Gutsy, p.2
Gutsy, page 2
“The Audi warms up fast.”
Together we walked quickly outside. He didn’t hesitate, immediately taking off through the parking lot toward a sea-blue vehicle that was sleek and too low to the ground. The security lights on top of poles dotted around were too bright and I squinted against the glare. He unlocked the car doors, and I grunted as I squeezed into the passenger seat. He got in and let out a little laugh as he brushed a hand over my knee where it bumped against the dash. The weight of his palm made me want his hands all over me, and I let out a long breath.
“Can I adjust this?” I asked, feeling like a lumbering giant.
“I’m afraid that’s as far as the seats go back.” He seemed impressed as he scoped out my body again, so I relaxed.
“I’ll survive,” I said with a smile. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I knew it was probably Stergis, but I’d already thrown myself into whatever this side trip was going to be. “What’s your name?”
He chuckled and started the car, the headlights flashing bright in the darkness and lighting up a swirl of snow. Wind whipped the car and it rocked, kicking up a lonesome whistle that dragged around the vehicle and rang through the metal to vibrate my bones. We were still in the city, but there wasn’t much extra traffic in this parking lot, and I ended up feeling oddly separated from the world, isolated with the enticing glow of his smile. “I’m Journey Baral. Like you, apparently, my parents thought that a name held sway on my future.” He didn’t seem put out by that, though, as he took us from the lot into the busy city traffic. “My parents never lived in India, but it’s a common tradition to give meaningful names there.”
“I like it. My people tend to do things like that.”
“Your people?” He eyed me up and snickered. “What do you mean by that?”
I glanced at him. “I’m Pennsylvania Dutch. The community isn’t as closed as it used to be, but we’re very much different from the towns around us where I live. My grandfather spoke the old German, and Oma, my grandmother, speaks it when we’re alone.”
“You’re what? Amish?” he asked, eyebrows raised with interest.
“No, nothing like that. Just in tune with my heritage, I suppose you’d say.”
He nodded and seemed to give that some thought as he weaved in and out of the heavy traffic in a way that made me seasick. I clutched at the dash, but in only a short distance we were on a four-lane highway that brought us closer, with each passing second, to skyscrapers lit like bright gems against the soft black sky.
“I get that. You’re aware that you’re an immigrant, an outsider. A lot of people. . . uh, like you, have forgotten that.” He bared his teeth as if he’d just committed some social blunder, but I shrugged.
“Yes, we are.” Nerves struck me. This was more difficult than I’d imagined in my head. It was a strain to talk about my community when I knew, at the heart of things, we were very different from the rest of the world.
“That’s interesting. You’ll have to tell me about it,” he said, and I was relieved when he gave me another one of those excited smiles. “You’re such a bear,” he murmured under his breath. “Do you work on that farm you talked about?”
“Oh yes.”
He laughed. “Amazing. You’re going to want to leave your coat here, I promise. Where we’re going it’ll be hot as hell.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” He shrugged and seemed very pleased with himself, and the amusement that lit up his face was so endearing I had to laugh. I stripped my coat and suit jacket, tossed them into the back seat, and then turned to rummage out my charm. I stuffed it in my pants pocket, hoping he hadn’t noticed.
When he finally pulled the car to a stop, it was in a parking garage, and I was briefly confused as I followed him down to the main floor and out onto the busy sidewalk. Buildings huddled like bare gray trees around us, and people streamed past in both directions—all in a big damned hurry. I didn’t mind walking, though, snow or not.
We’d been on the sidewalk for a few minutes when he stepped closer to my side. “It is chilly this time of year, isn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s why I wanted to give you my coat,” I said, frowning down at him.
He shook his head. “You’re a wonder, aren’t you? Darling, this is a come-on. Do you want to put your arm around me?” He sent me a grin that dug deep into the sides of his cheeks.
Stumbling over nothing, I glared at the damned sidewalk while he chuckled. “Is it that easy?”
“Shouldn’t it be?” He nudged his shoulder against my arm.
I stuck my hand in my pocket to touch the charm and warmth swelled in my chest. Maybe I’d made the mini hex sign to be brave while I gave a talk, but right now I felt like it was meeting its true use. Go to work little hex. I rested my arm gently around him and almost levitated with how good it felt to have his body heat pressed to me.
“Yes, that’s lovely,” he murmured and grinned.
I couldn’t smile back, but I gave him a squeeze, and he hummed.
We walked until we neared a brightly lit business that had people spilling out onto the sidewalk with a marquee over the small crowd. My heart fell as I realized it was a bar, probably a club. My gut heaved. I hadn’t been anywhere like this since I was twenty-one, and that was quite a few years ago now. I’d been curious and gone to a bar—I’d left in a hurry because it was nothing but smoke and cheap, bad booze.
“I’m not wrong. Your eyes were eating me alive when we met, yes?” he asked, glancing up.
“Uh. . . .”
“This is my polite way of asking if you do, indeed, enjoy men.”
My face burned at the mild arrogance, but I supposed I wasn’t acting like I knew how to add two and two together—and in some ways I didn’t. I’d never said the words out loud to anyone except my sisters, the one time they’d asked why I never dated, and now it was all so casual and out in the air. I’m gay. I nodded, and he patted my chest.
“Strong and silent, I could get used to this. My friend might be here tonight, I don’t know. He has an eye patch, so let’s not stare, all right? Not that I think you’re the type, but he’s also a bit of a minor celebrity, and I want him to feel comfortable with me, even if other people are assholes.” He scowled.
“You’re protective of your friend. I like that.”
He jostled his elbow against my side but gave me a pleased little grin as we reached the line near the doors. The flashing ruby lights on the sign overhead outlined The Land of Oz, which I thought was an odd name for a bar, but he didn’t hesitate, only went straight toward the red metal doors. There was a man about my size keeping track of a line of people that wrapped along the front of the building and off down the street. Journey slipped him something I assumed was cash and we were waved toward the doors.
“Bougie jerks!” someone behind us yelled.
Journey only rolled his eyes, but I felt uncomfortable and dropped my arm from around him.
He raised an eyebrow in my direction and sighed. “Not you, too. My friend Noble, the one we’re going to look for? He hates it when I do that—grease the wheels. Must be something about the names,” he muttered, but there was enough amusement in his tone that my good spirits bounced back.
“It isn’t very kind.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask to have money. It has its uses. Investing in saving the world, getting me into clubs.” He smirked.
“But you do throw it around.”
“Point.” He ran his hand along my arm and stopped to squeeze my bicep. “And I’m going to do it again. Drink with me?” We made it past another man who had his hand out for the cover charge. Journey paid him, and I assumed there was a large tip involved because he didn’t ask us for IDs, even though there was a big sign at his back saying to have them ready. When we passed through another door, sound smacked me like a wall, along with steam. It was like a jungle in here, humid and warm, only instead of the smell of growing things, alcohol fumes and cologne hung heavy in the air. I was temporarily blind as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting.
Journey nodded toward our left. I’d never seen anything like the red steel bar, shined to perfection. Of course, it was only visible here and there between the people waiting to be served.
The soft light made Journey ethereal, and I got stuck staring at him, hesitating long enough that he grabbed my hand and tugged me forward. Off to our right was a dance floor ringed with tables, almost as if the patrons were meant to judge those who were brave enough to go out and get lost in the chaos of arms and legs and shaking hips. The music washed over me and thudded with its own pulse. We made it to the bar and were lucky enough that a man and woman left as we sidled up to the edge. I touched my fingers to the cold steel and didn’t hear what Journey ordered, but shots were slid in front of us. He raised one glass, and I wasn’t a total stranger to alcohol, so I raised the other.
“To good health,” I said, and he laughed, nodding. We downed our drinks and the cool smoke of whiskey danced over my tongue. The alcohol warmed me from the inside, a nice little lift.
“Dance with me?” he asked, looking longingly toward the writhing bodies.
“Not sure I can.”
He gestured me down, and when I leaned close, he said, “It’s only an excuse for me to rub myself all over you.” Laughing, he planted a kiss on my cheek.
My body superheated and I nodded.
He drew me along in his wake, shifting through bodies I nearly knocked over to follow him out into the swarm of drunks, and then he turned to face me. I wrapped my arms around him and got lost in his eyes. He rested his head against my chest, snuggling in, and a strange, almost painful, good feeling flooded through me.
I loved this.
At first we were awkward because of me—I didn’t know what to do with myself—but he put his hands on my hips and tugged me where he wanted me to go until we were shifting together to the beat of the noise blasting over the sound system.
He squirmed against my body, and my groin tightened as he tilted his chin up. This wasn’t how I’d imagined kissing a man I wanted to bring home with me for the first time, but his lips were full and beautiful and pouted in my direction. I thought about my charm for courage and strength and covered his mouth with mine. The silky fire of his tongue lightly flicking against the seam of my lips spiked need through me, and I clutched him tighter, pulling him snug to my body.
He moaned, and I couldn’t hear it, but the sound vibrated on my tongue, and I thrust against him in an indecent way that had him holding tight to my shoulders. I thought maybe he was upset, but when I leaned slightly away to check, he went up on tiptoe, chasing after me.
We got lost that way for a long time, and after a while I felt his dick poking against my leg as he lightly rocked his body. I’d been hard since his mouth touched mine, and I slid my hips back and forth, enjoying the rush of pleasure as I nudged against his belly. Heat coiled in my groin and had my muscles tense, and I was far too close to coming when I broke away to gasp for air. I could almost taste the finish line as he purposefully pressed closer and rolled his abs against my hard-on, but I grasped his lower back to stop him.
Journey dragged me down to kiss my ear. “Come home with me.”
“I don’t know you.”
His eyes were glazed with passion. “I’m so hard, please. I’ll even cook breakfast in the morning. Do you like mangos? I’ll make lassis, everyone loves those. I’ll even lick it off your pecs. What in the world do you farmers do?” He grasped my chest muscles in both hands and gave them a firm squeeze that made me regret the fact we’d stopped teasing each other. I held him tighter, and he let out a little growl that made me weak. I would like to do anything he said.
“The thing is—” I kissed him again because his lips were addicting. “—I’d like to get to know you.”
“Why?” His brows furrowed, and the sincere confusion written on his face made me sad. “You’re leaving soon. You don’t live here. Let’s have tonight, please?”
The words shocked me more than ice water down my back. “If you aim at nothing, you’re bound to hit it,” I grumbled. “I’d rather see if there’s something worth pursuing. Then. . . .” I rocked against him again, demonstrating exactly what I’d like to do when we were comfortable. “Clearly we have chemistry.”
He leaned back and snickered. “What did you think this would be? Love isn’t real, even my father has his girl on the side. The only thing there is, unless you’re very lucky I suppose, is fucking and getting off. I’m fine with that.” He frowned and his pout gave me some hope. Perhaps he wasn’t happy with the idea of such a soulless life.
“You don’t believe that, surely? I’m looking for a miracle, then. You’re obviously trouble, but I like you.” I brushed a few strands of black hair off his forehead.
Journey wavered and shook his head, glancing toward the bar. He raised his hand at someone. “My friend Noble is here. Let’s go talk to him.”
He stepped out of my arms, and I felt cold and a bit angry at the world. Things didn’t work here the way they did where I lived—at home people met young and married young and lived together forever. The couples made it seem easy, even if they had their struggles. They were all straight, but it had to work that way for two men as well, if only I found the right person.
Sighing, I rubbed a hand over my face as I watched Journey cut seamlessly through the crowd, then stuck my hand in my pocket to hold the charm. I felt the hex pulse with a light warmth, the energy I’d worked into it thumping against my palm. Courage, it whispered in my ear. But for what? To follow him or to stick to my principles and leave? If I went after him, I’d wake up in the morning feeling ashamed of myself, and I knew it.
Heaving another sigh, I turned away to find the front doors. The crush of bodies was unpleasant on my own, and it took me a few minutes, but I finally managed to excuse myself—I had to push people out of the way as gently as I could—and made it to the exit.
As I walked out into the night and my shoes hit the icy sidewalk, frigid air slapped my overheated cheeks and cooled the sweat I’d worked up while balancing along the knife edge of coming. Anger replaced the hopeful warmth I’d been nurturing since I’d left the environmental center—a heat of its own kind I normally tried to avoid because it could be so destructive. I heaved out a breath.
Things didn’t get better, only worse. I would love to be with Journey the way he’d implied he wanted to be with me; I just didn’t want to start a relationship that way. Grief wound through my chest. I’d hooked too much hope on meeting one person, but I’d been alone so long. I wanted him. I worked hard every day, and I needed a partner at my side. I looked at the doors where a few more people from the line were let inside. But a man with morals like that? Would we ever be happy?
Shrugging, I turned away to try to figure out where this godforsaken club was located. I tugged my phone out of my pocket but didn’t know what to do. Indecision was hell.
“Hey, there you are. Oh, this wants to run away from you.” Journey shocked me into whirling around to face him. He bent and scooped something off the sidewalk, and I realized, yet again, that he had my charm. My breath caught. Why did it keep falling out of my pocket?
And why did he keep finding it?
I ducked my head. “I’m going back to my hotel. It’s nice to have met you.”
He snorted, and when I glanced up, he had his arms crossed and a small frown played over his lips. “You don’t have the guts, huh?”
My anger roared back full force. “For what?”
“You’re going to go back to your room and eat your heart out over this later,” he murmured. “Just fuck me and you’ll feel a lot better. You look furious. You can take all that frustration out on me.” He walked his fingers up my chest to pat the spot over my heart. “No guts, no glory.”
This was awful because I wanted him and what he was offering, but in the end, it wouldn’t be what I needed.
“No.”
He splayed his hand across my belly. “You’re the judgmental type, aren’t you?” he asked, and his pretty eyebrows dipped.
“Yes.” I shrugged, my anger morphing to a heat that prickled along my skin. My heart pounded harder. “God help you if you don’t find the willpower to commit to anything. It’s a cursed life, wandering from person to person and hoping to find what you need with your dick. You’ll be hollow, always looking to fill a void.”
He started laughing, and it got so bad he doubled over and pointed at me.
“God willing, I hope you feel this pain of mine someday,” I snapped under my breath, and I felt a streak of rage pulse through me, so hot it stole my breath. I turned and stumbled away from him, his mocking amusement chasing after me. “I hope you remember this when you realize how empty you’ve become.”
And he was so beautiful, smiling and laughing. It wasn’t fair. Each happy sound was like a knife in my heart. Why had I thought this would be easy? Meeting someone? None of these fancy men would want to come home with me, no matter how nice they seemed to begin with. I stormed away, muttering things I normally never allowed myself to think, let alone say, as I fled into the snow-dusted city. The cold wind whistled in my ears, and all I wanted to do was go home.
2
JOURNEY BARAL
Pious was far away from me before I was able to get my act together. “Wait!” I tried to call, but I didn’t have the breath for it as I burst out into another round of chuckles. Snow fluttered down from the sky and dotted my cheeks, cold bites on my skin. The flakes reflected light, tiny glittering diamonds that twirled. I could really be an asshole sometimes, and just now I’d outdone myself. “Stop!” I yelled louder, but he either didn’t hear me due to the snow muffling my voice or didn’t want to come back. I sighed as I watched those delicious, broad shoulders retreat.
He was just so big, I could barely stand it. I’d wanted him in my bed, flinging me around.
