The book of love, p.62
The Book of Love, page 62
Laura looked into the clearing, where Malo Mogge lay in her torn red velour tracksuit, head thrown back to show the red rent in her throat. Laura said, “I don’t know how, though. How do I eat her?”
“Begin,” Bogomil said, “and you will see how it must be done.”
“What if I don’t see?” she said. “What if I mess it up? Will you tell me if I’m doing it right?”
Bogomil said, “I am not the keeper of your door and I am not your psychopomp. I do not, in fact, much care for you. I am not your teacher and I won’t be your audience. She was my mistress for longer than you can imagine. I find that if I am not to be the means of her end, I don’t wish to witness you making a mess of it.”
“Well,” Laura said, “fine—”
But he was already gone. It was only Malo Mogge and Laura, standing above her.
She got down on her knees, turned Malo Mogge fully onto her back. Malo Mogge did not resist her, did not seem to be able to resist her. And, oh, Laura could feel all of Malo Mogge’s magic, how ripe and delicious it was down here in Bogomil’s realm. Malo Mogge looked up at her, panting like an animal. Air whistled out of the wound in her throat. Her mouth opened as if she were going to speak but Laura said, “No. I don’t want to hear it. Whatever it is that you want to say. Whatever you want to promise me, tell me, it doesn’t matter anymore. Bogomil keeps talking about how I’m going to take your place, how I’m going to become you, but I’m not. You were horrible! I’m not going to be you. I’m going to be better.”
She could feel the blackness of Bogomil’s realm clinging to her knees, getting under her fingernails, pressing itself into the pads of her fingers. No wonder Bogomil was always so filthy. Malo Mogge, whatever she had been trying to say, was silent now. Laura had made her silent. Laura could tell her now to say how sorry she was. How sorry she was for killing Ruth. That she had caused so much trouble. Laura could command Malo Mogge to beg for her life. Could ask her to give up every secret she’d ever held. That was tempting. And that was the trouble. Let Malo Mogge speak and she might say something you had to listen to. She might offer something you actually wanted.
Laura decided to skip that part. She didn’t want to hear her mother’s name spoken by that mouth.
She lifted one hand and put it down on Malo Mogge’s shoulder. Her dirty fingers passed easily into Malo Mogge’s flesh. It was like sticking your hand into a stick of butter left out on a plate. She had the sense her fingers were sharper now, the palm of her hand like a scoop. There was a smell, too, indescribably delicious. A birthday cake, sugary but also sharp like blood. Like a steak oozing with blood and butter and whipped cream. She reached farther. Here was something different in Malo Mogge’s soft body, a thing that was thin and curved and hard. That last bit of Ruth, the rib Malo Mogge had stolen. Laura snapped it right off, withdrew her hand. She stuck her mother’s rib into her pocket and then, without thinking, licked the clots of Malo Mogge’s blood off her fingers. Oh, delicious. Oh, how strong, how sweet, how rich! How hungry she was!
She reached down and scooped up a whole handful of Malo Mogge’s flesh. She crammed it into her mouth. She bent her head down toward Malo Mogge, felt how her own face was elongating, becoming something wolfish and toothy, her tongue becoming serrated, hollow, designed to puncture and suck up sweetness. She thrust her back claws deep into the dirt of Bogomil’s realm and her face into Malo Mogge’s body and began to eat in earnest. There was no need for manners because there was no one there to watch her eat.
Only when she had finished her meal did she realize someone had come to keep her company.
The Book of Daniel
He had thought everything lost, but it was not, it had not been lost. He couldn’t think about what would happen next, not yet. First he would go to his family.
“Can I go with you?” Susannah said.
Daniel took her hand, let her pull him out of the too-small chair.
Mr. Anabin said, “See for yourself no harm has come to your family, then return. There is much that needs to be done. Laura will need some time to consume Malo Mogge’s magic, but we must talk while she does so. And Daniel, you must bring your sister back with you. Carousel.”
“I won’t make her go away,” Daniel said.
“Then we must figure out what can be done to help you both,” Mr. Anabin said. “Bogomil and I will speak on it.”
“I don’t trust him,” Daniel said. “I don’t trust either of you.”
“I’ll stay here,” Susannah said. “In case Bogomil comes back.”
“No,” Daniel said. “We’ll go quickly.”
* * *
—
All these long days in which he had had magic and never used it. Perhaps he should have. What were the other things he might have had but had let go to waste? Susannah, who loved him. Music, which he’d had a gift for but he’d only ever dabbled in. Even his height, a thing he’d found embarrassing. If one of his brothers or sisters had scorned their abilities, their gifts, wouldn’t he have talked with them? Told them to celebrate what they could do, who they could be?
He had thought his family was dead, but they had been saved. This, too, was no doubt due to magic. Magic, wielded by Laura and the others, had vanquished Malo Mogge. He had not wanted magic but he must now be grateful for what magic had done. He did not want magic but he must learn how to use it. It would be a shame, then, to only use it grudgingly and without joy.
“The roads are bad,” Susannah said. “It took me over an hour to walk up here.”
“Ride on me,” Daniel said.
And so, leaving Mo’s house, of his own volition he became a brown bear. It was a kind of exorcism to choose that shape again of his own free will. And how pleasurable it was, he found, to wish to be a thing and become that thing. How pleasurable it was to be alive. It was pleasurable, too, to see Susannah’s delight in his transformation. She climbed onto his back, grabbing handfuls of his thick fur.
It was still snowing, and he could feel how the snow, too, was made by some magic still in motion though Malo Mogge was gone. Magic would be required to stop it, but not yet. Let it snow a little longer. Daniel turned from brown bear to polar bear to match the whiteness of the snow, and he ran down the very center of the Cliff Road through the new snow.
He stopped beside the Cliff Hangar and looked out into the bay where Malo Mogge’s temple still stood. Snow was falling on it. Let it be hidden from sight. Let it be torn down. But this would not be his task.
He had died here; his body was here still. Here he’d accepted the gift Susannah had meant to give him without ever knowing what he was being offered or whether he might want it. He wouldn’t have wanted it. He didn’t want it now. But Susannah had tried to explain it to him at the Cliff Hangar that night before their last show, and he’d let Laura make a joke out of it, out on the ledge with Mo.
He was ashamed of that. He was ashamed of the secrets he’d kept from Susannah. If he was in his human body he would have had to find a way to begin to apologize, and then they probably would have had another fight about all the things he’d done, the things she’d done, too. But luckily he was a bear.
Susannah must have come to the same conclusion because she slid off his back and said, “You’re an asshole. But I’m glad you’re here and that you don’t hate me. I’m glad your family isn’t dead and Malo Mogge is.”
And she became a bear, too. Together they went running down the snowy road.
Once in their own neighborhood they became themselves again. It was hard, at first, to comprehend what they saw. There were the foundations of their homes, scoured clean by water, powdered in fresh snow. No other house had been touched. Here was the tidy path the water had taken back to Little Moon Bay, carrying the wreckage of their houses with it, washing the street as it went. And here, coming back up the street, was Daniel’s family, their clothes sodden with ocean water.
“You go talk to them,” Susannah said. “I’m going to lurk over here beside some bushes. Become a weasel or something.”
“I don’t mind if you stay,” Daniel said.
“Seems awkward,” Susannah said. “What am I supposed to say to your parents? ‘Oh, look, your house is gone! Mine is, too. Also, you probably don’t know, but my mom is dead. A goddess killed her. Did you hear about Laura? No, she’s fine. She’s busy eating somebody right now.’ Thanks, but I’d rather be a weasel.”
“Fine,” Daniel said. “Hide in my coat pocket.”
“That’s me,” Susannah said. “Your lucky weasel.” She climbed into his pocket and he went to meet his family.
“The house,” his mom said. “Daniel, the house—”
Daniel said, “You’re okay.”
“We were carried out by the water,” Dakota said. “But then it carried us back in again. It was like magic. Real magic.”
“Tides,” his stepfather said. “Strange things happening every day.”
His mom said, “The Hands? Ruth and the girls, were they home?”
Daniel said, “Laura and Susannah are at Mo’s house. But Ruth was here.”
“Oh,” his mom said. “Oh no.”
“Yeah,” Daniel said. He reached down around Susannah, who had become ferociously still in his pocket. She bit him on the finger, hard.
“Poor Ruth,” his mom said. “Poor Susannah, poor Laura.” She began to cry, and Davey and Oliver began to cry, too. Dakota and Lissy had their arms around each other’s shoulders. Daniel could hear their teeth chattering.
“Our house,” Davey said. “My toys. My books. My bed.”
“No, look,” Carousel said. “See? It’s fine.”
And when Daniel looked back, their house was standing on its foundation again.
Carousel said, “Mom, Dad, remember? We were having hot chocolate next door with Ruth. We went over to show her the lottery tickets. Then everything happened, the freak wave, we got swept out. I don’t know what happened to Ruth, but look, our house is fine. It’s right there. We’re okay and our house is okay.”
“We’re so lucky,” their mom said. “How could we be so lucky when Ruth wasn’t?”
“Yeah,” Lissy said. “Except for the lottery tickets. I’m guessing those are gone.”
“Girls,” their dad said, “count your blessings. We’re alive. Our house is still here. Ruth is gone. What are lottery tickets compared to a human life?”
Everyone was silent after that.
Daniel said, “I’m going to walk around and see if anyone else was affected by this. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I’ll go with you,” Carousel said.
Their mom said, “Oh no, you won’t.”
But Carousel said again, very firmly, “I’ll go with Daniel. Don’t worry about it, okay? Don’t even think about it. We’ll come back when we can.”
“Well,” their mom said. She still looked unhappy, but she said, “Come back when you can.”
Peter, who did not care for miracles or mysteries—didn’t Daniel know this?—said, “It’s as if no one even saw it happen. No ambulances, no fire trucks. You’d think all the neighbors would be out with their phones. Not a single house touched besides Ruth’s.”
“Snow muffles sound,” Daniel said. “That’s the explanation, I bet.”
“But everything’s okay now,” Carousel said firmly. “Except poor Ms. Hand.”
Daniel could feel how persuasive she was. How relieved his parents were to believe that this might be true. He picked up Oliver and hugged him hard. “What a night you’ve had, buddy! Swept out to sea and then home again before midnight.” He embraced each member of his family, trying not to squash Susannah in his pocket as he did so.
“Come on,” Carousel said, almost whispering, when he hugged her. “Don’t be mushy. They’re all fine. I saved them all.”
She took his hand and led him away from their family and their home.
“Don’t leave me hanging,” Daniel said. He couldn’t get over it. He wanted to find Mr. Anabin and shout in his face, See? I was right not to do what you wanted me to do. Carousel saved them. If I’d done what I was supposed to do, who would have saved them? Except Carousel shouldn’t have had to save anyone. She was just a child. Younger, even, than that. “What happened? How did you save them?”
“I turned them into stones and kept them safe in my mouth,” she said. “The water carried me out into the ocean, and I thought I was going to die. But then a woman caught me and brought me to shore. I recognized her. She was the statue from in front of the post office. I don’t remember her name.”
“A statue saved you?” Daniel said.
“Is that Susannah in your pocket?” Carousel said. “Hey! Come out! Come out and fight me, Susannah! You were supposed to keep Daniel safe, but you didn’t. He died. I felt it when he died.”
The weasel’s head emerged from Daniel’s pocket. Daniel said, “It wasn’t entirely her fault. I did something really stupid.”
“What about the first time you died, then?” Carousel said. “You want to tell me she didn’t have anything to do with that?”
The weasel came flowing out of Daniel’s pocket like water. Became Susannah again. “My fault,” Susannah said. “Absolutely.”
“It’s more complicated than she’s saying,” Daniel said. “But I’m here now and you’ve put the house back where it ought to be and Malo Mogge’s gone. Let’s focus on the positive.”
“Oh good,” Carousel said. “Let’s all go back to the house and order pizza. Where’s Laura?”
“Eating Malo Mogge’s magic-rich corpse so she can take her place,” Susannah said. “Sorry, Daniel, I don’t know if that goes in the positive or the negative column. But we have to talk to Bogomil and Mr. Anabin about what happens next. They want you to be there, Carousel.”
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Daniel said to his sister.
“If you think I’m going to let you go alone, you’re even stupider than it turns out you already are,” Carousel said. She was practically spitting she was so mad.
“Susannah will be with me,” Daniel said.
Carousel said nothing to this, only looked at both Susannah and Daniel with enormous contempt, presumably for Daniel’s great stupidity and Susannah’s equal untrustworthiness. “Come on,” she said. She became a luxuriantly furred four-legged creature with two heads, one a lion’s. The other head seemed to be a goat. Daniel saw on the end of her long, scaly tail was a third head, this one a snake.
“What the hell are you supposed to be?” Susannah said.
“I’m a Chimera!” Carousel said. “Doesn’t anyone know anything? You could be literally anything and you picked a weasel, Susannah. I just think that says a lot about you.”
“Fair enough,” Susannah said, and then Daniel couldn’t see her any longer.
“Uh,” Carousel said. “Okay. Okay. That’s pretty good, actually.”
“What?” Daniel said.
“Your girlfriend is a flea,” Carousel said. She wriggled her long, furry body, the snake head dipping down as if to strike at her own side. “She’s biting me. Daniel, she can ride up on me if she wants, but if she bites me again, I’ll make her sorry.”
“I don’t know what I ought to be,” Daniel said. It was such a small decision, and he couldn’t make it. He didn’t want to make it.
“I could choose,” Carousel said. “If you want.”
Daniel let his sister choose what he would be.
The Book of Bowie
And so here they were again, picking up the stitches in the pattern Thomas had determined they were to make. Bowie fled, and of course Thomas followed. So perhaps, then, it was Bowie who set the path. But he could not see how to make a new one. Malo Mogge might be vanquished, but would not Laura assume her shape? Avelot had become Bowie: still the pattern was the same. He and Thomas between them would ensure this. How to choose something new? No one could ever care for Avelot (or for Bowie) as much as Thomas had, all those centuries, Thomas’s hatred distilled down to pure and radiant tar. Bowie thought of the woman who had fed him, her baby. He thought of Laura and Susannah and their mother, who had taken the blow for Bowie. Who had tended his wound. He could not remember what manner of person his own mother had been, only the wardrobe, the dress, the moths.
There was delight in this world, there was delight in change, in exploration, in flight. Bowie was not tired, yet, of discovery. A plan came to him as he fled. He would become something new. Perhaps in this way he might change the pattern.
The Book of Susannah
Carousel had turned Daniel into a kinkajou. Susannah wasn’t sure if this represented something Carousel saw in him that Susannah could not see or if Carousel simply liked kinkajous. It wasn’t the biggest or most important mystery in her life, but would she ever really figure Daniel out? Possibly Susannah was just very stupid, but she was smart enough to know she was thinking about Daniel because she could not bear, yet, to think about Ruth. And maybe this was why she had become a flea. Fleas mostly thought about blood, which was delicious.
Nevertheless, halfway up the Cliff Road, the flea said to the Chimera, “Why do you keep making him so small? First a hedgehog and now this?”
The Chimera stopped. It lashed its tail, said, “Because he wants to be smaller. Can’t you feel it? He thinks he takes up too much space.”
“Stop indulging him,” the flea said. “If he wants to be small and insignificant, then make him choose it.”
