“Tam?” Calax said, brows furrowing. Ryder just gaped at me.

  “He’s the only one I’m not pissed at. Well, I’m not mad at Asher, but I want a ninja covering my back.”

  Tam blushed, and I could’ve sworn he mumbled “not a ninja” beneath his breath.

  Without waiting for them to respond, I stormed towards my bedroom. I wouldn’t be able to tell you what I was doing. Was I running? Hiding? We all had a tendency to run, me more than anybody. I wasn’t a fighter, and my flight response nearly overwhelmed me.

  My breathing was ragged, shallow almost, as I pressed my forehead against the wall. There were so many emotions inside of me at that moment, but I was unable to detangle them all. It led to a combination of hurt, anger, and disappointment. The latter emotion was aimed at myself. I wanted to be someone they could trust and count on, someone like Elena. I had spent my life hiding in my parents’ shadows, and I was desperate to snatch the first available drop of sunlight. I wanted to feel needed, a juxtaposition I didn’t entirely understand. The more I thought about it, the more I corrected myself. No, I needed to feel needed.

  The door behind me opened, and I looked up, expecting Ryder or Calax. I was pleasantly surprised to see Declan standing in the doorway.

  Staring at my best friend, my heart began beating almost painfully. He stared back at me as if time and space hadn’t diminished our feelings towards one another, our seemingly unbreakable friendship. He stared at me as if I still held the stars to his darkness.

  But I, too, suffered from the delusion of believing that no matter what, no matter how far I drifted from a person, we would always find our way back to each other in the end.

  Even in the dissonant chaos of reality.

  “Are you mad?” he signed, eyes carefully surveying my face. Every twitch of my lips, every blink of my eyes, every hand gesture, I knew would be analyzed. I expected nothing less from Ducky.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.” I immediately turned towards one of the drawers - Calax’s. He had taken to sleeping in my room most nights.

  I grabbed one of his long black shirts and the smallest pair of jeans I could find. Elena had insisted that we needed to dress as guys. Being a woman had always been dangerous, but that danger only seemed to increase with time. The world was rapidly spiraling straight into the pits of hell. All we could do was hang on for the ride.

  Eyes trained on the clothing despite my face - and lips - aimed at Declan, I continued, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’m mad and upset that you guys lied to me. And I’m disappointed in myself that you guys can’t trust me.”

  I felt him in front of me a moment before he tapped on my shoulder. I glanced up, eyes watering.

  “We trust you,” he signed, but I was already shaking my head.

  “If you trusted me, then why did you lie to me? Why did you keep everything you knew a secret? And don’t you dare say it was to protect me.”

  Declan stared at me helplessly, and I knew that he wasn’t able to answer that question. I also knew what his answer would be, what all of their answers would be: to protect me. I hated that they felt the need to keep me cocooned in bubble wrap and buried in obliviousness. I had always strived to be strong, to be courageous, to be worthy, and I suddenly felt as if I was a timid child. In their minds, I was weak. I didn’t know if that conclusion came from my gender or my background, but I would prove them wrong.

  “I’m not mad…” I repeated, trailing off. I didn’t know how to eloquently express what I was feeling. Declan seemed to understand that, for he merely nodded. I glanced down, towards my bag, and spoke in a whisper.

  “I just want to be worthy of your love.”

  I would’ve never said those words if I knew he could hear me. They were too personal. I hadn’t even admitted them to Calax or Ryder, the constant insecurity and doubt plaguing me. How long until they decided I wasn’t worth such an unconventional relationship? How long until they left me for girls like Elena and Bikini?

  I scrubbed at the tears welling in my eyes. I prayed Declan hadn’t noticed my break in composure, but I shouldn’t have been surprised when he pulled me into a hug. He noticed everything.

  In his strong, familiar arms, I made a promise to myself.

  I would prove myself to these men who had slowly wormed their way into my heart.

  Or I would die trying.

  Chapter 3

  Ryder

  Kitten was angry.

  I had learned long ago how to discern her different types of anger. She was a treasured book in my collection, and I was an avid reader. My favorite type was her petty anger; it was adorable when she pouted. And then there was this one. The dark one.

  She was furious, and I wasn’t sure if she would, or even could, forgive us. Forgive me. We had not only lied to her, but had betrayed her trust. Trust was difficult for her to give, I had come to realize. She had lived a tough life, constantly under this pressure to be perfect, and the fact that she was willing to love and trust a demented soul like me was beyond incredible.

  But of course I had to ruin it, like I ruined everything.

  Pinpricks of fear ran up and down my spine. I didn’t know what I would do with myself if she decided she wanted out of this new, precarious relationship. I supposed I could love her from afar, the way she deserved to be loved.

  But could I live with myself knowing I had her love and lost it?

  My emotions ranged from self-loathing to fear.

  What had this girl done to me?

  She turned me into a romantic sap. I used to laugh when I saw men like that, men like me. I didn’t believe a love like that could even exist - an all consuming love where your entire being and happiness depended on hers. I lived for those moments when she smiled. I could sing songs forever about her laugh, though my own music failed to accurately portray such a beautiful sound. The way her face lit up when she was animated. The furrow to her brows.

  Perfect.

  She was the epitome of perfection.

  I stared at her closed bedroom door, unable to garner the courage to knock. What if she sent me away?

  Man up.

  Steeling myself, I rapped my knuckles against the door. When she didn’t immediately answer, I let myself in.

  And froze.

  She was standing beside her bed, surveying the clothing items she had set out. Her hands were on her hips, and her brown hair cascaded around her shoulders.

  She was also wearing nothing but a black bra and red, lacy panties. Normally, I wasn’t much for mismatched lingerie, but with her?

  I could’ve sworn my brain malfunctioned.

  All of that silky, alabaster skin on display...

  My cock began to throb painfully.

  “Shit,” I managed to say at last. “Sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?” she asked, laughter in her voice. “Did you need something?”

  There was so many things I needed. So many things.

  Every monologue I had planned was completely forgotten. I couldn’t even remember why I had came into her room in the first place.

  “I…”

  She was so perfect.

  So beautiful.

  And she was mine.

  It was that final thought that gave me the courage to surge forward, hands curving around her tiny waist. She stared up at me, eyes hooded and mouth parted. That indolent expression on her face…

  I shivered, bringing a hand up to trace the curve of her cheekbones. Her lips puckered underneath my inquisitive finger, and I immediately imagined her mouth opening like that for another one of my body parts.

  “I thought you were mad at me,” I whispered huskily. She might’ve thought I was using that voice to seduce her. Hell no. That woman had me wrapped around her itty bitty finger. It was a wonder I could even speak at all.

  “Not...um...mad...um…” Her eyes were fixated on my moving finger. I felt a surge of power that it was my touch that caused such a reaction from her.

  With a sly smile, I ducked my head to capture her lips with mine. She groaned beneath me immediately, hands reaching up to twine around my neck. Her body folded into mine as if it was made specifically for me. I had thought, after what Liz had done to me, that I wouldn’t be able to be with a woman ever again. That bitch had broken what little hold on sanity I had left. But Addie?

  All of my worries diminished just by being in her vibrant presence.

  I pressed a kiss to the corner of her lips.

  “I love you.”

  Another kiss went to her neck, arched to allow me better access. We moved, our bodies as one, until she was on the bed. Her back arched, those glorious breasts on display like my own, personal show.

  “I love you.”

  She mewled, hands clawing at my back.

  “I love you.”

  My hands paused when I reached her bra strap, and I waited with bated breath. Her eyes were heated when they met mine, and she gave a tiny nod of her head.

  Slowly, to give her the chance to change her mind, I undid the strap with an expertise I was ashamed to have. I watched the material flutter to the ground before raising my gaze to the perfect sight before me.

  I had seen many breasts before. Never, had I seen a pair so perfect.

  I lowered my head to suck on her pink nipple, my other hand fondling her neglected breast. I swirled my tongue around the peak, enjoying the moans of pleasure she made. I could die listening to those sounds.

  “I want to taste you,” I whispered, kissing the crevice between both her breasts.

  Her voice was breathless when she spoke next.

  “What do you mean taste? Because I immediately think of cannibalism, and I’m pretty sure that’s not what you mean.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh into her chest.

  Only Adelaide could say something like that with as much sincerity as she did.

  “I’ll show you what I mean. You can tell me to stop whenever.”

  She made a pleading noise in the back of her throat.

  “Don’t you dare stop,” she hissed, and I chuckled yet again.

  Putting one knee on each side of her body, I planted kisses down her stomach, sticking my tongue into her belly button when I reached that point. She giggled, the sound musical.

  Finally, I reached the waistband of her panties. My dick twitched when I realized they were the same pair she had bought when shopping with Ronan and me.

  “Don’t forget you can tell me to stop,” I whispered, hesitating. She merely leveled a glare in my direction.

  Smirking, I gently tugged at her underwear with my teeth. Unfortunately, that process - though sexy - was too slow, and I quickly changed to pulling it down with my fingers.

  Finally - finally - her perfect pussy was revealed to me. She was a delicious five-course meal…

  ...what the hell happened to me?

  Even my thoughts were cheesy, romantic movie lines.

  But, as my tongue attacked her mound and she squirmed underneath me, I realized it was completely worth it.

  Addie

  It was ten times better than cannibalism. Not that I had ever eaten another human, mind you, but if I had, it would’ve failed to replicate such a pleasurable feeling.

  Okay, so I really needed to stop comparing cannibalism to having an orgasm.

  But as Ryder completely destroyed me, it most definitely felt like he was eating me alive.

  Licks of pleasure thrummed through my veins. I moaned, coming completely undone beneath his talented tongue. All coherent thoughts left my mind, and all I could focus on was him. His tongue. His lips. His love.

  There was something empowering about having a man like Ryder on his knees for me, loving me so thoroughly.

  One of my hands tangled itself in his black hair while my other hand grabbed my breast, tweaking my nipple.

  I tried to tell him that I loved him, but my mouth was incapable of releasing anything but indecipherable moans and grunts.

  I closed my eyes, allowing my body to succumb to the absolute pleasure Ryder was giving me. He began to suck on my clit, and I just about died.

  Was that possible?

  To die of love and pleasure and lust?

  I thought I would combust from the heat running rampant through my body.

  I opened my closed eyelids, my hand still fondling my breasts. My eyes locked on a pair of dark ones in the doorway.

  Ronan stood, silhouetted in the candlelight from the hallway. His eyes were hooded as they met mine, dark with lust, but indecision still flickered across his handsome features. I hadn’t even heard the door open, and from the way Ryder devoured me, I figured he hadn’t either.

  I didn’t know if it was because I was lost in the moment. I didn’t know if it was because there was something in his expression, something that went beyond lust.

  And something I no doubt reciprocated.

  Still holding his eye-contact, I pinched my nipple, groaning at the sharp sting.

  Ronan’s eyes glowed as if someone had lit a candle beneath the surface. Gaze still locked on mine, he reached into his pants and grabbed his rock-hard cock. He slowly began to stroke himself, each movement sensual, as if he was performing.

  I supposed that, in a way, he was.

  My thoughts were an inarticulate mess. All I could think about was the word cock. Why was it called a cock? It made me think immediately of a bird, though I didn’t know why. Maybe I should refer to cocks as birds. He was stroking his...bird?

  These men had destroyed me.

  The way Ryder ravaged my pussy combined with watching Ronan’s leisure stroking made me come completely undone. My orgasm shattered, and I let out a scream, quickly muffled by Ryder’s lips. I tasted myself as our tongues danced.

  “That was…” I trailed off. I had no words to describe what we had just done. What he had done for me, to me. I glanced at the tent evident in his jeans. “I can take care of that for you.”

  He easily moved away from my hand, and I pouted like a child.

  “This was about you, Kitten,” he whispered, kissing my cheek sweetly. “I’ll be fine.”

  My frown deepened. I didn’t like that I hadn’t been able to please him the way he had pleased me. He must’ve seen something on my face, for he pressed another kiss to the corner of my lips.

  “You need to get ready to leave. Don’t worry about me. It’ll go away.”

  “It looks painful,” I muttered, eyes glazed.

  He laughed in answer.

  “I love you so fucking much.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my head in the crook of his neck. Over his shoulder, I glanced at the doorway. The door was now closed, and I wondered if I had imagined Ronan in the first place.

  Chapter 4

  Addie

  “Be vigilant. Be smart. And always stay with Tam,” Calax lectured after I appeared in the living room. The rest of the guys, including Tommy, had already dispersed - no doubt preparing for our trip to Atlanta - leaving me alone with my brooding boyfriend. Ryder had left with Ronan to steal maps and pamphlets from the local gas station. My cheeks flamed as I thought about what had transpired only moments earlier. Ryder’s expert tongue inside of me. Ronan’s hand slowly stroking the length of his impressive cock.

  Had I been cheating?

  It hadn’t felt like that, but my emotions were running rampant within me. I didn’t necessarily know how Ronan fit into the equation that was my love life, but I couldn’t deny that he was a crucial and inevitable piece.

  It was impossible to discern what Calax saw on my face. Guilt? Lust? Pain? His expression considerably softened as his eyes grazed my features.

  I opened my mouth to confess God only knew what but was silenced by a calloused finger against my lips.

  “I know Baby Girl,” he said softly. My eyelids fluttered rapidly, both at his addicting touch and his words.

  “What?” I finally managed to sputter out. He removed his finger from my lips and wrapped his other arm around my waist. I could’ve melted at the warmth he emitted; I was close to him, but suddenly I wanted to be even closer. Both mentally and physically.

  “It’s okay if you did stuff with Ryder.” Despite the accepting words, his jaw ground together. “I don’t want to hear about it, but I understand. He’s your boyfriend too.”

  Guilt instantly consumed me.

  What the hell was wrong with me? I had two amazing boyfriends, and yet my traitorous body still responded to the other members of his team. My guilt was washed away by self-loathing, nearly as staggering. I found that I couldn’t breathe as both disgust in myself and guilt at my actions battled for dominance. As before, Calax read my face easily. His thumb traced my cheekbones and brushed lightly over my parted lips.

  “And it’s okay if it’s not just with us,” he said softly. Carefully. His brow was furrowed as he considered his words.

  Horrified, I glanced up at him. “Do you want me to have sex with other people?”

  Like a prostitute?

  Before the thought could fully form, Calax was shaking his head.

  “No.” He ran a trembling hand through his hair in agitation. “I suck at explaining. Okay, look, Baby...I know for a fact that Ryder and I aren’t the only people to have feelings for you. And I also know that we’re not the only two who you have feelings for.”

  I was afraid to admit that I squealed like a pig.

  Feelings? For more than just Ryder and Calax? Puh-lease.

  And yet…

  All I managed to do was gape at him like a raving, albeit cute, lunatic. Calax smiled at the disbelief evident on my face before leaning forward to press a kiss on my forehead.

  My forehead. Not my lips.

  Did that mean I was in girlfriend timeout? Would it involve a spanking? Not that I was against it or anything…

  “These men are my brothers,” he continued. His breath blew across my forehead, and delicious tremors vibrated down my spine. “And I want them to be happy. I want you to be happy.” He paused to tenderly brush a strand of hair behind my ear. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

 

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