The leaving road, p.1
The Leaving Road, page 1
The Leaving Road
Copyright @ Kris M Davey
All rights reserved.
Cover Designer: Scott Carpenter
Editor: Silvia Curry
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DEDICATION
Firstly, to my husband, who supports me loudly, quietly and always. I couldn’t have done this without you.
Secondly, to all of those readers out there who supported me through every stage, I wouldn’t be here without you.
And lastly, to those who found strength in devastation. This is for you.
Author’s Note
This book may contain triggers for some. Triggers include, overheard betrayal, death of a parent, and discussions and scenes of animal abuse.
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Epilogue
Prologue
Magnolia
Eight years earlier
I smiled as I heard the intro of my favorite song, a chuckle passing through my lips, wondering if Sloan played it on purpose. It was our conjoined graduation party; our mothers had planned this since we were in diapers.
They were best friends growing up in our small town of Rockland, which sat on the coast of Maine. There wasn’t much to do here, so they sat and planned their futures together: get married, have babies at the same time, so they could be best friends, just like they were.
My eyes misted over. Mom passed away last year. She fought hard for a long time, but eventually, the cancer took her away from us. No tears, I told myself. This was supposed to be a good night, the best night…the start of the rest of our lives.
Our mothers succeeded in one thing, though; Sloan and I were best friends. Of course, it was a tale as old as time. I’ve had feelings for Sloan since before I could remember, but lately, things have been off, so I planned to talk to him about it tonight. I planned to confess my feelings and see if perhaps he felt the same way and would want to give it a go. We had the summer before I went off to school and Sloan was staying here to help run his dad’s restaurant. He was planning on taking online courses to get a business management degree while staying here to help and start learning to take over.
Our families were thick as thieves, being as intertwined as you could get. It’s faded a little since Mom passed, but Lori, Sloan’s mom, had seamlessly stepped in as much as possible to guide me in my last year of high school and into college. My dad wasn’t a bad guy, he just wasn’t around much. He was a deep-sea fisherman and was gone more than he was home, usually out of reach for weeks at a time. The love of his life was the sea, and of course, my mom. When she passed, there was a time I didn’t think he would make it through his grief. I had nightmares I’d get a call saying he fell overboard because of his drinking, or lack of interest in anything since she passed. She was the glue that seemed to hold everything together. I was doing my best to keep it that way, but I just couldn’t help but feel like I was failing.
While Sloan and I were close, I couldn’t help but notice we had been spending a lot less time together. Our time as of late had been him sneaking in through my bedroom window after whatever party he was getting home from. We would talk for hours until he fell asleep, and he was usually gone before I woke up, but that didn’t seem to bother me—that was us. Sloan grew up a lot in the last year and a half, but I wanted him even when he had more arms and legs than anything else and had braces and wore headgear at night. I used to laugh so hard whenever he had to put it on, but off came the braces, he grew into his arms and legs, and damn, did he grow into them.
Unfortunately, that meant people noticed…girls noticed. He was happy and content to end up in the spotlight, and I was happy to fade into whatever background was available. Still, he came through my window every night, holding me to his chest. “You quiet the world, Magnolia; I can’t sleep without you.” My stomach fluttered with butterflies; yes, I was going to tell him how I felt tonight. With the way these last two years have gone, I’ve been debating leaving for school, anyway. I had been accepted into Iowa State’s undergraduate program with a focus on veterinary medicine, which had always been my dream. I got the email today that I had been accepted to start in a summer internship to fast track getting my degree. I was thinking about turning them down though to stay here with Sloan for the summer. They needed my decision ASAP because it started next week and there was a waitlist. I sighed, I guess I should go look for him; he did play my favorite song after all—probably to lure me out of hiding.
Sloan’s house was packed, though hardly anyone stopped to talk to me and wish me a happy graduation. Like I said, wallflower. All these people were here for Sloan, and probably Lori’s cooking, which one never turned down. I followed my nose into the kitchen, hoping to find someone who looked familiar and possibly get a cookie or two in hopes a sugar rush would get me through the rest of this party. A voice that made me cringe met my ears. Cassie. I guess you could say she was my bully. The girl was horrible, always taunting me for my size. I was size eight, sometimes ten depending on the brand, my chest was full, and I’d always been curvy. I liked pasta and donuts—I wasn’t going to give that up. She had started calling me Maggie Moo once we started high school and had continued calling me that for the last four years. I never paid her any attention or any mind. Life was too short for bullies, and I had more going on with taking care of my mom these last few years than petty high school drama. It was who she was talking to that finally got my attention.
“Sloan, baby, please, why can’t you just tell her tonight? It’s been close to a year.” She stomped her foot, reminding me of an overgrown toddler.
“Cas, you know I can’t tonight. My mom planned this whole party, and I don’t want anything to upset my mom. She worked hard on this. Miranda was her best friend, and now that she’s gone, she feels obligated to take care of Magnolia the way her mom would have. You know this.”
I think my heart stopped beating for fear they would hear it and figure out I was in the shadows in the doorway.
“This is so unfair, Sloan. We’ve been sneaking around for the last year, so you don’t upset her. You’re not even friends anymore! So, what gives? You love me, you have sex with me, you’re moving in with me. It’s time to cut the cord with Maggie Moo. I won’t have you spending the summer before our lease starts playing buddy-buddy with that cow. You promised! You promised you would tell her before the party, and now it’s the party. What gives, Sloan? I’m tired of waiting for you.”
Please, defend me, my heart screamed out.
“Baby, you know I love you, but I hate it when you call her Maggie Moo. She can’t help that her mom died and she gained some weight; she’s sad. She’s also been a friend and part of my family for a long time. My mom asked me to take it easy on her, to help her through this. I’m just doing what Mom wants so she doesn’t give us any more grief about moving in together.”
I took a step back and did my best to let the shadows hide me; I couldn’t let anyone see me. I couldn’t be here anymore. I was two seconds from screaming out in anguish. Sloan thinks I’m an obligation, just like Lori. I had to get out of here now. I started walking toward the door, to
Get out, get out, get out.
“Magnolia?” Lori’s honey voice was laced with concern. “Are you okay, darlin? You’re white as a ghost.”
“I have to go,” I whispered, unable to meet her eyes, because if I did, I knew I’d cry. I turned on my heels and sprinted to my car that was parked at the end of the block.
Once I made it home, I fell onto my bed and burst into tears. How could he fall asleep in my bed almost every night, but he’d been with Cassie for an entire year? A bitter laugh escaped me. I was such an idiot. Fat Maggie Moo, why would I ever think Sloan would want someone like me? He doesn’t even want to be my friend; he and his mom just felt sorry for me. Well, fuck that, and them. I rolled over and locked my window for the last time before I fell into a restless sleep.
Morning came and with it, decisions. I opened my email and accepted the internship, then I emailed my dad, since he was God knows where right now, telling him I was accepted, and I needed to leave asap. I would be packing up what I needed to make it for a few weeks, boxing up the others and shipping to my new place. I’d be gone by sundown.
Chapter 1
Magnolia
Eight years later
The drive from Ames, IA, to Rockland had been torturous, and my muscles ached. I needed to get out of my truck and make it up the pathway to my childhood home.
But instead, the truck stayed idle, and I stayed frozen to the seat. The silence that surrounded me in my truck was deafening and ramped up my anxiety, but still, I couldn’t bring myself to put the truck into drive and make it those last few feet.
Dad had passed away a few months ago—it was sudden but not unexpected. He stopped caring about himself when Mom passed, he was on the sea often, drank more than he ate, and his heart gave out in his sleep. Like I said, sudden, but not unexpected.
My heart gave out a sharp pain thinking about how our relationship played out over the last eight years. He made the effort to visit for the big things: college graduation, white jacket ceremonies, visited me a few times over the holidays to see where I worked.
I had refused to come home, so it was always on him to come to me, and with his schedule, the visits were few and far between. Sure, he asked me to come home almost every Christmas, Thanksgiving, and a few weeks in the summer, but I declined. He never pushed after what happened, just accepted my answer in silence and booked flights to see me instead. I supposed I felt guilty that I hadn’t made the effort to come home, but he said he understood, so I never gave it much thought…until now, anyway.
My phone rang next to me in the passenger seat, and I couldn’t help but smile as my best friend’s name flashed on the screen: Lexie.
“You make it inside yet?” Not even a hello.
“How did you know I was still sitting in my car?” I said on a sigh.
“You act like I haven’t been your best friend for the last eight years, Mags. I know you.”
I chuckled; she did know me. In fact, she knew me better than anyone. At one point in my life, that spot was held for Sloan. I winced, I never let myself think of him, or Lori, for that matter. I knew my dad was still in touch with them when he was around, but I left town like my ass was on fire and I never looked back.
Lori had tried to stay in contact with me, but I never answered. Eventually, I changed my number, and she got the hint. She still sent a few emails to my old email address that I couldn’t bring myself to delete for that reason—usually over the holidays and my birthday—but they all went unanswered. Dad tried to talk to me about it once, but when I tell you I shut it down, I mean, I shut him down for months—refusing to answer his calls, texts, or emails. After that, he never approached the topic again. He knew something had happened, but he didn’t know what.
“It’s time for you to go inside.” Lexie’s voice trickled through the phone. I was so wrapped up in memories of the past, I had almost forgotten she was still on the line.
“Will you stay on the phone with me?”
“For as long as you need, babe.”
I put the truck into drive and made it up the winding driveway, my heart splintering further with every inch of progress my truck made. My dad was gone and I was alone; I was doing my best not to turn numb. When I first left Rockland, I shut down. I worked, I went to school, I ate enough to survive, but I didn’t interact with the world. I hadn’t had the time to grieve and process my mom’s death when I was busy taking care of my dad. I was mourning a friendship with a boy I was in love with and the overwhelming shame of feeling like a burden to the only people in my life that I loved and thought had loved me. I shut the world out, and I shut down. Lexie brought me back from the brink of merely existing and back into the land of the living. Even eight years later, she called me a work in progress.
My truck finally reached the end of our driveway, and I couldn’t help but stare at the house that held all my childhood memories. Every inch of this place reminded me of my mom, of Sloan, of what I lost, and of what I never had to begin with.
“Magnolia? You with me?” Lexie whispered.
I knew she was trying to help and be there for me, but I needed to process things alone. I needed to be alone.
“I’m here. I need to call you tomorrow, Lex.” I hung up before she could respond.
I knew it was unkind, and I knew she worried about me. My phone pinged with the notification of a text message only seconds after hanging up. Lexie might have brought me back to the land of the living, but there were days I didn’t feel like being an active member in my life—the most I could muster was existing, and that was enough for me most days. One might not be able to understand the comfort that I got from being alone, but it was nice here. My feelings and my heart were safe. If you never let anyone in, you never had to lose them. That was my motto, the only exception to my rule was Lexie, and it was only because she refused to accept no for an answer.
My phone pinged again, alerting me to the unread message, roused me a bit from my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, it was time to face my past.
Hopping out of the truck, I grabbed the manila envelope my dad’s estate lawyer had sent to me with the keys in it. If he found it odd that I didn’t have a copy of them, he never let on; he just mailed them to the address I had provided him. I had a meeting with him in town tomorrow at nine AM. I tried to get him to come to the house as I had hoped I could keep my appearance at home on the down low, but that didn’t work out. I wasn’t planning on being here any longer than I had to be, and the less who knew about me being back, the better.
Unfortunately for me, Mr. Jensen said that any early morning meeting was only acceptable over breakfast, and since I had driven such a long way to meet him for this, he was taking me out. I figured the sooner we could get this over, the sooner I could go back to my life. My eyes caught on the porch, which wrapped around the entire front of the house. The porch was only a season or two away from being unsafe, and I noted the house had seen better days. I didn’t think my dad did any maintenance on it since Mom passed, though I had figured he’d hired a company to upkeep the maintenance since he was only here two or three months out of the year, and never much at one time. The poor exterior condition didn’t give me much hope for the inside.
I’d always loved this house; my grandparents left it to my dad, and it’s been in the family for generations. It sat on three acres, secluded, overgrown trees, flowers, and shrubbery lined the front all the way to the private dock that led to the beach.
The house itself was stunning in its prime: four-bedroom, three bathrooms, all original hardwood, and as a wedding present to my mom, my dad, had redone the kitchen. It still held its old Victorian feel on the outside, but the inside was really coming along. Well, it had been, before Mom had died. I always dreamed I’d raise my family here, like the generations before me. I scoffed. That’s not in the cards for me…not anymore.
The thought of going inside still made my stomach queasy. However, the dock seemed to call to me like a long-forgotten friend. Sitting on the dock used to be my favorite growing up. I’d spend my time out there reading in the summer months and doing my homework in the fall. I made the short walk down the gravel trail that led me straight to where I wanted to be, sat down, and took in the vastness that was the ocean. The ache in my heart seemed to lessen with my gaze on the endless ocean in front of me. The ocean never failed to calm me; in fact, it always made me realize how small I was in the grand scheme of things. I found it made it easier to breathe.
