Love unwritten, p.21
Love Unwritten, page 21
part #2 of Lakefront Billionaires Series
Two long, agonizing years.
I didn’t think a simple task like shaving could have such a visceral effect on me, but my next breaths prove otherwise.
It’s time for a change. I repeat the same motion, revealing another clear patch of skin.
You’re doing this for you. Me. Not Nico, although I’m happy he will no longer associate my lack of upkeep with my sadness, and I’m most definitely not doing this for my family, who will be happy to see my whole face again regardless.
Every swipe of the blade leads me closer to letting go of the old me. The broken me. The me that spent the last two years in a haze, hardly living at all.
I couldn’t be happier about the change. I want to look better because I care. Because I want to look past the person I was and accept the man that I can be.
Correction: the man I want to be.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Ellie
I had intended on joining Rafael and Nico outside at some point, but the heavy weight pressing against my shoulders and chest has me sticking to the confines of my bedroom, where I can fully embrace my emotions through music.
I toss the guitar pick on the bed and reach for my notebook. The page is covered with a mix of unfinished lyrics and song ideas that failed to pass my first round of edits.
I’ve always written songs from a woman’s perspective, weaving my personal stories into purposeful lines and relatable lyrics. While it shouldn’t be a challenge to write from Cole’s point of view, I’m struggling. Hard.
I drop back on my mattress with a sigh and end up falling asleep for a couple of hours until I’m woken up by heavy knocking against my door.
“Ellie?” Rafael asks.
“Yeah?” I rub at my tired eyes.
“Can I come in?”
My heart picks up speed. “Sure?”
The doorknob turns before the door opens to—
I gasp. “Oh my God.” My hand instantly reaches out toward Rafael’s clean-shaven face, only for me to snatch it back.
His slightly pale cheeks, which I haven’t fully seen in the whole time I’ve been working for him, turn pink as his gaze meets mine. “You don’t like it?”
I most definitely shouldn’t, but I’m single with an active sex drive, so of course I like Rafael’s clean-shaven face. In fact, I like it a whole lot more than I should.
“It’s…nice,” I manage to say with an even voice.
He rubs at his cheek. “Just nice?”
“Are you fishing for compliments again?”
“Only because you’re starting to give me a complex.”
“Would you rather I say you’re hot?”
“See? Was that so hard to admit?”
I roll my eyes with a smile. “Anyone in town could tell you that.”
His eyes lock onto mine. “I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion.”
My stomach takes a dive into dangerous, butterfly-inducing territory. “Now you’re giving me a complex.”
I have to glance away because I can’t bear the weight of his stare. See, Rafael has always been hot, even with his rugged aesthetic, but this is different.
He is different.
I’m afraid to hope, just in case he takes another major step back, but at the same time, I am so proud of him. The idea of him reclaiming parts of the old him while becoming someone new makes me incredibly emotional. How can it not when I’m getting a front-row view of him pulling himself up off the ground after spending the last two years buried underneath his sorrow?
“Ellie?”
“Huh?”
“Jokes aside, are you feeling okay?” A worried line appears down the middle of his forehead.
“Oh. Yeah.” I clasp my hands together to hide the way they tremble.
“Nico wanted to get you some medicine.” He places a paper bag on the edge of my bed. “He was worried about you. I…uh…was too. I texted you to check in, but you didn’t answer.”
A part of me dies inside at the hint of self-consciousness in his tone.
I’ve done my best to keep my feelings toward Rafael in a locked box with a massive do not touch warning label. It was easy when he was so unlikable, but now that he is doing and saying things that make my heart skip more beats than a damaged vinyl record, I don’t stand a chance.
Most definitely not when he is looking at me like my well-being matters to him and checking in to see if I’m okay.
“I know you weren’t feeling well, so I wasn’t going to bother you…” His voice trails off.
“But?”
He doesn’t smile. He beams. “Nico and I had an amazing day today, and I need to talk about it with someone.”
His happiness is contagious, and I find myself smiling for the first time today as well. “Tell me everything.”
“I don’t remember the last time we had so much fun together.” He starts pacing beside my bed, stopping right next to me before turning in a hurry. “He wanted to build a sandcastle with me, so we tried. It wasn’t half as good as the one you and I made two days ago, though.”
I flick my hair over my shoulder. “Obviously. I am a champion after all.”
He chuckles to himself, adding to the growing list of things he does that tug on my heartstrings.
“We missed you,” he says next, taking an invisible battering ram to the wall protecting my heart.
I glance away. “You’re just saying that.”
He abandons his pacing and walks up to me. “No, I—Wait. Why are your eyes all red and puffy?”
“Huh?”
I’m hit with an overwhelming sense of loss as his smile is replaced with a frown. “Were you…crying?”
I shift my gaze toward the window that overlooks the vast ocean. “No.”
He clasps my chin and twists my head until I look up at him. “I thought you said you were sick.”
Heartsick is more like it. “I am.”
“Is everything okay?”
“It will be.”
His fingers tense against my skin. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing you need to worry about. I’ll see you at dinner?” The change of topic is far from smooth, but I hope he takes it as a hint that this conversation is over.
He stares at me for a few hard seconds, his mouth opening and closing once before he releases my chin with a nod, turns around, and leaves my room like he just saw a ghost.
I wait until Rafael storms out of my room to open the bag he dropped off. Although he said Nico chose the items, the truth becomes clear within the first ten seconds.
Rafael handpicked most of these items himself but gave Nico all the credit.
I’ve been grocery shopping with Nico before, so he knows I love cookies with rainbow sprinkles and that I prefer snacking on clementines and kettle corn, but his attention to detail usually stops there. Anytime I’ve sent him into another aisle to get me something, he always comes back with the wrong brand, which is an impressive feat in itself, seeing as we usually only have three options back home.
Nico can’t pick out my favorite sparkling water, let alone my favorite flavor, but Rafael apparently can. I’m surprised he even remembered since the strawberry-lemon ones are impossible to get because they are always sold out.
I always thought Rafael was too stuck in his own head to notice little details, but he keeps proving me wrong.
So very, very wrong.
With each item I pull out of the bag, I quickly come to the conclusion that Rafael doesn’t only pay attention.
He cares.
From afar, at least. That way, no one can ever hold it against him.
The truth becomes painfully obvious as I pull out a box of my favorite chamomile tea, my preferred brand of saltine crackers that have the little elf on the packaging, and some fuzzy socks.
While it was probably Nico’s idea to buy me a new pair since it’s become a running joke between us, the pattern has Rafael’s name all over it because there is no way a nine-year-old kid would think to choose socks with alcohol bottles on them.
I press them against my chest and smile at the reminder of home and the eight crazy animals waiting for us to come back.
Rafael even got me more Dramamine pills, plus a few off-brand options for motion sickness with a hotel-branded sticky note that says, Sorry it’s not Xanax, but you can still hold my hand.
I fall back on the bed with a huge grin on my face and my heart swelling to twice its usual size. A care package shouldn’t make me feel so happy I could cry, but the more I think about it, the harder it is to control my emotions.
And I have no one but Rafael Lopez to blame.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Rafael
Nico taps on my shoulder and asks, “¿Papi?” Nico asks.
“¿Qué?”
“Do you like Ellie?”
The question comes out of nowhere, or at least I think it does until I realize who Nico caught me staring at. Ellie hangs out at the bar, looking beautiful in a floor-length tropical dress while the bartender prepares our second round of drinks.
“You keep looking at her,” he adds, unknowingly saving me from having to lie about his question.
I turn my attention to my son. “She’s pretty.”
He grins. “You think so?”
“Yes,” I admit, naively thinking it would get him to stop asking questions.
“Do you want to marry her?”
Thankfully, he didn’t ask that particular question in the middle of me sipping the last bit of my drink, or else he would have been coated in bourbon.
I rub my smooth cheek. “I don’t plan on marrying anyone.”
He frowns. “No?”
“No. Sorry.”
His happiness fades like the sun setting behind me. “Is it because of Mommy?”
Yes, but also because of me. The idea of loving someone enough to commit to them for the rest of my life terrifies me after my first marriage disaster.
I sigh. “Marriage is hard.”
“I know, but if you like someone, you get married. Right?”
“Yes, but not always. And I never said I liked Ellie.”
His eyes roll. “But you said she was pretty.”
“Because she is, but that doesn’t mean I like her like that.”
“Then why do you keep looking at her all the time like Tío does with Dahlia? He likes her. A lot.”
I lose the ability to form a coherent sentence. I knew was Nico smart, but I didn’t think he could make these kinds of observations at his age.
It’s not like you did a good job of hiding it.
I’ve had a hard time keeping my eyes off Ellie tonight ever since she walked out of her room wearing another dress, this time in a shade of teal that brings out the shades of green in her hazel eyes. Finding a flower to match it was nearly impossible, although I tried my best to match the pink one Nico chose for her hair.
My self-control was put to the test during our night attending a traditional Hawaiian luau and tearing my gaze away from her has been a difficult task. When Ellie volunteered to dance amongst the hula dancers a little while ago, I couldn’t stop staring, not even after she caught me twice.
Nico lowers his voice as he says, “It’s okay if you like her. I can share.”
“How generous of you,” I deadpan.
“Do you want me to ask her if she likes you too?”
“Nicolas—”
“I got drinks!” Ellie announces.
“Finally,” I grunt.
My nine-year-old son winks, although it looks more like a twitch. To think that all this time, I was concerned about my aunt being the matchmaker when I should have been taking note of my son.
Nico tips his head back. “Ellie?”
I hand him a glass full of his favorite fruit drink as of five days ago—Hawaiian Sun Pass-O-Guava. “Here. You should drink this.”
“In a minute.” He pushes the tall cup aside. “I’ve got a question.”
“Look, Nico. Why don’t you go check out that chicken over there?”
Ellie shoots me a strange look. “You want him to go hang out with wild chickens?”
I bite back a groan.
“Do you like my dad?” Nico asks in a singsong voice. “Because he likes you.”
Ellie’s eyes collide with mine. “He said that?”
Nico lets out a puff. “Well, no, but he said you’re pretty.”
Her cheeks flush. “He’s never said anything to me.”
“He’s shy.” Nico fails to keep his voice at a whisper.
“Not true,” I say.
“Just a coward then?” Ellie’s eyes spark with quiet challenge.
If she wants me to call her pretty, then I’ll do just that, but later, when my son isn’t present to hear what else I have to say.
After dinner, I drive us out to a lookout spot the resort manager recommended for watching the sunset, since it is our last night in Oahu. Nico loved the idea, only to fall asleep after a few rounds of “I spy.” Ellie and I spend the remainder of the ride listening to the soft crooning of Frankie Estelle, one of Nico’s and her favorite artists.
I park the Jeep in the small dirt lot and hang out near the trunk while Ellie grabs a notebook from her purse and heads to an empty bench facing the sky, streaked with ribbons of orange and pink. Waves crash against the rocks below, creating a soothing soundtrack to listen to while I sift through my thoughts.
My mind and body are at war with one another, with my head warning me away from getting close to Ellie, while my hands itch to hold her and never let go. It’s a battle, wanting someone to the point of pain yet knowing it can’t happen for a multitude of reasons.
She wants to find the one, and I’m not him.
“While I’m flattered you want to stare at me, you’re missing the whole point of us driving out here.” She turns to look at me with an arched brow.
Busted.
With more confidence than I feel, I walk over to the bench and sit. “What are you working on?” When I try to peek at the page, she shuts her notebook.
“A song.”
“Really? I thought you didn’t write music anymore.”
“I’ve decided to give it another try.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?”
She readjusts the flower I tucked behind her ear earlier tonight before dropping her hands. “I don’t want to stop doing things I love because I’m scared.”
“What are you scared about?”
Her lips remain firmly pressed in a thin line.
Fine. I deserve her shutting down, especially when I’ve been a closed book, but it bothers me. Just like it did earlier when I noticed she had been crying.
That’s twice in one day that I’m finding myself getting annoyed over Ellie keeping me at arm’s length, and I’m not sure what to make of it yet.
Not sure I want to, either.
I snap a photo of the sunset for my family before tucking my phone back into my pocket.
“What was up with Nico tonight?” she asks a minute later.
“I don’t know.” I tried to press him about it when Ellie went to the bathroom, but he didn’t take the bait and moved on to another subject altogether.
“Is it true?” Her eyes flicker with amusement.
“What?”
“Did you say I was pretty?”
My mouth curls at the corners. “Who’s the one fishing for compliments now?”
“I’m curious.”
“Why?”
She glances away, her cheeks turning as pink as the sky. “Forget it.”
I stare at her until she meets my gaze again. “I wasn’t about to tell my son what I was really thinking, if that’s what you were wondering.”
She releases a shaky breath. “What was that?”
“That you looked so damn gorgeous, it physically hurt me to look at you because I knew you could never be mine.”
Her sharp inhale fills the quiet. “Is it because I’m Nico’s nanny?”
“No, it’s because of me.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Ellie
“What’s that supposed to mean?” My notebook falls to the ground as I jump off the bench. I’m not a confrontational person, but Rafael always draws this fire out of me that I find hard to extinguish, even with deep breaths and Willow’s yoga mantras.
His eyes flick up at me. “You’re a hopeless romantic.”
“I prefer the term hopeful.”
He squints. “That there is exactly my point.”
My frown becomes more pronounced. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“In theory, no.”
“But you seem to think so.”
“Only because I’ll never be the one,” he says it with a sneer, making my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
Sure, I’ve said I’m looking for the one in passing, like when we were getting some shave ice the other night, but it didn’t sound as childish as he makes it seem. It’s not like I’m out there searching for some kind of soulmate, rejecting people left and right because they don’t meet an unrealistic set of expectations.
I cross my arms tightly over my chest to shield the way they shake with anger. “There is nothing wrong with being picky and knowing what I want.”
His head tilts in silent understanding. “No, there isn’t.”
“Then what’s your problem?”
“What you want and who I am are two completely different things.”
“Sounds like an excuse.”
“Or is it just a reality check?”
I frown so hard, my forehead muscles strain.
“I can think you’re pretty—can think you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, inside and out—but that doesn’t change our reality.”
“And what’s that?”
“We want very different things out of life.”
“How do you know what I want when you haven’t even asked me?”
His eyes drop to my mouth. “You said enough the other night.”
Is that why he looked so angry after snapping a spoon in half? I had a feeling it had to do with what I said, but I didn’t realize just how much it impacted him until now.
