Beautiful nightmares, p.45
Beautiful Nightmares, page 45
The thought made me reach for a weapon that wasn’t there. Suddenly I wished I’d taken the time to find Thuridan’s sword after Viessa knocked it out of my hand with her icy blast. I told myself I wouldn’t have been able to hold it anyway. Without the constant flow of adrenaline, pain had returned to my blistered fingers and palms.
As we neared the surface, dry earth crunching beneath our shoes, I began to recognize certain passages. I quickened my pace to brush past the others and fall into step with Lyari, looking at her sidelong to gauge her expression. As always, it was smoothed into the bland mask of a Guardian… but she wasn’t a Guardian anymore, and I was a Nightmare. I could sense her fear as if it were a perfume she’d sprayed all over her body.
“We’ll figure it out,” I told her quietly, hoping Laurie and Gil were too preoccupied to eavesdrop. “You won’t be a goblin, Lyari.”
She didn’t look at me. I knew it had to be my own anxiety, but in the shadows and firelight, her lithe profile already seemed a bit sharper. A bit more haggard. “Without the power of the Unseelie Court, I will be weakened,” Lyari said after a long pause. “I won’t be able to protect you as efficiently.”
I made a sound partway between a laugh and a scoff. “You’re a warrior, Lyari of bloodline Paynore. Cutting ties with this Court doesn’t change that.”
It was almost the same thing she’d told me about being queen. The faerie’s throat moved as she swallowed. It was one of the few times she’d ever allowed me to see any vulnerability, and the sight made my insides twist. “I’ll make sure there aren’t any Guardians waiting for us on the surface,” was all Lyari said.
Without giving me a chance to respond, she quickened her pace and left me behind. There was a hunch to her shoulders that hadn’t been there before. Watching her go, I wanted to tell my friend how the dark reveals things just as often as it hides them. Stars shine brightest in the sky, plants thrive at the bottom of the ocean, fireflies flicker over the grass. Somehow, I would make sure that her sacrifice tonight—separating herself from the Unseelie Court forever—didn’t end in the fate she’d always feared.
We made it to the surface without any trouble. I stopped when the Door was within sight and moved to stand in front of the others, crossing my arms. The movement jarred the wound in my shoulder, and I hid a wince.
“What are you doing?” Laurie demanded. The question made Collith lift his head.
“Saying goodbye. I’m not going to Amsterdam with you.” Taking a page from Lyari’s book, I didn’t give them the opportunity to protest. I angled my body toward Gil and addressed the next part to him. “Again, you’re welcome to come back with me. Adam would probably be willing to help you control the bloodlust. He’s a good guy, I promise.”
To my surprise, the vampire moved so that he was standing next to me. “Couldn’t hurt to meet him, I suppose,” he muttered.
I knew Adam was only part of the reason he wanted to stay at my side, but I was grateful Gil didn’t reveal the rest of it. His sleeve brushed against mine, and subtle emotions pulsed from the bond. The same emotions I felt when I heard Matthew’s laugh, or saw Damon’s smile, or Emma put her arm around me. The same warmth that filled my chest every time I saw Gretchen pour a drink, or Bea punch numbers into her calculator, or Finn’s golden eyes turned toward me.
It was love.
Schooling my features into a hard mask, I looked back at the two faeries I’d dethroned. Collith’s face was carefully expressionless. Laurie, however, was frowning. “I thought we already discussed the danger of returning to Granby,” he said.
“You’re not the only one with a plan. Don’t worry about me.” My tone was dismissive, and I accentuated this with a flap of my hand. I hoped it disguised the way my heart had quickened. I didn’t let myself look at Laurie, because I knew—I knew—he’d see the truth in an instant. Gil hadn’t been the only one I formed a bond with during my time at the Seelie Court, and everything that happened between me and Laurie afterward had only muddied the waters more. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. Just like last night, though, I did know that I didn’t want to be separated from him. From them.
And that terrified me most of all.
“I’m sure I’ll see you soon,” I said, grateful that I sounded normal, at least.
There was another pause. No one else in the tunnel spoke. Laurie lowered his chin and leveled a look at me that somehow conveyed a dozen promises all at once. “Count on it,” he replied.
I’d been preparing for a debate, or maybe even an altercation of some sort. As the silence stretched, Gil edged away from the three of us, joining Lyari farther down the passageway. I didn’t move.
I could feel Collith watching us. Collith, who I’d been desperately in love with not so long ago. Collith, who still had an effect on me, no matter how many lies I told myself. Now that he was out of immediate danger, I refused to acknowledge him.
Which is why I startled myself by saying to Laurie, “It looked like he was stabbed with a holy blade. You may want to call a healer once you get to that safe house.”
As I turned to leave, I was half-afraid Laurie would snag my hand and pull me against him, regardless of our audience. But he didn’t, and I walked up the path unencumbered. Once I reached Gil and Lyari, I gave the vampire a tremulous smile. “Think of the woods outside Granby,” I told him.
“What the fuck is a Granby?”
For an instant, I almost had the urge to laugh. Almost. “It’s the town where I live,” I answered. “It’s just outside of Denver. Remember, you don’t have to know what the destination looks like. You just need to—”
“—express your desire to get there,” Gil finished. “Stop worrying about everyone else and get a move on, Nightmare.”
With that, he went the rest of the way up the path and vanished. Lyari must’ve lost patience with us and used the Door, since she was nowhere to be found. I cast another glance around the tunnel before I slowly followed my companions, strangely nervous. Why did the thought of going home make me apprehensive?
That didn’t matter right now. Letting out a tense breath, I shoved my aching hands into my pockets and ascended the sloped path. Once I reached the crack in the earth the others had already gone through, I was tempted to look back at Laurie and Collith. But I was afraid of what they would see in my expression, so I walked through the Door without pausing.
It was even colder aboveground. A gust of air greeted me, instantly chilling my skin, and the sky was the color of cotton candy. Gil had wandered a few yards away and stood between two trees, his back to me. This time, I did allow myself a moment, and I faltered in front of the stone doorway. Was there any chance I was still dreaming? Had we truly won? Closing my eyes, I took a long, deep inhale through my nose, and the sting of cold in my nostrils reassured me. An image of Collith’s battered face floated in the darkness. Truce over, I thought.
I opened my eyes and started in the direction of home.
It had been weeks since I’d walked among these trees. By all appearances, no one else had, either. There was no path or trail, and a layer of untouched snow covered everything. It crunched under my tennis shoes and slipped inside them, freezing against my bare ankles. Gil fell into step beside me, but Lyari stayed ahead of us, appearing sporadically through the white-laden trees. We didn’t talk for a while, and I mulled over everything that had happened since I’d learned the truth about Collith. About all the mistakes I’d made.
“I want to learn how to control my power,” I blurted, turning to Gil. “Will you help me?”
Silence met my request. The blond vampire arched his head back and gazed upward. I felt his pain as he thought about what he had lost, too. We’d been so focused on surviving that he hadn’t been able to grieve it. “I’ll help you,” he said.
“Thanks, Gil.”
There was so much we could have said after that. Regardless of the fact that we’d die for each other, this vampire and I, we were still strangers in a thousand ways. We may have known the shape of each other’s souls, but we didn’t have the small details. The insignificant facts that added up to an altogether significant being. And yet… neither of us spoke again. Not until we caught up with Lyari, who had stopped at the edge of a very familiar line of trees.
Twilight spread across the horizon behind the barn, making it look as if the structure were bleeding. Every window was a square of yellow light and multiple cars filled the driveway, one of them the van that I’d commandeered from the goblins.
Home.
Gil didn’t ask if we’d arrived. Not only could he probably see it on my face, he could feel it, too. I took a step forward, then hesitated. Until this moment, I hadn’t really given thought to how the others might feel about me bringing a newborn vampire into our lives. Haltingly I said, “Would you mind… waiting here? I haven’t seen my family since I was taken, and I just want…”
Gil dipped into an odd little bow. “Say no more. Your wish is my command, Conqueror of the Leviathan, Challenger of the—”
Just like that, the heaviness that had been surrounding us dissipated. I shoved him, scowling. “Shut your whore mouth!”
Laughter thickened in his voice. “Had I known I was in the presence of such greatness, I never would have turned my back.”
This time I launched at him, and Gil leaped backward to avoid my fingers, his fangs flashing as he snickered some more. Before I could swing my leg up and kick him in the throat, he was gone, scrabbling up an impossibly tall tree. “Go on, then,” the vampire called down, waving his pale hand. “I’ll be here when you’ve finished telling your family what horrible danger you’ve put them in.”
“Fuck you. I have a plan, damn it,” I snapped back. Gil just waved again.
“This is why I hate the British,” Lyari said flatly. I turned to her, wondering why she’d stopped. Lyari saw the question in my eyes and added, “I’ll wait out here, too. Reunions make me itchy.”
“Have it your way. I’ll summon you when the emotional part is over.” Battling a surge of guilt over leaving Gil in a tree, of all things, I stalked through the yard and approached the barn. At the door, I halted again and stared at the handle, willing myself to reach for it. A memory assaulted me—Collith’s soft smile as he revealed what he’d been working on all those weeks. My home is where you are.
As if I could lock the memory out, I hurried inside and slid the bar over the door. I ascended the stairs without delay, worried that any more pauses would be enough to make me lose my nerve. I reached the door at the top within seconds, and suddenly I wished I’d stalled a little. The air was still and silent. No shadows moved past the crack of light near my feet. Should I… knock? No, that would be strange. You live here. Annoyed by my own uncertainty, I tried the knob and discovered it was unlocked. I lingered in the stairwell to take some calming breaths, and then I finally went inside.
The space was lit with lamps, everything darkened and serene. It looked the same, and yet not. Everything had been new and untouched when I left. Now the couch had indents in the cushions, toys littered the floor, and there was fresh fruit on the countertop. A vase of flowers rested on a side table. The wall hooks to my left were heavy with coats and scarves. Small details that made a place into a home. I closed the door behind me, looking around with a warm feeling in my chest.
There was no one in the kitchen or living area, but there were soft sounds coming from Damon’s room. Was Matthew waking up from a late nap? Driven by a rush of anticipation, I strode across the loft and knocked on the door.
It must not have been shut all the way, because at the tap of my knuckles, it creaked open. Before I could react, I had a perfect view of the bed, and I glimpsed my naked brother kneeling on all fours in front of someone… who was also naked.
“Oh,” I said with blank surprise. “Oh.”
I rushed to close the door again, but the man spotted me, and our gazes met just before he yelped and fell to the floor. Damon yanked at the bedsheet and wrapped it around his waist, staring at me with more disbelief than annoyance. “Fortuna? Is that you?”
I gave him an awkward finger wave. In the corner of the room, his lover began frantically pulling on his clothes. “Hey, there,” I said weakly. “Yes, it’s me. I’m back. You know, why don’t I go to the kitchen while…”
I left the sentence unfinished and made my retreat. As I rushed to close the door behind me, and I crossed the length of the main room again, a grin tugged at the corners of my mouth. Of all the homecomings I’d imagined, this certainly hadn’t been one of them. Way to go, Damon, I thought.
To occupy myself while they got dressed, I moved toward the cupboard to fetch a glass. I had just turned from the sink, water in hand, when Damon emerged from the bedroom. He’d switched out his birthday suit for a pair of jeans and a knit pullover, I noted with another burst of amusement. Our eyes met, and Damon walked toward me with soft purpose. There was a hint of laughter in my voice as I started, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve—oh.”
Damon wrapped his arms around me—which were sturdier than they’d been a few weeks ago, I noted with faint surprise—and didn’t say a word. I expected a brief, brisk hug, but he held on. I felt my brother’s cheek rest against the side of my head. Slowly, I set the water down and put my arms around him, too. The movement should’ve hurt, but the pain from touching that holy chain breaker had completely faded. After another moment, I grasped my wrists at the small of his back and pressed even closer. When did my little brother get so much taller than me? A familiar stinging entered my eyes, and I blinked, fast and hard.
This, I thought. This was the embrace I’d dreamed of when I first found him at the Unseelie Court all those months ago.
“Once we did the scrying spell, Laurie told us he knew where you were and that he’d take care of it,” Damon said as he pulled away. He raked his flop of brown hair back. “He’s been keeping us updated in that vague, mysterious way of his. Then Lyari came by yesterday to tell us that you were at the Unseelie Court. We thought for sure you’d be home by this morning. What happened to your shoulder?”
“I probably shouldn’t have come back at all,” I admitted. “Oh, that’s just a scratch. A small token from a confrontation with Queen Viessa. Did Laurie tell you who took—”
Damon’s guest filled the doorway of his room, adjusting a starched collar. Now that I wasn’t so distracted by his nudity, I was able to notice his features. He was uniquely handsome with those thick dark eyebrows, a narrow face, and a wide mouth. A shock went through me when I saw he wore the uniform of a deputy. But there hadn’t been any squad cars in the driveway, and I knew every police officer in Granby…
Then I remembered that Laurie had recently created a vacancy in the department. Oh. Right. This human was probably a brand-new addition.
“Well, that’s definitely not how I was hoping to meet my boyfriend’s sister,” the man said on a sheepish exhale. He walked past us, and the face of his watch caught the light as he reached for a coat hanging on one of the hooks.
“Boyfriend?” I echoed.
He glanced at Damon, who’d just started drinking from the glass of water I had abandoned. “I’m Danny,” he said, offering his hand. “I’d stick around for a bit, but I’ve got the night shift. Perks of being a rookie, I guess. Are you hurt?”
His dark eyes lingered on my shoulder. Before I could come up with an excuse not to touch his bare hand, there was the unmistakable sound of a werewolf hurtling up the steps. I braced myself, but Finn didn’t throw himself at me—instead, he walked a circle around me, his nostrils flaring and huffing. I stayed where I was, holding up my arms to make it easier for him, and held back yet another smile. “I’m fine, Finn. It’s damn good to see you, too.”
Emma appeared at the top of the stairs, a grocery bag in one arm and Matthew in the other. She spotted me instantly, our gazes meeting across the room, just as it had been with Damon. Matthew saw me a beat later, and he clapped his tiny hands together. Thankfully, my nephew didn’t seem to notice my torn shoulder. “Tuna,” he chirped happily.
Joy filled my lungs, making the next breath I took ragged and uneven. “Hey, Matt,” I whispered.
This time, Damon didn’t correct the nickname I’d given his son. Emma set the child down, and Matthew had only gotten two or three steps before I was there, plucking him off the floor like he weighed nothing. I cupped the back of his head and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. It was the best smell in the entire world.
Matthew endured my tight embrace for exactly four seconds before he began to wriggle and kick his small legs. Letting him go felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done, and as I watched him toddle away, I felt a pinch of compassion for Savannah.
Damon knelt to take off his son’s coat. I stared at the picture they made, thinking that my brother deserved to know that his ex was currently residing at the Unseelie Court.
Then Emma stepped into my line of vision, cutting my thoughts short. Without saying anything, she gathered me into a hug that smelled like cigarettes and frost. Though she was so much shorter, she managed to make me feel small and wholly enveloped. Finn’s bright eyes tracked our movements as if he were worried I’d vanish any second.
“Welcome home,” Emma said in my ear, her voice as warm as I remembered. “Your room is exactly as you left it. I did change the sheets and tidy up a little. What happened to your shoulder, sweetheart?”
I couldn’t respond past the lump that had filled my throat, so I stopped trying. Seconds ticked by, and Emma didn’t pull away. I didn’t, either. Eventually I noticed a figure through Emma’s wisps of blue hair, and I realized that Damon’s new boyfriend still stood by the door. I swallowed and said, “It was nice to meet you, Danny.”
“You, too,” he said with a hint of humor. I didn’t know anything about him, but somehow this human radiated quiet interest and real sincerity. He was… soft, like Damon used to be before Jassin altered him forever. Danny began to say something else, but his attention shifted to my brother, who had drawn close and spoke to him in a tender murmur.
