House of wolves, p.25
House of Wolves, page 25
I gesture out into the woods in the direction of the chorus of wolves. “The others,” I protest.
Lou shakes her head. “They’re at home. They’re safe. Come with me.”
I dig my heels in when she tries to pull me back the way she came, away from the wolves. “Listen.”
Frustrated, Lou turns to face me again. “It’s not them. We have to go.”
With another look back in the wolves' direction and then to Lou, I see the determination in her eyes. I want to believe that Jasper and Cal are home and safe, but as long as Hallam is still here, I don’t trust it.
Lou grabs my hand, impatient, and turns to go again. She’d never give up on Cal and Jasper, and I won’t have a chance against Hallam if they go back to him. Without much of a choice, I have to believe Lou and believe that they’re okay.
I want to run. I want to sprint back to them to make sure they’re there, but Lou can still feel the consequences of her effort. She pants heavily, and I don’t think she’ll make it back without collapsing if we run. I’m not going to leave her behind out here, no matter how desperate I am to see Cal and Jasper myself.
The end of our street comes into sight, a shoreline of concrete marking the end of the woods. Lou has recovered enough to run, so we sprint the final stretch.
We don’t stop running until we’re inside the house again, and we crash together up the stairs, barely keeping from falling.
Overwhelming relief washes over me when I catch sight of Cal and Jasper. Cal rushes forward and grabs onto me before I can say a word.
“Are you hurt?” I ask into her hair.
She steps back, frowning. When she takes my hand in hers and squeezes, I can feel it. My legs ache again, growing weak beneath me. I lean some of my weight on the arm Cal offers. My lungs protest all the running I’ve done, but the pain grows weaker now that I’m still. The pain in my shoulder returns. Since Hallam wrenched my arm behind me, the discomfort has receded into a dull throb. I twist my shoulder around to test it, glad it’s not as damaged as I thought and relieved that I can feel it again even though it hurts.
“You could feel it,” I guess. My voice is barely above a whisper, and Cal doesn’t respond out loud at all. She doesn’t need to: I can see the answer in her eyes. I can see her wondering silently to herself what it means, just like I am.
Hallam said words like soulmates, and lovers, and couples. Are those things true?
There are more pressing issues. “Who is out there?” I ask. My gaze lands on Jasper, standing behind Cal with his arms crossed defensively around himself.
Lou answers for him. “Jasper called Asa. He and Amala went out to try and draw Hallam away, and then Jasper called the police and told them that Hallam’s here. They’ve surrounded the town by now.”
I keep my attention on Jasper. “You called for help,” I whisper, incredulous.
It’s a complete turnaround from the Jasper I knew. Jasper was willing to throw himself back to Hallam to know that Cal wouldn’t be hurt. He hated my suggestion to call someone else for help when we pulled her out of the woods because he didn’t want to risk anyone else getting involved. He was upset that Lou and Cal and I followed him out into the woods when Vankev tried to kill him, and he was more upset that any of us got hurt trying to save him than by the fact that he almost died.
But even though Hallam is dangerous, Jasper asked for help instead of giving himself up.
“You asked for help,” I repeat dumbly. I’m grinning, even as Jasper curls around himself even more miserably. Cal lets go of me, and I step around her to face Jasper and pull him toward me before he can collapse in on himself completely.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” he chokes out.
“Thank you for calling Asa.” I need him to know that he was right not to sacrifice himself.
“If he-”
“He’ll be fine,” I cut him off. “He’s Asa. He’ll be okay.”
“They’re just calling him out of the woods,” Cal adds, helping to talk Jasper out of the spiral he’s ready to fall down.
“By the time Hallam realizes he isn’t following you guys and that the cops are swarming, Amala and Asa will be safe and out of the way,” Lou adds.
After a long moment, Jasper nods and lets out a sigh. Self-loathing is always ready to grab him in a chokehold if he lets it, and I’m glad he doesn’t seem to be giving it a chance. I release him slowly.
“I thought it was you two,” I say. “I thought you had Cal turn you like you said. I thought you were giving up.” Exhausted, I wobble a bit on my feet and let Cal pull me toward the couch. Cal and Jasper sit down on either side of me, and Lou sits in front of me on the coffee table so our knees touch. We all need to be as close as possible, huddled together to make sure none of us disappear.
“That was the idea,” Cal explains. “Hallam knew that I would come when he called, so we thought if two wolves answered him, he would think we did just that. He probably didn’t spare a thought to doubt that I would come that easily.”
“When he howled back,” I say. “I thought you would hear him. I thought you would be gone.”
Cal takes my hand in hers and laces our fingers together. “I heard him. The wolf tried to follow, but I think it wasn't a command because there weren’t any words. It didn’t count.”
Thank goodness.
“Lou, you’re bleeding,” Jasper says. His voice is empty, as if he’s retreated inside his own head. I suppose it’s better than his alternative.
Lou looks down, and I follow her gaze as she finds the gash that Jasper means. On the side facing Jasper, her jeans are stained with blood on her thigh, just below her hip. “I fell when I was running. I must have landed on something.” She looks up at the three of us, dismissing her own injury.
Jasper sounds a little more like himself when he speaks this time. “Do you really think the police will scare him off again?” he asks me.
I hope so. I nod, still amazed that Jasper allowed a solution that doesn’t include himself as the only possible casualty.
Cal stands, then, and holds out a hand to Lou. “Come on, you’re hurt.” Lou stands up gingerly, feeling the wound more now that her attention has been brought to it. She leans on Cal as they both make their way down the stairs.
There are a few moments of silence. Jasper and I are left in Cal’s room, regaining our bearings and assuring that the other is okay. Finally, Jasper speaks again.
“Did I do the right thing?”
“Yes,” I say immediately.
“Matthew.”
I shift in my seat to look him in the eye. “Yes. You were right to ask for help. You were right to stay here. You were right to keep yourself safe.
“It doesn’t feel right.” His voice breaks on the words.
“I know.”
“I won’t be able to live with myself if either of them gets hurt for me.”
“I know that too. But they won’t.” I wonder how Asa and Amala could change so fast on-demand, but then I remember that Cal told me she learned out of necessity. They could too. “They’re not going to get hurt. Amala is one of the strongest people I know, and Asa’s one scary smart motherfucker.”
Jasper smirks a little at the wording, which was exactly the point.
“And neither of them would have done anything they didn’t want to do,” I finish. I think the statement is definitely truer of Asa, but I don’t believe Amala would put herself in harm’s way if she didn’t honestly want to help, either.
Jasper takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. I can see the count he does in his head, timing his breathing. “Okay.”
II
Asa
Triggering a change between forms when I want to turns out to be simple enough.
Maintaining it is more complicated than I’d care to admit. Every second I spend in the wolf’s body without the full moon, I feel myself trying to slip back into being human. I have to fight it every step of the way. I manage, and Amala does well enough too.
It took me this long to figure out how to change at will, and for Jasper Sinn, no less.
Dad would be rolling in his grave.
I’m okay with that.
Amala makes a sound like an elated sigh or a laugh, and I turn around to face her.
We’re in a clearing – barely a clearing; the woods are dense, and this spot seems to be missing a single tree. It’s dark, windy, and snowing. Amala catches my gaze and beams.
“I didn’t know I could do that,” she breathes. Her words shake from excitement and the cold.
Neither did I.
I look around to orient myself. I can still hear sirens in the distance, but no sign of the third wolf I heard before. To my right, there are lights. Not the red and blue flashes of police cars, which I have no intention of interacting with, but the yellow glow of street lamps.
I glance once more at Amala and nod in the direction of the street. We walk that way.
Amala, confused as she may have been to receive a silent phone call followed by my text message to meet me at Stephen’s earlier tonight, was immediately willing to help.
I wasn’t expecting to be called on. I certainly didn’t expect to give help when I was asked. But Jasper’s ill-laid plan needed two of us. It was I who enlisted Amala.
Amala’s silent, for the most part. Maybe she’s taking cues from me.
It’s a short uphill walk up to the road, and we find ourselves on a residential street. I don’t recognize it, and I start in the direction I think leads into town. Amala takes my hand and stops me.
She gestures in the opposite direction. “My place is this way. It’s closer. It’s too cold to stay out.”
I let her take me to her place.
III
Lou
Cal leads me downstairs and down the hall to the bathroom. My leg throbs with every step I take. My jeans aren’t ripped, just bled through, so I can’t see how bad the damage is to my skin. Liam sees us and steps in to help Cal guide me up onto the counter to sit next to the sink.
“I can do it,” I protest, but I wince as I shift backwards, even with their help.
“Lou, I’m sorry,” Cal says. She doesn’t sound scared or like she’s deep in self-blame. She sounds like something is almost funny but shouldn’t be.
“Why?” I whine.
“You’re going to have to get down again and take your jeans off.”
I groan, but sliding down off the counter is easier than climbing up was. I glance out the door and toward my bedroom but hesitate before trying to make it there.
Cal’s at the door before I can go myself. “What do you need?”
“There’s a pair of fleece pyjama shorts on the floor.”
She nods once and goes to retrieve them. Liam stays in the bathroom and watches me with concern.
“When did you get hurt?”
“I fell,” I reply.
“Are you sure?”
I know what he’s worried about. He’s worried I was bitten. “I’m sure,” I tell him. “It was icy.”
Cal returns with the shorts. After a moment of deliberation, Liam turns his back while Cal lets me lean on her so I can take off my jeans. Liam refuses to close the door in case I pass out, and Cal isn’t strong enough to catch me. Once I’ve got my pyjamas on, Cal has Liam turn around to help me up onto the counter again.
I whine out loud. I don’t think I could jump up on my own again. My thigh aches from my hip down to my knee. Liam does most of the work to lift me up and set me down again.
Cal pushes the hem of my bottoms up to expose the mark on my leg, and I feel woozy as soon as I catch sight of it. I see blood, and then the bathroom begins to spin. Cal expects my response and ungently pushes my face away to look toward the door. She keeps her hand cupped beside my face like a horse blinder.
“Liam, go get some juice and sour candy,” Cal demands. He does.
“Why candy?” I ask.
She takes her hand away, but I keep my eyes where they are. In my periphery, I see her shrug. “I was dizzy a lot after I came home. Especially after showers. The sour helped to sort of shock me back into being able to see.” She pauses, and I hear the sink running behind me. “And your dad always recommends juice for sugar or something. It helps. How do you handle your time of the month if you can’t look at blood?” she teases. I’m glad for the distraction, even at my own expense, as she dabs a warm cloth at my leg.
I grit my teeth. “It’s different,” I reply. “That’s supposed to be there.” Apparently, seeing it staining my pants before I took them off was tolerable too.
Liam returns with a juice box. My hands shake as I take it from him, and I’m glad he didn’t bring me a glass. He drops a package of candies in my lap, but I leave those for now.
Cal drops the washcloth in the sink and huffs. I venture a look down at my leg. It’s not bleeding anymore, but I have a scrape that looks like road rash. It’s not big, but all around it, my skin has taken on a dark pink colour, from my hip down to my knee. It will be an ugly bruise by tomorrow.
“I think it’s fine,” Cal declares, uncertain.
“Should we wait for Dad to look at it?” Liam suggests.
I whip my head around to face him. “I forgot to tell Dad we left,” I gasp.
Liam groans and disappears down the hall to call Dad himself. Dad won’t be happy that we took off without a word, and now Liam will have to be the one to explain.
With Liam gone, Cal takes a deep breath. I sip at my juice box. It is helping with the shakiness. I wait for Cal to say whatever it is that she needs to.
She sits down in front of me on the edge of the tub. “Thank you for going after Matthew,” she says softly. It isn’t easy for her to talk like this – open and honest and vulnerable – and she looks at the floor while she does.
“You said he was hurt,” I reply. “Of course I went after him.”
She shakes her head once. “You shouldn’t have had to do that. It could have been a lot worse. I should have gone.”
“Cal,” I argue. “I wanted to go. I tried to go with him in the first place, but he didn’t let me.”
“Neither of you should have gone. This isn’t your battle to fight. Hallam is here for me.”
“Accalia,” I say, almost scolding. She finally looks at me. “You’ve been fighting for so long. Let me fight for you.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I can tell she doesn’t know what to say.
I swallow a lump in my throat, remembering the night Vankev attacked. I need to talk about it all right now. “That night with Vankev,” I start. “You were shot, too.” I remember seeing Cal injured and hearing a yelp of pain just seconds before she leapt into another body, human, and kept on fighting as if nothing had happened. “Did you know?”
She’s still for a long time before she nods. “Vaguely. I knew I was hurt, and I needed to change back so it would heal because Vankev still needed to be stopped. I didn’t think about it.”
I gesture down at my own injury. “You took that without flinching. This is nothing in comparison.”
“It’s not a competition,” she protests. “And I can handle it.”
“I don’t care what you can handle; you shouldn’t have to. We’re all here for you, so stop arguing when we fight for you.”
She frowns but doesn’t argue any further. We’re quiet for a long while, staring off into nothing. It occurs to me that it has to be past midnight by now. Christmas morning.
It’s the furthest thing from my mind. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re all here, and safe as we can be for now. We’re all accounted for under the same roof, and there’s nothing more I need. I don’t care what day it is. I don’t care what the rest of the world is doing. Everything else feels hollow and unimportant. Leaving Cal home to go to a dinner I felt obligated to attend feels like a pointless betrayal.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” Cal asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I frown. She knows I’ll say yes – the topic has come up, and I’ve always been a sucker for romantic tales of fate and love. I find comfort in the idea that no matter how alone you feel, there’s someone out there for you. None of us are destined to be alone if we don’t want to be.
Cal’s always been a skeptic.
“Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?” I ask. She let me take over tonight and go after Matthew, she stayed home for her own safety instead of being a martyr, and now this. I have to wonder. Cal looks up at me with a hint of a smile but waits for me to answer her question. “I do. Why do you ask?”
She looks at the tile floor before speaking again. “I think Matthew and I are connected somehow.”
I know she doesn’t mean to say they’re made for each other. “What do you mean?”
She sighs. “Amala told me that there’s another kind of connection, like what Hallam has, and what Jasper and I have,” she explains. “She said there’s supposed to be one between partners, and they can share pain. She said it was just a story she heard, and I thought that was all it was.”
She stops there, but something is troubling her that she hasn’t said.
“What’s the problem?”
“There’s no way it’s possible, right?” She looks to me now for confirmation, but I don’t know if I can give it. I don’t fully understand yet. “There’s no way,” she repeats. “Hallam and Jasper and I make sense because we’re related. We share genes, and that’s why we’re connected. Matthew and I aren’t, so it isn’t possible. But I felt it. I knew he was hurt because I felt everything.”
I realize what she’s saying. I saw her before she told me Matthew was in pain, and I went after him. She panicked, a hand pressed to her chest. What I thought before to be distress was really pain.
It occurs to me that Matthew was entirely unaffected by what happened in the woods until we got back to Cal.
Oh.
“I don’t think biology matters,” I say. “I think we understand less about wolves than we like to think.”
