Their pregnancy gift, p.13
Their Pregnancy Gift, page 13
‘Maybe we can sit down with my laptop tomorrow night and make a shortlist of dresses we like and which shops they’re in,’ Hayley said, ‘and then I can check if the shop has the dresses in the right size for us to try on Saturday.’
‘Perfect plan,’ Dani said with a smile.
* * *
That evening, Dani went to the cinema with Alex, and was mortified to find that she’d nodded off in the middle of the film.
‘Was I snoring?’ she asked, squirming.
‘Yes, but fortunately it was an action film and the explosions on screen were louder than your snores. Just.’
‘Very funny.’ She paused. ‘Alex, there’s something I need to talk to you about. I’m so sorry to let you down, but I can’t do our distraction thing tomorrow night. I know you’ll keep this confidential—Hayley’s getting married on Christmas Eve, and I need to help her with her wedding dress. She asked me to go over to her place tomorrow and help her with a shortlist, and then on Saturday we’re going to try them on. I’ll be as fast as I can.’
‘Take as long as you need,’ he said. ‘In the circumstances, Hayley’s wedding should take precedence.’
‘I want to support both of you. Maybe we can do something in the evening?’ Dani suggested.
‘Sure.’ He paused. ‘Does Hayley know?’
‘About what?’
‘The baby.’ He dragged in a breath. ‘My test.’
‘No, to both.’
‘So I’m your only support, too.’ He paused. ‘You really ought to tell her.’
‘I don’t want to be a burden to her.’ Dani shook her head. ‘Not now, when she’s got a chance to be really happy again. I think I told you, her fiancé Evan was killed in an industrial fire a year and a half ago, trying to save someone, and it broke her heart. Although she and Sam got close, he’s on the MERIT team, which means he’s putting himself at risk in the same way that Evan did, and she found it pretty hard to deal with the idea.’
‘But obviously they’ve sorted it out now.’ He looked at her. ‘You’ve been nagging me when I say I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, but you’re doing exactly the same thing.’
‘No, I’m not. I fully intend to tell her everything. Just not until after the wedding. I want her to enjoy her special day without worrying about me.’
‘I guess.’ He sighed. ‘I’m sorry. I wish things were different.’
That he didn’t have the spectre of Huntington’s in his genetic make-up? Or that he was in love with her and they would make a life with the baby together?
She didn’t dare ask—because she wasn’t sure she could cope with the answer.
‘And are you OK about the wedding being on Christmas Eve?’ he asked, surprising her.
‘Yes.’
‘Really?’ he checked. ‘Because that’s obviously something else you wouldn’t be able to tell her.’
‘Actually, she’s already asked me the same question,’ Dani said. ‘And it is fine. Because at least this year I have my best friend’s wedding to enjoy. I’m going to have a great Christmas Eve, with good food and good music and a pretty dress, instead of having the person I thought loved me stomping all over my heart. I’m looking forward to the wedding. Sam’s a nice guy and he’s going to make my best friend really happy. Which makes me really happy.’
‘That’s good.’ He saw her back to her front door. ‘Well. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.’
‘You’re welcome to come in for a coffee or whatever.’
He shook his head. ‘You need your sleep.’
It felt like an excuse. What had made him so antsy? she wondered. Was it the discussion about weddings? Or was he using this as an excuse to distance himself from her even more?
CHAPTER NINE
ALEX WAS SHOCKED to discover how much he missed Dani’s company the following evening. And he felt at a total loss on Saturday. He spent the morning at the gym, then did his Christmas shopping in the afternoon—and he found himself having no idea what to do about Dani. Should he buy her a present? They weren’t exactly dating, but she was expecting his baby, so she counted as more than just a colleague. Their whole relationship was back to front and upside down.
Once he got the test results, they could move on. But he was still waiting to hear, and every day that passed seemed to drag on for longer and longer and longer. Several times now he’d had to stop himself ringing Libby and asking her if something had gone wrong or if he’d missed a message. Given the time of year, there was a strong chance that someone in the lab or Libby herself had gone down with a virus, and that was the reason for the delay. Maybe there was a backlog in the lab. There was nothing he could do to influence things, so he’d just have to wait until they were ready to give him the results. But patience, he thought, was seriously overrated as a virtue.
Finally, on the day of the ward’s Christmas party, Libby left a message on his voicemail. ‘Can you call the office to make an appointment, please?’
He went cold.
That had to mean the results were finally in.
Which meant that the axe was about to fall. Whether it was going to hit him or miss him, he had absolutely no idea. He had no control over this at all.
Oh, for pity’s sake. Why couldn’t Libby have told him in her message and put him out of his misery, instead of making it drag out like this?
His hand was actually shaking as he returned the call.
‘It’s Alex Morgan. Libby asked me to call to make an appointment,’ he said when the receptionist answered.
‘Of course,’ the receptionist said. ‘Would you like to come in today?’
Which meant even more waiting. Except now that there was a definite time limit to the wait, it was unbearable. ‘Could you tell me the test result over the phone, please?’
‘I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t have access to the results.’
He dug his nails into his palm in sheer frustration. ‘OK. Could Libby tell me?’
‘She’s with another patient right now, I’m afraid, so I can’t put you through to her. We don’t make appointments for Fridays, so shall I make you an appointment for next week if you can’t make today?’
‘I can make today,’ Alex said quickly. If he had to keep waiting, he’d be a basket case by tomorrow, let alone next week. ‘When can you fit me in?’
‘Half-past five?’
It would mean he’d have to leave early, but he’d have a quiet word with the head of department to explain and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be a problem. ‘That’s fine,’ he said. ‘Thank you. I’ll be there.’
Should he ask Dani to go with him? he wondered as he ended the call. Then again, it would be too complicated to get her to leave early, too, especially on the day of the ward’s Christmas party when everyone would be going to the pub straight from work and she was the main organiser of the event. She already had enough on her plate. Plus, if it was bad news, he’d rather that she heard it from him once he’d had a chance to come to terms with it.
If it was bad news, then he’d send her a text saying that he’d gone down with a virus and was sorry to dump all the Christmas party stuff on her. And then he’d work out just how he was going to break the real news to her first thing tomorrow.
Somehow he managed to deal with a ward round, a clinic and an emergency Caesarean section. Dani was in clinic all day and he didn’t get a chance to see her, let alone leave her a message. And what could he say, in any case? After a quiet explanation to their head of department, he left the ward and headed to Libby’s office.
Her previous appointment was running fifteen minutes late. By the time the counsellor finally called him in, Alex felt sick with anxiety.
‘Come in and sit down, Alex,’ she said with a smile.
Was that a smile of relief, because it was good news; or a smile of sympathy, because it was bad news? He didn’t have a clue. This was worse than waiting for all his exam results rolled into one—far worse, because at least with exams he’d had a good idea how he’d performed, but with this there was no way of knowing and it was completely out of his control.
‘Your results are back,’ she said, ‘and I’m pleased to say there are twenty-five CAG repeats.’
He stared at her, trying to process what she’d just said.
Twenty-five CAG repeats.
Finally it clicked. ‘That’s in the normal range. At the top end of the range, but still normal. So you’re saying I don’t have Huntington’s?’ he checked.
‘You don’t have Huntington’s,’ she confirmed.
He blew out a breath. ‘You could’ve told me that in your message. Or your receptionist could have told me that over the phone.’
Libby shook her head. ‘We’ve been through that, Alex. We always give the results face to face, never in a message or over the phone. And we never give results on a Friday because we don’t want anyone being unsupported over a weekend. Having a negative result has just as much impact as a positive one.’
‘Of course it doesn’t—a positive result means the axe hanging over you actually falls on your neck, whereas a negative one means it misses,’ he snapped. Then he grimaced. ‘I’m sorry, Libby. That was unfair of me. I’ve been on tenterhooks waiting for the results, but that doesn’t give me the right to take out my frustrations on you, and I apologise.’
‘No problem. It’s a perfectly normal reaction, and I’m not going to take it personally. As I was saying,’ she said gently, ‘having a negative result can have a huge impact on you. You’ve had your life on hold for months, and now you can move on again. Of course you’re going to be relieved, but there are going to be all sorts of other emotions in there as well—guilt that you might have hurt someone over the situation, or made them worry about you. And this has been a real emotional ordeal for you, because you’re not the only one affected by the result.’
He rubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘This means the baby’s OK. I don’t have the bad gene, so I can’t have passed it on. Dani won’t have to have CVS, and we won’t have to worry about making a really hideous decision.’ He looked at Libby. ‘Actually, I can’t quite take this in.’ He’d tried to prepare himself for the worst-case scenario, because the odds were so high. And now that worry wasn’t there any more, he felt disorientated.
‘Can I get you a glass of water or a cup of tea?’ she asked.
He shook his head. ‘Thanks, but I need to go. I’m supposed to be at the ward’s Christmas party. I’m co-organising it.’ Not that he’d done a huge amount. Dani had shouldered the burden.
‘Can you text your co-organiser with a white lie and say you’ve got a tummy bug or something?’
He smiled wryly. ‘That was my plan if the test was positive. But it’s not. And now I can move on.’
‘It might be an idea to have some time to yourself, just to process the news and get used to the idea,’ Libby warned. ‘Because sometimes relief puts people in a bit of a whirl, and they end up saying the wrong things.’
‘No. I need to tell Dani.’ And, more than that, now he knew he didn’t have to keep himself at a distance any more, he could finally act on the feelings he had towards her. This would be a new beginning for Dani, himself and the baby. ‘Thank you, Libby,’ he said. He shook her hand. ‘Thank you for everything.’
Once he’d left the building, he called his parents.
His mother answered. ‘Alex? Is everything all right?’
‘Everything’s fine, Mum. I’m in a bit of a rush right now as I’m on the way to the ward’s Christmas party, but I wanted you to be the first to know. I took the test for Huntington’s, and I’m fine. So you don’t have to worry any more. It’s all good.’
‘Oh, Alex. Thank God you’re all right. Thank God my stupidity...’
He could hear her crying, and guilt twisted into him. He should’ve done this when she’d first told him the news about Stephen, instead of leaving her to wait and worry and come to the worst conclusions. He’d thought he was being oh, so noble—but now he realised he’d actually been stubborn and unreasonable and selfish. And he felt thoroughly ashamed of himself. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. For everything. But it’s all going to be OK now.’ He swallowed hard. ‘I’ll take you and Dad out to dinner next week to celebrate,’ he said. ‘We’ll talk soon. I have to go. But I love you, Mum. And Dad. Tell him for me.’
‘Love you, too,’ she said through her tears.
* * *
At the pub, there simply wasn’t time to tell Dani the news—there were last-minute things to sort out. Besides, he didn’t want to tell her in front of a room full of people. He’d wait until the end of the evening, when he saw her home and it would be just the two of them.
He wasn’t sitting anywhere near Dani during the meal; instead he was with Jas and Gilly, the midwives, but thanks to Dani making him go to lunch with them so he got to know them better, he was relaxed in their company and found himself enjoying the party and the banter. He felt slightly guilty that the box of posh chocolates he’d brought as a Secret Santa present was so boring, when so many of the others were inventive and clearly based on long-standing departmental jokes. But the food was good, the company was good, the jokes in the crackers were incredibly corny, and he liked the fact that even their head of department was wearing a paper hat and joining in with the raucousness.
And he didn’t have to fake a single one of his smiles.
After the meal, Anton and Gilly left the table and joined the rest of the band on stage; once the tables had been cleared away, everyone started dancing and singing along to the Christmas favourites that the band were playing.
He didn’t get a chance to see Dani until Maybe Baby started playing a slow dance. ‘Dance with me?’ he asked.
She smiled back at him. ‘Sure.’
It felt so good to hold her close.
He desperately wanted to tell her the good news, but now really wasn’t the right time—they needed to be on their own. But hopefully she’d let him see her home and he could tell her then.
* * *
At the end of the night, the staff who were on early shift the next morning had already gone home. The band packed up their gear, and everyone else said their goodbyes.
‘Can I walk you home?’ Alex asked.
‘OK,’ Dani said.
He smiled at her. ‘It was a good night,’ he said.
Yes, and it had been nice to see him come completely out of his shell and relax with everyone; she’d seen him laughing with Jas and Gilly at the far end of the table from her. She knew how tense he was about the results he was still waiting for, so she was glad that the party had been a kind of light relief for him.
But something was still bothering her. ‘Where did you disappear to before the party? I thought you might’ve been in Theatre, but someone said they’d seen you leave the ward earlier.’
‘I had an appointment. The counsellor rang me,’ he said.
She blinked at him. ‘You mean you’ve got the results?’
‘Yes. And I’m clear. Twenty-five CAG repeats. I don’t have Stephen’s faulty gene.’
She stopped dead, flung her arms round him and hugged him. ‘You’re all right. You’re not going to get Huntington’s!’ She held him tighter. ‘And that means the baby’s OK, too.’
Everything was going to be all right. Especially as his arms were wrapped round her. Relief and joy flooded through her. They wouldn’t have to make a hideous decision. It was going to be fine.
But then, as they stood there together, the little bubbles of joy started to burst as she realised the implications of what he’d just said. She pulled away and stared at him. ‘Wait. You’ve known all night that you don’t have the gene and you didn’t tell me until now?’
‘The middle of the ward’s Christmas party is hardly the easiest place for a conversation—especially for one like this.’
‘You could have texted me,’ she pointed out.
‘I wanted to tell you myself, not send you an impersonal text message as if it was something that didn’t really matter.’ He looked at her. ‘I don’t want to fight, Dani.’
‘Neither do I.’ But she was hurt, all the same. Something as important as this, and he hadn’t included her. Even though they were in this together. If it had been the other way round, she would have made the time to tell him. How stupid she’d been to think that they’d got closer over the last few weeks. How stupid she’d been to let herself fall for another man who didn’t love her back. ‘You didn’t even tell me you had the appointment.’
‘I didn’t get a chance. They called this morning. And you and I haven’t exactly been in the same place all day. I wasn’t just going to leave you a text so you worried yourself sick with waiting. Believe me,’ he said, his voice dry, ‘waiting for news when you know you won’t hear for weeks is nothing like knowing you’re actually going to hear in a few short hours. It’s like all your exam results days rolled into one, except this time you haven’t got a clue what the result’s going to be.’
‘You still could’ve told me.’ But instead he’d chosen to block her out, yet again.
‘I’m sorry.’ He sighed. ‘But we don’t have to worry about the baby any more, Dani. Everything’s going to be fine.’
And she didn’t have to hold off on the scan. She could finally let herself think about the child growing inside her and make plans for their future. Part of her was thrilled, but part of her was hurt at the way he’d excluded her yet again. ‘Uh-huh.’
‘And we can get married.’
