. It hurt, and it was all wrong. I saw white as he took and took and took from me. I gripped his hand on my shoulder, but he slapped it away.
“Please, Amos,” I begged.
“Shh,” he hissed.
I sobbed into the pillow and buried my face as his momentum picked up. My toes curled, and it felt like my nails were ripping off. He was close, and I prayed the pain would stop. He moaned, and I thanked the Moon Goddess when he emptied himself. My legs shook, and I had been crying so hard I was hiccuping. His hands disappeared from my hips, and he laid down beside me. I felt used.
“Don’t fucking act like that. You wanted it. You’ve got one thing you’re good for. Stop acting like a bitch,” Amos said.
Chapter One
Vera
Three years later
“Idon’t know, Ami…” I trailed off.
“Why not? Give me a reason why? Is there a reason you don’t want to? Aren’t you angry?” Ami asked.
Of course, I was angry, but Ami was even angrier in my stead. Ami is my best friend and has been since we both went to Alpha’s Academy. She was a hybrid mix of werewolf and vampire. The two conflicting halves were constantly at war with each other, and she suffered from it. We had been apart for years, but we were just as close as we had been when we were young. Seeing someone every day didn’t define a friendship. She was closer to me than all nine of my siblings. Sometimes blood wasn’t thicker than water.
“Why are you still worried about him? After everything he’s done, he
My ear was ringing, but my best friend was right. She had told me time and time again to leave him, but I never did. I stayed with him, and for what? I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. I don’t think I remembered how.
I didn’t like to dwell on it. I didn’t like to think about what had happened. It was all in the past. All I could do was get used to how my life was now. I knew I needed to do this, to get out more, but it made me nervous. It still didn’t feel right. I wasn’t smart enough to lie to myself yet. My heart was still loyal to him. It had no business doing that, but it wasn’t easily persuaded, and it wouldn’t listen to me or look at the facts.
“It’s been eight months, Vera. You need to jump back into it. You’re still stuck on him. The best way to get over someone is to get underneath someone else. Look at him, he didn’t even wait until the two of you were over—”
“Ami,” I warned.
“What? I’m being real with you. I won’t lie to you, and I won’t sugarcoat shit. It’s only fair that you be with someone else. Don’t think about him, don’t think about his feelings. Goddess, think about yourself for once. It doesn’t hurt to go out there and have a good time. Don’t you think you deserve to have a good time?” Ami asked.
“Yes… I know,” I said.
“See? So go out there, meet a handsome guy or two… or three and have some fun,” Ami said.
It’s not that easy. I was with him for almost six years. I knew there was nothing wrong with being with other people now. We weren’t together anymore, but it didn’t work that way. I felt sick, and my heart missed him. It screamed that I was doing something wrong every time I swiped right. Just lingering on a guy’s picture, to look at his face, made me feel guilty.
It wasn’t fair.
I shouldn’t be feeling guilty.
I did nothing wrong.
He’s the one who fucked up.
He’s the one who…
Stop.
“… so go and enjoy some dick,” she said when I tuned back into the conversation.
“I’ve got to go. Pack Meeting starts soon, and I need to clean up for it,” I said.
“Why would you need to do that?” Ami said.
“Don’t start with that. You already know how things are here,” I said.
“I love your mom, but she’s wrong for that,” Ami said.
“I know,” I sighed.
My mother was the Luna of the Falling Star pack, and she ran a tight ship and an even tighter household. We lived in a full packhouse, and most of my siblings still resided there. As the youngest girl, I was expected to clean and cook for them. Servants had been done away with a long time ago. Since I would never amount to anything, I had to make sure everything was in order before even thinking about leaving the house.
“Love you. Keep me updated,” Ami said.
“Love you too. Don’t get too drunk this weekend,” I said.
“I promise not to get wasted if you promise to get laid,” Ami teased.
“No promises,” I said, a small smile pulled at the corner of my lip.
“At least try,” Ami said.
“Try,” I said.
“Try,” she agreed.
Then she was gone. I sighed as I pushed the phone into my back pocket and grabbed a hoodie. I didn’t check myself in the mirror. I hated looking at myself. I never looked at my reflection anymore. My phone pinged, and I didn’t need to look to know it was my mom sending me a list of things she needed done. I rushed out of my room and made my way downstairs.
I started in the sitting room first. I picked everything up from the floor, vacuumed, and fluffed the pillows. I threw the throw over the side of the sectional. Right now, I was talking to three guys on Mythinder. The three of them were interested in me first, and they started talking to me. It was nice having someone message me to see how I was doing. Meeting up was another thing.
There was James, Edward, and Dane. I was stingy with matching. Three completely different guys. I swiped right on James because he looked put together and had kind eyes. His profile said he was a low-ranked Warrior. I didn’t want to meet anyone who might know who I am or want to get close to me because of my mother.
I swiped right on Edward because he was what I used to like: Korean, tall, muscular. He liked the same foods I liked, and he wasn’t a Warrior. He was a member of a pack far from mine. I didn’t think I’d meet up with him, but if he put in the effort to come see me, I’d make time for him.
Then there was Dane. Goddess, just his name had me clenching my thighs together. He was a high risk, but I swiped right on Dane because he was everything I had ever wanted, fantasy-wise. And if I ever met up with him, that’s all it would ever be: a fantasy. When I picked a book off of my TBR shelf to read the dirtiest, smuttiest, violent-filled dark romance novel, I pictured a man like Dane.
Yeah, he’s my favorite too.
That’s enough, Cleo.
Don’t get pissy with me. You thought about him first.
I didn’t invite you to join in.
That’s the great thing about wolves, we don’t need an invite.
I am not going to talk about anyone with you.
You don’t need to. I see it all. And Dane?
Please, Cleo. Just… stay out of it, please.
… Fine.
And just like that, Cleo was quiet. She wasn’t gone far from it. She retreated to the farthest parts of my mind. I knew she was just there, but she gave me that false sense of privacy. I could feel her pouting, but she didn’t push it on me. She used to insist on me needing her as much as she needed me, but recently, because of what happened she has given that to me. She never liked him, but accepted that he was who I chose. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t our mate, she stepped back for me.
Now that I’m single again, she has been itching to go out and meet people. Finding your mate isn’t something that is likely to happen. There are thousands, hundreds of thousands of wolves in the world. Not everyone is lucky enough to cross paths with their mate and I’m not one of those people who believe that’s even possible. I don’t want to find someone to be by my side forever. I don’t know what I want, but I know for sure that I do not want that. Cleo is interested in Dane because he’s a ranked member. Something about male wolves who have a firm place in the pack calls to her and who doesn’t like a man in uniform?
Now that I’m done working on the sitting room, I head toward the kitchen. When I push the double doors open, I’m not even surprised when I see a disaster waiting for me. Food all over the floor, counters covered in unfinished plates, and dishes piled high. The clock on the walls says that I have less than an hour to get everything done and ready. I take a deep breath, walk in, and get started.
The truth is I have tried to see other people. I just bail out at the last minute, but I did have my first in-person meet with someone last Saturday. I haven’t told Ami because I wanted to see how it went first. Knowing her, she would want details of every position and she’d want me to check in. I had no plans of sleeping with anyone. I wanted to see what it would be like to spend time with another man. Baby steps.
Out of the three guys I was talking to, I thought James would be the safest option. As if there was anything safe about meeting up with strangers. It only got worse when you went back to their place or Goddess forbid somewhere dark and secluded. But the things a girl will do for some dick. I shuddered. Me. I was that girl now. Despite every survival instinct telling me not to meet up with men I didn’t know personally, I did it anyway.
I met James at the movie theater. He as a Warrior, he didn’t have rank, and he was from one of the surrounding packs. He was proud of where he came from and liked what he did. He didn’t want more or less. He was working a job nearby for a short assignment. He wasn’t expecting to be here long.
My hands were sweaty and icy as I walked through the theater doors. I saw him instantly. He stood out like a sore thumb. He was glorious, really. Tall, blonde, blue eyes with broad dependable shoulders.
When he turned and saw me, I couldn’t help from lowering my chin and staring at the ground. I hated this, my body froze up, and I couldn’t take another step forward. It wasn’t something I should do: I wasn’t taught to do this as the Luna’s daughter. My mother was one of the first females to run a pack. I should be headstrong and confident, but I wasn’t. That wasn’t who I was anymore.
