Searching for nova, p.18
Searching for Nova, page 18
“Any questions?” Rod asks just before five. He spent the last half hour training me on the cash register. That’s really all I need to learn. The food is easy. It’s just candy bars, bags of chips, and bottles of soda. Rod plans to add hotdogs and popcorn, and maybe pizza, but for now it’s just packaged food, which is easy. I just have to restock everything when it gets low.
“I think I’m good,” I tell him.
He points to my mouth. “Get that smile going. And don’t be talking back to the customers. Smile and act happy to see them. You think you can handle that?”
“Yes.” I smile extra wide.
He laughs as he walks off.
People arrive for open skating, mostly families with kids. Every time someone comes in, I check to see if it’s Easton. I hope he’s still coming. I almost send him a text, but then don’t. This isn’t a date, and I’m not his girlfriend. He’s just a friend who might stop by to skate.
At eight, Easton still hasn’t shown up and I can’t hide my disappointment. I snapped at a kid for taking too long to give me his money for a bag of chips. He paid in change and the kid took forever counting it out. Halfway through the counting, I scooped the change off the counter and told him to go, and I might have tossed the chips at him instead of nicely handing them over. Luckily, Rod didn’t see this. I might need to work on my customer service skills. To be fair, I was raised by Ted, who yells at everyone. I didn’t have a role model for how to be nice.
“I’ll take chips and a Coke,” a guy says as I’m picking up the pennies I dropped on the floor. “You need some help?”
I stand up and see Easton standing there, giving me a smile with his perfectly straight, white teeth. He’s got on a black hoodie and jeans, and I can smell his cologne from across the counter. I already want to kiss him and he just got here.
“You showed up,” I casually say as I drop the pennies in the cash register.
“You didn’t think I would?”
“I wasn’t sure. We close in a half hour. I thought you’d be here before now.”
“I wanted to wait for the place to clear out so I could skate without running into kids.” He glances at the rink. “But it looks like it’s still busy.” He turns back to me. “So what are you doing working the snack stand?”
“Jodi quit, so Rod’s letting me fill in. If I do okay, he might let me have the job. I’d still have to clean, but not all the time.”
“That’s great!” He gives me that smile again, which causes a fluttery feeling in my chest.
“Did you really want the chips?” I ask, grabbing the bag.
“Not really. But if you do, then yeah. Get whatever else you want too.”
My mind immediately goes to what Rod said about guys like Easton buying stuff to make girls like me fall for them. That’s not what he’s doing, but stupid Rod put that thought in my head and now I’m feeling a twinge of anger at Easton for offering to buy me chips.
“I don’t want any,” I tell him. “You want the soda?”
“Sure.” He gets out his wallet and hands me a five. “Keep the change.”
“I can’t.” I hand him the soda and take the five. “We’re not allowed to get tips.”
“Just don’t tell him.”
“Take it.” I hold out his change.
He sighs as he takes the money.
“You better hurry if you want to skate,” I tell him.
“We’re going out later, right?”
“We can,” I say, wiping down the counter. I want to, but I don’t want to sound too eager. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a friend. A friend I’m hoping will do things to me later, but even if he does, we’re just friends.
Easton puts his skates on and gets on the rink. He’s really good, and fast. He whips around the ice, gliding past the people who are more like me, struggling to move on the ice without falling down. A little girl just did and now she’s crying. She’s probably eight and her mom just left to use the bathroom.
I watch as Easton skates up beside her and helps her up. He smiles and says something to her. She stops crying and nods, a smile lighting up her face. He takes both her hands in his and skates backward on the ice, taking her with him. He reaches the end of the rink and spins around so they’re going the other way. The girl is laughing and smiling and looking at Easton like he’s the coolest guy ever. It’s sweet that he’s doing this. He’s a good guy. Rod doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Easton isn’t using me or taking advantage of me. He’s not like that. His friends are, though. I could totally see Jace being the type of guy Rod described.
The little girl’s mom comes back and finds her with Easton. He talks to the mom, probably explaining what happened. The mom smiles and says something to Easton, then takes her daughter and they continue to skate.
Easton looks over and sees me watching him. His gaze remains on me as he glides over the ice, weaving between all the people. I’d like to see one of his games. He said they start the week after Thanksgiving. I check the calendar on my phone. His first game is only a couple weeks away. That means Thanksgiving is next week. I didn’t even think about that until just now. I won’t have to go to school, and the diner and skating rink are closed so I won’t have to work. I’ll have a whole day off! I wish I could spend it with Easton, but he’ll be with his family.
After my shift is over, I go out to the parking lot and see Easton waiting by his Jeep.
“Need a ride?” he asks as I walk up to him.
“Yeah. You offering?”
He pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to mine. I sink into his body, loving how it feels to be in his arms. His tongue slides over mine and my body fills with heat, instantly aroused by his kiss.
Maybe tonight’s the night we’ll finally go all the way. I really want that. I want to be with him that way. I know it’s not a good idea, but I have a long history of making bad decisions. What’s the harm in making one more?
21
Nova
The loud clank of the dumpster lid closing causes Easton and me to break apart. I look over and see Rod walking back to the building.
“Shit, he saw us again,” I say.
“Yeah? So?”
I look at Easton. “He thinks there’s something going on with us.”
“There is.”
“No, there’s not. We’re just friends. Who hang out.”
“And kiss in the parking lot.”
“Well, yeah, but friends can kiss.”
“They can, but it usually leads to more.”
I look at him. “What are you saying?”
“Nothing. Let’s go.” He opens my door and I get in the Jeep, wondering what he meant just now. Is he thinking we’re going to start dating? Or that we already are? That wasn’t supposed to be our arrangement. We said we’d only be friends, nothing more.
As we’re driving, I check my phone and see a voicemail from Ted. He doesn’t text. He only calls. His message says he’s at Elaine’s place and may not come home tonight. I don’t know who Elaine is, but I’m guessing she’s his new lady friend. Why any woman would want to date Ted is a mystery to me. He’s still got his hair, so that’s a plus, but I can’t think of any other reason a woman would go out with him.
“Where do you want to go?” Easton asks. “Are you hungry? We could get something to eat.”
“I don’t need to eat.” I turn to him. “You want to go to the apartment?”
“With Ted there?”
“He’s not home. He’s with his new girlfriend. He might even spend the night with her.”
“Ted has a girlfriend?” Easton laughs a little. “Who the hell would date him?”
“It’s not really his girlfriend. She’s probably just some lady he met at a bar. Do you want to go there or not? We’d have the place to ourselves and we wouldn’t have to freeze in the Jeep.”
“You were freezing?” He glances at me. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve turned the heat on.”
“And waste all that gas? I wasn’t that cold.”
“I don’t care about the gas. You should’ve told me you were cold. Now I feel like an ass for letting you freeze to death.”
“I wasn’t freezing. I just said that so you’d…” I look out the side window, not sure if I should finish that thought.
“So I’d what?”
“I want to go to the apartment, but I didn’t think you would so I made up an excuse.”
“Why wouldn’t I go to the apartment?”
“Because it’s dirty and disgusting and stinks like cigarettes.”
“Nova, if you want to go there, just tell me that. You don’t have to make something up.”
“Then yeah, I want to go there. It’s rare that I have the place to myself.”
When we get to the apartment, I check to make sure Ted’s not around. There’s a chance he got in a fight with that lady and came home. He fights with everyone, which is why he doesn’t have many friends.
“Coast is clear,” I say to Easton.
He walks over to a picture on the wall. “Is that your dad?”
“Yeah, and me. I was two.”
“Do you remember taking it?”
“No, I don’t remember much before the age of five. Or maybe a little before. I remember my dad leaving me at the grocery store.”
“I can’t believe he did that. Who leaves his kid at the store and then just takes off?”
“He probably thought one of the old ladies who worked at the store would take me.”
Easton shakes his head. “I don’t get it. I don’t know how someone can do that to their own kid.”
“People do a lot worse than that,” I say, thinking of the stories I’ve heard from kids at my school. “This is a depressing topic. Let’s go in my room and talk about something else.”
Easton pauses a moment, looking hesitant. Is he afraid to be alone with me in my room? Does he thinks we’ll have sex? It’s possible, but we also could’ve done it in his Jeep. We almost did last night.
I go to my room without him, and moments later he joins me.
“How was your Spanish test?” he asks, noticing my Spanish book on the floor.
“It was okay. I got a C.” I take off my hoodie and the shirt I had under it, tossing them both on the floor.
“What’s going on?” Easton says with slight smile.
“I want a different shirt. I got cleaning solution on that one.” I shrug. “Or I could just leave it off.”
He walks over to me and kisses me. It’s a deep, intense kiss that tells me he’s been wanting to do this since he saw me at the rink. I wanted that too. I’ve been wanting to kiss him since last night when he dropped me off.
I shove up his shirt, wanting it out of my way. Easton breaks from my lips just long enough to rip off his hoodie and t-shirt, then goes back to kissing me. Maybe it’s just me, but things between us feel hotter tonight. Our clothes don’t usually come off this fast, and the way Easton is kissing me feels different, more urgent, like he can’t wait for what comes next. This could be the night we finally do it. I hope so, because I don’t think I can wait much longer.
Easton undoes my bra and I hurry to slide it off. He lowers to his knees and grips my waist as he teases my nipple with his tongue. He sucks it into his mouth as he slides my jeans and panties down my legs. I know what’s coming next, and when I feel his mouth there, my knees buckle and I struggle to remain standing. He grabs hold of my hips, holding me in place while he licks and sucks and drives me wild. I love what he’s doing, but I want to feel something else there.
I back away and he looks up at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I smile at him. “I just wanted to kiss you.”
He rises up to standing. His hand goes behind my head and he kisses me. I love how he kisses. I love everything he does to me. And I want him to do more.
Reaching down, I rub my hand over his cock. It’s hard and thick and pressing against his jeans.
He groans against my mouth, sounding like he’s trying to hold back, fighting with himself over whether or not to do this.
I undo his belt and drag down the zipper on his jeans. I slide my hand under his black boxer briefs.
“Nova,” he whispers, his breathing ragged as I touch him. It’s the first time he’s let me get this far. He always stops me at his belt. I drag his jeans down his legs, lowering to my knees. I start to take off his boxers when he stops me. “Come here,” he says, pulling me up.
“Why can’t I do it?” I smile at him. “I want to.”
“Not now.”
“Why?”
He doesn’t answer. I lead him to my bed and we lay down. I kiss him, pressing my bare chest against his. His hand goes to my ass and he groans again. I think he might be losing his fight to not do this. I’m naked, he’s almost naked, and we’re on a bed. I don’t think we can stop this now.
I wrap my leg around his and press my body against him, grinding my hips and rubbing against his cock. He still has his boxers on, but I doubt he will for much longer. His hips are moving, finding a rhythm with mine. He wants this, and so do I.
I yank at his boxers, urging him to take them off.
He breaks from my lips and backs away.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling, breathing hard. “I can’t do this.”
“What—why? What happened? We were almost—”
“I know. And I wanted to, but I can’t. I won’t let myself.”
“Why? I don’t understand.”
He turns on his side to face me. “I don’t want to be like those other guys.”
“What other guys?”
“The ones who only want to have sex with you and nothing else. I’m not like that, and I don’t want to be, especially with you.”
“It wasn’t like that with every guy. Mateo and I were friends. I hung out at his house, knew his family.”
“But he never called you his girlfriend.”
“No, but that didn’t matter to me.”
“It does to me.” Easton wraps his hand gently around my face. “I don’t want to be friends who have sex. I only want to have sex with my girlfriend.”
“So what are you saying? That you don’t want to have sex with me?”
He sighs, seeming frustrated. “I want to have sex with you. I’m dying to have sex with you. But I’ll only do it if you’re my girlfriend.”
I lay on my back, taking a deep breath to calm the panic that came over me when he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I’ve never been a girlfriend, and I was okay with that. Being a girlfriend means trusting someone, giving them your heart, letting your guard down. Easton already has my heart. He’s had it since we were five. And the past week, he’s been breaking down the walls I built up since he left, making me want to open up to him and trust him. But I don’t trust him. I’ve learned not to trust anyone. Sometimes I don’t even trust myself.
“You can think about it,” Easton says. “But it’s what I want. I don’t want this to be casual. I don’t want us just being friends. I want a relationship with you.”
“Why would I agree to that?” I stare at the ceiling. “Knowing you’re going to leave again?”
“I’ll only be a little over an hour away. It’s not that far. We could make it work.”
“It wouldn’t work. You’ll be a big hockey star. Girls will be all over you. Rich, smart, pretty girls who fit in your life.”
“What does that mean? I know you’re not rich, but you’re smart, and you’re more than pretty. You’re beautiful. And you do fit in my life. You fit better than anyone else does.”
I turn and look at him. “What are you talking about? Look where I live. Where I go to school. My life is the complete opposite of yours.”
“The life you’re talking about—the big house, private school, the money—it doesn’t feel real. I feel like I don’t fit there. Like I don’t belong. I’ve always felt that way, but I tried to just ignore it and be grateful that I have all that. And I am, but I still feel like I don’t belong. Seeing you again, spending time with you, I finally feel normal again. Like the real me. So when you say you don’t fit in my life, I’m telling you, Nova, you’re the only thing that fits. And I don’t want to ever want lose you again.”
I want to trust him. I want to believe him. I know he didn’t just make all that up. I heard the pain in his voice when he said it. And I know what he means. My life hasn’t changed much from when we were kids, at least not like his has, but I don’t feel like I fit here either. I always feel out of place and like people don’t understand me. But I don’t feel like that when I’m with Easton.
“I’ve already agreed to be your friend,” I say. “That should be enough.”
“If that’s all we are, then we shouldn’t be doing what we’ve been doing all week. Or now, being in your room, on your bed.”
“Why are you being like this? Lots of people our age have this kind of friendship. Why can’t we?”
“Because it’s not who I am. If I’m with someone like that, I want to actually be with them, as in dating them. I get that the girlfriend label might be too much for you right now, but I at least want to say that we’re dating. I don’t want to be the friend that you fool around with.”
“I need to think about it. When you showed up at the diner, I didn’t even want us being friends, so dating you would be a huge step.”
“You realize that we’ve kind of been dating since Sunday.”
“We went out. We weren’t dating.”
“Call it what you want, but it seemed like dating to me.”
“I still need time to think about it.”
“Just think of all the benefits. More of this.” He kisses my lips. “And this.” He kisses my neck. “And this.” He flicks his tongue over my nipple as his hand slides down my stomach to between my legs. He strokes me, then dips a finger inside me.
I suck in a breath and close my eyes. “I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore.” I suck in another breath as I feel his mouth replace his hand. “If we weren’t dating.”
