The marrying kind, p.13
The Marrying Kind, page 13
Ella had put herself out on a limb for me. Now it was my turn. If she was going to grab what she wanted by the balls, then so was I.
My mouth opened, but then my brain sputtered and my mouth snapped shut again. Why was this so hard?
I needed to stop being a chickenshit and just come out with it already. No matter how crazy I sounded. No matter what she said in reply. I wasn’t going to live with more regrets. I wasn’t going to let what I wanted slip through my fingers again. I wouldn’t be able to live through the consequences.
“When you left last year, Ella, it tore me into pieces.”
My brutal honesty seemed to stun her. Her brows dipped in concern as she pulled her knees to her chest. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault, princess. You told me all along what you wanted. I should have listened to you. The trouble is, you were right that I wanted something different.”
She nodded in agreement, her expression sinking slightly. I wanted to reassure her right then that she was everything to me, but I needed to get all of this out. There was so much I needed to tell her.
“You wanted to experience the world. I don’t blame you for that. Hell, Ella, I admire you for it. I’m so fucking impressed by you. And seeing all your photos, hearing your stories, I’m so happy you went. You deserved all of those incredible experiences. And you know what I wanted the whole time? Like a selfish asshole, I wanted you to show up at my door and tell me you realized that I was more interesting than the whole world. And that was stupid of me. I know that.”
“Austen . . .”
She sighed as if she wanted to protest, but I planted a hand on her knee and gave it a firm squeeze. She quieted, waiting to hear what else I would say.
“I’m so glad you didn’t.” I whispered the words. They were the truth, even though they were attached to a year of longing and loneliness.
Ella pursed her lips like she was holding back tears. I was doing a terrible job of telling her how I felt, obviously.
I scooted closer and brushed my thumb across her cheek. “I’m glad because you deserve the world. It’s so much more than the little life I wanted to give you. I know that. And maybe this isn’t something you’d want, but maybe it is. Ella, I hope it is. God, do I wish you’d say the words. Tell me that your next big adventure would involve becoming a resident of Kodiak Canyon.”
I planted a kiss on her cheek, then her nose, and her lips, and her forehead, until she giggled in response to my touch.
“Austen, tell me what you’re going to tell me already. You’re leaving me hanging.”
Nodding, I leaned back in my seat so I could see her whole face as I dropped my truth on her. “Ella, when you left, I realized I was in love with you. And now simply being my girlfriend isn’t going to be enough.”
A mix of expressions quickly danced across her beautiful face. Relief, maybe, then a look of worry. She thought I was ending things.
All right, then. Time to get to the damn point. Nut up or shut up. This is it.
I moved from the couch and dropped down on one knee in front of her, grabbing her hand.
“When you left, I had a lot of time to think, and I realized a few things. That I’m happier with you in my life. That I could never compete with all the new experiences and exotic places on your bucket list. The only thing I could offer you was unconditional love . . . But then it dawned on me, that was the one thing your life was missing. I don’t think your parents would have given up their thirty-year love affair for a couple of trips around the globe. What I want to give you can’t be stamped into a passport.”
Her expression changed and was filled with emotion. “Austen, I realized that too. That’s why I’m here.”
Her expression changed, softening, and I could hardly hope after so much heartache, so I rambled on.
“Hawaii is always going to be there. Paris isn’t going anywhere. Don’t say you’ll stay out of obligation . . . say you’ll stay because you want a life with me. It won’t be perfect, princess, but I promise it’ll be worth it.”
“That’s what I want.”
I steeled myself and braved the words. “Marry me, sweetheart.”
Ella beamed as she gave me a breathy, “Yes.” When I just blinked at her, she said “Austen, I said yes. Now kiss me.” She giggled and grabbed my hand to pull me close.
23
* * *
FAMILY SQUABBLES
Austen
“Lefty loosey, righty tighty, dumbass,” Noah said, rolling his eyes.
We were in the barn—Noah labeling bottles of beer, and me trying to adjust the handles on the wheelbarrow that were threatening to fall off. Ella had been using it to haul firewood to Mom’s back door yesterday when it almost gave out on her.
The wheelbarrow was at least twenty years old, so I was more surprised it hadn’t fallen apart before now. A few adjustments should do the trick, but the screws were rusted and stripped. Hence, why my brother was making fun of me.
“Thanks, but I’ve got this.” I grabbed a wrench to wrestle this last screw out.
“You hear Jameson’s coming back today?”
I nodded. Mom had mentioned something. Jameson called me two weeks ago—very out of character for him—to tell me about his marriage ending.
He had normally always been steady and quiet. Closed off, even. Never the type to share his feelings.
I’d never heard such emotion in his voice. Divorce wasn’t in his vocabulary. But he’d said he’d given it all he had, and Brooke was moving out.
I didn’t ask too many questions. Certainly didn’t offer my opinion—that Brooke was all wrong for him and always had been. They were young when they got together and had drifted apart over the years. Jameson deserved to be happy.
He’d only moved to the suburbs to make her happy, so he was talking about coming home. When we spoke, I told him we had a cabin all ready for him whenever he decided to come back. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but today we got word that it was settled—he’d listed his house for sale and was moving back to Kodiak Canyon for good.
I had mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, it was a good thing because I knew Mom wanted him to be closer, and it would be cool to have him around. But on the other hand, Noah and I were finally making a comfortable living for ourselves between our brewing operation and the new cabins we’d built to rent to tourists.
One of the cabins was going to be given to Jameson—at least for now, until he got on his feet again. Not only that, but when Jameson left his comfortable, salaried engineering job in the city, did he expect to be cut in on the family business? We already paid our youngest brother Logan a small hourly wage, and between that and the expenses, Noah and I splitting the rest didn’t exactly mean we were living in the lap of luxury.
Keeping food in the house, firewood in the stove, and being able to splurge on outings with Ella were the extent of my frivolous spending. Adding another salary into the mix was sure to change things around here.
Not to mention that Jameson was bound to come in with his own opinions, and I had no idea how that would go over. Probably about as well as a fart in church. Noah was pretty openminded, but I felt we had things dialed in, and I wasn’t necessarily looking to shake things up.
I kept all these thoughts to myself, though, because I didn’t want to sound like an asshole. For all I knew, Noah was ready to offer up a third of the business to our oldest brother. He had been through an awful lot, and it would probably be the right thing to do. I guess I’d need some time to wrap my head around the idea of that.
Ella would probably offer some good advice. I decided to talk through it later with her. Preferably after we’d gotten naked once or twice. We weren’t married yet, but we were definitely in a honeymoon-like state of mind. I loved living with her. Loved having her close. All those months she’d stayed away had been excruciating.
“You think Jameson will actually stick around this time?” Noah asked, breaking the silence between us.
I finished up on the wheelbarrow and tested her out. Nice and smooth. This would make Ella’s task a lot easier.
“Not sure,” I said. “I guess it depends on if he can find work or not.”
Noah huffed. “He’ll work with us, obviously.”
That wasn’t a conversation I was ready to have with him yet. I’d talk to Ella, and I’d look at some numbers and figure out how and if we could make that work before I promised a job to anyone. Not that I could fault Noah for being so optimistic—that was just his personality.
When Noah and I had finished up for the day, we headed off for home. I found Ella sitting at the kitchen table, writing in her journal. Her gaze lifted to mine, and her smile was sweet and full of love.
“You’re home.” She grinned.
“Hi, princess.” I bent down to press a soft kiss to her mouth. “What are you working on?”
She closed the journal and gave me a smile. “Just a grocery list. Don’t worry.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “I wasn’t worried.”
“Are you hungry?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes, but I’m cooking tonight. Are you okay with pasta?”
“The answer to that question will always be yes.”
I gave her another kiss and got busy gathering olive oil, basil, and pasta. Ella opened a bottle of red wine and began assembling a tossed salad.
It was so easy being here with her like this—sharing a space, figuring out which of us did the cooking and who cleaned up afterward—it just worked so effortlessly between us. Our own upcoming union made me think of Jameson, and I frowned.
“I heard Jameson’s coming back to Kodiak Canyon,” I said over dinner.
Ella paused, her fork halfway to her lips. “So . . . what’s the story with your oldest brother, Jameson?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. The few times I’ve seen him, well, he just seems so grumpy all the time.” She picked up her wine and thoughtfully swirled it in the glass.
I chuckled. That was a fair assessment. “Well, you’re not wrong. He’s getting divorced, but I can’t really blame it all on that. He’s always been a bit of a loner. Somewhat grumpy, I guess.”
A look of surprise flashed across her face.
“And there’s something I haven’t told you yet.”
Her gaze swung over to mine.
I guess now was as good a time as any to get Ella’s thoughts on the whole Jameson thing. I loved that I had a partner I could trust to talk things through with. Loved knowing she was trustworthy, reliable, and always in my corner. Noah wouldn’t understand my hesitations, but I knew Ella would hear me out. Bonus—she had this magical way of always making me feel better too.
“Well I’m hear for you,” she reminded me gently.
I leaned over to press a kiss to her mouth and grinned. “I know.”
• • •
Acknowledgments
Thank you so much to my sweet little family for always being a source of encouragement and endless love. I am so blessed! To my younger sister, who is the best partner in crime a girl could ever hope for.
Thank you to MY READERS! Gosh, I’m a lucky lady. Thank you for being here, for devouring my books and asking for more. I hope you enjoyed Austen and Ella’s story.
Last but not least, thank you to my agent, Lauren Abramo, for all the work you do to find literary homes for my books with publishers around the globe. It’s very awesome stuff.
Kendall Ryan, The Marrying Kind
