“You need to occupy the brain where pain is concerned. She wasn’t getting that in the hospital,” Chris speaks to no one in particular. “Do you want to walk to your chair?”

  “Yes.”

  Chris holds her hands out in the middle of them both. He takes a step back and Shay takes a step in. In a few steps, they’re walking in sync over to her wheelchair. It is indeed the strongest I’ve seen Shay on her feet. She is walking with purpose. In the hospital, it looked like a chore and she was dragging her feet.

  “How do you feel?” Chris asks, offering her a bottle of water.

  “Amazing,”

  “Good. You up for another hour at lunchtime?”

  “Absolutely. Meet you back here at twelve.”

  “You’re on. What are you two doing here anyway? I told you to stay away, Clay.”

  I sigh. I know what my pain in the ass brother told me, but I needed to see that Shay was doing okay.

  “I was just checking in. He followed.” I point over to Caleb and he hits me with the file.

  “I actually have something to tell you since you’re all here. I was heading to Clay’s house when I spotted him, so it’s his fault I’m here.”

  I study my brother carefully, but he’s giving nothing away.

  “I had a call from the army. Shay has been nominated for a medal of honor for her bravery and time served in the forces. The ceremony will happen a week from today at eleven a.m. I told them we’d let them know if she was well enough to attend. They don’t know she’s doing well in therapy. The decision is all yours, Shay.” Caleb turns to Shay.

  “Wait a minute,” I step in abruptly. “She goes to this and we’re sticking a red flag on her back saying, catch me if you fucking can.”

  “We’ll all be with her every step of the way. Besides, if we hide her away, it’s only going to draw attention to us. We need to appear like we know nothing, even though we’re digging through every detail we can,” Caleb fires back.

  “I am here, guys. I can make up my own mind.”

  We all look at Shay. It’s hard to let her make her own decisions, especially if I think it’s dangerous for her. She’s stubborn, headstrong, and too fucking independent to let anyone see her weak side.

  “I want to go. I earned that medal. I want you guys to make sure that Josh gets home safely to get his.”

  “You have my word. We’ll do everything we can to help Josh and any other soldier captured in Iraq.” Caleb squeezes Shay’s shoulder. “You just need to prepare yourself that Josh might not be alive today.”

  “I know. I can’t give up hope though, Caleb.”

  “Hold on.” I lift my hands up in frustration. Chris is standing behind Shay’s chair, shaking his head at me to stop, but I can’t. “What happens if we can’t keep you safe next week, huh?”

  “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

  I shake my head. “You know it’s real funny, because those same words escaped your mouth years ago when I left the army. I’m a big girl, Clay. I’ll be fine. Nothing will happen to me.”

  I turn away from Shay and my brothers and run my hands through my hair. I know that was a cheap shot, but I’m angry that she isn’t thinking about the bigger picture here.

  “I’ve paid that price, Clay. Every. Single. Day. How many times are you going to throw that back in my face? I didn’t leave the army with you. I hurt you. I get it. But we’re here, now, looking to the future. And honestly, I don’t know if we have a future if you can’t escape the past.” I turn around quickly and see the tears rolling down Shay’s cheeks. “Chris, can you wheel me back to Clay’s house, please?”

  “Sure.”

  I stand rooted to the spot, watching my brother wheel Shay away. Caleb shakes his head at me and walks over to sit down on a bench.

  “I love you to death, bro, but sometimes, I wish you would engage that brain before you speak.”

  “Don’t, Caleb. You of all people should know how I feel.”

  “Oh, I do. I lived in your fucking house for about two weeks when Aria and I went through a difficult phase because of my stupidity. Learn from my mistakes, go after her. Grovel. Tell her anything she wants to hear.”

  “Is that your advice?”

  Caleb shakes his head. “Get your head out of the past and stop upcasting what she said or done every time you’re pissed off. You’ll lose her if you do.”

  “So what? I just sit back, nod, and let her do whatever she likes, even if it’s a dangerous task?”

  “No, you talk to her. Express your concerns. Listen to why she wants to do it. Compromise. Whatever she decides, she needs to know that we all have her back, not just as a family, but as a team of highly specialized operatives.”

  “Now I know why Chris loves the single life. Women make you batshit crazy.”

  Caleb laughs. “You might want to keep that bit of information to yourself, bro.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m going to do a workout session first. I can’t go over there feeling wired like this. It will only make things worse because she’s as stubborn as I am.”

  “You’re well matched, Clay. Anyone can see that. Just don’t screw it up.”

  I nod and walk away from my brother. Maybe knocking shit out of a punchbag will help relieve some of my bad mood and tension.

  ***

  I’m wiping the towel across my neck when Carrick wheels Shay into the gym. I stop what I’m doing because I really wanted to talk to her before the lunchtime therapy session started. Now, I’m not so sure. Her face still looks murderous, and I’ve been on the end of that murderous look more times than I want to count.

  “Good luck, Clay. Princess here isn’t in the best of moods,” says Carrick.

  “That’s probably all my fault. I’ll take it from here.”

  Carrick leaves us without a sarcastic word. It’s times like this that I wish he would carry on being a comedian. Something, anything, just to lighten the mood.

  Shay crosses her arms over her chest and stares at a spot on the faraway wall past me. She never once lets her eyes drift across me.

  “I’m not going to apologize for caring, Shay. I’m also not going to apologize for trying to make that decision about the army ceremony for you. However, I will apologize for throwing the past at you. It was wrong. I hate myself for it. I’m terrified of losing you again. And…” I take in a big deep breath and let it out slowly. “…I don’t think I could live without you again.”

  Silence falls all around us, and it’s eerily quiet. We could probably hear a pin drop it’s that still. I want to scream at her to just talk to me. Christ, she can scream, yell, or throw things if she so desires. I just don’t like the silent treatment at all.

  “Please, Shay, say something… anything.”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know what to say. I’m tired. No, I’m fucking exhausted. I don’t want to fight with you, but you need to remember that I’m still the same person I always was. I’m a big girl. I’m capable of making my own decisions.”

  “I know.”

  “And I don’t need you to be my protector, Clay. I want you to be my friend. My everything. My reason for breathing. I’m not your mission.”

  And as much as I want to tell her she was my mission for so long, I keep that to myself and take her hand in mine. I need to learn to shut up and just keep the peace.

  “I won’t promise anything, but I will try to be anything you want me to be.”

  “Good. Now, Chris isn’t here yet. He’s late. Will you help me over to the walking bars?”

  “Chris doesn’t have army or police background, babe. You’ll need to kick his time keeping into touch.”

  “That can be arranged.” She smiles at me.

  I click on the brake of the chair and hold out my hands for her to take. I was going to push her over to the bars, but I’m going to be Chris, and stop mollycoddling her. She seems to like it, because she nods, bites her lip in concentration, and pushes off the chair. Her eyes lock with mine, and her hands squeeze mine. I can see the determination in her face; she’s making it to those bars, even if it kills her.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “Yes,” she grinds out. “I can do this. I won’t be a burden with that chair for much longer.”

  “Hey, whether it takes you two weeks, two months, or two years, you could never be a burden, do you understand?”

  “The wounded puppy look doesn’t suit me, Clay. It isn’t me. The quicker I can get back on my feet, the better. I want to walk at the army award ceremony. I want everyone to see that I’m not laying down for anything. I won’t be bullied. And it will take a lot more to crucify me than that camp.”

  “That’s only a few days away.”

  “I know.”

  “And she can do it if she puts her mind to it,” says Chris from the door.

  Shay’s head shoots up at the sound of Chris’s voice. I want to chastise him for not taking my side, but I can tell that Shay is going to rip him a new asshole. She’s saved me a job.

  “Chris, come here.”

  And my baby brother trots over to us casually, drinking a can of soda on his way. He stops beside Shay and me and smiles at her.

  “Good progress,” he says.

  “Good progress.” She laughs. “What time is it?”

  Chris looks down at his watch. “12.15. why?”

  “So, you can tell the time. You’re late. Fifteen minutes late. Lunchtime, you said. Lunchtime is twelve o’clock.”

  “Not another time freak in the family.” Chris turns and shakes his head.

  “Time freak. It’s called being punctual. Good time keeping is everything. Will you be late to your own wedding?”

  “I won’t be late to my own wedding, because there won’t be a wedding. I’m happy and single, princess. Now, I’m supposed to be kicking your ass into training, not the other way around.” Chris turns back toward us as we reach the bars. “Clay, get out of here.”

  “Okay. Play nice.” I bend down and kiss Shay’s cheek. “Give me a shout when you’re done,” I call over to my brother.

  I’d love to be a fly on the wall with these two, they’re both hot heads. Both have the need to control situations. And they both sure as hell like to get the last word. It would be very entertaining to watch. Blood, sweat, and tears will be shed.

  ***

  I’ve walked around all day like someone stole my morning coffee. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, and I’m pissed off with the world.

  “I’ve confirmed Shay’s presence on Monday. We’ve got six days to create a tight schedule. Security will be as tight as possible,” says Caleb.

  I sit down in my home office and lean my head back on the chair. If I didn’t, I think I’d bang my head off the table until I pass out. A blackout seems very appealing.

  “I have a bad feeling about this, bro.”

  Caleb nods and holds up his hands. “We just have to be there, Clay. Nothing is going to happen when we’re there. We don’t let Shay or her family out of our sight. There are four of them. I’ll see if I can rope in some ex-colleagues for backup. Stop stressing.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  “It is, but worrying about it is only going to weaken you. We need your strength.”

  I know Caleb is right. I’m just being a pussy. I need to get my act together. Too many lives are on the line if I fail this protection detail.

  “I’ll draw up a plan. That will let you spend as much time here with Shay.”

  “Thanks.” I stand up and grab my coffee cup. “I trust you, bro. Just tell me where to be and what you need of me.”

  “Good.” Caleb pats my shoulder. “Get some rest.”

  We walk through my house. It’s quiet apart from a few pots banging around in my kitchen.

  “Give me a call if you need anything,” Caleb says before leaving my house.

  I walk into my kitchen and Shay is sitting at the patio doors. Her mom is making a feast for dinner. I could get used to having Shay’s mom and dad around. I’ve eaten more home cooked dinners since they’ve been here than I have in the last year.

  “Hey.” I fill up my cup with coffee. It seems to be the only thing that’s keeping me going now.

  “Dinner will be ready in the next hour,” Mhairi says.

  “Fabulous. Something smells delicious.”

  I open the patio doors Shay is sitting at and walk out to place my cup on the table. I come back and wheel her outside without her saying one word. She seems so far away today. I hate the quiet Shay.

  “What are you thinking about, short stuff?” I sit on the chair beside hers and take her hand in mine. “Talk to me, Shay.”

  Tears slip down her cheeks and I rub them away.

  “It’s harder than I thought it would be. Slipping back into a normal life. A day to day routine. Life in general. I’m bored, Clay. And boredom only makes me think about Josh. He did everything to keep me alive at the beginning and here I am, sitting here feeling sorry for myself.”

  “I think it’s normal, babe. No one will think any less of you for sitting here like this.”

  “This place is amazing. What you guys have built up from nothing.”

  I look down toward the forest that surrounds us. “It keeps us out of trouble… sometimes.”

  Shay laughs at that remark. “Trouble always used to follow us. How do you fit back into civilian life?”

  I take in a deep breath and stretch out my back. “Honestly, you need to want it first. Then you find something you want to do. Keep busy. Let everything fall into place. I left the army with the purpose of building up this business with my brothers. It worked. Apart from missing you every goddamn day, I got through it. I can’t imagine anything else now.”

  Shay leans into me and kisses me softly on the lips. If I had my eyes closed, I probably wouldn’t have felt it, it was that soft.

  “Take me to my bedroom. I have something to show you.”

  I nod, stand up, and do as I’m told. I’ve always been a sucker where Shay’s concerned. She could probably tell me to jump off a bridge and I’d willingly partake if it made her happy.

  We pass through my house; Shay’s mom is still busy in the kitchen. I have no idea what Shay wants to show me, but I’m intrigued. We come to a stop in her room and she looks over her shoulder.

  “Close the door, Clay.”

  I come to a stop in front of her, and she takes my hands in hers. “Help me up.”

  Again, I do as is asked of me. Who wouldn’t for the woman they love?

  Shay stands on wobbly legs, wraps her arms around my waist, and steadies herself. “Kiss me, Clay.”

  I look down into her sparkling eyes, her beautiful pink skin glowing. Her lips look so inviting. I don’t wait a second longer. I lean into her, our mouths joining, tongues tangling, breathing becoming erratic. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest like a drum.

  I lift her into my arms, taking the pressure off her legs, lying her down on the bed behind me. I pull back from her slightly, but her hands clench my shirt tighter.

  “Don’t you dare stop, Clay.”

  It’s at this moment that I realize she had absolutely nothing to show me. This was her plan all along. I smile wickedly and shake my head at her.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, short stuff.”

  “You’ll hurt me more by leaving me like this.”

  “Your mom…”

  She cuts me off, holding her finger over my lips. “We’ll just have to be quiet, Shaw. You think you can do that?” she asks seductively.

  I laugh. “I know I can. It’s you I’m not so sure about.”

  “We won’t know until we give it a whirl.” She pushes me back, sits up, and pulls her shirt over her head. Her bright pink bra leaves my imagination running wild.

  I pull my shirt over my head and Shay leans in and kisses my chest. Instantly, the feel of her lips on my skin makes my blood burn, my nerves cry out, and my dick has a mind of its own.

  “You get sore at any time, we stop. Agreed.”

  “Agreed.” She winks at me.

  Yeah, I just know there isn’t going to be any stopping, because she’s as obstinate as they fucking come.

  I pull her leggings down and my eyes instantly connect with her matching panties. It’s a stark contrast from what I was used to seeing her wear in the army; sports bra and boxer briefs. Saying that, she could be wearing paper bags and she’d still set my pulse racing.

  Kissing her inside leg, cautious of her wounds. Seeing her legs so banged up makes my stomach roll, because the thought of the pain she has endured kills me. I run my hand along her panty-covered slit. Her body bucks under my touch. Peppering kisses along her stomach, pulling the cups of her bra down, sucking, biting her nipples. Just feeling her reaction spurs me on. I kiss up her neck to her cheek and finally reach her mouth. My tongue plunges into her mouth forcefully, taking everything she’s giving. Her soft moans make my dick weep. Her back arches up, pushing her chest into mine.

  “I’ve missed you, Clay,” she cries against my lips.

  I pull her panties to the side and slide my finger through her folds, pushing inside her wet center.

  “Oh, God,”

  I smile against her neck, biting softly down on her shoulder. My fingers keep ploughing inside, making her rise to great heights. Her body convulses under me, her core tightening on my fingers, her juices running down my hand. As I remove my fingers, her body sags toward the mattress. I lower her panties down her legs and discard them on the floor. Slowly kissing up her leg, my mouth lands on her hot core. My tongue licks and sucks her clit, teasing her some more, making her cry out again. I knew she couldn’t be quiet. It’s a good thing the walls in this house are thick, not that I’m telling her that any time soon.

  I lower my pants and kick them to the floor. Lining my dick up with Shay’s entrance feels like I’m coming home for the first time in God knows how long. It feels amazing. Immense. Indescribable. I push home, feeling our bodies join. Our bodies feel like one. Our souls reconnecting. This is what it feels like when you’re with the one.

  Our bodies move in sync, in and out. We’re a tangled mess of limbs and sweat, but nothing compares to this feeling.

 

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