The untamed, p.12
The Untamed, page 12
Dammit!
It’s clear when Ryder comes to a conclusion of what must be close to the truth because his intense gaze burns hot with anger.
Does he hate me now for what I’ve done?
Ryder steps closer, his nostrils flaring. He sniffs—actually fucking sniffs—my face like he can smell Logan’s scent on me. He must pick up on whatever clue he’s hunting for because a low rumble echoes from his throat.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he hisses, anger flashing dark in his eyes.
I swivel around, quickly making sure no one is around who can hear. The men are all speaking in hushed voices with Logan at the center. It’s just me and Ryder.
The embarrassment threatens to swallow me whole. I don’t know what to say or how to explain what just happened. All I know is I liked it—no, loved it—but also know it’s really wrong.
“Did you suck his dick?” Ryder demands in a barely audible whisper, practically snarling the question.
I swallow hard and shake my head vehemently. “N-No. Ryder, calm down.”
“Calm down?” His eyes widen in disbelief. “Some fucker is seducing my brother and I’m supposed to calm the fuck down?”
His voice has risen, but thankfully still not loud enough for the group to hear above their own talking. I grab hold of his hand, pleading with my eyes.
“It was just a kiss,” I blurt out. Pain slices through my chest as Ryder flinches like he’s been struck. “It was nothing.”
Lies.
It was everything.
Everything I’ll never have, but I so desperately want.
He shakes his head, betrayal making his face crumble into a devastated frown. I don’t understand why he’s so upset with me over a stupid kiss!
Not a stupid kiss.
A perfect, wonderful, soul-destroying kiss.
“Ryder—”
He swings a hand my way and for a second I think he might hit me. Of course he doesn’t. Instead, he shoves his middle finger in my face. I blink at it, stung by the action.
“Whatever,” he snaps. “Have fun ruining your life all by yourself.”
With those words, he storms away back to the group. Pain slams into my chest a million times worse than if he’d actually hit me.
What have I done?
* * *
* * *
“It was just a kiss. It was nothing.”
His words repeat over and over and over again in my head, making me angrier by the second. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was an invasion. A hostile takeover. An act of war.
Logan is preying on my brother and he’s falling for it.
I want to know what Logan’s plans are for Ronan. Does he think he can fuck him on the side while his wife recovers from being gang raped? Everything in me screams at me to tell Dad what happened. But as much as that entices me so I can watch Dad go apeshit on Logan, I bite my tongue.
He’ll go apeshit on Ronan too.
Wind whistles through the trees and I have to plant my feet firmly into the ground to keep from swaying. Rain is imminent. I can smell the earthy ozone scent in the air as pine needles and leaves dance across my face from the wind.
“Rowdy, take the boys to that clearing we passed,” Dad instructs. “Me, Owen, and Logan can set some traps nearby. They’re close and with this storm rolling in, they won’t get far. It’ll be easier to be stealthy with just a few of us.”
Rowdy nods and then turns on his flashlight, motioning for us to follow him. I’m not sure where CJ and Jace are as we haven’t run into the other group yet. Honestly, I hope they stay far away from me or I’ll use CJ’s face as a means to beat out my frustrations.
And frustrations I have aplenty.
I’ve been obsessing over the fact that me and Rae had a moment earlier. A sick, twisted, wrong moment.
Fuck, it had been thrilling, though.
I could have kissed her. I wanted to. I’m almost positive she would have let me. And the way her hand crept down toward my cock.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I wanted that moment with her so damn badly.
My dick has been half hard since. That is, until I learned Logan’s been making out with my damn brother. Nothing like betrayal to kill a boner.
What’s my fixation on my siblings lately?
Am I confusing our deepening friendships with something sinister like lust?
Could I really jeopardize my life by making a move on my sister or staking some caveman claim on my brother?
Yes.
The truth is a punch to the gut and dangerous. My mind is a wild, chaotic mess. I need to keep myself away from these situations if I have any hope of navigating them. I can’t be pissed off if my brother kisses another man. I should be happy for him.
Nah.
Fuck that.
I still want to kill Logan.
If CJ were here, I’d want to kill him too.
Fuck my life.
“Everything good?” Rowdy asks, voice low. “You mad we didn’t catch them yet?”
“Hell yeah,” I growl. Among other more infuriating things…
“Me too. We’ll get them eventually. These woods may be vast, but we know them like the back of our hands. Those fuckers won’t have a chance.”
I wish I could fixate on catching the bad guys, but my mind keeps circling back to the moment with Raegan and disgusting thoughts of Logan mauling my brother. With my mind elsewhere, we come up on the clearing in no time. Rowdy tosses me the tent bag after unstrapping it from his backpack.
“Set this up. I’ll take first watch while you guys sleep. No campfire. We don’t need those assholes to know where we’re at.” He hands Ronan a battery-operated lantern. “Use this sparingly while he puts the tent up and then lights off.”
At least having a task allows me to focus on something else that doesn’t make me blind with rage. Despite the increasingly vicious wind, I manage to erect the tent by myself while Ronan wisely stands aside, holding the lantern closer to me whenever I need the light to see.
It starts to rain softly at first, but then the clouds release buckets of it all at once. Ronan snaps the lantern shut, immersing us in total darkness. I manage to fumble my way into the tent and he quickly follows behind.
The silence between us is oppressive.
A nasty, evil beast standing between us, snarling at us both.
I hate it.
I hate him.
“Ry,” Ronan croaks out. “Can we talk?”
Scoffing, I drop my backpack to the floor and set to rummaging for my sleeping bag. “There’s nothing to say.”
He’s quiet as we situate our bedding. We’re both soaked and getting everything wet from our clothes, but if anything, it cools off some of my anger.
I sprawl out on one side of the tent, trying like hell to ignore my brother. He swallows audibly and the fabric of his sleeping bag makes a swishing sound as he attempts to get comfortable.
I bet he wishes Logan were here so they could suck each other’s dicks and fuck.
My hands curl into tight fists. I want to punch something. Someone. Ronan would be the obvious choice since he’s within reach, but I refrain.
The tent shudders against the wind and the rain pelting it grows louder. I wonder if Dad will cut his expedition short and come crawl into the sanctity of our tent soon. At least then we’d have a physical barrier to keep me from knocking some sense into Ronan.
“I know you’re mad…” He sighs heavily. “I just don’t understand why.”
I open my mouth to tell him exactly why. Then I clamp it shut. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m so angry. Logan is a dick and Ronan deserves better. End of story.
Is that the truth, though?
Guilt swarms in my gut like a hive of angry bees. It’s not the full truth.
The truth is, I’m jealous.
Ronan is my brother.
Mine.
If he was going to experiment with a man, it should’ve been me. Someone he could trust to keep his secret. Someone who could protect him.
Logan is a liability.
A fucking snake.
He seems the type to gather information on people to use it against them later. Something about that man just rubs me up the wrong way. It’s a sixth sense. A gut feeling.
Ronan reaches across the tent and his fingers brush over my fisted hand. I freeze at his touch. His fingers are ice-cold. My first thought is to gather his hand in both of mine to warm it up.
Instead, I remain still, fist clenched tight.
“Talk to me,” Ronan pleads, voice hoarse with emotion. “Don’t do this to me. It fucking hurts.”
His words lash at me, making me wince. Hurt? How the fuck does he think I feel? I’m destroyed. With Rae, knowing she kissed CJ, I was mad and protective. But it was different. Raegan is smart and has good intuition. She kissed him because it was something to do—an act of rebellion. Not because she actually likes him and wants to have all his babies. CJ, though annoying as shit, isn’t a real threat.
Ronan is completely different.
I can feel him getting sucked into a current that’ll take him to places I can’t swim from. Dark, deep places that’ll drown him. He’ll come back broken and different, just like Rowdy did when he spent time in town.
Logan will break my brother.
He’s the bigger threat. Ronan falling for it so easily fucking hurts. It’s like he’s willingly allowing Logan to pull him away from me just because he wants to experiment with a man.
I wasn’t lying the other night in my cabin when I told him it should be me.
Sure, we were laughing and joking, but I meant it.
“He makes me feel desired,” Ronan whispers. “Something I never thought that could happen to me because…”
He likes men.
Unable to keep quiet, I roll toward him, unfurling my fist. His fingers desperately thread between mine, seeking the comfort he needs. Because I love him, I let him take in this moment.
“He’s going to hurt you,” I murmur. “He’s going to hurt you and you’re going to let him.”
Ronan sighs heavily. “I know. There’s no good way it could turn out. He has a wife. I’m just a temporary indulgence.”
Ronan deserves to be someone’s forever sustenance.
Not a bite to be swallowed down when a craving should arise.
“Don’t kiss him,” I say, tugging on his hand. “Please don’t kiss him.”
Ronan scoots closer, bringing his body heat with him. I pull his hand to my chest, squeezing it tight. He snuggles up to my side and it feels right. It’s where he belongs. I fucking know this. Something inside my chest releases and a soul-soaking calm washes over me.
“Promise me you’ll never kiss him again.” My voice cracks, splintered with pain and misery. “I can’t fucking stand the thought of it.”
I expect him to demand to know why it bothers me so much.
I could admit it to him. That it should be me instead.
“I promise,” Ronan whispers. “It felt right in the moment, but now all I feel is guilt.”
Bringing our conjoined hands to my mouth, I kiss his cold knuckles one by one.
“His, uh, fingers…” He trails off, shuddering. “And then his hand…”
Possessiveness poisons my every cell, pouring through my veins like molten lava. Before I can consider my actions, I roll onto my side, bringing my hand down to his dick.
“He touched you here?”
Ronan groans, his dick quickly thickening. “Ryder…”
“You want to be touched, you come to me,” I growl, squeezing his length through his soaked jeans. “You let me give you what you need. That’s what brothers are for. We take care of each other.”
A small moan escapes him and his hips thrust toward my hand. I rub him roughly through his clothes, doing it just the way I like it. He’s not complaining. His breaths come out sharp and quick. My own cock hardens and several filthy thoughts flitter through my mind. I ignore them all, focusing on just him.
“Ryder, Ryder, Ryder,” he chants, over and over again in the barest whisper. “Oh God.”
“I make you feel good. Not him.”
“Y-Yes. Fuck.”
Pleasure floods through me at his agreement. I work him easily into a frenzy that has him squeezing my other hand so tight I’m surprised my fingers don’t snap off. And then, with a sigh of ultimate relief, he tenses.
His dick pulsates in my grip. Knowing he’s soaking the inside of his boxers with cum has me grinning stupidly. Everything’s too raw with our emotions right now, but I ache to tease him about it. Later, when he takes a piss and sees the sticky evidence of what we did, he’ll think of me. Not Logan. Me.
“Anything you need, Ro, you come to me,” I remind him. “No one but us needs to know. It’s safe for you this way.”
“Thank you.”
His breathy words are so sweet I can’t help but seek his face out in the dark. I press a kiss to his damp skin, my face bumping his glasses in the process. Gently, I reach up and pluck them off his face before setting them on his chest.
He turns slightly toward me and this time my lips brush over his. They’re slick and he smells like rain. His lips pucker and I mimic him, pressing against them with a chaste kiss.
Logan probably kissed him with tongue.
I’m about to suggest it when Ronan thanks me again and then rolls over to his side, his back to me. I wrap an arm around his waist, burying my face in his wet curls that smell uniquely him.
I’ll show him how much better I can be.
He’ll never have to think about that prick ever again.
I’ll do whatever it takes to keep Ronan away from Logan. Even if it means fucking my big brother to keep him happy. I may not know exactly what that entails between two men, but I’d do it for him.
Anything for Ronan.
* * *
* * *
This is torture.
And, quite frankly, a glimpse of my future if my parents have anything to say about it.
They want me home, taking care of kids, cooking and cleaning, while the men go out into the wilderness to do the real jobs.
I hate Wild Knox, but the more I consider it, the more he feels like a viable option to escape this world I’ve been born into.
Leaving means leaving Ronan and Ryder, though, and that doesn’t sit well with me.
“You’re not typically my brother’s type,” Mya snarks as she stirs sauce on the stove. “He usually goes for someone much sweeter.”
“Apparently, he likes me just as I am.” I flash her a saccharine smile. “Sour.”
She rolls her eyes, turning her back to me. Mom is too distracted with all these women and children around to pay attention to this girl, who seems to enjoy tormenting me.
“You’re just a phase,” she huffs. “It’s not like he’s going to ask you to marry him after playing tonsil hockey.”
I don’t know what tonsil hockey is, but I wasn’t born yesterday.
“Maybe I should let him suck on my boobs since he’s so fond of my tongue,” I spit out. “Trust me, he’ll want to marry me then.”
I’m totally just making stuff up, but it sounds badass and it pisses her off, which was the point. She tosses the spoon onto the counter before spinning around to glower at me. The girl is shorter than me. Scrawny too. I could take her in a fight.
“If he marries you, it’ll be for one thing. Procreation. Certainly not recreation. Virgins are so overrated.” She eyes me up and down critically. “Have you even heard of makeup? Try it sometime, wild girl.”
Her insult hits, but I don’t let it show, shrugging instead. “At least I don’t have to hide what a hideous beast I am unlike some people.”
Of course Mom walks into the kitchen at that exact moment.
Of course she does.
I sigh, ready for her words to lash at me, but she shoots a warning look to both of us before gesturing toward the food. “Rae, sunshine, can you take Stacey some food. I doubt the others will eat, but I know she’s probably hungry. Might do the others good to have someone different besides me to visit.”
Sunshine?
Usually that title is what Dad calls me. I can’t help but feel like my mom just secretly sided with me, which means maybe she heard Mya being nasty to me first. I helplessly fight a grin as I make up a plate of spaghetti for Stacey. When my family works together as a team, I’m a lot more hesitant to up and leave them. Even Mom, who’s my least favorite person here besides Kota.
“Boo!”
Kota, the little demon in question, launches himself from behind the sofa the second I pass with the tray of food. I nearly dump it all over his filthy head. He’d deserve it too!
“Move, you little shit!”
He sticks his tongue out at me. “Or what?”
“Since Dad’s belt doesn’t scare you, maybe I’ll drag you outside the gate and let the bears eat you like they did Carter.” I hiss at him to drive home that threat.
His face contorts into an uneasy frown before he scurries off, no doubt off to tattle on me. Whatever. I don’t care.
Declan peeks around the corner of the sofa, staring up at me with horror in his eyes. Sorry, little man, but your big brother had that coming to him. I bare my teeth playfully at him. He screeches and then starts to cry. Whoops. Mom’s problem now.
When I make it to Destiny’s and my room, I peek in the door that’s slightly ajar. Carter lies on a cot at the foot of Destiny’s bed where Stacey is sitting up, propped against pillows, reading Dawson a picture book. I dart my stare over to my bed. Kristen, covered to her chin in a blanket, stares up at the ceiling, not moving. Slowly, I enter the room and drift toward Kristen, watching her eyes to see if she’ll blink.
Maybe she’s dead.
“That smells divine, sweetie,” Stacey says, making me jump in surprise. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Bababa,” Dawson says in baby talk no one but him and Dad can understand.
Stacey chuckles. “Apologies, Mr. Dawson. We’ll continue reading.”
I stare at them and frown. Mom probably enjoys having this bedridden pregnant lady to help her babysit the kids. Dawson seems taken with Stacey. Maybe she can take him with her whenever she leaves and give the rest of us a break.
