Heal me gently, p.21
Heal Me Gently, page 21
“Hi, Zi. Yes, I’m good. Just a little distracted today, I guess.” My greeting felt rushed, full of jumbled words and ambiguity.
“Wanna talk about it?” He asked, backing away from the door to let me in.
“No, it’s fine,” I lied. “How was your weekend?” Juggling the items in my hands, I closed the door and we headed in the direction of his bedroom. I was out of breath, and it wasn’t solely from the extra weight I carried.
I hadn’t been here for more than a minute and already I was a mess. How the hell am I going to get through the next hour?
Everything was crumbling around me, and I just didn’t know what to do. How to fix this without hurting Zi.
Damn Derek and his threats. Damn him for coming back around. Fuck him for not letting me go. I took another deep breath and followed Zion into his room.
“Things have been good,” he said. When he stopped there, I nodded my head and got to work setting up. What did I expect? I gave off weird vibes, and he obviously picked up on them. I needed him on this table as soon as possible to force my mind on the job at hand. Zion deserved my full attention on him today, not on my drama.
I couldn’t help contemplating all the things I had planned for our last few sessions together. But this was it. No more trips to the pool for aquatic therapy since finding out he loved the water. No more watching that spark in his eyes grow brighter.
And I didn’t have the heart to tell him.
“Abby?”
“Hmm,” I turned to him. When I first walked in, I couldn’t meet his gaze without giving myself away. This would be the longest hour of my life; I just knew it.
“I asked, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Oh, sorry. I’m fine,” I chirped, putting extra pep in my voice. His deep, chocolate eyes studied me for too long. This wasn’t a slow, heated look, but one filled with concern. And I fidgeted under his watchful gaze. I couldn’t let him know what was going on. It would only make matters worse.
“Just give me a couple minutes to set up.”
“Take your time,” he said, going over to the side of his bed and giving me space to do my thing.
My movements were slower than normal, but I finally had the massage table set up. Through it all, I felt Zion’s worried gaze on me. I ignored it until the last possible moment before turning around and letting him know I was ready for him.
Zion wore a frayed T-shirt that had the sleeves cut off, showing his impressive arms. Usually turning away to give him some sense of privacy as he transferred to the table, this time I studied his movements. I studied him, eager to memorize everything. He rolled up to the table at an angle and locked the brakes of the chair. Using the table, he pushed his body up and twisted himself at the last moment to land his butt on the edge. I damn near drooled at the sight, watching the lines of muscles in his arms and chest as he worked them. The man was a striking specimen, for sure.
In his sitting position, it took him another minute to swing his long legs into position. Not for the first time, I noted slight changes since we started these sessions. Before, his legs and thighs were obviously underdeveloped given his tall stature, and I knew instantly that they were close to atrophy. He’d clearly given up. But now, he appeared so much stronger and confident in his movements.
Today his basketball shorts hid little from my eyes. Over the last several weeks, his muscle tone was slowly regenerating. Words couldn’t express just how happy I was to see these changes in such a short time.
I wouldn’t dare take credit, though. Nevertheless, I was proud of him. Proud that he was taking back his life. There was a glimmer of light in his eyes. It was unmistakable and amazing to see.
Lately, the man took my breath away.
I just hoped that light stuck around after my departure. ¡Mierda! I didn’t want to end our time together. Not our last few sessions or this potential thing between us. Yet, I had no choice.
Once he laid on his back, I gave myself a moment to calm my racing heart. The last few minutes watching him hadn’t been the brightest idea now that I found myself a little heated, but I wouldn’t regret my actions. I just needed a moment to regroup.
When I walked up to the table, he caressed the back of my hand in the sweetest touch. My mind froze for a moment, the light contact setting me ablaze. I hadn’t had the opportunity to reset boundaries, explain that these sessions could only be professional. No soft caresses or long, heated looks across the room. But the words died on my tongue.
Even though I craved his touch, right now it could break me. So, I distanced myself by walking to the end of the table where his feet were.
Without a word, I got started on our usual warm-up. There was a plan in place for what we’d get done today, and I just had to stick to it. For my sake and his.
The hour passed in the blink of an eye. In the end, I was equal parts happy and miserable. A light sheen of sweat glistened over Zion’s skin as his body cooled down. I was more than a little warm myself. We finished up the last stretch, and that was it.
Without the distraction of working on Zion’s legs, my mind returned to earlier thoughts. Tears sprung to my eyes as I turned away from him and started throwing things into bags. A voice in my head shouted at me to pack up and run.
The sound of Zion moving on the table reached my ears, startling me out of my mild hysteria.
“Abby?” Although I heard him, I couldn’t turn around. Not now. Another moment passed as I took a shuddering breath to calm myself, but all I managed to do was make things worse. Every emotion itching under my skin seemed to claw its way out. The first tear slipped down my cheek, and I couldn’t stop it.
“Abby?” He called me again, so many questions in those two syllables. Too many. I stopped shoving things into my bags haphazardly and wrung my hands together. “Baby, would you look at me please?” That word broke me. I couldn’t handle hearing the endearment when I knew what I’d have to do after this. I’d have to give him up.
I got to see the real Zion these last few weeks. The loving brother, the caring son, the loyal friend. He turned out to be so much more than the irate, wheelchair-bound man I’d met at the end of September. And now he focused all his compassion on me. I didn’t need to look at him to know; it was all there in his quiet but strong tone.
“Come here.” I couldn’t not go to him then. My heart wouldn’t let me ignore him any longer. With tears pooling in my eyes, I stood up and turned to him. Still laid out on the table, he rested on a forearm, facing me. Extending his free hand, he grabbed for my arm and gave it a tug.
“What’s wrong, baby? You’ve been all over the place today. Tell me what has you so messed up.”
“I can’t, Zi. I’m sorry.” Every tear fell then. I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to. My heart was breaking, only realizing recently that I’d given it away again. Although I knew Zion was way more deserving than my ex, I couldn’t really pinpoint when he’d burrowed his way inside.
My heart jumped as I stood in front of him, his hand holding mine. He linked our fingers together while I watched. We looked different but so good together, I thought. His dark, brown complexion against my dusky tan.
“Why, Abby? Talk to me, please. Is it something I did?”
I shook my head before the refusal left my lips. “No, of course not.” I realized he would think that no matter what, especially after a new person arrived at the house the day after tomorrow. There was no way around it, but I couldn’t possibly tell him what was going on. He’d want to get involved, and I didn’t want him anywhere near my ex. The last thing I wanted to do was face that man again.
I just wanted him to go the hell away. Leave me to live my life in peace. He proved himself to be a manipulative bastard who only cared about his wants and needs. And I was better off without him.
Zion tugged me closer. My hair fell from my scrunchie, and he let go of my hand to push the thick strands behind my ear. Instead of moving away, his hand lingered there, caressing my cheek.
“I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong, baby.”
“Zi...” No other words came. I couldn’t tell him about the latest note I received from my ex. Or about the others. It was a bad idea to confide in him about any of it, no matter how much I wanted to. But as soon as I read the threat on the note... A threat referring to the man in front of me...
God, I’d wished I never met him. Wished I hadn’t been so gullible and naïve to believe he loved me. That he wanted a partnership like my parents, like Zion’s parents. But all Derek wanted was power.
I looked at the handsome man in front of me and regretted my past choices that now put him in danger. There’d been too little time to see what came of this attraction brewing between us. And now, it was over before it had a chance to begin. Maybe that’s why the tears steadily fell now.
I mourned the loss of our potential. The present and future not yet realized. And it was all my fault.
Zion removed his hand, and I missed his reassuring touch immediately. He wiped my tears away, but neither of us commented on it. I was just about to turn from him because I needed to get out of here and figure shit out on my own when Zion grabbed me again. With a strong pull, I fell on top of his firm chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking care of you, baby. If you won’t tell me what’s going on, let me hold you for a while.”
Peeking up at him, I saw the earnest look on his face, the yearning he didn’t hide. He meant every word, wanting to be close to me. I just wished I could lean on him now. If only I could share what’s been going on for the past few weeks...
Zion’s protective instincts were on high alert, and I knew it’d be a mistake to tell him. To let things go further than they had already. But I could take these next few minutes while there were no eyes on us. No threats or past mistakes lurking in the shadows to ruin this moment. He wanted to take care of me, and I selfishly wanted to stay in his arms for as long as possible.
“Abby, I want you to know you can trust me. With whatever’s going on.”
“I do trust you.” But I don’t know what that bastard’s capable of. I can’t put you at risk. I won’t. I tried communicating that and more with my eyes.
Putting my head down, I pressed my cheek against his thin T-shirt and hugged him close, my hands clinging to his broad shoulders. Zi rubbed the center of my back in small circles as I breathed him in, taking my time to calm down. The warm, tangy scent of sweat on his skin soothed me. I realized our precarious position on the massage table. How wonderful our bodies felt pressed against each other. His body heat warmed me up from the inside out.
Although I should’ve been for more obvious reasons, I wasn’t overly concerned about how I was half draped across Zion. The massage table had a five-hundred-and-fifty-pound weight limit, but an opportunity to test that number hadn’t ever presented itself. Even with the two of us on it, we were well under that maximum, but the thought wouldn’t leave my mind. And isn’t that an insignificant thing to worry about with everything else going on?
But still, nothing seemed to eclipse the current need swelling inside me. I craved Zion’s hands on me, his lips on mine. One more time. I felt so miserable just from acknowledging this was likely it. Today would be all we had together. I wanted him to hold me. Make me forget. Heal me with his touch.
“I got you, baby.” I hadn’t expected this level of tenderness from him, but it was exactly what I craved.
“I know, Zi.” In all the chaos of the last few minutes, his T-shirt became a casualty as we shifted against each other, and I caught my first good look at the tattoo on his left pectoral. An infinity symbol. The words son and brother were inked in cursive along the beautiful lines of the tattoo. Pulling my hand away from its hold on his shoulder, my fingers traced the warm skin there. Without thinking, I bent down and kissed that symbol...those words, because I knew they meant everything to him.
“Abby.” His voice came out rough, shredded. “You’re wrecking me, baby.” I loved him calling me that. He’d said it so many times today. And every time, the endearment felt like the soothing caress of a warm blanket. Tying me up in knots and unwinding me all at the same time. You wreck me too, Zi.
Peeking up at him, I traced the sharp curves of his shoulders, his masculine throat. Wriggling until my face hovered over his. His short coarse facial hair caught my eyes first as I sought to drink in the sight of him. If this was all I’d have for a while, then dammit, I’d make the most of it.
There was no angel or devil duo perched on opposite shoulders trying to tempt me in any direction. I knew exactly what I was doing even though it wasn’t my brightest idea. I would surely go to hell for this. But at least this time, it would be a hell of my own making.
He watched me with those deep brown eyes, and I melted all over again. His questions and concern remained, but there seemed to be an obvious heat and hunger in his gaze too. All for me. That undeniable spark that hadn’t abated even with our countless arguments and disagreements. And I didn’t want to ignore it this time.
I never wanted to regret missing this opportunity to be with him. Spending one final moment on all the reasons why I shouldn’t, I moved the last inch until our lips were only centimeters apart. Then I waited for that blazing fire to catch in his eyes and take me along with it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Zi
Every part of me hummed with a need to protect Abby, soothe her. Hell, just be with her. It hadn’t always been this way between us, but I was committed to being a person she could rely on. Trust. I wanted to comfort and care for her. Show her that despite my limitations, I could be the man she needs.
As her delicate, healing fingers traced my tattoo, I almost lost my shit. The three of us had the symbol inked on our skin right before Chloe went off to college a few years ago. Of course, I went a little extra on mine, having those two words added to the design on my chest. In those brief seconds, she’d touched my skin with so much care and reverence; it would’ve knocked me on my ass if I’d been standing.
Despite her past rejections, her response couldn’t lie. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her.
When she inched her plump lips closer to me, I couldn’t resist. I’d watched her worry the soft, berry-pink skin of her bottom lip for most of the session. And when her tears came, they just about killed me. I wasn’t sure what to do about her stubborn silence or obvious misery today. Something ate away at her. And all I knew was that she belonged in my arms. Everything seemed a hundred times better with her right here.
With Abby poised over me, we hung in this intense bubble of desire and yearning. No words spoken; just quick panted breaths passed between us. Her hazel eyes seemed too bright, the gold flecks of her irises drawing me in.
Just one taste, the lie came easily. One taste before I tried to get her to talk to me again. Confide in me about what darkened her doorstep today.
She always seemed so composed and steadfast, even when I gave her shit. Watching harsh waves of worry and apprehension cross her drawn features for the last hour damn near broke my heart. I wanted answers. I wanted to help ease whatever troubles currently clouded her mind.
And now, a surge of longing clawed its way up to the surface with her being this close to me. It consumed me now that I knew she felt this undeniable attraction too.
When our lips touched, both of us groaned deeply. A desperate and needy sound. I knew this one kiss wouldn’t be enough. Not nearly enough for either of us.
“Abby.” Her name sounded like a prayer, and I put all my energy into worshipping her lips. We nipped and teased, our tongues dueling for a deeper taste of the other. I didn’t have to look down to know my erection grew more prominent in my shorts from wanting her. Nothing else mattered when we melded together like this.
Since she scooted up, the material of her shirt and scrub bottoms scratched against the exposed skin of my torso, her sneaker-clad feet resting near my bare shin. She remained draped across me, her legs and thighs lightly brushing against the side of my body. Some of it I felt while the rest was just light sensations running along my skin. Detectable but somewhat out of reach. Still, we continued to feast at each other’s mouths until she pulled away from me, only to gain her footing to straddle my waist. And fuck, this had escalated quickly.
Perched above me, I studied my girl. Abby’s hazel eyes were wild. Brown, green and gold shined bright. Her pupils were blown, and I knew mine probably looked similar. We were both done. Drunk off each other. We’d hit a point of no return soon. And even though I craved this connection with her, I wasn’t sure if crossing this line right now would be the right move. The smart move.
Abby didn’t appear to share the same concerns, though.
Her short frame had curves for days, and I tried dragging my palms over every single one in my reach as she squirmed on top of me. Before one of us put a stop to our temporary madness. Abby was soft where I was hard, at least the upper half of me. Still, she was so small compared to me. Like this, I could bask in how masculine these differences made me feel. Half-lidded, her gaze remained on my face until my hands gripped her waist and squeezed. She bit her lip, eyelashes fluttering as her thighs squeezed together.
I snapped a dozen mental pictures, unwilling to miss the desperate and needy looks crossing her features. Given my current state, none of this should be sexy. Yet, nothing else mattered but this. Abby and me. My back against this damn table with her on top of me. Sliding into my wheelchair was the very last thing on my mind.
My body hummed with a sharp tension, wanting to let loose. Desperate to give into the driving need burning me up inside. But one of us needed to keep a level head.
Then she opened her eyes again, and I knew without a fucking doubt, I was screwed.
“Zi,” she moaned my name before leaning down, loose strands of thick hair casting us in soft shadows. We were in our own little world. Just the two of us.
I’m no angel. Never have been. And deep down I knew I couldn’t deny her. Not when she looked at me with desire and some other emotions in those captivating eyes of hers. I was a sucker. And this woman had me so caught up, it wasn’t even funny.
