Broken ties, p.6
Broken Ties, page 6
“Yet you’ll flip and contort your body like you don’t have bones.” His brow arched.
“That’s different.”
“Not really. You’ve mastered your fear where gymnastics is concerned. You need to master your fear of—”
“Clowns?” I smothered a laugh, and Aaron rolled his eyes.
This was nice. It almost felt like old times. But there was still a distance between us. Things we’d left unsaid, or at least, I had.
But it was better this way.
In time, my feelings for Aaron would fade into the background. And I wouldn’t look at him and feel the ground shift beneath me. Feel the butterflies take flight in my stomach, my heart pounding inside my chest.
“Listen, do you want—” Aaron’s cell phone started blaring and he muttered something under his breath, grabbing it from its holster.
“What?”
“Yeah, she’s with me.” He turned to me and mouthed, ‘Sofia.’ “No, we’re not—Sofe, it isn’t any of your business. Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye.”
He hung up and exhaled a long breath.
“Everything okay?” I asked, aware that once again things felt tense between us.
Sofia wouldn’t make a big thing about us hanging out together, but she would have questions.
Sure enough, my cell vibrated and a faint smile traced my lip at her predictability.
* * *
Sofe: What’s going on?
* * *
Me: Aaron wanted to talk, so we’re talking.
* * *
Sofe: Together… alone… in his car?
* * *
Me: One point to you!
* * *
Sofe: I want details. ALL the details later.
* * *
“Let me guess. She wants to know what’s going on?” Aaron asked, and I nodded, texting her back.
* * *
Me: There’s nothing to tell. It’s all very platonic.
* * *
Sofe: Ugh, I HATE that word.
* * *
Me: Stop shouting at me. Call me later, bye. xo
* * *
“We should probably head back,” Aaron said coolly, the air between us turning to ice.
“Yeah, sure.”
His eyes lingered on my face and for a second I thought he might say something else.
But he didn’t.
And that sinking feeling from earlier returned with a vengeance.
By the time I got home Mom and Dad were already in the kitchen cooking dinner while enjoying a beer and a glass of wine. It wasn’t unusual to see them unwinding this way, just as it wasn’t unusual to see them on a video call with my sister.
“Hey, Pops,” Lily called through the screen.
“Hey.” I grabbed a juice box from the refrigerator and climbed onto one of the stools. “How were classes today?”
“Good. They were really good actually.” She smiled and it lit up her whole face.
“Proud of you, Lil,” Dad said. “How’s Kaiden feeling about Saturday?”
“Good, I think. You know how it goes, he’s in game mode.”
“I remember that all too well.” Mom glanced over her shoulder, smiling. “And your sessions with the new therapist?”
“Good, Mom. They’re going well, just like the last three times you asked.” Lily chuckled. “You don’t need to worry, college is good. Me and Kaiden are great. Everything is perfect.”
“We will always worry, sweetheart. Isn’t that right, Flick, babe?”
Mom joined us at the breakfast counter and lifted her glass of wine in the air. “Your dad is right. You’re our first born; it’s our prerogative to worry.”
“Mom,” Lily said, casting me an apologetic look.
But it wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard a hundred times before.
They had every cause to worry about Lily. She hadn’t had it easy. But she’d made it. She’d overcome her anxiety and self-doubt and gone off to college with Kaiden. She was living her life and by all accounts, having a lot of fun doing it.
But she was their first born. The daughter they’d always had to worry about. The daughter who needed to be wrapped up in cotton wool and protected from the big bad world.
“What?” Mom balked. “What did I say?”
“Nothing.” I pursed my lips and pinned Lily with a hard look. Now was not the time to get into it.
“How’s practice going, Pops?” Lily tried to direct the attention on me. “Does Coach Yardley think you’re—”
“Now you’re not drinking too much on your new medication are you?” Mom cut her off. “Because I read this article about the—”
“I’m going to head to my room,” I said, standing abruptly.
“No, don’t go, Pops. I want to hear about practice.”
“We can call later or something.” When I could actually get a word in.
“Lily is right, baby. Come on, tell us.”
“Okay.” I gave her a weak smile. “Coach thinks—”
“I’m sorry, I just worry. I can’t help it.” Mom turned back to the screen. “I was talking to Jeanette at the store and her cousin has—”
With a quiet sigh, I excused myself and made my way up to my room.
Lily was Mom’s star—they even had a song.
Lily Star, Lily Star. Don’t you cry…
There was no song for me. And it wasn’t that I needed a song, I didn’t. But growing up in Lily’s shadow hadn’t always been easy. The bond she and Mom shared… I’d wanted that.
Could never understand why we didn’t have it.
My parents loved me. I never for a second doubted that. And I adored my sister. Always had, always would. But I couldn’t help the way I felt, deep down in my heart.
I’d barely made it to my room when my cell phone vibrated. I opened the text message from Lily and smiled.
* * *
Lily: I love you, Pops. xo
* * *
Me: Love you, Lil. xo
* * *
Lily: I have a thing with Kaiden soon, but I’ll call tonight and we can talk?
* * *
Me: Okay, I’d like that.
* * *
But four hours later when I climbed into bed, Lily still hadn’t called.
The blare of my cell phone pulled me from a deep sleep, and I fumbled around to answer the call.
“I’m sorry,” Lily’s voice came over the line before I could even say hello. “Kaiden surprised me with dinner and then we went to see this band at a bar downtown and by the time we got home it was late and we—”
“Lilster?” I murmured, voice thick with sleep.
“Yeah, Pops?”
“It’s too early for sex talk.” I smiled, and her soft laughter wrapped around my heart, squeezing tight.
“I am sorry though. We just got wrapped up in the moment.”
“I’m happy for you, Lil. Truly.”
“Anyway, I was talking to Kaiden about how bad I felt for forgetting to call and he suggested you come visit soon.”
“For real?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t mean it. Besides, I feel settled now. I don’t want to jinx it, Poppy, but it feels like home here.”
“Home. Wow. Those are some big words.” My stomach sank.
“I know, I know. But it’s good for me here. Kaiden’s teammates are surprisingly great and some of them have girlfriends. I’ve actually been hanging out with a couple of them.”
“That’s really great, Lily. I’m so proud of you.”
“Listen, about before, with Mom—”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. You know how she gets. Since I left for college she’s been a little overbearing.”
With Lily.
She’d been overbearing with Lily.
It was my senior year, and I was an afterthought. Even when I’d gone down to the clinic to help out with the puppies the other day, the conversation had revolved around Lily’s new life at Penn State.
I knew it was because they didn’t have to worry about me. I was headstrong and confident and I enjoyed life. But I was also a teenager. I had doubts and worries as much as the next seventeen-year-old.
“It’s fine,” I said again, and Lily let out an exasperated breath.
“I’ll tell her—”
“No, Lil. Don’t do that. Don’t make it weird. It’s always been this way. You’re her Lily Star and I’m…”
“Her Poppy Star. You know that, right? She’s so proud of you, Poppy. Of the young woman you’ve become.”
“I know.”
It just would have been nice to hear it now and again.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Aaron
I decided not to confront Mom or Coach Ford. Poppy was right, I knew they were only trying to protect me. And the truth was I wasn’t ready to hear that I wasn’t good enough.
It was Friday and I had a game to think about. Moping could come later when we headed to Deacon’s—our second string QB—house to party.
There were still two colleges on the table. It wasn’t over yet, and maybe I had been shooting a little high with Pittsburgh. But I’d hoped my work ethic and consistency would make up for the areas I lacked.
“Okay, ladies, look alive.” Coach breezed into the locker room in that calm, collected way of his.
“Marshall Prep have a big defense this year, so keep your eyes open and give Cole and Ezra enough room to do their thing. Talk to me, Kandon, how are you feeling?”
“Good, Coach.” Cole ran a hand down over his head. “I’m ready.”
“Hell yeah, you are. And how’s my star receiver looking? Ready to burn up the field?”
Ezra’s brows furrowed as he rubbed his jaw. “Yeah, sure.”
Shit. He couldn’t be less enthused if he tried. Ezra had been handed a golden opportunity by Coach Ford, but he didn’t want it, not really. And it was so frustrating because he was good. Really fucking good.
He could go all the way.
‘What?’ Ezra mouthed and I shook my head.
“Three games in, seven to go. Keep your eye on the prize, ladies. I have a good feeling about this season. Okay, get in here.”
The clatter of everyone’s cleats against the floor filled the locker room as we all piled in. Shoulder to shoulder, player to player.
“Raiders on three,” Coach said, locking eyes on me. “Aaron, do the honors, son.”
Inhaling a steady breath, trying to shake off the weight of his stare, the secret between us—the one he didn’t know I knew—I cleared my throat and bellowed. “We play hard. Fight hard. Love hard. Who are we?”
“Raiders!” The team roared back at me.
“I said who are we?”
“RAIDERS!”
“Then let’s shout the roof off and let everyone know. Raiders on three. One… two… three… RAIDERS!”
The word reverberated inside me, a battle cry I would never tire of hearing. Except this was it, my final season. After this year, there would be no more Raiders. If everything went to plan, I would be starting out on a new team, having to prove myself and earn my place all over again.
A trickle of unease went through me but I shoved it down. Now was not the time to worry about things beyond my control. We had a game to win.
“Okay let’s get out there and give the crowd something to cheer about.”
“Ready?” Cole clapped me on the shoulder and I nodded. “You sure you’re good?”
“Yeah, let’s go.” I pulled on my helmet and followed the rest of the team out.
The roar of the crowd rumbled like thunder in the distance, pulsing inside of me, making adrenaline pump through my veins. It was hard not to get swept up in the frenzy. The way they worshiped and adored us. I’d always kept a fairly level head where the fans were concerned, but something felt different this year.
Senior year.
My final season as a Raider.
I wanted to lap up every morsel of praise, of my name on their lips. Bennet, Bennet, Bennet. They didn’t care if I was the best or the star player or the one calling the shots. They cared that I was part of the team, that I was Rixon royalty because my dad had once played on this very field with his two best friends. One of them being Coach Ford. Football was in my name, the very blood coursing through my veins.
I jogged over to the sideline, scanning the bleachers for our family and friends. Mom and Dad were standing with Poppy’s mom and Ashleigh’s parents. The five of them grinning at me when they spotted me. I waved sheepishly, searching for her.
The second I found her, I wished I hadn’t.
Poppy wasn’t seated with our families. No, she was with Eli. But what had I really expected after our talk last night? I’d practically pushed her into his arms because it was the right thing to do—the only thing.
Above a couple of playful kisses when we were younger and the stupid sex pact we’d made the summer before tenth grade, there was a reason we’d never crossed that line.
Still, it felt strange watching her with another guy. Watching her laugh and hang on his every word. Especially when I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of those smiles and that laughter.
Fuck.
“Bennet, get over here,” someone yelled, and I jerked out of the trance I’d fallen under.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Ezra asked as I moved into the huddle while Coach Macintosh ran over a couple of plays.
“Nothing, why?”
“You were just standing there, staring at the bleachers.”
“No I wasn’t.”
“It’s her, isn’t it? She’s seeing someone now and you’re finally realizing—”
“I’m not doing this,” I gritted out, keeping my eyes ahead.
“Fine. But you need to man the fuck up and tell her how you feel before—”
My eyes cut to Ezra and I hissed. “I said I’m not doing this. We have a game to win.”
I needed to be clearheaded. Focused. I didn’t need fantasies of Poppy running through my head. Fantasies that would never come true. Because this possessiveness I felt over her, this strange sticky feeling inside me, it was jealousy.
That’s all it was.
It didn’t mean anything. It would pass.
It had to.
Fist clenched, I kicked my cleats into the freshly mowed grass and roared, “Raiders, let’s do this.”
Sweat rolled down my back, my heart drumming in my chest. Every hair on my neck stood to attention, the ripple of anticipation in the air a living, breathing thing.
Marshall Prep had come out swinging. They had learned our favored plays, latched on to our weaknesses, and they hadn’t made it easy for Cole or Ezra. One of their linebackers was particularly causing issues for our guys, so I’d kept him in my sights. But he was big and fast and more often than not he managed to break through our line.
“Stay on him,” Coach yelled. “Stay the hell on him.”
We needed a touchdown if we stood any chances of winning. Losing was not an option, but the second I snapped the ball to Cole, they attacked. I dropped my shoulder and ran, pumping my legs hard as I cut straight toward the linebacker.
“I got you,” I breathed, pushing harder, my lungs smarting as I dived, fingers outstretched ready to grab onto whatever part of him I could. He was fast though. Too fucking fast, and I realized it the second his jersey brushed my fingertips. I braced myself for the impact, the thud of hitting the ground, knocking the air from my lungs. The roar of the crowd told me we still had possession of the ball, that either Ezra or one of our other receivers was making a run for it.
Pain tore through my shoulder as I rolled onto my side and looked up to find Ezra flying down the sideline, his long legs eating up the yard markers. Thirty… twenty… ten…
“Touchdoooown.”
Dawson stadium exploded, blue and white players all charging for Ezra to celebrate while I lay there, trying to catch my breath.
Something was wrong. I knew it the second I tried to climb to my feet. Red-hot agony lanced down my arm.
Fuck.
My team celebrated without me, everyone too caught up in the moment with Ezra to even notice me. He deserved it, he did. But I couldn’t help the sting of jealousy. I’d never know that feeling. The high of the win would never be mine and mine alone. There was no I in team, we all knew that. No room for that kind of selfish mindset. But there was always a star. The player who possessed pure natural talent.
And Ezra had it in spades.
He’d been gifted with it, and yet, he didn’t want it. Not really.
Finally, Cole spotted me sprawled out on the grass and jogged over to me. “What’s wrong?”
“My shoulder.” I grimaced, refusing to think about the what-ifs and maybes.
“Do you need medical?”
“No, just give me a hand up?” I held out my good arm and Cole pulled me to my feet, and I swallowed a cry, gritting my teeth.
“I can’t play like this.”
There was only ten minutes left on the clock but I was done.
“Come on,” he said, taking some of my weight. “Let’s get you checked out.”
“Well the good news is it isn’t your rotator cuff.”
“And the bad news?” I glanced at the images on the screen. It was just a bunch of whitish blobs on a dark background; they didn’t mean anything to me. But they meant everything to the rest of my football season. My future on the field.
“It looks like an AC joint sprain. Have you been having any pain in practice?”
“A little twinge here or there. Nothing out of the ordinary. What’s the treatment?”
