My dearest darkest, p.25
My Dearest Darkest, page 25
“What is this place?” Finch called out while Selena kept lighting candles. “Are people…living here?”
“’Course not. It’s…kind of a hookup spot.” Selena straightened up to examine the space now that there were enough lit candles to see around the room. “And nobody comes here on weekdays.”
“You seem to know this place pretty well,” Finch commented, shooting her a look, one eyebrow raised.
“I don’t know—I think there’s a sort of…dismal allure to it.”
“It smells like old socks in here.”
“Homey, right?” Selena gestured to a bed of pillows and a blanket resting in a pane of moonlight—she knew it was clean, mostly because she’d been the one who put them there for her and Kyra more recently than she’d like to admit. “Come on—let’s get started.”
***
As Finch reached inward to connect with the gripping sensation that had encircled her heart since she died, she did her best to envision the world in front of her as a curtain she could tear into.
Blood roared in her eardrums. Her vision darkened at the edges, a haze beginning to cover the scene in front of her. Her pulse sped up, and she felt that grip, like fingers digging into her heart, shudder.
The connection between her mind and body snapped. Each sense winked out, leaving her in the dark, lost.
The cold set in a moment later. Tendrils wrapped around her ankles and began to pull her down deeper.
Suddenly, she was back in the river. The headlights of her parents’ car blazed as it hit the riverbed, her parents’ blank, lightless eyes staring out through the windshield. They looked straight at her, hair floating like halos around their heads, skin alabaster as bubbles of air slid from their slackened mouths up their faces.
Finch screamed, voice turning to bubbles as she reached for them, kicking frantically.
She was so desperate to get to them that she nearly missed the squeeze against her hand.
Instantly, she regained a pinprick of vision, and the pool house came back into view through a narrow lens. Finch had just enough feeling in her hand to squeeze back.
She opened her eyes wider, vision flooding back all at once. The ripples in the air in front of her grew in size, pink and undulating. She used her free hand to reach out and touch one.
You want to be a god, little Finch? a voice whispered, so quiet it may not have been there at all. Like me?
The skin along Finch’s arms twitched. She furrowed her brows, trying to grip the curtain of reality in front of her.
Until a cut suddenly opened up on the back of her hand, and an eyeball popped out from inside.
She felt it roll into focus and blink back at her.
Finch shrieked.
All at once, cuts began to slash open along her arms, like someone was dragging a hundred knives across her skin at once. Trickles of blood leaked from them as more eyes burst free from the wounds, rolling and blinking of their own accord. Finch felt one tear open on her cheek and she screamed. Another pushed free from the side of her neck, weeping blood.
“Stop!” Selena cried. “Finch, come back!”
At the sound of Selena’s voice, Finch let go of the conduit between her and Nerosi, cutting off the flow of power all at once.
The eyes all twitched before vanishing into nothing.
Finch let go of Selena’s hand, gasping for air. Her fingers scraped at her scalp as she dug them into her hair. Her chest felt ready to burst. Tears dripped from her chin, though she hadn’t noticed when she’d started crying.
“You’re okay,” Selena insisted, moving to crouch in front of Finch. She put her hands on her shoulders and said, “Look at me, okay? I’m right here. Just breathe. It’s not real.”
Finch took a few more ragged breaths, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment before nodding. She slumped forward, and Selena caught her, holding her against her chest while Finch caught her breath, shaking her head.
“I pushed too hard,” Finch whispered. “I-I let her in too much.”
“But you stayed in control,” Selena said, rubbing a hand gently against her back. “She’s trying to scare you, all right? You were in control right until the end.”
Finch pulled back, nodding and wiping away the wetness on her cheek. “That was awful.”
“I’ve got you,” Selena promised. “I’m not gonna let you go.”
Finch nodded, sitting back and taking a breath.
“Okay,” she whispered. She sniffled, but steeled her gaze. “Let’s go again.”
For another hour, Finch pushed the limit of her connection with Nerosi, desperately trying to envision a rift tearing in the air in front of her. Only once did she begin to lose focus, and Selena was quick to snap her back, calling her name and drawing her back to reality.
Finch had been about to say they should call it a night when she noticed something hovering behind Selena’s head.
It was shifting and shining in the air, barely the size of her hand. Finch leaned sideways until she could see all of it, the hues of pink and green rippling like a tiny fragment of aurora. It was small—barely a paper cut in the fabric of reality—but it was there, the darkness of the void barely visible behind it.
Finch inhaled. “Selena, I did it.”
Selena blinked, then glanced over her shoulder. She nodded softly and looked back at Finch and said, “Listen, I can’t see it, but I believe you.”
“Seriously! It’s there—I did it!”
Just as quick as she said it, the hole began to stitch itself up, but that didn’t stop the feeling of euphoria that washed over her. She grinned, heart swelling as she punched at the air, throwing her arms up.
“I can’t believe it worked!” Finch threw her arms around Selena, pulling her into a tight hug. Selena let out a tiny, gasping laugh while Finch loosened her grip so she could look Selena in the face as she said, “I think…maybe we have a chance.”
At that moment, Finch became acutely aware of how small the distance between them was. Her heart raced. Her eyes flickered to Selena’s lips and she blushed.
Something new ached in her chest. Not pain, like back in the bathroom with Kyra. This wasn’t the clawing emptiness she was used to—no, it was an overwhelming desire to eliminate the gaps between her and Selena, to let the pieces of them fit together until it was the only thing Finch could feel.
She’d spent weeks now shoving down thoughts like that, telling herself it didn’t matter how she felt—not when everything else was so dire. But now, she realized, she had no idea how much time she had left before this Nerosi nightmare hit its boiling point.
So why hold back?
Finch swallowed, every nerve in her body crackling with electricity. “Hey, Selena?”
“Hmm?”
“There’s something you should know.” Finch tried to swallow, but it felt like her throat was closing up. “Um. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, and I promise I won’t be mad if you don’t feel the same way but I…I really like you. As in, I have the most horrifically massive crush on you.”
She winced. Oh god.
But then, Selena sputtered a laugh.
Finch’s eyes went very round.
“I know,” Selena said, pushing her hair back out of her face. “You’re not exactly subtle, Finch. I was a little slow on the uptake, sure, but after Griffin’s party… Well, there wasn’t exactly a straight explanation for that one.”
Finch turned vibrantly pink. “And you didn’t say anything?”
Selena gestured around. “I dunno, I thought maybe bringing you to the most infamous hookup spot in Rainwater and lighting a thousand candles might get the message across.”
“What message?” Finch asked.
“Jesus H. Christ.” Selena said, leaning close to her. The world behind her fell away, leaving nothing but her eyes, bright and shining in the candlelight. “Come here. A little closer.”
Finch leaned in, her eyes wide like twin moons in the dark. “Selena—”
Selena cut her off with a kiss.
Finch froze as a firework went off in her chest. The feeling sizzled from her heart out into her veins. Her pulse raced in a way it hadn’t since she died, and for the first time since May, it was as if she were fully alive once again.
She let the tension release as she caught Selena’s lip between hers and kissed back.
Selena reached for her, pulling Finch into her lap. Finch wrapped her legs around her while Selena ran a hand up Finch’s neck, skin soft to the touch. If any doubt remained as to whether or not she was imagining what was between them, it was gone now, burned and vanished like flash paper. Selena’s fingers wove through Finch’s hair, scraping up more sparks as they moved. When she tightened her grip, Finch let out a soft hum against her lips.
Selena pulled away enough to press her forehead to Finch’s, exhaling. Her eyelashes trembled against her still-closed eyes, and she nudged her nose against Finch’s, a languid half-smile taking over her face.
“Does that clear things up for you?” Selena whispered, half-laughing. “No judgment, of course. If you’re still confused, I can maybe make a PowerPoint breaking it down. Or Google Slides—whatever you prefer.”
Finch shook her head, biting back a laugh. “Shut up and kiss me.”
And she did, leaning forward until Finch lowered herself onto the bed of pillows. Selena pressed a line of kisses up her neck, the skin white with a blue tinge like skim milk. Her lips pressed warmth into her skin like tiny, shining stars.
And for a moment, they both let themselves bask in the glow.
***
The temperature dropped inside the pool house, but under their musty collection of blankets, Finch and Selena didn’t notice. Selena nestled her face against Finch’s throat, closing her eyes and breathing softly against her skin. In the past, whenever she’d been close to someone like Griffin or Kyra, there had always been a sense of haste, like she needed to get up and leave before they realized she’d been too vulnerable. But now, half asleep, she felt like she could stay forever listening to the sound of Finch’s heartbeat.
She paused, waiting to hear it. After a long moment, it gave out a single thump before going quiet again.
Selena’s face tightened. She reached out and took Finch’s wrist, pressing two fingers into the network of blue veins beneath her skin.
Finch blinked her eyes open, furrowing her brows.
“I can barely feel your pulse,” Selena whispered. “How is your heartbeat this…quiet?”
Finch paused for a moment, biting her lip. Her pale eyes shifted to look at her wrist, a tiny frown twitching into place. She exhaled, wincing.
Selena’s eyes widened. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong with you? You’re not dying, are you? Finch, I can’t deal with some Fault in Our Stars shit right now—”
“Not dying.” Finch pursed her lips, the low candlelight casting flickering shadows across her face. “Dead. Died. Past tense.”
“Excuse me?”
Her eyes were shining. “You know how Victor’s mom told us that he died and woke up?”
“Oh, yeah.” Selena paused. “That seemed a little—”
“I think that happened to me too.”
Selena closed her mouth.
Finch said, “Back in May, after I visited Ulalume and met you for the first time. On the drive home, the eight-eyed stag appeared on the road while my dad was driving over a bridge. He swerved to avoid it and we crashed through the barrier into the river. The car sank and…” Finch released a shaking breath. “We drowned. We all drowned.”
Silence grew between the two of them. Selena just looked at her, unable to find words large enough to confront a tragedy that huge. It was hard to find something to say about an unspeakable thing.
Selena took Finch in her arms and held her as tears dripped from her cheeks. They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other as candles began to extinguish, burned to the end of their wicks. They winked out like stars fading in the morning sky.
Finch curled her legs up to her chest, digging her fingers into her calves. “Nerosi sent the stag—I know it. She needed someone she could lure to summon her, so she killed me.” She took a shaking breath in. “If I’d been alone—if I’d driven by myself like Victor—my parents would still be here.”
“Finch.” Selena wrapped herself around the other girl, as if she could shield her from her own thoughts. “You can’t blame yourself. It was all her.”
“I-I know. It’s just—I always want to blame myself.” Finch squeezed her eyes shut. “I was worried if I told you about the accident, I’d scare you away.”
Selena pressed her fingers into Finch’s cool skin and kissed her hair. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Are you mad?”
“Of course not.” Selena tilted Finch’s face to her own with a gentle finger, staring into her pale gray eyes. She leaned forward and kissed her forehead, her thumb stroking her jaw. “Listen I…I’ve kept a couple of things secret too. So I get it.”
Finch wiped away a tear. “What do you mean?”
Selena bit the inside of her cheek. “I made an exchange with Nerosi. Before our performance. I was so desperate because I got hurt and—”
“It’s okay,” Finch said. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I get it—really, I do.”
Selena began to say, “Are you su—?”
But just then, Finch’s face went entirely blank. Selena said her name, and she didn’t respond, instead staring at her like she wasn’t even there. There was no light behind her eyes. Selena shot up, grabbing Finch’s arms and digging her fingernails in.
“Finch?” she asked. She shook her. “Finch!”
A second later, Finch took a sputtering breath. She sat up and steadied herself against the ground, gasping for air. Selena hovered in front of her, hands held out but unsure of where to go.
“What just happened?” Selena demanded.
Finch went entirely white. “I saw something. I was in Nerosi’s thoughts.”
Selena’s eyes widened. “What was it?”
“She asked Kyra to get her a heart,” Finch said, wincing as she pressed her knuckles against her forehead. “And she agreed.”
“She wouldn’t,” Selena breathed.
Finch shook her head, meeting her eyes.
“She would. And she’s going to do it tonight.”
Twenty-Six
“Risa says that Kyra left the lighthouse about ten minutes ago on foot,” Selena explained as she and Finch jogged across the empty Rainwater High campus, the grass of the football field frosty beneath their feet. “So it looks like she’s headed off campus. Did you get any indication from Nerosi where she could be going?”
Finch shook her head. “She told Nerosi she was going somewhere with… I think the phrase was easy prey? Where are people most vulnerable?”
“Um, a hospital?” Selena guessed. “Retirement home? Kyra wouldn’t just rip out a random old or sick person’s heart.”
“So who would she kill? Is there anyone she doesn’t like?”
“Aside from you?” Selena asked. Seeing the way Finch frowned at her, she corrected, “Sorry, too honest. I mean—she generally isn’t a fan of most boys. Especially boys our age.”
“You know a place with a whole lot of boys?”
“You know what’s wild, the annual Rainwater Boy Festival is tonight.” When Finch shot her a sharp look, Selena waved a hand. “Bad time for jokes, sorry. No, not really—”
She stopped. Finch skidded to a halt beside. Selena pulled out her phone and stared at the screen for a moment, blanching.
“Well, that answers that question—Amber says Kyra told her she’s going to a party on Gibbs Beach.” Selena cursed. “Shit, that’s on the far end of the peninsula. And it’s definitely gonna be full of stupid drunk boys.”
“Is there a way we can cut her off?” Finch asked.
“Not unless we had a car,” Selena muttered.
The two of them exchanged a look before, at the same time, they said, “Simon.”
“I’ll tell Risa and Amber to meet us at his place,” Selena said, picking up the pace again as her fingers frantically flew across her screen. “If they leave now, we’ll get there at the same time, and we can cut Kyra off before she gets to the party.”
“Are you sure this is okay?” Finch asked. “I don’t want to put him in danger.”
Selena pressed her lips into a line. “It’s gonna have to be. Come on.”
The girls sprinted down the path toward Rainwater Road.
***
Fifteen minutes later, Simon’s mom’s Jeep flew off the road and directly onto Gibbs Beach. Finch had tried briefly to tap into her connection to Nerosi to see if she could catch any more of the god’s thoughts, but when she tried, Selena caught sight of her eyes briefly flashing black before she had to stop and gasp for air—she didn’t seem to be making a connection. At the same time, Risa, Amber, and Selena had kept an eye out for Kyra, but she hadn’t shown up anywhere along the road or in the adjacent woods. Selena’s stomach had twisted as she realized that could only mean one thing: Kyra had beat them to the beach.
The tires soared over the dunes as Risa and Amber yelped and held tight to the emergency handles above their heads. In the front seat, Selena narrowed her eyes as she scanned the beach for a head of red hair.
“We’ll have to split up,” Selena shouted over the thumping bass of Simon’s go-to driving playlist, looking back at Finch and the others over her shoulder. “There’s way too many people here for us to do this from the Jeep.”
Simon hit the gas so they soared off another sand dune. “Noted!”
He slowed as the biggest crowd of people they’d seen came into view in the headlights. Even though the temperature had dropped substantially, that hadn’t stopped most of Rainwater’s teen population from showing up at this party. People in coats and hats floated around a bonfire, drinking out of Solo cups. Up against the rock spire, Finch caught sight of Griffin Sergold making out with a girl.
