Swerve, p.14
Swerve, page 14
We only have two more days and nights here, and I intend to make the most of them. The plan for today is to relax on the beach, since surprisingly we have yet to do that. Tonight, I have a sunset sail along the Aruba coastline planned, followed by private dinner on the beach. To some this whole trip may seem over the top, but to me, I have twelve years to make up for by showing her just how much she means to me. Being honest with her about my feelings is just about one of the most natural things to me. She hasn’t reciprocated my declarations of love yet, but that is to be expected. My mission is to make her fall in love with me all over again, knowing I have never stopped those feelings.
After a good thirty-minute run, I make my way back to our room. Glancing up to our balcony, I see Cam gazing out at the water, lost in thought. Letting out a loud whistle, she averts her gaze to me. The smile lighting up her face takes my breath away.
“Looking mighty fine this morning, Detective.” She licks her lips seductively, while looking me up and down. With her perusal alone, I can feel my dick start to swell.
“As are you, Sunshine. You enjoying the view?”
“Well, the view got a whole lot better about two minutes ago.” She pauses as if she is contemplating her next words. “I was thinking though. If you felt the need for some cardio this morning, I could think of better ways to achieve that.”
My head shakes back and forth and I can’t help but laugh. “Hold that thought, darlin’. Stay put. I will be right up.”
Speeding through the lobby, I stop quickly and grab two coffees, and a muffin for Cam. She likes to eat fairly quickly after waking up, even if it is a small snack. When she doesn’t, she turns rather cranky. I was reminded of this yesterday after waking her up with my mouth, and then getting lost in her for a few hours. She wasn’t complaining during, but right afterward, she bit my head off. As soon as food hit her lips, she was back to normal. Let’s just say I will not be making that mistake again this morning.
Upon opening the door, I hear music playing. This is no surprise, as my girl is always singing to a random song in her head or has music playing and is singing along. She’s not one to follow directions, so I am surprised she stayed put and is still outside.
“So you can follow some basic instructions, Sunshine? I will have to put that to the test later,” I tease.
“My hero! You brought me coffee. And what is in that bag? Please tell me it’s food. I am so hungry I was about to eat my own arm.” She extends her hand to take my offerings. After setting them down on the table, she saunters back toward me. Standing on her tiptoes, she pulls my head down to her, and thanks me with a kiss. “Thank you for letting me sleep. That bed is like a cloud. I need to find out what kind it is, because I want one for home. So I was thinking, we have done some exploring of the island, but I want a lazy day today. Just the sun, sand, some drinks, and you. How does that sound?”
“Funny you should ask. That’s exactly what I had planned for us today. I am not going to lie though—you in a bikini all day—it might be difficult keeping my hands to myself.” Whenever I am close to her I want to be touching her. I crave her touch. Her skin on mine in any way. After being starved of her for so long, I can’t get enough.
“Where did you go there, Trystan? You looked to be lost in thought.” Her brow lifts in a quizzical manner.
“Truthfully? I was just thinking about how much I crave the mere touch of your skin. Even in a nonsexual way. It’s like I am ravenous after not having you for so long, and I can’t get enough. I feel complete for the first time in many years.” Peering into her eyes, I gauge her reaction. Over the last few days, I have laid some heavy feelings at her feet. But it is necessary. A smile ghosts my lips thinking about her Gigi and some words she often said to me. I know she is looking down at this situation and is smiling at both of us.
“What was that little smirk that appeared and disappeared just as quickly?”
“I was just thinking about some wise words a fabulous woman once told me. They stick with me often. ‘Our hearts are made up of halves, and only together would we be whole.’”
Unshed tears fill her eyes, but a smile spreads across her face. “Oh my God, Trystan.” She wraps her arms around my midsection and places her head on my heart. “Do you know how many times I heard those words from Gigi over the years? She believed, without a shadow of doubt, we were soulmates. That we would never truly feel whole until we were together again. The fact she said the same thing to you, and it resonated with you, makes me feel some kind of way. I can’t put it into words honestly.”
“She was an amazing woman, Cam. I don’t know how much time we spent over the years talking about you, me, and us. But it was a lot.” I stroke her back comfortingly. “She never gave up hope we would find our way back to each other. And if I am being honest with you, she made sure any hope I had for the same stayed there. Whenever doubt crept in, she would say something insightful or profound that brought my mind and heart back to where it belonged. With you.”
“I am not sure what to say. I knew you guys spent time together, but I guess I didn’t realize just how close you had gotten over the years. It makes me happy that you both had each other to fill whatever void I left.” She breaks her embrace and looks up at me. A lone tear falls down her face and I catch it with my thumb.
“No tears, Sunshine. Please. This is supposed to be a happy trip. I am going to say this one thing, and then we are back to having fun. Okay?” Placing a kiss on her forehead, I gaze in her eyes and continue, “Was there a void when you left? No doubt. But the guilt you have weighing on your shoulders needs to stop, darlin’. You did what was best for you with the circumstances. I understood that. Gigi understood that. We can choose to live in regret or we can move forward and make the best of this second chance we have been given. Sometimes, a second chance is really an opportunity to prove we can be better after we fall. Better the second time around. Ya know?”
She is silent for a moment, as if contemplating her next words carefully. Threading her hands with mine, she takes a deep breath.
“You sound so much like her, Trystan. And that touches my heart more than I can explain. I have felt so much guilt over being gone. Over not hearing you out earlier. Over missing so much time with her. With you. Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of your love or of this second chance. But I promise, I am working on that and will continue to work on it. But I may need your help from time to time.”
Interrupting her, I respond, “I will always be here to help you however I can, Cam. You are it for me. You always have been. And this is our time now. It’s me and you, together we can take on anything and overcome it.”
Her face lights up. “I like the sound of that. Together we can overcome anything. But the first thing we are going to overcome together is my hunger,” she jokes. “I know you brought me something to eat, but I need some substance. Eggs, pancakes, hash browns. Feed me, Detective! And then take me to the beach.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I offer with a mock salute. “Where the hell do you put all that food anyhow? I have never seen a woman who can eat like you.”
“It is called working out, Detective. And you will help me work it off later,” she counters with a wink.
And just like that, my sassy girl is back. Each day we have another breakthrough and her admitting the guilt is a big deal. At least I know what I am working with and can help to see her through it.
“That is most definitely something I can help with. Sign me up for several rounds of help. But first food, then beach, and then we can talk about a workout or two. And I have some big plans for us tonight too. So I hope you’re ready.”
“Big plans, huh? Care to share?”
“Patience, Sunshine, patience. Some things are better left as a surprise. Now let’s go feed you.”
Later that night, we are relaxing in a lounger for two on the beach. It is dark and all that can be seen in front of us is the shimmer of the water from the moon above. The sky is so clear and littered with thousands of stars. Camryn is propped between my legs, her back to my chest. Between the day in the sun, the cruise around the shore, and the dinner, I am exhausted. The deep breathing from Cam, tells me she is also.
“Sunshine, why don’t we go to bed? Or at least move this to the balcony upstairs, so if we both doze off, we aren’t out here all night.”
“Oh, bed sounds good. Why does being in the sun all day make me feel like a child up way past my bedtime? I am exhausted. I am not sure I could even make the walk back to our room,” she sleepily mumbles.
Getting up from the seat, I crouch down in front of her, offering her my back. “Climb on, baby. You’re tired and I just happen to love carrying you. So a piggyback is at your service.”
Giggling, she hops on and clings to my neck. “Take me to bed, Detective. And sadly, I mean to sleep.” She ends her statement with the biggest yawn.
“Sleep it is, Sunshine. Now the only decision left to make is, sleeping in bed, or sleeping on our balcony on the lounge.”
“The cloud. Aka bed. I want to sleep in that thing as much I can before we leave. It is Ah-Mazing.”
The emphasis on the word amazing garners a laugh from me. “Your wish is my command.” The walk to our room is short, and in no time, Cam does her nightly routine of washing her face and brushing her teeth. She strips off her clothes and climbs into bed with a contented sigh.
“Come lie with me,” patting the spot next to her she implores, “I need your arms wrapped around me. Helps me sleep.”
Ridding myself of my clothes, I oblige her request, climb into bed, and pull her close to me. She wiggles and shifts her body as near to me as she can get. I wrap my arms tighter around her and place a kiss in her hair. Letting out a deep breath I realize how at peace I feel. With Cam wrapped in my arms, it feels like home to me. Who says home has to be four walls and a physical structure? For me, I know without a doubt, home is this woman in my arms.
Soft snores come from in front of me and I smile because she is already asleep. Cam begins mumbling in her sleep and I can’t quite make out her words.
“What was that, Sunshine?”
More mumbling comes from her lips. And then quietly I hear the words I have hoped to hear from her forever now. “Love you, Trystan. Just took my brain a bit to catch back up with my heart.” Her deep breathing tells me she is asleep. I only hope she remembers saying those words when she is awake.
Overcome with an emotion I can’t explain, I kiss behind her ear and pull her even closer to me. Like she is my lifeline. “I love you too, Sunshine. Always have. Always will.”
With her declaration, I realize it is time to give her something I have been hanging onto for months. I was given precise instructions to give it to her when we found our way back together. I have been waiting for the right time, to be sure and certain where this was going between us. I think that time is now. The weight her words have taken off my shoulders puts me at ease like I haven’t felt in years. Listening to her deep breathing and soft snores lulls me to my own sleep with a sense of peace and a heart bursting with love.
Camryn
I WOKE UP feeling a sense of contentment wash over me that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Today is our last full day and night here in Aruba. The thought makes me a little desolate. This trip has been remarkable and really what we both needed. If two people can fall back together so quickly, after being apart so long, that says something to me. Trystan has been very honest about the fact he has always loved me and his love never wavered over the years. There is a reason things have never worked out with another for me. The bottom line is my heart has been spoken for since I was a small girl. Truthfully, it has always belonged to Trystan, and I would be crazy to deny that any longer. Stretching out and rolling over, I find the spot next to me empty. On the nightstand, an iced coffee sits with a bag filled with food, I presume, and a note sits atop an envelope. The smile gracing my face is massive. This man thinks of everything.
“Cam, I went for a run, then to the hotel gym for a quick workout. I was given this envelope with instructions to give it to you when we found our way back together. Take your time; I will be here when you finish.”
Instantly I recognize the writing on the letter; it belongs to the only mother I have ever know. Tears prick my eyes instantly. Clutching the envelope to my chest, I know there is only one place this can be opened. The beach. My and Gigi’s spot. It may not be Tybee Beach, but the sand, water, and salt air surrounding me always make me feel closer to her. Throwing on a maxi skirt, a tank, and some flip-flops, I toss the essentials in my bag and make my way down to the water.
It is still early and the beach is fairly empty, which means I have some time alone with whatever is in this envelope and my thoughts. I opt to go right out in front of our room, in case Trystan finishes up and looks for me. I know he said he would give me time, but knowing him, he will search me out. I plop down on a lounger, and peer in the bag Trystan left me. A blueberry muffin awaits me, and my mouth waters. Tearing off a hunk, I shove it in my mouth and moan in appreciation at its flavor. I take a sip of my coffee and tear into the envelope from Gigi. Before I even read a word, tears spring to my eyes. Wiping them away with the back of my hand, I try to gain my composure. Without reading, I know this holds something profound in it. For her to take time to write this, and then give it to Trystan to give to me, speaks volumes to me about the contents.
Unfolding the letter with trepidation, I prepare myself for what is held within.
Camryn – my sweet girl,
If you’re reading this, it means two things. One, I am no longer physically there with you. And two, you and Trystan have worked things out and are finally in a good place together. It’s about time, by the way.
In regards to the first thing, I miss you. I miss you so much, my sweet girl. There was never a day that went by in your life I was not filled with pride at what a beautiful, loving person you were. You were a gift to me and your Gramps, and we were forever grateful for that gift. You made us proud so many times in your life and you were our greatest blessing. Our hearts were filled with so much love and you were the reason for that. You could have been bitter at being raised by your grandparents, at the fact your biological parents made poor choices that did not include you. But you never were. You were filled with so much love and gratitude, and we were showered with both often. Thank you for being the best daughter to us, because that is what you were in every sense of the word.
Onto reason two for this letter, Trystan and you. If you’re reading this letter, know I am overjoyed with happiness that you two have found your way back together. Life threw you both a curveball, which caused you to swerve off your path. But your path is clear and full of direction now. In our lives, we are very lucky if we ever find our one true great love. You found yours as a little girl. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was it for you, as much as you were it for him. That man is filled with so much love for you. I watched him battle for years with the fact he thought he lost you forever. And over a misunderstanding. As long as you were happy in your life, he did not want to interfere. Your happiness meant more than his own. Nothing shows pure, true love like putting someone else’s happiness above your own. He doesn’t know this, but I knew the whole story, as I am sure you now do also. It is a shame it kept you two apart for so many years. But, my sweet girl, true love often has a way of finding its way back.
You may be asking yourself why I never got involved or told you. It wasn’t my story to tell you, sweetheart. For you guys to truly be happy, you needed to find your way back together on your own terms and at the right time. And that time is now, sweet girl. So I need you to promise me a few things. Let all your walls down and truly let him in. If you fall for any reason, he will be there to catch you. Do the same for him. Get rid of the guilt you are harboring. Give him your heart without abandon. He will take care of it; I know this. Love him hard. And let him love you just as hard. Love like you two share doesn’t happen for everyone. Some people never find the other half of their heart. They never find the one who makes them whole. They will search a lifetime and be left incomplete.
You are whole once again, Camryn Lynn. My only regret is I am not physically there to see it. But know this, I am always with you. Always. When you get married, I will be there. When you have babies, I will be there. For everything in your life that is of importance, I will be there in spirit. I love you so much, sweet girl. And I promise to check in on you, Trystan, and Caleb from time to time. Until we meet again…
All my love,
Gigi
Sobbing uncontrollably, I clutch the letter to my chest. I read it in succession a few times. Without even knowing, this incredible woman just gave me yet another gift in my life. Her words were just what I needed to read. And Trystan picked the perfect time to give this to me. I am sure he had no idea what the contents of this envelope were, but with just a few instructions from Gigi, he chose right. Thoughts are running rampant in my head. Silently to myself, I have been professing my love to him for a while now. But I have been scared to say the words out loud. Like somehow they make me more vulnerable. But the truth is, there is not another person walking this earth who will handle my heart with more care. I know this with absolute certainty. Gigi also hit the nail on the head regarding my guilt. So much time was lost because I was stubborn. Time lost with him, time lost with Gigi and Gramps, and friends. They say everything happens for a reason, and I hate the cliché of that phrase. But one thing my trip out West did for me was to bring Hunter into my life. I can’t imagine my life without him. So maybe that was my reason for leaving.
