For always, p.9
For Always, page 9
I continued brushing my teeth at the kitchen sink, my mouth filled with foam.
“I’m shocked you could even walk.” I spit, rinsing my mouth and gurgling.
Jason winced. “Can’t you do that in the bathroom like a normal person?”
“Yes, I can,” I answered, heading to the bedroom to get dressed. “But I don’t want to.”
I swear his eye twitched as I brushed past him.
A heavy sigh was the last thing I heard before closing the door.
“You should have some water this morning,” I told Jason before we gathered our winter gear to hit the ice. I munched on my banana and nodded toward my now-empty cup. “All that drinking last night. You’re no doubt dehydrated.”
He only smirked and held up his fourth cup of coffee.
“There’s water in this. But sweet that you’re worried about me.”
“Of course I’m worried. You’re too heavy to drag back from the lake if you collapse. I’d be forced to leave you out there.”
He quirked a brow. “Forced? You’d happily dance back, fist-pumping in victory.”
The man, damn him, fared far better than me this morning with an early rising, a chipper attitude, and unaffected by his share of the wine consumed last night.
“Probably singing, too,” I added as Jason rolled his eyes and put on a hoodie over his thermal.
An hour later, I dressed in layers that hid my nipples and plied myself with aspirin and water to soothe my hangover. I stood on the edge of the frozen lake and admired the majestic silver ice and powdered snow.
This kind of silence was rare. New York was never quiet, even at night. Out here? It was as if nothing else existed in the world but this moment.
A moment about to be disrupted by my embarrassment.
Once upon a time, I’d taken skating lessons and been decently skilled on the ice. Once upon a time, I found, was many years ago.
“Soften your knees,” Jason said once we got on the ice, like he was any better.
Christ. He was. He’d been right. His ankles were sturdy, and his balance was sure-footed.
“Keep your core tight.” Jason spun circles around me, daring to be so bold as to skate backward. “Tight, Kate. Keep it tight.”
I sucked in my stomach.
“I said tight. Keep it tight. Kate, ti—”
“Stop fucking saying tight!” I snapped.
Jason chuckled, skating closer to me as he kept his hands in his pockets.
I eyed him disapprovingly. “A show-off. That’s what you are.”
He agreed. “Can you blame me? I spent three days on a couch with a sprained ankle the last time I was on the ice with you. Left me desperate enough to make jewelry with some bratty kid instead of playing hockey with my best friend and knocking his teeth out with a puck.”
I blushed as I slowly glided along. “You want to impress me or something?”
“Well, yeah,” he said shyly, nudging me with his elbow.
What balance I had settled into was startled by Jason’s uncharacteristic... flirting, and I flailed my arms to steady myself.
Jason laughed as my arms spun wildly, grasping him to balance.
“I joined an intramural hockey league in college,” he said, his hand guiding mine to wrap around his bicep. “It was worth the bumps and bruises for this moment of redemption.”
I bit my lip, desperately wanting to hide my smile. Like acknowledging my enjoyment of this moment conceded some sort of defeat.
“I think that winter of your ankle’s discontent was the last one I skated out here, too. It was much easier to move around in a ten-year-old’s body with a lower center of gravity and less weight to carry.”
Jason let out a low breath. “You’ve certainly changed in twenty years, Kate.”
He slid one arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and falling just behind me.
Both hands rested at the tops of my hips, and he said softly, “Keep your core—”
“Fuck you.” I laughed, my feet slipping beneath me.
Jason’s grip kept me from falling, and I craned my neck to get a look at him.
“I’m shocked you’re not letting me fall. Shocked you’re not pushing me, so I do fall.”
He sighed, his mitten-clad hands gripping my hips tighter. Between the layers of clothing, the touch wasn’t much. I held my breath, my eyes sinking closed as I imagined what those fingers would feel like on my skin instead of the down of my jacket.
Foolish, Kate.
We’d reached some sort of truce in our forced proximity. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, grown-up Jason wasn’t the same as childhood Jason.
Physical differences aside, he was amiable and—gross—charming. Friendly and warm. Still a smartass and annoying, but even that was different. Playful instead of humiliating.
I cleared my throat. “So, uh. Hockey, huh?”
He hummed behind me, his pace picking up as he pushed us along.
“Yep. I tried a little of everything in college, but my best buddy played for the university, and I got roped into an intramural league for the hell of it. Turned out to be pretty fun.”
My cheeks no longer stung from the wind whipping around us as we skated. They were heated, warm with a blush.
Wind-chapped, I’d tell him if he gave me that look. The one that told me he knew when I was lying.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
“Wow,” I said, steady on the ice but not wanting him to let go of me. “And you didn’t get recruited for the team? I mean, I hate to admit it, but you’re right. Your ankle strength has improved.”
His face was so close that his whisper thundered against my ear.
“Katherine Francis Dalton, did you just pay me a compliment?”
I dropped my head back and laughed against his shoulder. “There are no witnesses, and if anyone asks, I’ll claim you’re insane.”
His hands slid around my entire waist. It wasn’t his fingers on my hips any longer. The movement was intimate, hugging me from behind as his mouth pressed against my ear.
“I feel a little insane, Kate.”
My heart drummed so fiercely that I worried Jason could hear it. His breath warmed the nape of my neck, fanning along the exposed skin. Despite the heat of it, I had goosebumps. This wasn’t just friendly help on the ice. This wasn’t polite touches and guidance. This was affectionate.
I swallowed, my eyes focused on the tree line in the distance instead of the dancing in my stomach. I hadn’t realized we’d stopped skating, coming to a halt in the middle of the lake.
“Jason,” I breathed, unsure what to say.
Was he teasing me? Did he mean to be so forward and forthright?
“Kate,” he said softly, his arms wrapping tighter around my waist, pressing our bodies together.
We’d been here once before. Me convinced that he wanted me, even for the briefest of moments. Me desperate for him to press his lips to mine. Me aching for him as my heart pounded wildly, and my blood burned with the fiery acknowledgment of feelings I’d refused to let myself admit.
I had desperately wanted him on a night when I thought he comforted me because he cared.
But he hadn’t. It was a joke to him. He’d been messing with me. Was he doing the same thing now? This felt different, just like that night felt different, and it felt different because it wasn’t real.
Blinking a few times, I swallowed and pushed away from him, steady on my feet.
“I’m going to warm up inside,” I said, not looking back.
Eleven
Jason
“Shit,” I said softly as Kate skated off quickly.
Dropping my chin to my chest, I stared at the laces of my skates and shook my head. I was fucking this up.
“Someone has to be your first.”
The idea echoed in my mind all night as I restlessly tossed in my sleeping bag and thought of Kate in her room, feet away. What would she do if I were to lift her blankets and slide into bed beside her?
Someone would be the first woman after my heart had shattered, and it hit me like a fucking freight train that Kate could be that woman. I wanted her to be that woman. I spent hours tossing and turning like an idiot.
For months, my head, heart, and dick had been misaligned. My heart was broken for long enough to keep my dick down and out, but my heart began to mend when I left Michigan and started therapy and understood my relationship with Vanessa better. The ways she’d fucked up. The ways I’d fucked up. The image we held of a relationship that wasn’t what we thought.
My heart was stronger. More certain. It still ached, impossible to soothe all the cracks of my past, but I felt good. My dick was thrilled!
But then my head joined the party, all the uncertainties, doubts, and embarrassment of being cheated on and wondering if I’d ever trust anyone. If I’d ever be enough for someone to stick around.
Well, my head kicked my dick back into my pants.
The last few days with Kate? My body, heart, and mind ran on all cylinders, pumping in tandem again.
Kate was easy to be around. Dare I say, fun. Still that bratty girl, but also not. She was confident at times when I didn’t expect it. Sharp-witted and playful. Kate was intelligent and determined. Fun. God, she was fun. Did I say that already? It deserved recognition.
I enjoyed getting to know Adult Kate. I wanted to learn everything about her, and not from the pages of her diary, but from her lips. Willingly.
I wondered how we’d react to each other if we didn’t have our history.
Would she still be skating off because I moved too fast? Too eager?
I sighed, balling my hand into a fist and punching my mitten. I’d probably just pissed her off.
One more thing to add to the pile.
I only hoped she never figured out that I lied to her about needing to stay.
Yeah... About that.
Waking up to the fresh snow did something to my stomach. It wasn’t dread skipping in my gut when I woke up at first light. It was a possibility.
If the pass was closed and the roads were bad, Kate couldn’t return to Windmere. She’d be stuck with me.
I texted Beau immediately, standing on a chair next to the bathroom and holding my phone to catch a signal as I eagerly awaited his response.
Beau: We got some snow, too. It’s sticky, and the roads are icy, but you should be good with chains. Required on the pass, but otherwise, you’re good. You have them? Kate took the truck, so she’s covered. Ride with her if needed, and we can return after the heavy snow to get your truck.
I stared at the message, massaging my jaw. Of course, I had chains. I’d never drive here in the winter without them.
Me: Okay, but what’s the forecast? I don’t want to get caught on the roads if there’s another dump.
I held my breath, waiting.
Beau: Supposed to snow again on X-Mas Eve. Last night was just a random dusting. Roads will be salted by late morning. You’ll be good, man. Just drive slowly and safely. Tell that to Kate. She’s a demon on the road.
I sat on the chair, my knee bouncing as I considered my options. God help me. My fingers flew over the keypad before I lost my nerve.
Me: It’s pretty icy out here. We’ll wait for them to clear and salt the roads and plan another night to be safe.
Beau: Honestly, I’m shocked you’re even alive right now. Unless this is Kate pretending to be you. Hi Kate. Solid alibi after you no doubt dumped the body beneath the ice. Won’t find Jason until the spring thaw.
I wanted to tell him that Kate and I got along pretty well when not tripping over our feet to find reasons to torment the other.
I didn’t, though. I assured him it was me and not Kate, reminding him I held his secrets. Including the one where he’d slept with the director of a recent film he stunted on. A juicy piece of gossip he’d not share with his sister. A proof of life.
Beau: You better hope she’s kind enough to dump you in the lake. Because if you say a fucking word, I’ll tie you to a tree and let nature have at it.
Of course I’d say nothing. The last thing Beau needed was a scandal when he finally carved out a respectable position in the industry. Fucking a closeted director would be a scandal on the back of an on-set accident two years ago that left Beau already beat up.
Beau was comfortable with his bisexuality, but the guy he’d been seeing wasn’t, so Beau ended things before coming to Windmere.
Me: I’ll take my chances with Kate.
Beau: Thoughts and prayers.
I watched as Kate hurried to the cabin. She lost her balance near the lake’s edge, flapping her arms before catching herself and collapsing on her butt on the snowy shore.
Being alone in the middle of the ice, staring like a jerk, was more awkward than talking to her. I skated over.
Kate sat in the snow, her knees tucked up and her head hanging between them.
“Are you okay?” I asked, stopping in front of her.
She didn’t look up, and I plopped down beside her, wishing I’d worn Long Johns.
Kate said nothing, so naturally, I kept talking.
“Listen, it’s not that embarrassing to be terrible at skating. I was for years—”
Her head shot up, and I expected some clever retort, but she interrupted me to say, “You don’t get it, do you?”
Kate stared, open-mouthed, her eyes wide and her eyebrows inching to her hairline. Her skin was pale, her cheeks pink, and her lips red from the chill. With hair windswept... She looked beautiful.
“Don’t get what?” My eyes met hers, searching for a sense of the emotions rumbling beneath her shaking voice.
“You don’t get that teasing me is mean. You don’t get that my feelings aren’t a joke, and you never have.” She took a deep breath, shook her head, and glanced away.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it about skating. You’re fine, Kate. I mean, you could tighten your core, but—”
She held up her hand, cutting me off. “You had your hands on me,” she said, her chin lifted and her voice firm.
She found her confidence when I hadn’t expected it. Mine shrunk in response, my gaze dropping to the snow. I couldn’t face her.
“You had your hands on me, and it wasn’t friendly. Which means you were teasing me. Again.”
I swallowed, unsure how to answer. “Why would I be teasing you?”
Her eyes fluttered shut. “Because the biggest joke is that I had a crush on you for years, and you knew it. You knew it, and you weaponized it. At prom. When I finally thought maybe you weren’t that asshole, and I told you what a joke I felt like with guys, you made me believe I wasn’t, only to break my stupid teenage heart. Which—thanks, dickhead—I still wallow about, making me even stupider.”
“You weren’t a joke,” I said, suddenly frantic. “You weren’t, Kate. You were never a joke.” Why would she ever think she was?
The wind picked up, loose snow whirling around us. It was freezing, and sitting immobile in the cold like this was a terrible idea, but I wasn’t sure if interrupting the moment would be better or worse than frostbite.
Kate sighed, her hands draped over her knees as she looked at me with watery eyes.
“I heard you. I heard every word you said that night at prom.”
I blinked, tilting my head and trying to understand what she was talking about.
“Every word that I said? You mean to Ethan?”
She’d already bolted when I punched Ethan Hembry on prom after he said such utterly shitty things about Kate. She didn’t know I’d heard. I never told her I’d witnessed it. We never spoke of it beyond that moment on the bench.
We never acknowledged that I almost kissed her.
“No,” she said quietly, rising to stand awkwardly on her skates. She hobbled toward the cabin, unsteady on the blades with the icy, snow-packed ground. I got up quickly, following.
“Kate,” I said, grabbing her arm as she got to the porch and tugging her to stop. “What are you talking about?”
She wouldn’t meet my eyes, instead focusing on my hand on her arm.
“Look at me.”
She sniffled and shook her head.
Softer, I said, “Kate, look at me.”
Her amber eyes rose to mine, her long lashes dark against her pale skin, and I wished I hadn’t demanded she look at me.
“What are you talking about?”
“I heard every word you said to Vanessa,” she answered, pulling her arm away from my grasp and stomping up the stairs to the mudroom, slamming the door behind her.
Shit.
My eyes squeezed shut.
“I can’t believe you punched him. Why, Jason? Everyone is saying you got jealous about Beau’s annoying little sister.”
Vanessa had pulled me away from a moment with Kate at prom. A moment that was confusing, inappropriate, and hurtful.
Hurtful to Kate because whatever happened wouldn’t continue beyond that unexpected moment. How could it? My things were packed for college, my plane ticket purchased, and an apartment deposit paid.
Hurtful to my girlfriend, who stood in front of me, embarrassed by my actions and oblivious to the fact I’d almost kissed Kate after years of pretending she was nothing more than my best friend’s little sister.
“She’s not that annoying,” I mumbled. My only answer, and as Vanessa’s wide eyes communicated, the wrong one.
Vanessa crossed her arms over her chest, her breath coming hard as she glared at me.
“Do you like her or something?”
I glanced away, unsure what to say, and Vanessa gripped my chin with her hand to force me to face her.
“Do. You. Like. Her?”
My heart roared in my chest. I did. I liked Kate, and it startled the fuck out of me, but I could do nothing about it. Telling Vanessa the truth would make the entire situation worse.
So I said, “No, of course not. She’s Beau’s sister. I felt sorry for her, and I hit Ethan because I knew Beau would do it if it were him to hear. I did it for Beau.”
Not a total lie. I had done it for Beau, but mostly, I’d done it for Kate.
Vanessa relaxed her arms, raising her gloved hands to slide along my shoulders.
“You looked a little cozy out there, Jason.”
“I’m shocked you could even walk.” I spit, rinsing my mouth and gurgling.
Jason winced. “Can’t you do that in the bathroom like a normal person?”
“Yes, I can,” I answered, heading to the bedroom to get dressed. “But I don’t want to.”
I swear his eye twitched as I brushed past him.
A heavy sigh was the last thing I heard before closing the door.
“You should have some water this morning,” I told Jason before we gathered our winter gear to hit the ice. I munched on my banana and nodded toward my now-empty cup. “All that drinking last night. You’re no doubt dehydrated.”
He only smirked and held up his fourth cup of coffee.
“There’s water in this. But sweet that you’re worried about me.”
“Of course I’m worried. You’re too heavy to drag back from the lake if you collapse. I’d be forced to leave you out there.”
He quirked a brow. “Forced? You’d happily dance back, fist-pumping in victory.”
The man, damn him, fared far better than me this morning with an early rising, a chipper attitude, and unaffected by his share of the wine consumed last night.
“Probably singing, too,” I added as Jason rolled his eyes and put on a hoodie over his thermal.
An hour later, I dressed in layers that hid my nipples and plied myself with aspirin and water to soothe my hangover. I stood on the edge of the frozen lake and admired the majestic silver ice and powdered snow.
This kind of silence was rare. New York was never quiet, even at night. Out here? It was as if nothing else existed in the world but this moment.
A moment about to be disrupted by my embarrassment.
Once upon a time, I’d taken skating lessons and been decently skilled on the ice. Once upon a time, I found, was many years ago.
“Soften your knees,” Jason said once we got on the ice, like he was any better.
Christ. He was. He’d been right. His ankles were sturdy, and his balance was sure-footed.
“Keep your core tight.” Jason spun circles around me, daring to be so bold as to skate backward. “Tight, Kate. Keep it tight.”
I sucked in my stomach.
“I said tight. Keep it tight. Kate, ti—”
“Stop fucking saying tight!” I snapped.
Jason chuckled, skating closer to me as he kept his hands in his pockets.
I eyed him disapprovingly. “A show-off. That’s what you are.”
He agreed. “Can you blame me? I spent three days on a couch with a sprained ankle the last time I was on the ice with you. Left me desperate enough to make jewelry with some bratty kid instead of playing hockey with my best friend and knocking his teeth out with a puck.”
I blushed as I slowly glided along. “You want to impress me or something?”
“Well, yeah,” he said shyly, nudging me with his elbow.
What balance I had settled into was startled by Jason’s uncharacteristic... flirting, and I flailed my arms to steady myself.
Jason laughed as my arms spun wildly, grasping him to balance.
“I joined an intramural hockey league in college,” he said, his hand guiding mine to wrap around his bicep. “It was worth the bumps and bruises for this moment of redemption.”
I bit my lip, desperately wanting to hide my smile. Like acknowledging my enjoyment of this moment conceded some sort of defeat.
“I think that winter of your ankle’s discontent was the last one I skated out here, too. It was much easier to move around in a ten-year-old’s body with a lower center of gravity and less weight to carry.”
Jason let out a low breath. “You’ve certainly changed in twenty years, Kate.”
He slid one arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and falling just behind me.
Both hands rested at the tops of my hips, and he said softly, “Keep your core—”
“Fuck you.” I laughed, my feet slipping beneath me.
Jason’s grip kept me from falling, and I craned my neck to get a look at him.
“I’m shocked you’re not letting me fall. Shocked you’re not pushing me, so I do fall.”
He sighed, his mitten-clad hands gripping my hips tighter. Between the layers of clothing, the touch wasn’t much. I held my breath, my eyes sinking closed as I imagined what those fingers would feel like on my skin instead of the down of my jacket.
Foolish, Kate.
We’d reached some sort of truce in our forced proximity. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, grown-up Jason wasn’t the same as childhood Jason.
Physical differences aside, he was amiable and—gross—charming. Friendly and warm. Still a smartass and annoying, but even that was different. Playful instead of humiliating.
I cleared my throat. “So, uh. Hockey, huh?”
He hummed behind me, his pace picking up as he pushed us along.
“Yep. I tried a little of everything in college, but my best buddy played for the university, and I got roped into an intramural league for the hell of it. Turned out to be pretty fun.”
My cheeks no longer stung from the wind whipping around us as we skated. They were heated, warm with a blush.
Wind-chapped, I’d tell him if he gave me that look. The one that told me he knew when I was lying.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
“Wow,” I said, steady on the ice but not wanting him to let go of me. “And you didn’t get recruited for the team? I mean, I hate to admit it, but you’re right. Your ankle strength has improved.”
His face was so close that his whisper thundered against my ear.
“Katherine Francis Dalton, did you just pay me a compliment?”
I dropped my head back and laughed against his shoulder. “There are no witnesses, and if anyone asks, I’ll claim you’re insane.”
His hands slid around my entire waist. It wasn’t his fingers on my hips any longer. The movement was intimate, hugging me from behind as his mouth pressed against my ear.
“I feel a little insane, Kate.”
My heart drummed so fiercely that I worried Jason could hear it. His breath warmed the nape of my neck, fanning along the exposed skin. Despite the heat of it, I had goosebumps. This wasn’t just friendly help on the ice. This wasn’t polite touches and guidance. This was affectionate.
I swallowed, my eyes focused on the tree line in the distance instead of the dancing in my stomach. I hadn’t realized we’d stopped skating, coming to a halt in the middle of the lake.
“Jason,” I breathed, unsure what to say.
Was he teasing me? Did he mean to be so forward and forthright?
“Kate,” he said softly, his arms wrapping tighter around my waist, pressing our bodies together.
We’d been here once before. Me convinced that he wanted me, even for the briefest of moments. Me desperate for him to press his lips to mine. Me aching for him as my heart pounded wildly, and my blood burned with the fiery acknowledgment of feelings I’d refused to let myself admit.
I had desperately wanted him on a night when I thought he comforted me because he cared.
But he hadn’t. It was a joke to him. He’d been messing with me. Was he doing the same thing now? This felt different, just like that night felt different, and it felt different because it wasn’t real.
Blinking a few times, I swallowed and pushed away from him, steady on my feet.
“I’m going to warm up inside,” I said, not looking back.
Eleven
Jason
“Shit,” I said softly as Kate skated off quickly.
Dropping my chin to my chest, I stared at the laces of my skates and shook my head. I was fucking this up.
“Someone has to be your first.”
The idea echoed in my mind all night as I restlessly tossed in my sleeping bag and thought of Kate in her room, feet away. What would she do if I were to lift her blankets and slide into bed beside her?
Someone would be the first woman after my heart had shattered, and it hit me like a fucking freight train that Kate could be that woman. I wanted her to be that woman. I spent hours tossing and turning like an idiot.
For months, my head, heart, and dick had been misaligned. My heart was broken for long enough to keep my dick down and out, but my heart began to mend when I left Michigan and started therapy and understood my relationship with Vanessa better. The ways she’d fucked up. The ways I’d fucked up. The image we held of a relationship that wasn’t what we thought.
My heart was stronger. More certain. It still ached, impossible to soothe all the cracks of my past, but I felt good. My dick was thrilled!
But then my head joined the party, all the uncertainties, doubts, and embarrassment of being cheated on and wondering if I’d ever trust anyone. If I’d ever be enough for someone to stick around.
Well, my head kicked my dick back into my pants.
The last few days with Kate? My body, heart, and mind ran on all cylinders, pumping in tandem again.
Kate was easy to be around. Dare I say, fun. Still that bratty girl, but also not. She was confident at times when I didn’t expect it. Sharp-witted and playful. Kate was intelligent and determined. Fun. God, she was fun. Did I say that already? It deserved recognition.
I enjoyed getting to know Adult Kate. I wanted to learn everything about her, and not from the pages of her diary, but from her lips. Willingly.
I wondered how we’d react to each other if we didn’t have our history.
Would she still be skating off because I moved too fast? Too eager?
I sighed, balling my hand into a fist and punching my mitten. I’d probably just pissed her off.
One more thing to add to the pile.
I only hoped she never figured out that I lied to her about needing to stay.
Yeah... About that.
Waking up to the fresh snow did something to my stomach. It wasn’t dread skipping in my gut when I woke up at first light. It was a possibility.
If the pass was closed and the roads were bad, Kate couldn’t return to Windmere. She’d be stuck with me.
I texted Beau immediately, standing on a chair next to the bathroom and holding my phone to catch a signal as I eagerly awaited his response.
Beau: We got some snow, too. It’s sticky, and the roads are icy, but you should be good with chains. Required on the pass, but otherwise, you’re good. You have them? Kate took the truck, so she’s covered. Ride with her if needed, and we can return after the heavy snow to get your truck.
I stared at the message, massaging my jaw. Of course, I had chains. I’d never drive here in the winter without them.
Me: Okay, but what’s the forecast? I don’t want to get caught on the roads if there’s another dump.
I held my breath, waiting.
Beau: Supposed to snow again on X-Mas Eve. Last night was just a random dusting. Roads will be salted by late morning. You’ll be good, man. Just drive slowly and safely. Tell that to Kate. She’s a demon on the road.
I sat on the chair, my knee bouncing as I considered my options. God help me. My fingers flew over the keypad before I lost my nerve.
Me: It’s pretty icy out here. We’ll wait for them to clear and salt the roads and plan another night to be safe.
Beau: Honestly, I’m shocked you’re even alive right now. Unless this is Kate pretending to be you. Hi Kate. Solid alibi after you no doubt dumped the body beneath the ice. Won’t find Jason until the spring thaw.
I wanted to tell him that Kate and I got along pretty well when not tripping over our feet to find reasons to torment the other.
I didn’t, though. I assured him it was me and not Kate, reminding him I held his secrets. Including the one where he’d slept with the director of a recent film he stunted on. A juicy piece of gossip he’d not share with his sister. A proof of life.
Beau: You better hope she’s kind enough to dump you in the lake. Because if you say a fucking word, I’ll tie you to a tree and let nature have at it.
Of course I’d say nothing. The last thing Beau needed was a scandal when he finally carved out a respectable position in the industry. Fucking a closeted director would be a scandal on the back of an on-set accident two years ago that left Beau already beat up.
Beau was comfortable with his bisexuality, but the guy he’d been seeing wasn’t, so Beau ended things before coming to Windmere.
Me: I’ll take my chances with Kate.
Beau: Thoughts and prayers.
I watched as Kate hurried to the cabin. She lost her balance near the lake’s edge, flapping her arms before catching herself and collapsing on her butt on the snowy shore.
Being alone in the middle of the ice, staring like a jerk, was more awkward than talking to her. I skated over.
Kate sat in the snow, her knees tucked up and her head hanging between them.
“Are you okay?” I asked, stopping in front of her.
She didn’t look up, and I plopped down beside her, wishing I’d worn Long Johns.
Kate said nothing, so naturally, I kept talking.
“Listen, it’s not that embarrassing to be terrible at skating. I was for years—”
Her head shot up, and I expected some clever retort, but she interrupted me to say, “You don’t get it, do you?”
Kate stared, open-mouthed, her eyes wide and her eyebrows inching to her hairline. Her skin was pale, her cheeks pink, and her lips red from the chill. With hair windswept... She looked beautiful.
“Don’t get what?” My eyes met hers, searching for a sense of the emotions rumbling beneath her shaking voice.
“You don’t get that teasing me is mean. You don’t get that my feelings aren’t a joke, and you never have.” She took a deep breath, shook her head, and glanced away.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it about skating. You’re fine, Kate. I mean, you could tighten your core, but—”
She held up her hand, cutting me off. “You had your hands on me,” she said, her chin lifted and her voice firm.
She found her confidence when I hadn’t expected it. Mine shrunk in response, my gaze dropping to the snow. I couldn’t face her.
“You had your hands on me, and it wasn’t friendly. Which means you were teasing me. Again.”
I swallowed, unsure how to answer. “Why would I be teasing you?”
Her eyes fluttered shut. “Because the biggest joke is that I had a crush on you for years, and you knew it. You knew it, and you weaponized it. At prom. When I finally thought maybe you weren’t that asshole, and I told you what a joke I felt like with guys, you made me believe I wasn’t, only to break my stupid teenage heart. Which—thanks, dickhead—I still wallow about, making me even stupider.”
“You weren’t a joke,” I said, suddenly frantic. “You weren’t, Kate. You were never a joke.” Why would she ever think she was?
The wind picked up, loose snow whirling around us. It was freezing, and sitting immobile in the cold like this was a terrible idea, but I wasn’t sure if interrupting the moment would be better or worse than frostbite.
Kate sighed, her hands draped over her knees as she looked at me with watery eyes.
“I heard you. I heard every word you said that night at prom.”
I blinked, tilting my head and trying to understand what she was talking about.
“Every word that I said? You mean to Ethan?”
She’d already bolted when I punched Ethan Hembry on prom after he said such utterly shitty things about Kate. She didn’t know I’d heard. I never told her I’d witnessed it. We never spoke of it beyond that moment on the bench.
We never acknowledged that I almost kissed her.
“No,” she said quietly, rising to stand awkwardly on her skates. She hobbled toward the cabin, unsteady on the blades with the icy, snow-packed ground. I got up quickly, following.
“Kate,” I said, grabbing her arm as she got to the porch and tugging her to stop. “What are you talking about?”
She wouldn’t meet my eyes, instead focusing on my hand on her arm.
“Look at me.”
She sniffled and shook her head.
Softer, I said, “Kate, look at me.”
Her amber eyes rose to mine, her long lashes dark against her pale skin, and I wished I hadn’t demanded she look at me.
“What are you talking about?”
“I heard every word you said to Vanessa,” she answered, pulling her arm away from my grasp and stomping up the stairs to the mudroom, slamming the door behind her.
Shit.
My eyes squeezed shut.
“I can’t believe you punched him. Why, Jason? Everyone is saying you got jealous about Beau’s annoying little sister.”
Vanessa had pulled me away from a moment with Kate at prom. A moment that was confusing, inappropriate, and hurtful.
Hurtful to Kate because whatever happened wouldn’t continue beyond that unexpected moment. How could it? My things were packed for college, my plane ticket purchased, and an apartment deposit paid.
Hurtful to my girlfriend, who stood in front of me, embarrassed by my actions and oblivious to the fact I’d almost kissed Kate after years of pretending she was nothing more than my best friend’s little sister.
“She’s not that annoying,” I mumbled. My only answer, and as Vanessa’s wide eyes communicated, the wrong one.
Vanessa crossed her arms over her chest, her breath coming hard as she glared at me.
“Do you like her or something?”
I glanced away, unsure what to say, and Vanessa gripped my chin with her hand to force me to face her.
“Do. You. Like. Her?”
My heart roared in my chest. I did. I liked Kate, and it startled the fuck out of me, but I could do nothing about it. Telling Vanessa the truth would make the entire situation worse.
So I said, “No, of course not. She’s Beau’s sister. I felt sorry for her, and I hit Ethan because I knew Beau would do it if it were him to hear. I did it for Beau.”
Not a total lie. I had done it for Beau, but mostly, I’d done it for Kate.
Vanessa relaxed her arms, raising her gloved hands to slide along my shoulders.
“You looked a little cozy out there, Jason.”
