Cuddle bear, p.19
Cuddle Bear, page 19
I didn’t mean to brush Wick off, but I had no choice when I stood. He stared at me as if he was hurt, but there was a part of me that needed to hear whatever Matt had to say. Things had ended so terribly and strangely between us. I patted Wick’s shoulder as I moved behind him, then leaned forward. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Wick looked stunned as I walked only a few feet to another table, and I didn’t like that, but this was something I needed to do for me.
15
WICK
Lacey slapped her hand to the table hard enough that the iron clanged, and she let out a tiny growl that was louder than anything Snowbell could’ve managed. I moved around to sit at her side and turned in my seat so I could shamelessly stare. Maurice sat facing our table, and rather than sitting across from him, Matt went around and parked his ass next to Maurice.
“I’m not wrong? That’s the ex who really hurt Maurice, and he just went over there with him?” Anger and pain warred in me. “Why would he do that?” Maurice looked so nice tonight in a gray suit and a black bow tie. After the shitty day we’d had, I wanted him with me, not talking to some asshole who’d dragged him through the mud backward.
Lacey sighed and sipped her drink, jumping in surprise when the umbrella on top shifted and smacked her on the nose. She pulled the decoration out and kept guzzling until the beverage was nothing but ice. I opened my mouth to ask her to slow down, but she slapped the glass on the table and pointed at Matt with the umbrella, almost like it was a sword and she was rallying everyone to charge. “Maurice always gave that piece of shit a million chances to tap dance all over his feelings. Maurice is too—”
“Sweet.”
“Yes!” She pointed at Matt again with the umbrella, jabbing hard enough I thought maybe she was imagining driving it through his head, and her curls bounced against her cheeks.
I ground my teeth as Maurice nodded along to whatever Matt was saying, then sat back and rested his hand on his chest like he’d never heard anything so terrible in his life. I leaned forward when his face crumpled as if he might cry, utterly captured by his expressions.
Lacey pummeled my shoulder with her hand. “Go over there! Don’t let this happen! He’s doing it all over again. Maurice was a wreck after Matt. If Maurice cries, I’m going to rip Matt’s head off!”
I was out of my seat in a heartbeat, not needing any further encouragement, and Lacey followed right after me. I stormed over and grabbed Maurice’s hand, tugging on it. “This is finished,” I said, only meaning to be loud enough to be heard over the music, but I ended up close to shouting.
Maurice rubbed the back of my hand and frowned at me. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” The tears sliding down his cheeks into his beard said otherwise, and I was ready to murder his asshole ex, who glared at me as if I were interrupting.
“We need a few more minutes,” Matt said.
“No, he needs to stop talking to you because you’re upsetting him.” I pointed at Matt, but Maurice shoved my hand down to my side again.
Lacey jammed her umbrella in Matt’s direction, nodding along with what I said. “Yeah.”
“Who the fuck are you?” Matt asked, staring directly at me. “Not your name, who are you to Maurice?”
“He’s my boyfriend.”
Matt scowled and ran his hands through his hair, messing it up and yanking strands free of the ponytail so that they swayed around his face. Just my luck, he looked even better that way. “I finally see you again,” he said to Maurice, “and some controlling dickwad has glommed on to you.”
Rage spiked through me, and for a moment all I could see were gray spots in front of my vision. “I’m a dickwad? He’s crying because of you.” My free hand curled into a fist.
Lacey smacked my shoulder while glaring at Matt.
“Wick, it’s okay.” Maurice smiled up at me.
“Like hell it is. We’re leaving. Lacey’s right.”
Matt stood.
I tugged my hand free of Maurice’s and squared off with Matt.
“Maybe you should back up.” He poked my chest.
“Why don’t you go to hell,” I snapped back.
Lacey giggled and slapped her hand over her mouth as she stared between us, then rushed around to tug on Maurice’s arm. “Come on.”
Maurice didn’t shove Lacey, exactly, but he yanked his arm out of her grasp. “I need to give Matt a chance to talk.” Now he sounded as if he was getting pissed off with us, and that only made this all worse.
“Thank you,” Matt said, and I couldn’t stand the gloating smile that took over his face. My fist tingled with the desire to punch him.
“We’re leaving,” I said, shifting my focus to Maurice.
He didn’t budge.
Matt shoved me, and I wasn’t prepared so I stumbled back a few steps. “You replaced me with a possessive jerk. I thought you wanted to do better than me, not worse!”
Lacey huffed. “You’re a dick! Let’s go, Maurice!”
Matt turned an accusing scowl on her. “You never liked me.”
She flung her arms out at her sides. “Ask me why, I dare you, sunshine!” She spat that last word like most people would obscenities.
Matt shook his head.
I bent down toward Maurice. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you in the car.”
He stood, and for a moment I thought he was preparing to follow me, but he grabbed my suit jacket by the lapels and shook it. “Then go. I said I’m having a conversation with him and I am.”
We all stared at one another, each of us seeming to dare the others to start a real altercation. I wanted to rage and demand that Maurice listen to me for his own good and also because I couldn’t stand that after everything we’d shared, he might go back to this other man. I didn’t beat Matt in the looks department, or at least, I didn’t think so, and if they had a connection that was deeper than ours. . . I might not be the one Maurice came home with tonight.
Panic made it hard to think. I had trouble dragging air into my lungs.
“Are things okay here?” A man laid his hand on my shoulder. I shook him off and spun to glare, but he wore a shirt with The Bus Stops Here scrawled across the front and shifted nervously nearby. He flashed a small smile.
“No.”
The man blinked at me as I headed for the exit. I didn’t stop once I started walking, simply went out to the Maserati and waited with my heart beating at the speed of light. A while later Matt came out the front door and passed my vehicle, presumably on the way to his own. He noticed me and flipped me off. At least Maurice wasn’t with him.
I got out of my car. “Do that again.”
“Why?” He flipped me the bird with both hands. “What are you going to do about it, huh?”
Rage shut off my brain and I started toward him, but he ran to his truck and slammed the door. The locks engaging was ridiculously loud. I watched him leave, feeling hopeless and inadequate and about a million other awful things. Should I go inside to find Maurice? I was feeling betrayed, even though I knew for a fact I was overreacting, but I couldn’t shake off the sentiment. I wouldn’t do either of us any good this way, so I got in my car and did the most reasonable thing—I went home.
Maurice never texted me asking for a ride, and I tried to go to sleep, but after a shower didn’t help me to unwind, I threw on my black robe and went to the library, where I paced. I turned on the gas fireplace even though it was far too warm for such a thing, but I wanted to see the fire blazing in the grate. I walked around the room so many times while dragging my fingers across the leather book spines that I began to feel dizzy. I didn’t stop.
“What the fuck was that?” The question rang louder than a gunshot in the quiet room, and relief slammed me as I whirled to face Maurice in the archway.
I spread my arms, and when he didn’t come near me, I let them flop to my sides again. “I was trying to stop you from being hurt by the ex who almost kept you from dating me.” Well, I sounded angrier than I felt, but maybe I was pissed off that he hadn’t simply left the bar with me. Okay, I was beyond infuriated. I crossed my arms.
Maurice stormed toward me and held out his hands as if he wanted to wring my neck, then ended up landing a fist on the back of one of the armchairs arranged around the room. “That’s nice, but you didn’t listen to me. You didn’t trust me to make decisions. Just like you blew me off about getting everything arranged to fire that shit Xadrian this afternoon. All I got from this clusterfuck tonight is that you don’t trust me.”
I tossed up my hands. “You weren’t using your head or you wouldn’t have gone off to talk with him. Sometimes we don’t make the best decisions for ourselves.”
“Like picking the wrong foods?” Maurice asked and crossed his arms. We were two bulls preparing to lock horns.
“This is not the same thing. This isn’t like Bertie berating what you’re eating.”
“Isn’t it?” He shook his head, glasses reflecting the firelight in a disconcerting way. I couldn’t see his eyes.
“Lacey said he always hurts your feelings, and based on what I’ve heard from you, she’s right.” Ha, so there. I didn’t say that last bit, but maybe it showed on my face because he grimaced.
“And I said we needed to talk. I needed to talk to Matt. I wanted to talk to him. Are you dating me or Lacey?”
“Tonight it felt like I wasn’t dating anyone!” I wasn’t sure when I’d started shouting, but my throat hurt. My chest heaved. I wanted to go over there and hug him, but he was a brick wall, and I knew he didn’t want me to touch him by the way he was still curled in on himself.
Maurice nodded and turned around, walking away.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. Don’t call me.” He didn’t stop.
My heart jolted. “For how long?”
He spun back around to glare and shoved up his glasses. “Until I’m ready to talk to you. I’m not coming in over the weekend. I have a few days saved up, and I’m taking a couple off next week. I’ll let you know via email. Don’t expect me on Monday.” His tone was cold and formal. This was in no way what I’d needed tonight. No, I’d wanted to spend a quiet weekend with Maurice after all the craziness that had been going on lately.
I certainly didn’t want to be alone because I’d had enough of that in my life.
“When will you be back?”
He shrugged and walked out. The fire whooshed in the grate, the only sound in the room that was now unbearably quiet, and I stood for a long time staring at nothing in particular.
16
WICK
The weekend was awful.
I didn’t like rattling around in the estate alone, but I was worried Maurice might show up to discuss things now that our tempers had cooled—or at least, I was hoping he wasn’t angry with me anymore—so I didn’t go in to the office or anywhere else.
He didn’t come to my house.
He didn’t call.
He didn’t text.
As far as I knew, he stopped existing.
Monday and Tuesday were not good at the office because I relied on Maurice to do quite a few necessary daily tasks I’d been happy to hand off to him—including fielding a good ninety percent of customer questions. So, despite being busier than usual, I left late each evening feeling as if I’d accomplished less than ever.
Maurice made my whole life function, and my heart ached that he wasn’t here.
And I still hadn’t gotten around to firing Xadrian. He’d sent out a few more rabble-rousing, nasty emails to the entire office. God knew what he was doing on the internet where there was no chance I would catch him. Shelby had told me she hadn’t noticed anything else on Slack, but that just meant he hadn’t posted his shit-stirring nonsense where she could see it.
Yes, I was fucked at work, and it was all I could do to keep my head above water without adding new issues. I let the thing with Xadrian drag on.
Wednesday afternoon I was digging through a drawer in Maurice’s desk, wondering what type of apology it would take to get him to come in and be angry with me here at the office, when the door slammed open and bounced off the stop. The painting on the wall wobbled and slid until it was crooked.
Xadrian stomped in, and it was infuriating that he looked good while he did it. He was one of those awful people who were both irritating and handsome, and his face was part of why I’d considered trying to keep him—clients were inevitably charmed.
“Yes?” I was one catastrophe away from snapping.
“Why have I been locked out of all my files?” He ran a hand through his dark hair, which was already messy.
“I have no idea. The only people who can do such a thing are myself and Maurice. Well, and the IT department. Did you contact them?” I sighed. “This really is entry-level stuff.”
His face blazed red, and satisfaction bloomed like a flower in my chest. Yes, it was well past time to fire him. “I did. They said someone with the username office admin two did it.”
“Maurice.” I shrugged. Maybe he was doing work from home after all.
“I want access back—and I want that highway hotel back!” He was dangerously close to shouting.
“I’ve already passed that project to Tony’s team. They’re a good fit for it.”
Xadrian’s nose wrinkled. “You have a thing for their team. Is it because Bern is gay, too? Giving your own kind a little boost?”
I blinked at him and anger had me shooting to my feet. “I like that team because they consistently bring me excellent results under budget. They do their jobs. Maybe if you tried to do what they do, instead of complaining about every perceived slight, you would be doing better yourself. Apply some creativity if you want better projects. Put in the work!”
“That design was fine for the job!” He grabbed the door as if he was about to slam it, but then all at once he stared at me like a deer in headlights and let it go. “Shit, I’m at work.”
“You are. I am your boss. And I disagree. It was dull and a first-year architecture student would’ve done better. I’ve given you a team with a wide range of expertise—there are engineers and architects, and Hartlee even did research on polymers. You have more resources than you would get anywhere else in St. Loren, right there at your fingertips, and you ignore them because you want to be a glory hog.”
His nostrils flared and he grabbed the door again, which I thought for certain he would slam on his way out, but last second he let it go. I could hear him stomping along the hallway, though. I hammered my fists on Maurice’s desk. I wanted him here to help me deal with this, and I should’ve already started the process of firing Xadrian, but I relied too much on Maurice. I flopped into his chair.
Was Maurice ever coming back? He’d gone no contact with his ex, then talked to him. . . and now he wasn’t here. I squeezed the arms of the chair until they creaked and only let them go when my hands began to ache.
For the rest of the day I couldn’t think of anything except Maurice. I tried to focus on work and did a half-assed job. I couldn’t even take pleasure in poking around through the contract Xadrian had signed to try to find loopholes that would allow me to fire him outright. I went to the gym but left after ten minutes. Nothing helped because all I could think about was how much I’d enjoyed being with Maurice. My stomach felt hollowed out and I had trouble eating dinner.
By the end of the night, I was lying in bed with my phone in my hand, trying to talk myself into calling Maurice, but I lost my nerve and typed out a text instead.
Wick: I love you and I’m scared this is over.
I hit Send.
There was no reply. I laid my phone on the pillow next to mine and stared at it, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything, but eventually I turned out the light beside the bed. I’d ruined things at work, but not because we’d gotten caught in a smutty situation—I’d fucked up on a personal level. Maurice was right in the end, and I was going to lose him at the office and in my life.
Hours passed as I stared into the darkness of my room. I must’ve snoozed because sometime later I felt arms slide around my waist and I woke. A strong, comfortable body snuggled up to my back, and a million pounds were lifted off my chest when warm lips pressed against the nape of my neck.
“I love you, too.”
My body relaxed and began to ache. I didn’t know how long I’d been stressed and clenching my muscles, but letting go was painful. “Oh God, I love you so much.”
“Why did you act that way?” he asked. Time passed. He hugged me and nudged his chin against my shoulder.
“You looked upset.” The darkness hid my embarrassment, and I was fine with that, but I was also worried I was missing clues to how Maurice was feeling. I tried to roll over, but he stopped me by squeezing me tight.
“And you were jealous.”
I shrugged. “Are you going back to him?” My throat burned and clearing it did nothing to make me feel better.
He sighed. “You don’t trust me. Why?”
“I do.”
“No—” He brushed a kiss under my ear. “—you don’t.”
I rubbed my hands over his on my stomach. “People always leave. My work puts them off, or my life. I thought at least you were okay with those things.”
“I am.” He rested his chin on my shoulder again, and I couldn’t tell if he was trying to see my face or not.
I leaned back against him. “You want me to trust you, but you have to trust me, too. What happened with Matt was a bad situation. Are you keeping me?”
Maurice slid his hand down and rubbed it low on my belly. His fingertips on my bare skin were a comfort and also had my body instantly reacting in other ways. I had no idea what he was truly thinking. While I rolled to face Maurice, I thought furiously, but in the end, all I did was burrow against him and nestle my face in the crook of his neck.
