Make him a single dad al.., p.29
Make Him: A Single Dad/Alpha Dom Romance, page 29
“But you won’t be with me, Luca,” I whisper. “Not totally. I’m waiting on you, but for how long and—”
“I can’t.” His dark brows knit with regret. “You know why and—”
“Baba.” Gia whips around, her brows knitted, too. “Why did my mommy go to heaven?”
I swear, the temperature drops. The room is suddenly cold. A shiver blooms down my flesh like Darby’s beautiful ghost that haunts Luca’s soul is suddenly standing in the room with us, the timing not lost on me.
“Because,” Luca sits up, clearing his throat, “the angels needed her.”
I glance over Gia’s shoulder and, inwardly, kick myself. I forgot this movie is about a daughter and mother. And I should never be allowed to be a mom because I should’ve known better. Gia’s not ready for this.
She only grows more confused. “But why did the angels need my mommy?”
“She died, my kóri.” Luca’s tone drops deeper than I’ve ever heard. “So the angels needed her up in heaven to watch over you.”
Gia looks at the ceiling. She’s not sad, but I see grief twisting Luca’s handsome face.
Has he talked with Gia about this yet?
“How did she get up there?” Gia asks the ceiling. “I don’t see her.”
“We don’t see angels,” he answers. “But they’re always up there, loving you.”
But I glance down.
Luca still wears his wedding band every day, and every day, I notice. Sometimes, when he’s intimate with me or being so Dom, I see it, but it doesn’t feel wrong. It’s not wrong. It’s powerful. It bonds me to his pain. I’m trying to honor his promise and trying to be honest that I don’t know how long I can. But I love him, so I keep fighting.
“Baba?” Gia still stares at the ceiling. “How did my mommy die?”
Though his tan is permanent and deep, the life drains from Luca’s face.
“She died in an accident, my kóri.”
“Why?”
“The car was going very fast.”
“Why?”
“She didn’t mean to drive that fast.”
Gia cants her head, aiming her stare on him, her smart little mind working to make sense of it. “Was she grumpy? You drive fast when you’re grumpy, too.”
It hitches Luca’s breath, his daughter’s questions dredging up the pain he tries to bury.
“No,” he mutters. “She wasn’t grumpy.” He pauses, his lips tensing. “She was happy. She was laughing with me and didn’t mean to go that fast.”
He’s lying.
I can see it.
I can hear it.
I pray Gia can’t because Luca’s doing it to protect Gia’s imagination about her mother.
But since he’s lying, the opposite must be true.
Darby was driving fast, but she wasn’t laughing. She was…crying? Yelling? Those are the only emotions I can imagine making a driver lose control of a car, particularly in a torrential downpour.
“Will she come back like Merida’s mom?”
See, I’m a horrible person.
I should’ve protected Gia from this movie. The fantasy about a mother who suffers a spell made by a witch, turning her into a bear, taking her from her daughter until the daughter breaks the spell and brings her mother back, is only making reality hard for Gia to understand and for Luca to explain.
The lump in Luca’s swallow is visible. “No, my kóri. She’s not coming back. She watches over everything you do from heaven. She’ll always be your angel for the rest of your life.”
With a tiny eyebrow raised, Gia studies the ceiling again. Half of me wants to cry at Luca’s grief, but that’s not what Gia’s feeling. She’s too young. She’s skeptical. She’s concerned.
And…Gia looks too cute.
If her mother’s angel can see her, she’d agree.
“Does my mommy watch me poop?” Gia wonders aloud, and I snort, choking down fits of laughter.
I can’t help it.
I worried the same about Santa Claus and the whole “he sees when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake.” I went to the bathroom in the dark for months until my mom got so frustrated that she burst that fairytale bubble.
A sudden smile takes Luca’s face, too. “No, my kóri. Angels give you privacy in the bathroom. Anytime you want something, tell your angel.”
Gia smiles. Mischief, like Zar’s, dances in her eyes. Power, like Luca’s, booms from her little voice as she commands the ceiling, “Angel! Give me a puppy named ‘Baklava!’”
My laughter escapes. “I told you.” I elbow Luca. “She’s going to wear you down. She’ll make you change your mind.”
Relief and joy relax his face. He reaches for my hand. Leaning over, he gently kisses my cheek, promising, “My daughter is the only one who can.”
And for months, it’s true and happy and perfect between us.
Until…it’s not.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
SCARLETT
“Even your feet look fancy now.” Ruby kicks a bit of sand over them. “Six months of subbing for Luca Mercier has your toenails looking like five-star luxury.”
“What are you talking about?”
I study my recent pedicure. It’s French. What’s the big deal? Yeah, my feet are tanner, too. All of me is. That’s what a week in Bali will do to you.
“I’m talking about you. Girl, you’ve changed.” Ruby cracks open a can of beer. “Should I have brought Dom Perignon instead of PBR for your belated birthday?”
I take a swig of my beer before fussing back, “Quit giving me shit. I’m the same.” I grin, showing her wrists, making her look closely. “Except for these.”
Why am I proud to show Ruby the newest abrasions on my flesh? Because they were damn fun to earn.
“Okay.” She flops back into her folding chair in the sand. “Dish your Dirty Dom weekly update. I fucking live for your naughty news.”
It’s late April on the beach. The sun is shining. The temperature is perfect. And I’m a year older, glowing after my vacation with Luca, though it was heaven and hell.
The heaven part?
“Zar surprised me and showed up for the last two days of our vacation,” I confide in Ruby. She’s the only one I can. “He and Luca had it all planned. The villa we stayed in was over the water with an open ceiling and wooden rafters—”
“Oh my god!” Ruby kicks her feet. “And perfect for ropes, you slutty bitch. I’m so jealous.”
“Why are you jealous? You’re the one hooking up with half of the Carolina Panthers.”
“Two!” She points at me. “Only two. You know I’m a double-dip diva; now finish your story.”
I swig my beer again. Sitting on the lounger, I wedge my feet in the sand of Folly Beach, relieved to be sharing. The secret life I have to lead has me bursting at the seams, and not always in a good way.
“Well, they used the rope to bind my wrists overhead, like I was almost hanging, while Luca spanked my ass with a leather paddle for every year I’ve been alive. He didn’t do it too rough, just enough to sting so good while Zar ate my pussy, and they made me come twice and so hard, I thought I’d pull my arms out of their sockets.”
Ruby leans forward. “Then what?”
I almost don’t want to tell her. I mean, is there anything I won’t tell my sister? But I need to tell someone. I’ve been holding so much in.
“Don’t ask me how they got it to Bali because I don’t wanna know, but do you know what a fucking machine is?”
Ruby’s eyes get wide. She nods, eyes glued to mine while she slurps her beer, waiting for more. Like I’m sharing XXX-rated campfire stories, but there’s no campfire because it’s warm today, and this story is hot.
“Well, that’s what I got for my birthday. A fucking machine and a padded stool for me to bend over with my hands tied to it, while the dildo on that thing was a jackhammer from cunt heaven. Oh my god, it felt so good. Then Luca made Zar lick my ass while I stared at Luca and sucked him off, like we were having a kinky foursome with a machine, and…”
I start giggling, covering my face like an abstinent schoolgirl, though I sure as hell am not. That’s a teetotal lie.
“And what?” Ruby squeals.
“And they did it to me for two days straight. The four of us—Luca’s dick, Zar’s tongue, that fucking machine, and me—coming in every position and place in that villa. Thank god for coconut oil, ice, and aspirin.”
Ruby stares at me like a meteor shower—in awe. “I bet they bought it at Delta’s,” she marvels, and she’s probably right.
“Well, Luca gave me that and these for my birthday.” I glance around, making sure no one is watching, but it’s a Thursday. The beach is quiet this afternoon, so I drop the spaghetti strap of my dress discreetly since I’m not wearing a bra to show Ruby.
“Oh my god!” Ruby gawks. “Your nipples are pierced with diamonds! They’re real, aren’t they? Luca gave you ten thousand dollar titties!”
“Yeah.” I lift my strap. “I suggested the piercings a month ago, and Luca made it amazing, of course. He made it so kinky and sweet the first night we were there. He found this woman, like she was trained and medical, and he had her come to our villa. He already gave me the most erotic massage of my life—”
“Wait? What?” Ruby gulps her beer.
I take a gulp, too, because, yeah, whoops, I forgot this other hot story.
“Yeah, Luca carried me to a massage table outside on the deck of our villa over the ocean. It was heaven. Then he blindfolded me, and all I knew was that multiple pairs of hands were rubbing oil on me. It was like a legit massage at first until it got hot. Oil rubbed on my clit, on my nipples, my inner thighs, and feet. Hands were getting me off and groping me while Luca held my arms overhead, teasing my ear with his dirty ass amazing accent.
“He always worships me and tells me I’m his beautiful whore. He made me come so hard, letting strangers touch me everywhere but where I really needed him. Then, a few minutes later, he took off my blindfold, and it was just us and this woman. She looked like a nurse almost. Then Luca made me cry, telling me how much I meant to him, cracking open a black velvet box with these thin platinum bars and diamonds on each end.
“While the woman pierced my nipples, Luca fucked me with a fancy rabbit vibrator so it wouldn’t hurt, and it didn’t. It only turned me on so much. He made me come on the massage table, both times as she pierced me, and then she left. And I was naked on the table, pierced for Luca and staring up at him and needing him so much. It was my birthday, and I begged him to please finally fuck me again, but then…”
Here’s the hell part.
The storm again. The flood of lust in my body thinking about Luca. The raging love I feel, but it’s an ache, too. A heavy, crushing one that’s never satisfied. It hurts. I’m drowning. I can’t breathe, and I can’t deny it anymore.
“Then what?” Ruby snaps me out of it.
“Then I couldn’t stop crying.”
“What?” Ruby’s voice gets soft. “Why?”
“Because I don’t know how much more I can take. I love Luca, and I know he loves me, but he never says it, and he never fucks me. And I thought I could wait for him to change, but you’re right; I’m changing. I’ve gone from having the Fuck Flu to Death by Dick Denial.”
“Yeah, but you’ve died and gone to Kinky Heaven.” I love my sister. She’s trying to make me laugh. “What if he gave you one night? Or one time? Like for the next holiday or something?”
I stare at the horizon, toeing the sand, mulling it over. My mind is as churned up as those waves. Like a coming storm, my emotions keep rolling in, and they grow stronger and more destructive every day.
Ruby whips out her phone, taps away, and suggests, “May first. It says it’s Global Love Day. Tell Luca he has to fuck you for the world’s sake or else.”
She makes me chuckle, but when I’m honest with myself, “No,” I tell her. “That would only be worse. One time with him again, and then nothing? I deserve more than that. I want more than real sex with him. I want us to be together. I want to be a real couple, a family. I want him to be proud we’re together, not ashamed and hiding me like I’m trash.”
I look at Ruby. I let her see the tears welling in my eyes. Lately, I can’t fight them. “Don’t laugh when I tell you this.”
“I won’t.”
“I want…” I can’t believe I’m going to say it. I can’t believe this is my deepest wish. “I want to be Mrs. Mercier. I want to be Luca’s wife. I want to be Gia’s sorta mom. I want us to be a real family, and I want Luca to want it, too.”
She rubs my leg. “Talk to him about it.”
“I have.”
“What does he say?”
I roll my eyes, feeling like an asshole doing it, but that’s how frustrated I am. “He says he’ll give me everything I want but that. He won’t break his vow to his first wife. So I cried the night I got pierced, on my birthday, because he made me feel so special, then so rejected. Like I’m not good enough for him to change. Luca’s like my cancer and cure. Because, most of the time, I’m happy. Then he tortures me with pleasure, and I love it, then I hate it. It’s painful. I want him, and I can’t have him. I swear I can’t take it anymore, and then he holds me so tight, and I’m okay again.”
“All because of his dead wife?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, looking back at the horizon. “I can’t compete with her ghost. And the sad thing is, I think I would’ve liked her.”
My toe digs a hole deeper in the sand, searching for the courage to say it aloud to myself and my sister.
“What really hurts me, Rubes?” I finally share, turning to tell her. “We got back from Bali yesterday morning, and I went home to see Crimson, get some sleep, and do laundry. But when I went to pick up Gia this morning to take her to school, she was so happy to see me, and I had missed her so much, too…”
This is the part that hurts so much.
The final thing that broke my heart today.
Like Luca dealt the final punch and knocked me down. I can’t get up.
I lose.
“Luca was wearing his wedding band again this morning,” I tell her, my lips trembling. “He took it off for our vacation; I thought that was his sign that he was changing for me.” I fought like hell not to cry when I saw it, but now I do. “But he put it back on when we got home like he doesn’t even care if I see it. If it hurts me.”
Ruby falls uncharacteristically quiet. We both stare at the horizon where the sparkling ocean kisses the sky.
It’s peaceful, but I’m not.
I don’t know what to think or what to do anymore.
Yes, it’s insane. It’s infuriating. Luca’s vow to his dead wife makes no sense, and even if it did for a time…
Now it feels like he is cheating.
But I don’t know on who anymore.
“Well,” Ruby finally sighs. “I can share an NFL player or two with you.”
I shove her. Forgetting my strength, I almost knock her out of the chair, finally making me chuckle. “I’m not fucking your seconds.”
“Seconds?” She scoffs. “Girl, if I told you about the parties I’ve been going to, you lose track of numbers.”
“Parties? What parties?” She does that dumbass thing of zipping her lips and throwing away the key. “You know,” I warn, “there’s a nerve in your hand I can pinch and make you instantly pee. Like the next time we’re in Target, it’ll be clean up Ruby’s run-off on aisle ten.”
She howls back, laughing. “I ain’t afraid of you! Miss Phobia of Little Mice.”
“Those things are disgusting.”
“You only hate them because a mama mouse had her babies in your tennis shoe one night, and then you put your foot—”
“Shut up.” My body shudders. “Answer my question: what parties?”
With a guilty grin and eyebrows dancing, she says, “Ask Zar.”
“What!?”
She shakes her head. “He doesn’t fuck. I swear. Don’t worry. He’s faithful to Luca and you. That’s obvious because that man has cock and cunt opportunities galore. But he doesn’t take them at his parties at his beach shack, ahem, mansion…so the rest of us get to enjoy them. We’ve kinda become good friends.”
“What are you talking about?”
This is kinky news to me.
I know Zar isn’t around much. Especially the past few months, since February, and that’s another heaven and hell story.
How Luca didn’t bring Zar to the Bachelor & Bachelorette party Luca and I were invited to.
It seems Silas, Redix and Cade’s lover, found his soulmate, too. So, Redix and Cade threw Silas and his bride, Eily, a joint Bachelor and Bachelorette party at the sex club where I met Luca.
It was like pornified deja vu for us. But, like Zar, I was mad at Luca for excluding him. So I just teased Luca all night at the club, making him watch while I exposed my pussy to him while Redix, Silas, Cade, and Eily gave the hottest sex show I’ve ever seen…no, wait…there was Stacey and her three men and their show, too.
See! Everyone’s proudly fucking in shows and orgies and clubs except us.
So, on the limo ride home that night, Luca and I had our first fight.
“Why can’t we be like our friends?” I challenged him. “They’re public with their love. They’re proud of it. So why do you hide me and Zar? Our friends care about us. They’ll be happy for us.”
“Because,” Luca growled beside me in the limo’s backseat, “rumors start. And Redix is a celebrity. In his world, many people accept his lifestyle. And Silas never cares what people think, and his beautiful new wife is an artist. They can get away with the avant-garde. It only adds to their mystique, their cachet.”
“Quit using French to explain your bullshit.” I was mad. I was hurt for me and Zar. “You’re ashamed of us.”
“I’m not ashamed of you,” he fumed. “I’m protecting you. I’m realistic. People will judge.”
“Cade’s a cop, and people judge her, but she doesn’t care,” I argued. “She and your best friend, Redix, have a daughter now. They’re with Silas and Eily, too. They’re all a happy poly family like we should be.”
