Secrets in edgewood the.., p.11
Secrets in Edgewood: The Complete Series, page 11
Reed shook his head and took a step toward Nic. He walked closer, his fingers straightening against Nic’s stomach until his palms were flat against the cool polyester of Nic’s shirt.
“I confessed today.” The tips of Reed’s shoes bumped into the tips of Nic’s shoes.
“So you said.”
“Aren’t you going to ask me about it?” Reed blinked up at Nic.
Nic raised a hand between them and slowly reached for Reed’s cheek, his fingers dragging over Reed’s skin so gently, he wasn’t sure he’d actually felt it.
“That’s between you and God. But whatever happened, I’m glad you’re here.” Nic cupped his hand around the side of Reed’s face, fingers stretched beneath Reed’s ear.
Reed closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Nic’s back, holding their bodies together and pressing his cheek against Nic’s chest. Nic tensed, surprised by Reed’s affection, but slowly relaxed. He wound his arms around Reed and pulled him close, taking a deep breath with his nose buried in Reed’s hair.
“I don’t know what to do from here,” Reed admitted a few moments later, pulling back and looking up at Nic. He felt shy now, embarrassed by what they’d done, what they hadn’t yet done… what Reed wanted to do.
“Whatever you want,” Nic assured him. “We can go home. We can go our separate ways. We can stay here.”
“I don’t want to stay here.” Reed glanced toward the wall, eyes falling on an oil painting of Jesus.
“Alright…” Nic was waiting for Reed to make a decision, but he didn’t want to. He was tired. He’d already made one huge decision for the day. All he wanted to do now was yield to Nic. Every cell in his body ached to succumb to Nic’s will now that he wasn’t solely focused on interpreting God’s will.
“You tell me,” Reed whispered, clearing his throat. He turned his attention back toward Nic and studied his face. He catalogued the way it had changed from when they were kids, the way it had changed from last week. Something sparked in Nic’s eyes. Something Reed recognized, but couldn’t quite identify. Whatever it was, though, it resonated in his bones.
“I don’t know if you’re ready for all that.”
Nic took a step back and palmed himself, his cock thick beneath his pants. It was then Reed realized Nic had made him come, repeatedly, but he hadn’t sought out his own release. His cock must be aching, swollen, hard…
Reed swallowed and returned his attention to Nic’s face.
“I don’t want to go home,” Reed told him.
“No?”
“I want to go to your home.”
Nic ran a hand through his hair and turned away from Reed, slapping his hands against his thighs with a groan. He leaned over, his back bowed and face angled toward the floor. Reed wanted to go to him, wanted to touch him, but he stayed in his place.
“This is too much, Reed.” Nic turned back toward him, his face marred in conflict.
“What?” Reed was shocked.
He’d offered Nic so much already, and Nic didn’t want it? Nic didn’t want him? After he’d made his confessions and was risking so much? His soul. His heart. “You’re hot and cold, Reed. And right now, you’re just running way too hot, too soon.”
“I’m running too hot?” Reed scoffed. “You’re the one who had my dick in your mouth.”
“That’s the funny thing about it, Reed. I know I’m gay. I like having cock in my mouth.”
Reed opened his mouth to talk back, the words stalling in the middle of his tongue, unable to be spoken. Wasn’t one time today good enough?
“That’s what I thought,” Nic whispered.
Obviously no, it wasn’t enough. “Nic.”
“What I said at my house, I meant. What I said earlier, I meant. I can’t survive you just using me, and I refuse to be a fuck toy until someone reminds you that you believe we’re both going to Hell for what just happened.”
Nic’s words were bitter and acidic. They stung Reed’s exposed skin. His eyes welled with tears. He pursed his lips and shook his head, blinking rapidly as to not cry.
“I meant what I said, too, Nic.”
“Remind me,” Nic sassed, dropping his ass onto the edge of his desk, just beside Reed, who was still standing.
It was now or never.
Reed spun on his heel and stepped into the gap between Nic’s legs, taking Nic’s face in his hands and holding it straight so he had no choice but to look at Reed.
“I want this.” He leaned closer and, with trembling lips, pressed a kiss against the corner of Nic’s parted mouth. “I want you.”
Another kiss, this time his lips open, his tongue just behind. When there was no space between his mouth and Nic’s, his tongue darted out, dipping between Nic’s lips. Nic moaned and opened wider, letting Reed explore him again. Reed could taste himself on Nic’s tongue. It was a new flavor, a new sensation, and his cock thickened again, impossibly ready for more.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he whispered against Nic’s flushed skin, “but I want to do it with you.”
Reed put space between them and took a breath. Nic looked wary, hesitant, but not closed off. Reed hoped that was a good sign.
“I get it,” Reed said, flexing his fingers against Nic’s thighs. “I know I’ve been… unfair to you. But I mean what I say. I’ll prove it to you. I’ve just never done this before so I need you to be in charge here.”
The words left his cock damp with arousal, the double meaning of what he’d just said flittering around his brain and setting off alarms.
“In charge how?” Nic’s voice was lower than normal—deeper and scratchy. He cleared his throat.
“In all ways,” Reed rasped. “But what I meant specifically was you set the pace. Until you, I don’t know, believe me.”
“Until I trust you,” Nic corrected.
“Until you have faith in me.”
Nic covered Reed’s hands with his own, squeezing his fingers.
“Let’s go, then,” Nic finally said, standing up and forcing Reed to take a step backward. Reed’s heart skipped, accelerating and slamming around his chest like one of those cartoon hearts in love.
But Reed wasn’t in love. He couldn’t be. Sure, he loved Nic, but…
Reed trailed Nic back to the parsonage, only checking over his shoulder twice to see if anyone had seen them. Closing Nic’s door behind him, he realized he hadn’t checked out of fear for being caught, but he’d checked because Nic was like his own secret, and he wanted to hold onto that for as long as possible.
Besides, it was one thing to be out to an out-of-town priest and the guy who sucked your dick in a church office. It was a completely different thing to be out to your colleagues, your peers, your neighbors. Reed hoped Nic would understand, but he also hoped it wouldn’t come up.
“So I’m in charge?” Nic turned to face him after the door locked.
“Yes.”
“Go into my bedroom and strip. Wait for me.”
Reed licked his lips and nodded, turning down the hallway and letting himself into Nic’s bedroom. He’d have to tell Nic the truth. It was unavoidable at this point. Things were escalating so quickly. Reed shrugged out of his suit coat and laid it across the foot of Nic’s bed, pulling his already-loose tie from around his neck before discarding his shirt.
He hadn’t even re-knotted his tie before they’d left Nic’s office.
Reed kicked out of his shoes, pants, and briefs, then bent over and pulled off his socks. He arranged everything neatly and as out of the way as he could without risking wrinkles, and he waited. His cock was still hard from the innuendoed exchange in Nic’s office and from the order Nic had just given him.
He didn’t know why he liked that. He couldn’t have articulated why he’d told Nic he wanted him to be in charge, other than it felt like the way things were supposed to be. Just like being with Nic felt like the way things were supposed to be.
The door opened and Nic walked in, less dressed than before. He had his slacks on still, but he was barefoot, and his shirt was off, tossed over his forearm casually. Nic dropped his own clothes onto the pile Reed had assembled on the bed and stepped back. His eyes traced fire over every exposed inch of Reed’s skin, from his toes to his hairline.
Nic took a step closer and reached out, swirling his thumb around his fingers, still inches away from touching Reed’s flesh. He was ready to combust. His cock ached from the intensity of Nic’s appraisal, and it leaked, a cool damp spot against his stomach.
“I never thought I’d get to see you again,” Nic whispered.
“Me neither.”
“And here we are.”
Reed’s lashes fluttered and his eyes closed. When Nic’s fingers skated over his stomach, he didn’t startle. Instead, the slow drag calmed him, settled him. Nic made an approving sound in the back of his throat and took another step closer. The heat of Nic’s skin was a tangible thing between them. Reed could feel it against his.
Nic dropped his head against Reed’s shoulder and peppered a cluster of delicate kisses against his collarbone. His cock was hard, too, and it bumped and banged into Reed’s dick, making him gasp every time. Nic had stopped short of touching him there again, his fingers relegated to the soft angles of Reed’s stomach instead.
“I have so many plans for you,” Nic rasped, his teeth nipping against Reed’s skin. Reed gasped and arched upward, his body pressing against Nic’s chest.
“I need you to know something,” Reed mumbled.
“I want to know everything.”
Nic stepped away, his fingers still dancing around Reed’s stomach. Nic’s eyes were leveled on him with a singular focus.
“I don’t know how to say this.”
“That seems to be a recurring thing with you.” Nic sounded cautious. He took his hand away. Reed’s hand shot out. He grabbed Nic’s wrist and yanked forward, returning his fingers to the soft motions he’d been making against Reed’s stomach.
When he was confident Nic wouldn’t stop, Reed let go and fisted his hands at his sides.
“You’re trembling,” Nic observed, tilting his head to the side and studying Reed’s face.
“Can I tell you later?” Reed asked, his fear getting the better of him.
Nic narrowed his eyes and took his hand away again, shoving them both into the pockets of his slacks. Reed noticed they were unbuttoned, and the movement of Nic’s hands exposed the top of Nic’s royal purple underwear.
“Not much later,” Nic conceded.
“Not much.”
Nic eyed him hungrily, then stepped out of his pants, discarding his briefs to the floor. He took a step toward Reed and pushed him backward onto the bed. Reed collapsed onto the thick duvet and panted, staring up at Nic.
“I have to be up early for service tomorrow,” Nic told him, pulling back the comforter and crawling under the blankets.
Reed was confused, unsure of what Nic expected or wanted from him. Nic yanked the blankets out from underneath Reed and fanned them out over both of their bodies.
“Come here,” Nic whispered, fingers pulling Reed against him. “I just want to hold you for tonight.”
Sixteen
Dominic
“How was service, dear?” Carol spoke into the phone, her voice smooth and calm. Dominic drummed his fingers against his desk, eyes focused on a framed photo of him and her from the day he graduated from seminary.
“Good,” he answered, reaching forward and toying with the gilded edges of the frame. His fingers still felt electrified from every part of Reed’s skin he’d touched last night. Dominic had kept his word, holding Reed’s body tight against his until his alarm went off at five in the morning.
He’d begrudgingly torn himself away and readied himself for church, encouraging Reed out of bed to do the same. He had a fleeting thought of a time that Reed might come to church with him instead of across town, but he shoved that one into a locked box in the depths of his brain. He could only ask so much of the man.
If last night was all he’d be allowed, he would hold those memories for the rest of his life. He’d take them as closure on a life that was never allowed to exist and move on. But even as the thought crossed his mind, he rejected it, unwilling to accept that was all he’d be given. After two decades alone, he was owed more than a blow job and one night of physical affection. Not that Reed owed him that. Reed didn’t owe him anything, even though he seemed to now willingly offer Dominic everything. But he was still owed.
“I need to ask you something.” Nic tipped the photo frame down onto his desk so he’d stop looking at the picture.
“Of course, sweetheart.”
“Did Margaret…” Dominic cleared his throat. “When Reed was adopted, did Margaret and James tell you to block their number?”
Dominic was answered with silence, and that was all the affirmation he needed.
“Carol,” he hissed, and in his mind, he could see her wince from the sharpness of it. Dominic took a deep breath. “Carol, please just tell me.”
“Dominic,” she apologized. “It didn’t happen the way you’re thinking.”
“How did it happen then?”
Dominic angled the frame up to look at the picture again, then he yanked his desk open and tossed it in the top drawer, slamming it closed so he’d stop fiddling with it.
“It’s complicated, sweetheart.”
“I’m an adult now, Carol.” He emphasized her name. Because he knew it would hurt. Because he was angry.
She sighed. “David and I had fought, just before your birthday. I don’t know if you remember that. I hope you don’t. But he’d left.”
Dominic furrowed his brow and stared at his phone sitting on his desk, the screen counting out the minutes of the call.
“He was gone for work that year you’d said.”
“No, sweetheart. He was… gone. We’d fought, I don’t even remember over what at the time. Everything was moving forward so quickly with Reed’s adoption and Margaret and James had been to the house. I’d spoken with them both about Reed, and about you.”
“What did you tell them?” Dominic folded his arms together on his desk and dropped his head against them. He knew where this was going. He knew what Reed had said was true.
“That you two were close.” Carol sniffled.
“Close,” he repeated.
“You were.”
“We are,” he countered, rolling his head to the side and resting his cheek against the outside of his forearm.
“It was James’s idea to have our number blocked, and I told him absolutely not. You and Reed were near inseparable and the adoption would be hard enough on you both. I told him the phone calls would be important for you two to get through the separation.”
There was a but. There was always a but.
“But,” Carol continued, “James threatened to tell social services that David had left. That I was alone with you, and they would have taken you from me. Moved you to another foster home, or a state place, and I didn’t want that for you, Dominic. I didn’t.”
Dominic closed his eyes and withdrew his arms, banging his head against the hard wood of his desk until he registered Carol’s voice in his ear repeating his name over and over. He stopped and sat up, leaning back in his chair and swallowing hard.
“I see,” he said.
Carol whimpered into the phone, a sound so far removed from her normal calm and smooth maternal tone that it made Dominic’s eyes water.
“I’m not mad at you,” he half-lied to her so she’d calm down. “I’m hurt. And I’m confused.”
“I just wanted the best for you. For both of you,” she pleaded for him to understand.
“I believe that.”
After a long silence, she asked him, “How did you find out about that?”
“Reed told me. Margaret confessed to him yesterday.”
“I wonder how that even came up. It’s been so many years.”
“Twenty,” Dominic bit out. “And it came up because the guilt of wanting to be with me was eating him alive and she regretted what she’d done and wanted to make it right.”
Dominic’s heart was at battle. Part of him was shocked and hurt that Carol had deceived him, when she’d worked so hard to build their relationship on trust and respect; another part of him was so angry with her, he was afraid he couldn’t contain it inside of him for much longer.
“I need to go, Carol,” he whispered.
“Dominic.”
“I’ll talk to you later, alright?” He stabbed the end button on the phone and shoved it off the desk.
He knew, in the back of his brain, he knew he was being unfair to Carol, but he couldn’t turn it off. His body burned with years of pent up… everything that he’d never allowed himself. He stood abruptly, his chair rolling back into the wall, and he departed his office, leaving his phone and locking the door behind him.
He drove across town, straight for Our Lady of the Mount, and pulled alongside the curb outside and waited. Mass had been over for just over half an hour, and Dominic expected Reed was the type to stay around and fellowship. It was then he realized he didn’t know where Reed lived. Reed had only shown up at Dominic’s when he’d felt moved enough to grace Dominic with his presence.
Dominic bristled, knuckles white against the steering wheel until Reed appeared at the top of the stairs, talking to someone over his shoulder who was still inside. Dominic unrolled the passenger side window and leaned over the console.
“Reed!” he hollered.
Reed’s attention flew to where Dominic was parked, his eyes widening in what Dominic was confident to be fear. He wasn’t going to have any part of that today. Not now. He gestured for Reed to come toward him.
Reed looked back over his shoulder one more time before he quickly jogged down the stairs. At the curb, he leaned into the open window.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“You should get in. Someone is going to see you talking to a man.” As he said it, he winced, squeezing his eyes closed and taking a deep breath to steady himself.
Reed sighed and opened the door, sliding into the passenger seat. He turned and faced Dominic, his face now showing more concern than fear.
