Code blue, p.12
Code Blue, page 12
I knew what I had to do. I had to keep my head down, keep doing my work, and worry about that, and only that. That was what my therapist had recommended. It was funny, I had ended up asking Dr. Zaphyr for a recommendation after all.
That was why I kept going to work, even though every time I interacted with a child, I felt a very particular and very insidious kind of sadness. I knew it wasn’t going to go away, but if I wasn’t able to bring my own child into this world, then the least I could do was make sure that the children around me were as happy and healthy as they could be.
“Who is coming in next?” I asked my assistant, who was dutifully standing next to me.
“Her name is Tatiana Wilde-Garcia. She’s three and a half.”
“Three and a half? For a well-child?” I asked her.
“The family just moved into the area,” Kelly replied. “They’re a bit…”
“Wait, so this is their first visit?”
“Not to our practice,” Kelly said. “They did request another doctor after seeing Dr. Dayleview for the first time.”
I blinked a little. “Did they say why?”
“They wanted someone a little more, uh, thorough.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Fine, okay,” I said. “I guess I’ll have to make a big show of it.”
“Yeah. The father is a little…he seems a little health anxious,” Kelly said, her polite way of saying that this father was going to be an off-the-wall level nightmare.
“Got it,” I replied. “Don’t bother going in and taking the history before me, then. I’ll handle that.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you certain, Dr. West?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “I don’t want him to have to keep repeating the same stuff, and he’ll get the idea that I’m more attentive than Dr. Dayleview, which we all know is just not true at all. Just stick with me, Kelly, and take detailed notes. He might be one of those people whose anxiety is alleviated by knowledge.”
“Do you think so?”
I smiled at her before I knocked on the door to room five. “I mean, honestly, I can only hope,” I replied quietly before projecting my voice into the room. “We’re coming in!”
I opened the door without much warning. The little girl was walking around, looking at the ceiling, which was painted colorfully, and the dad was sitting on a plastic chair and watching her. I couldn’t see him that well, because his face was turned away from me, and he was slouching. I could tell that he was tall, because his legs were long enough that I almost tripped over him. He took a little while to reposition himself, looking up at me after what felt like forever.
The first thing I noticed about him, other than how tall he was, was how tired he looked. There were dark bags under his light eyes, and while it looked like he had tried to make an effort on his hair, it was clear that it had been middling at best. His clothes were neat, but as I trailed down to his feet, I noticed that his socks didn’t match.
“Dr. West,” he said as he stood up. He extended his hand toward me. “You come very highly recommended.”
I smiled at him as I shook his hand. I noticed how soft his palm was, but the tips of his fingers were calloused, and his nails were a little long. The handshake was just on the short-side of awkward before he stepped away from me.
I started to speak. “So, this is your…”
“Yeah, my daughter,” he said. “That’s my daughter and she’s sick and I want to know what’s going on with her.”
I observed her for a little bit. She was a quiet little girl, a normal size for her age, with big eyes and a little smile on her face. She wasn’t saying anything, which I was a little surprised by, but when she caught my attention, she smiled and waved.
I smiled and waved back, going over to her and kneeling down. “Hi,” I said. “My name is Dr. West. What’s your name?”
“Tati,” she said in a quiet voice.
“Hi, Tati,” I said. “Your daddy tells me you’re feeling a little bad. Can you point to where it hurts?”
She shook her head, and I noticed that her nose was a little stuffed.
“Okay,” I said. “Do me a favor, okay? Your daddy is going to help you get on this table for me and then I just need you to stay still so that I can help you feel better sooner. Can you do that for me?”
She nodded again. Her dad swept in, picked her up, and she smiled. She was fine before, but she definitely seemed to be doing better in his arms. He smiled back, but there was something about the way he was holding her.
“My assistant here is going to need you to extend your arm,” I said as I indicated Kelly. “And the machine is going to squeeze your arm a little bit. Just stay still so we don’t have to do it again, okay?”
“Heard that, Tati?” Dad said.
She nodded.
“She’s shy,” he said as Kelly got to work.
I turned to look at him. “She has a little sniffle, but she seems okay. Has she had a fever?”
“No,” he replied. “No fever.”
“Any dry cough or sneezing?”
He shook his head.
“What about loss of appetite?”
“I don’t know,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s hard to feed a toddler.”
“Absolutely,” I said. “I understand. Is she crankier than usual?”
He shook his head. “No, honestly, she’s always been a really easy-going baby,” he said. “Ever since…for the last few months, she’s been even more quiet than usual.”
“Right,” I said. “So, you’re worried her attitude change is linked to her health?”
“Oh, no. Her attitude changed a while ago,” he said, looking up at me and raising his eyebrows when I didn’t say anything. “Her mom died. It’s been an adjustment.”
I swallowed. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said.
“Thank you,” he replied.
“So, has she been quieter since then?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “It happened sort of suddenly, and I think, ever since then, things haven’t been quite the same. I’m worried—I mean, I know it makes very little sense, but it just feels like somehow she’s more vulnerable to getting sick.”
I nodded again. I would have to ask more about the family history, and I knew I was probably going to have to refer him to family therapy, but I couldn’t just spring that on him. “Do you mind if I ask you what happened?”
“Cancer,” he said. “Pancreatic. Stage four by the time it was discovered.”
I swallowed again. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
“Me too,” he said. “She was only thirty-six. I never expected I would be raising my child by myself.”
I waited for him to say something else, mostly because I didn’t know what else to say.
He smiled at me, a little sadly. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t,” I replied. “When did it happen?”
“Right before Christmas,” he said.
I nodded, and looked down at the tablet in my hand, though I didn’t need to read anything. “Well, it’s an adjustment,” I said. “I doubt it’ll be affecting her physically, but you might notice some personality changes. Grief is extremely difficult for adults, and toddlers can’t really tell us how they feel about it.”
He nodded, looking between Kelly and his child. “Well,” he said. “I’m doing grief therapy, and she’s doing play therapy. I don’t know if it’s helping.”
I nodded again. “I completely understand,” I said. “It’s a process.”
“Thank you,” he said, his expression softening a little. Then he crossed his arms over his chest. He licked his lips before he started speaking again. “I think Dr. Dayleview thought I was being paranoid, but I just want her to be okay.”
“I understand,” I replied. “Well, let me examine her, but she looks like a happy, healthy, little girl.”
He smiled, but he still looked crushed.
I leaned in before I could think about it. “Listen,” I said. “I don’t normally do this, but I understand your circumstances are a little different from the standard ones.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“I’m going to give you my personal phone number,” I said. “Texting me is easier if you have any questions, okay? I’m normally a little too busy to answer it. But if you think it’ll help…”
“Thank you, Doctor,” he said, smiling at me, and this time, he did look a little better. “I really appreciate that.”
“Do you have your phone?”
“Yes,” he said. He grabbed it out of his pocket and was about to hand me a phone that was so big I could hardly fit it in my hands. He unlocked it first, before he gave it to me. “Thanks again. It’s been so difficult, we had to move right after she died, and it’s…it’s been an adjustment.”
“I bet,” I said as I saw Kelly give me a look. “Okay. I’m going to examine your daughter now, alright, Mr. …”
“Wilde,” he said. “But you can call me Oscar.”
I looked up at him, blinking.
“It’s okay,” he said. “I’ll let you make a joke about it, since you’re my child’s doctor and everything.”
I laughed. “I’ll refrain. Though it is curious.”
“A highly recommended doctor, and very polite,” he said. “I don’t know what else I could’ve asked for.”
“I’m very competent, Mr. Wilde,” I said, smiling at him.
“Seriously,” he replied. “Oscar is fine.”
CHAPTER TWO
Oscar
“You’re doing really well,” I told my little girl. She looked up at me with those huge brown eyes and furrowed her brow. “The doctor said you’re good and healthy. I’m sorry your nose has been stuffy lately.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Okay, well, I suppose you’re too little to care very much about the state of your health,” I said as I walked with her toward my car. “But you were very well-behaved, and that deserves a reward. What would you like?”
She continued staring at me.
“Okay, guess you’re tuckered out from the doctor,” I said as I put her in her chair in the backseat. She had always been a slight child, and she looked even smaller to me ever since Camila had died. She had gotten so big so quickly when she had first arrived into the world, but it felt like her mother’s death had cast such a great big shadow over us that her little body wasn’t able to keep growing. I knew I was being unreasonable—I knew it was just a strange connection that my mind had made, another thing I thought I might have power over. Another thing to discuss with my therapist, I supposed, as I buckled Tati up.
“C’mon then, monkey,” I said. “Let’s get you home and then we can watch Moana together. How does that sound?”
“Yes, Daddy!” she replied, waving her arms excitedly. I smiled back at her, kissed the top of her head, and got in the car.
The drive wasn’t far, but our apartment was downtown, and there was a lot of traffic on the way. I pulled out of the garage and continued to wait in traffic. Traffic was one of my least favorites ways to spend time, but I was determined to spend as much time as I could with my child. It had taken me far too long to realize that the time I had spent with my late wife had been far too little, far too precious. I didn’t want to blink and miss anything that might have been important, not with my baby.
I used to have chauffeurs to do this kind of thing, to go around and do my errands, but not anymore. Not since we had lost Camila. It had been hard. I noticed that I still had a lot of people do my chores for me, but that was okay, because they were the chores that would have cut into my time with my daughter. It took a lot, but I realized, when my wife died, that time is the most valuable commodity. It doesn’t matter how much money you have--I should know--because time is a gift. Every moment, every second. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.
That’s what I told myself as I looked at my little girl in the back of the car. She was sleeping then, all tuckered out from her hard pediatrician appointment. I felt like taking a nap, too, but I had to get us home before I could do that. She coughed a little, tossing and turning in her little chair. My heart sank to my stomach. The doctor might not have found anything, but that didn’t mean a darn thing. All it might have meant was that she wasn’t there at the right time, or that the doctor didn’t see something obvious. That was what had happened with Camila so I didn’t see why it couldn’t happen with Tatiana.
There was a part of me that wanted to turn back and have them look at her again. I told myself not to be paranoid. This wasn’t something I had control over, and there was no need for me to freak out. Not yet. Not until I took her to another specialist, because clearly, this one had fallen short.
It was a shame, because I had liked her. She seemed smart, competent, and like she was good with children. She was certainly very good with Tati. Well, she had been good at handling her, but I didn’t think she necessarily was good at her job. Tati coughed again and I felt a cold shiver down my spine.
Traffic had felt like it was bad before, but as soon as she started to cough, it seemed to slow down to a trickle. I hit every single red light, a random car cut me off several times, and there was a long line before I could get into the covered parking lot that was parallel to our building. By the time I was unbuckling her, I felt myself ready to throw up.
I held her close, and she stirred, and smiled. “Hey, Daddy,” she said. I hugged her tight. She laughed, but she squirmed in my arms. “You’re squeezing too hard.”
I loosened my grip on her. “Are you okay, monkey?”
“I’m good,” she said. “Moana?”
“Right. Let’s go,” I said. I kissed the top of her head, mostly to see if she was warm, but she wasn’t. She didn’t cough again, and it felt like my anxiety subsided a little bit. Not much, just enough to get her to the elevator and go upstairs. She didn’t say anything. She seemed to be fine, not even restless or cranky. She wasn’t warm, she wasn’t complaining, and she wasn’t coughing anymore. I told myself I had been paranoid. Still, I took my phone out of my pocket, and looked at Dr. West’s phone number and contact card. I wondered if her offer had been sincere. I didn’t want to have to call her, but I didn’t know if I was going to have much of a choice.
“Daddy?” Tati said, looking up at me.
“Yes, baby?”
“You look sad,” she said.
I bit my lower lip, and tried to stop myself from crying. Every time she noticed how sad I looked, it made everything a lot harder. “I’m okay,” I said. “I’m just tired. I had a big day too.”
She gave me a hug, and my eyes filled with tears. “We’ll watch the movie together,” she said, parroting something I’d told her a million times. “It won’t help forever, but it’ll help for a little bit, and that’s all we need.”
KEEP READING THE BARON AND THE BABE
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The Perfect Present
The Baron and The Babe
Guard My Heart
Dr. Bully and The Secret Baby
Brother’s Best Friend (M.D)
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The Psychic & The Doctor (The Ghosts of Thornbridge Keep)
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Author’s Note
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* * *
[MOU1]A word or two is missing here.
[MOU2]I don’t know what this is supposed to say. Wrong word / words?
[MOU3]I don’t see where he offered her food before the wine.
[MOU4]When did he sit down?
Larissa de Silva, Code Blue
