Sweet memory the painted.., p.29
Sweet Memory (The Painted Daisies #1), page 29
When he finally saw her, it was from a distance, across the changing room where she was sitting with the other Daisies as a team of hair and makeup people worked on them. She saw him in the mirror, and a smile lit her face. It landed in his chest, loosening and tying the knots all at the same time. When he didn’t smile back right away, her lips fell. He didn’t need her worrying about him or them or anything but the concert at the moment. It was going to be challenging enough for her and her friends to perform without Landry for the first time. So, he forced his lips into a grin and winked at her before retreating to the stage with Zia.
Backstage was full of nervous energy. Even if there hadn’t been the shooting the day before, it was the first stop on a long tour, and everyone was anxious about if and how it would come together the way they’d planned. If at all possible, the security had become even denser. But Jonas had no faith in them. Artie had slipped past them repeatedly, as if he were a ghost, a figment of Jonas’s past who blew through with the breeze.
There was no opening act today. Asher hadn’t been able to arrange for their opener to get to Albany in time, so as the crowd started to fill the theater, the steady hum was all for the Daisies. The air felt expectant, the type of energy he’d felt every time he’d waited for Paisley to return to him.
He didn’t realize she’d joined him until she hooked her pinky with his and squeezed. “Hey,” she said in the soft, breathy tone that had been Paisley when he first met her.
His pulse quickened as he took her in, looking every inch the beautiful rock star she was. Her hair had been curled, long waves that accentuated her cheeks in the half-up-half-down style she favored, and her eyes were layered with liner and mascara that drew attention to their glimmering depths. Her full lips were a bright pink that matched the Sweet Memory daisy the world associated with her. While she looked stunning, all he could think was how much more he liked her bare, sharing her body and soul with him and only him. His heart stuttered, and he bent to kiss her softly, trying not to smudge her lipstick.
When he lifted his head, she had a wide smile on her face that reached her eyes. Then, she turned to look out at the darkened stage, listening to the loud clamor of the audience filing into the theater. Her smile faded, finger finding her ring, and he wanted to kick himself for not remembering her anxiety sooner. For not forcing himself into the dressing room so he could hold her hand and try to stem the tide. He pulled their joined hands up to his lips and kissed her palm.
It brought her eyes back to him instead of the stage.
“You’re going to be incredible,” he said, meaning it.
The soft smile returned to her face, any worry she felt leaving it.
“Honestly? It doesn’t even matter. Because the truth is, whether we’re incredible or we suck eggs, when we’re done, I get to step off the stage and into your arms.”
Jonas’s throat clogged, the love he felt wanting to spill out of him again.
He took a deep breath and would have said the words if he hadn’t been cut off by Fiadh as she and the other Daisies joined them.
“Little Bit, you need a group hug?” Fiadh asked, worry in her voice.
Paisley smiled. “I want a group hug, but I don’t need it.”
They all stared at her, shock on their faces followed by joy as they realized she was serious. That for the first time, she wasn’t having a panic attack at the thought of going onstage. The five women hugged each other tightly, and it was Adria’s eyes who found Jonas’s over Paisley’s head.
Thank you, she mouthed silently. Pride filled him, knowing that he’d been able to give Paisley even one shred of peace. He only hoped that, somehow, she’d still have it if he had to leave until they found Artie and brought their nightmare to an end.
The stomping and screams got louder as the house lights dropped and dry ice filled the space with mist. When the band finally stepped onstage, the audience went ballistic. It took a full two minutes for them to calm down enough for the band to be heard. The same high-strung emotions running through the women onstage were felt in the crowd, and it only grew as the performance progressed, each song ramping up the wild frenzy.
As the second-to-last song of the night came to an end, and Paisley’s and Nikki’s voices faded away, the noise in the audience was deafening. They’d skipped the song that would have had Landry as the primary vocal. He’d known they weren’t going to sing it as soon as Paisley had slid over to Nikki, and they’d gone back to the drums, talking to Adria off mic. He ached to hold Paisley, to find out what had been going through her head when she’d decided not to play it.
It was hard to read this version of her, alive in a different way than she’d been last night, writhing under him. Regardless of the anxiety she’d battled in the past, she’d always become a powerhouse onstage, but tonight, there was something even more dynamic about her, as if she was daring the world to find them wanting.
It wasn’t until she hit the first three notes on her keyboard, cueing the final song―”The Legacy”―that he saw her hesitate. She played the notes and then stopped with her hands frozen above the keys. She took a deep breath, looked around at her bandmates, glanced toward the side of the stage where she couldn’t see him but knew he was waiting for her, and then out at the audience again. Silence had taken over the theater as the crowd waited with bated breath. Paisley played the same three notes once more, and he saw her hand shake. She glanced back out to the audience as her fingers came to a stop for a second time.
“I’m having a little trouble with this final song,” she said into the mic. “It’s something a little extra special. It’s for the person…” her voice cracked. “The fiercest, bravest, smartest person I knew. I hope you like ‘The Legacy.’”
Her voice got stronger as she finished her little speech. Then, she hit the notes again, and this time, she didn’t stop. The video came on behind her. The flashes of Landry as a little girl, then as a teen. The images showed her dancing onstage, singing, and laughing with her arms wrapped around Fee and the other Daisies. Her smile was enormous, and her eyes seemed to send secret messages to those watching. Landry’s voice was a ghost-like tremor dubbed softly through the song, fading away. The crowd was sniffling, cheering, sobbing.
When Paisley got to the line about leaving a mark that would never be forgotten, her voice faltered again, the tears and emotions audible, and one after another, her friends’ voices joined hers when they weren’t supposed to step in until the chorus. They came together. They held each other up. They showed the world the beauty of friendship and love.
Jonas’s eyes filled with tears. They were all so damn fierce, but Paisley was the brightest and best of them. Landry had known it, and he could almost feel her there beside him, watching her little sister step out of the shadows to become everything she was supposed to be.
When the last note faded away and the video went dark, the audience sat in stunned silence for a long moment before erupting into applause and stomping feet and screams that topped anything Jonas had ever heard, even when he’d watched the most famous bands play at the Apple Jam Music Fest. Even louder than when Brady-fucking-O’Neil took the stage.
Paisley took a few steps away from her keyboard, looked out into the audience, and said, “Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for loving Landry as much as we do. Thank you for showing up when we needed to know we could do this without her. We love you all.”
As she spoke, Fiadh set down her instrument and came over to put her arm around Paisley’s shoulder. One by one, the other bandmembers did the same, leaving behind their instruments, huddling together, and hugging each other tightly. Holding on.
The crowd was still going wild, demanding more, but Jonas knew they were done. Not only because the show wouldn’t have an encore act, but because none of the Daisies would be able to sing after this. Even from the side, he could see the tears traveling down their faces. Slowly, they unwound, held hands, and bowed to the crowd. Fee’s voice thanked the audience again, and then, still joined, they walked offstage.
It was fucking the most majestic thing Jonas had ever seen. Strength on display for the world. He wiped at the tears on his face as they came nearer. He wasn’t sure there was a dry eye in the place. The roadies were all swiping at their eyes. Zia was sniffling and trying to hide it by filling his and everyone else’s headset with directions for the crew to start packing up.
When Paisley got close enough, she dropped Fee’s hand and ran to him, colliding with his chest. He held her tight, hiding his face in her hair. She was sweaty, radiating heat, and he didn’t give a damn about any of it. He only cared that she was there with him. Her hands fisted into his T-shirt as her body convulsed with sobs.
He raised his eyes to look at the others. They were all struggling to pull themselves together.
“Dios,” Adria said, fingers dragging under her eyes. “I’m not sure I can do that dozens of times.”
“It’ll get easier,” Zia said softly. “Tonight was the worst because it was the first time. As much as I hate to agree with Asher, it might have been a good idea to get this one out of the way before the rest of the tour.”
No one responded. Instead, the Daisies headed back toward the dressing room after shooting Jonas a warning look. Don’t leave her, they said silently. He wouldn’t. Not now. But he did have to. For a little while. Just until Artie was behind bars.
Paisley finally got ahold of herself enough to pull back from him. Zia handed him a box of tissues and then scuttled off, yelling at a roadie who was packing Fee’s harp. Paisley looked up at Jonas with red-rimmed eyes. He pulled a tissue from the box and wiped gently at the makeup. Her sad gaze remained on his as he tenderly cleaned her up.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
His heart clenched.
“You’re the most incredible human being I know,” he said. “You were… I don’t even have words, Paisley. You are a beautiful, stunning, force of nature. I’m in awe of you. I’m in love with you.” The words finally slipped out.
Her eyes grew wide, and then a smile tilted her lips up for the first time since coming off the stage. “You love me?”
He nodded. “Screwed-up timing to say it here.” He waved around to the bustling backstage and all the people moving around them.
His stomach flopped again, thinking about what he had to say next, how it was going to upset her. But it was the only way he knew how to protect her.
“It’s why I have to leave,” he said quietly.
Waves of emotions crossed her face, but anger was the last to appear. “You can’t tell me you love me and then say you’re leaving. That’s ridiculous.”
“Tell me something. If you’d known you could save Landry by walking away from me that night, would you have?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “You know you would have, and I wouldn’t have blamed you. So how can you ask me to stay?”
Sadness battled with the anger in her expression.
“It’s different, Jonas. If you leave…we may never catch…”
Her words ripped at him as they faded away. Not only had she not said she loved him back, but now she was basically asking him to stay just so they could catch Landry’s killer. While he knew it wasn’t the only reason she wanted him there―he knew she truly cared about him―he wondered if her feelings went as deep as his did. She’d walked away from him before, closed him out with relative ease, while he was struggling to tear himself away even when it was to protect her.
He looked over Paisley’s shoulder and saw Marco and Cassidy coming toward them, hands joined. He’d forgotten he’d told them to come. Forgotten he’d asked Zia to make sure they had tickets left at the box office.
His brother’s eyes darted back and forth between him and Paisley. Marco was good at his job because he knew exactly how to read people and situations, and Jonas knew he could see the tension between Jonas and Paisley.
Cassidy was dressed up in a bright-blue dress that bared her shoulders and clung to her torso before flowing softly out and down to just above her knees. Marco was more formal than normal in jeans and a button-down.
“What an incredible show,” Cassidy said, reaching over to hug Paisley.
Paisley shot Jonas one last look before turning to Cassidy with a soft smile. He didn’t have it in him to smile at the moment. Marco’s knowing eyes watched Jonas carefully.
Cassidy let go of Paisley and turned to wrap Jonas in a hug as well.
“It went better than I expected,” Paisley said, her voice quiet. “We skipped a song, but the crowd didn’t know.” Jonas’s heart clenched because she sounded more like the old Paisley than the fierce woman she’d become, and he knew their argument was the reason more than any of the other emotions she’d experienced that night. He was an ass.
Marco reached over, hugged Jonas, and let go before asking quietly, “You good?”
Jonas pushed his brother away, ran a hand through his hair, and then said in a voice that wavered, “No, I’m not good.”
When his eyes landed back on Paisley, she frowned.
“Don’t,” she begged.
“He’s going to hear it anyway. You think Trevor is going to continue to keep it from him after yesterday?”
Marco’s face grew grim. “What’s going on?” he asked.
Paisley glared at Jonas, arms crossing over her tiny frame.
“The notes started again,” Jonas said.
“And this is the first I’m hearing about it?” Marco asked, and Jonas could hear the hurt in his tone but also the worry. “What do they say?”
“I-won’t-ever-let-you-be-happy kind of shit,” Jonas said. “Same as before. But he’s escalated. She was shot at last night.”
Marco’s face turned grim, and Cassidy’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my God.”
“Damn it, Jonas. Where’s Trevor?” Marco’s eyes scanned the chaos backstage.
“Getting the vehicles ready,” Jonas said.
“Do they have any leads?” Marco asked.
“It’s definitely Artie. He said if I leave… That I need to leave her to keep her safe,” Jonas’s voice cracked, and he hated it because it made him feel like the little kid Marco had first met instead of the man he’d become.
“How are you doing?” Cassidy’s eyes were directed at Paisley.
“I’m fine. Actually, I’m glad. I want this to be over. But Jonas thinks he should walk away even when this could be our chance…our chance to finally get the asshole…” Paisley’s eyes filled with another round of tears, and it wound every nerve in his body even tighter. He didn’t want to be the reason she cried. She’d already cried enough for an entire lifetime.
He reached for her, pulling her to him. At first, she stiffened in his embrace before wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his chest. He was torn in half. Torn with the need to stay and the need to go. He didn’t know which one would win.
CHAPTER FORTY
Paisley
NOT AFRAID ANYMORE
Performed by Halsey
Paisley was exhausted. In the last twenty-four hours, it felt like she’d experienced every possible human emotion. For a brief moment, she’d felt at peace. She’d gone onstage knowing Jonas was waiting for her, watching her, loving her. And now… God, he wanted to leave―after everything they’d been through.
She didn’t know what she’d said to Cassidy and Marco before Zane came to get her. Just like she had no idea what she’d said to the crew congratulating her while she made her way to the car. She only knew she wouldn’t be able to keep up her front for much longer.
When she got back to the hotel―by herself because she’d left before Jonas joined her in the car―Zane walked her to her suite. As she put her hand on the doorknob, his quiet voice halted her.
“He doesn’t respect you.”
She turned to see a cold disdain on his face.
“What?” she asked.
“If he respected you, he wouldn’t stay.”
Her heart hammered, feeling the pain of Jonas’s words at the theater. The need he felt to leave. “You don’t know anything about him. What he wants or what he’s going to do.”
Zane’s eyes narrowed. “Maybe not. But I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t tell you the truth.”
Years of people judging her, telling her she was stupid, made the wrong decision, bloomed inside her. “Is that what we are? Friends? I could have sworn you were my bodyguard.”
Then, she turned and walked into the suite. She’d been a bitch. She’d been Landry, and it didn’t feel good at all. It felt wrong, but she was too tired to try and fix it.
Her steps faltered when she found all the Daisies in her suite. They’d changed into more relaxed outfits with less makeup and softer hair that made them look more like college students than rock stars. Tommy was with them, lounged on a sofa with a glass of dark liquid in his hand that made her want to rip it out of his grasp and pour it down a drain.
Flowers filled the room, champagne bubbled from a tiny fountain, and a mound of food was laid out in a buffet along the dining room table. It took her a beat to realize what was going on, and then she groaned internally, remembering the after-parties from their last tour. She’d forgotten about them, just like she’d forgotten that sometimes Tommy or Nick had important people show up―press or sponsors. She wasn’t sure how she’d keep herself going for much longer.
Leya traveled on ballerina-like feet over to her. “You’re here! Finally. Go shower and change, then we’re going to celebrate.”
“Leya…I don’t…” She swallowed hard.
A lot of times on the last tour, she’d been able to skip the after-parties. Landry had always read how worn out she was from the performance and had sent her off to her room while her sister handled the small gathering. This time, there was no Landry. The only thing left of her was the legacy she’d left them and her words in a letter telling Paisley she was the real leader.
