Collie jolly, p.9
Collie Jolly, page 9
“Well, I was calling to say that my travel plans were canceled, so I could take him as soon as next weekend if that works out for you.”
The vice grip around Ashley’s heart cranked tighter. Next weekend. That wasn’t enough time to convince Madison to keep him. Sure Madison was warming up to him, but Ashley needed more than a week to really sell this. She needed those three weeks.
In a panic, she said, “I’m sorry, I can’t. In fact, I’m not sure I can part with him after all.”
“Oh.” The woman’s eager tone dropped with the weight of disappointment. “I thought…”
“I’m really sorry,” Ashley said.
And she was. She was so sorry she was lying to this woman. That she was making decisions like this behind Madison’s back. That she couldn’t let this person have Bacchus. Not now. Not when she was so close to making everything right.
“Well, if you change your mind or just need some more time, you have my number.”
“I do. Thank you.”
Ashley ended the call and returned the phone to the table just before Madison rounded the corner. Her smile lit up the dark table more than the tea light candle. She was glowing. Relaxed. Happy, for the first time since Ashley had met her. Bacchus had been a part of that, part of getting Madison out of the house and living her life again.
So why did Ashley feel so guilty?
She knew why. Because she’d betrayed Madison’s trust. Because she’d overridden Madison’s plans. Because if Ashley’s plan didn’t work out, she might have just ruined Bacchus’s best shot at a happy life with someone who really wanted him.
But that wasn’t true. Madison loved him. She just didn’t think she could keep him. But she would realize that. Soon. Ashley would make sure of it.
And if she didn’t?
She loved Bacchus. If she couldn’t convince Madison to keep him, and Madison couldn’t find another home, Ashley would take him in. She’d find another apartment if she had to. She would make this right. One way or another.
Madison stumbled as she hit the bottom step out of the little cafe where she and Ashley had just spent the last hour chatting and drinking and giggling.
Giggling.
She’d blame the bourbon, but she’d only had two drinks. Besides, alcohol wasn’t the problem. Being around Ashley made Madison lightheaded, like she could float away hand in hand with this woman. Nothing felt heavy or dark anymore. Spending an evening with Ashley was the equivalent of the displays they’d just explored: a gorgeous showcase of light in the face of darkness.
She felt silly and childish and a flood of other emotions, but she didn’t care. She didn’t worry about anything with Ashley by her side.
“Do you want to take another walk around the block,” Ashley asked, rubbing her hands together to warm them before stuffing them in her coat pockets. “Walk off those drinks before we drive back?”
“Yeah, sure.” Madison edged closer as they walked, so their coat sleeves were touching each other. It was the most intimacy Madison had had in over a year. And she wanted more. So much more. But she was sober enough to control her urges, most notably the urge to slip her arm around Ashley’s and rest her head on Ashley’s shoulder as they walked.
Lafayette Square was still filled with people checking out the lights, and she wasn’t quite in the mood to enter the crowd again. In a weird way she didn’t quite understand, Madison didn’t want to share this tiny moment with anyone other than Ashley. So she pointed at an unoccupied metal bench at the edge of the square near an illuminated sign that read: Magic is something you make.
“How about we sit here for a minute?”
“Sure,” Ashley said as they both sat on the bench.
Madison realized this evening had been the first time she and Ashley had been alone together. Like…really alone. Without Bacchus. As much as she’d been growing more and more fond of the guy, she was growing even more fond of having Ashley all to herself.
She shouldn’t.
Most definitely not.
But…she was. She really, really was.
“So,” she said, stalling while her brain struggled to find something new to talk about. Something that wasn’t Bacchus or Callie. They’d already talked about their favorite TV shows. Already bonded over their shared love of Brooklyn 99 and agreed that Madison was definitely an Amy and Ashley was definitely a Jake. And then the conversation screeched to a halt and Madison had excused herself to go to the restroom. Again.
Now she didn’t know what else to bring up since she was the absolute worst at small talk. She didn’t really go to the movies or to see local bands or any of the other things she could think of.
Then Ashley saved them both by asking, “Do you have any shoots booked this week?”
That Madison could talk about. “A bridal shoot midweek. Hopefully, the weather holds out. And then I’m shooting some big local company’s Christmas party on Friday night.”
“Ooh, any company I know?” Excitement and hunger for gossip dripped from her voice. It was downright cute.
Madison laughed. “Advertising firm.”
“Have you ever done a gallery show?” Ashley asked. “Like of your street photography? Because those photos in your living room are fantastic.”
Madison felt her cheeks blush. “Thanks. I had been thinking about it a while back. One of Callie’s friends knew someone who owned a gallery, and we were talking about maybe setting something up last spring.” She sighed. “But then stuff happened.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. It just wasn’t meant to be then. I haven’t really even thought about it since. It was sort of Callie’s thing she wanted me to do.”
“You didn’t want to do the show?”
“No, I did. I guess.” She paused and thought about how to explain how she felt about the whole thing. “I just…I just don’t really allow myself big dreams. It’s not that I don’t think I can do it, it’s more that I don’t like to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out. I’d rather make peace and be comfortable with life the way it is, and if anything exciting happens then it’s a happy surprise.”
Ashley tilted her head like a confused puppy. “That makes sense. I guess.”
“Not the way you operate, I take it?”
“Not exactly.”
Madison fought back a smile. It wasn’t at all the way she’d seen Ashley operate. She’d shown up for her job interview overflowing with confidence and big dreams and absolutely no experience to back those up. It was one of the things Madison admired most about her. Her big dreams and her boundless optimism.
“So if you were going to allow yourself some big dreams, what would they be?”
Madison raised her eyebrows. “That’s a sneaky question.”
“And the answer is?”
There was that bluster and relentless determination of hers. Gosh, she loved this woman.
Wait. No.
Madison focused on the question at hand, a welcome alternative to the intruding thoughts she absolutely did not want to analyze. “I don’t know. Maybe a gallery show would be nice. More regular bookings…like I’d love to be booked up so much I need to have a cancellation list. Oh, and health insurance would be nice.”
Ashley laughed out loud at that. “I love that your big dream is health insurance.”
“What? It is big! That’s expensive.”
“No kidding. But it’s pretty adorable that it’s at the top of your big dreams list.” Her face froze as she looked down at her hand, which she’d placed on Madison’s leg when she’d let out that last laugh. It had been such a natural move that neither of them had noticed, except now she wasn’t taking that hand away.
Madison realized with a sudden and overwhelming certainty that she absolutely did not want her to take that hand away.
When Ashley looked back up, her hand still on Madison’s leg, she stared into Madison’s eyes. Madison stared back. She didn’t want to stop staring, but she felt her body moving closer and her eyes closing and…
What was she doing?
But her brain was still a little fuzzy, so instead of talking herself out of this, her hand went up to Ashley’s face as she met Ashley’s mouth with her own. Her lips were soft and the chill in them warmed quickly. Madison placed soft kisses on Ashley’s mouth, and after the brief initial shock of contact wore off, Ashley relaxed against her and returned those kisses with her own, tasting of that sweet, smoky bourbon mixed with tart orange and cranberry from their drinks.
Ashley squeezed Madison’s thigh with that hand that she never bothered to remove, sending heat waves all the way up Madison’s leg. Her soft kisses intensified, desire rolling through her now in huge crashing waves.
Big dreams.
Madison hadn’t allowed herself to fully realize that this was one of them.
She froze, then pulled her head back, leaving her hand on the side of Ashley’s confused face. Searching to make sense of it all, to make sense of what she’d done, Madison could only say, “I’m sorry.”
Ashley put her own hand on Madison’s and said, “No, it’s fine.”
“But it isn’t.” Big dreams or not, she was still Ashley’s boss. This was extremely inappropriate. Worse than inappropriate. “I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Ashley removed both of her hands and scooted on the bench, her eyes swirling with confusion and sadness and hurt. “It’s fine. I understand.”
Madison wanted to grab her again. To hold her close and make her understand that it wasn’t her. It wasn’t even ghosts coming between them. This was Madison shutting things down that shouldn’t be. She had known better than to act on her urges, but she’d gotten caught up in the evening and their conversation and Ashley’s delightful presence. She was still Bacchus’s owner and Ashley’s boss for the next three weeks.
Kisses in the park weren’t a thing she was allowed to have. Not with this woman. Not with anyone she cared about, apparently.
“We should probably go,” she said.
Ashley nodded in agreement, so they stood from the bench and walked to Madison’s car together in silence.
CHAPTER 11
Ashley slipped a sparkly green tank top over her head. After she pulled her arms through it, she stood in front of her bedroom mirror and smoothed the fabric. It was much warmer than it had been a week ago but still December and still chilly in the evening, so she grabbed her favorite slim black blazer from the closet.
“So is that standard puppy party attire?” Theresa asked as she leaned against the door frame in her December uniform of festive fleece pants and oversized sweatshirt.
Ashley shrugged. “I have no idea.” She was imagining tacky sweaters or sweatshirts with dogs’ faces airbrushed on them. But no way in this universe would she show up like that. At any kind of party. And if she got paw prints on her jacket, well, that’s what dry cleaners were for. Thankfully she still had a job to pay for that.
“I’m assuming Madison is going with you?”
“Yes.” She tried to keep her voice steady, but her tone still had a slight wobble to it. Everything wobbled whenever she talked about Madison, thought about Madison, or even stood in Madison’s presence.
Madison. Her boss.
The woman she kissed last weekend.
Ashley shook that memory from her mind and grabbed her bag. No point dwelling on that. Madison made it perfectly clear that wouldn’t be happening again.
“Are you gonna finally make a move of your own, or are you planning to keep pretending like there’s nothing going on with you two?” Apparently, Theresa had no plans to let this go.
“There are no moves to be made. She isn’t ready,” Ashley said. “Plus, the whole she’s still my boss thing.”
Theresa waved a dismissive hand. “Details.”
Details Ashley couldn’t exactly gloss over. Especially when Madison almost completely shut down after that kiss last Sunday night. They’d driven back to Madison’s house in silence, only to have her apologize once again before going inside. Ashley didn’t see her again until Wednesday evening. She was always hiding out somewhere or working at the computer with her back to the door when Ashley came over to walk Bacchus. But when Ashley had arrived for his Wednesday evening walk, Madison was waiting in the living room with a polite smile and another apology. This time the apology had been for being reclusive.
Ever since then, things had gone back to normal, running into each other and making small talk, but the vibe between them was stiff and awkward. Ashley was actually surprised Madison still decided to tag along for the party that evening.
Surprised, but glad.
She still had work to do. She still wanted to help Bacchus and Madison stay together. And while Madison might not be ready for kissing in the park right now, Ashley hoped to stick around for whenever she did feel ready. Because she was more than ready for more kissing.
That kiss with Madison had made her dizzy with want and hungry for more. But she was willing to wait as long as Madison needed.
She waved her keys in the air and winked at Theresa. “Don’t wait up.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Theresa called out as Ashley headed for the door. “I’ll definitely be waiting to hear all about this!”
Madison stared in wonder out the passenger window of Ashley’s car. With only a week and a half until Christmas, almost every house down this stretch of St. Charles was lit up for the holidays. The trees along the road were lit up as well, making a sort of on-ramp into holiday-land.
This old neighborhood was always gorgeous—old money gorgeous—but it was especially so this time of year. Even during the day time, green garland and red and gold ribbons adorned front porches and porch swings and enormous wreaths welcomed onlookers.
“So why did we have to drive out here?” Madison asked. Ashley had shown up a little while ago, a big smile on her face and keys in hand on Madison’s porch. “I thought you said this party was for one of my neighbors?”
“Apparently he invited too many people.” Ashley tilted her head toward Madison in the passenger seat. “Your neighborhood has a lot of dogs it seems. So he moved the party to his mom’s house. Or his in-law’s. Someone fancier, I don’t know.”
“Fancier? We’re taking a neighborhood full of dogs someplace fancy?”
Ashley just shrugged while she kept her eyes on the road and dug in her pocket. She handed Madison a scrap of paper with an address scribbled on it. “Here, navigate for me.”
Madison shook her head, more amused than annoyed. They were halfway down St. Charles, but Ashley just now thought to get detailed directions. Her breezy confidence in the face of having no idea where they were going was an enviable trait, and downright adorable.
Madison took the paper and pulled out her phone, but she didn’t need to. She recognized the address immediately. It was the same road where Callie used to visit a gallery owned by an elderly artist couple. “Oh, that’s just up ahead. A couple blocks on the right, I think.”
A few seconds later, Ashley made a right turn onto a road packed with cars on both sides. Madison took a deep breath and hoped this was just a sign that everyone was home on a Saturday night, and that these weren’t all their fellow party guests.
Ashley slipped into an empty spot near the end of the block, and the three of them walked toward the house with a “Winter Wufferland” banner hanging from the porch entrance. Bacchus walked with Ashley, loose-leash but anxiously taking in all the smells of this new neighborhood. He was handling it all surprisingly well.
When they climbed the porch steps, Ashley knocked on the front door. With all the noise coming from inside, Madison was convinced this would prove to be a colossal mistake. Then Ashley slipped her hand in Madison’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and suddenly everything felt right. Madison felt like she could tackle anything, everything, even a dog party, with Ashley by her side.
But when the door opened and they stepped inside, the scene took Madison’s breath away and replaced it with a steep anxiety spiral.
“Um, what is happening here?” A rat terrier skipped over her navy canvas flats. “There are dogs everywhere.”
Literally everywhere.
Two Yorkies sat on a beige couch while a gigantic black Lab slept in a ball on the floor. A pair of unrelated mutts dashed down the hall with reindeer antlers strapped to their heads. A particularly prissy Maltese was even sitting on the bar while a woman fed him Santa-shaped biscuits.
Ashley laughed as she tried to contain Bacchus lunging to follow the reindeer mutts. “What did you think when I said it was a puppy party?”
“I don’t know,” Madison said, catching a whiff of gingerbread mixed with wet mutt. “That it was a puppy-themed people party? Maybe the dogs would play in the backyard or something?” She surveyed the chaotic scene again and fought the urge to bail. Ashley and Bacchus could have plenty of fun without her. “This is…a lot.”
Ashley looked sympathetic, but there was a tiny twinkle in her eye that made Madison question if there had been a wee bit of mischievous deception at play here. “Sorry, I should have explained better.”
“No, I was in denial, I guess.” She fell into an easy smile. Everything around Ashley had been so easy, right from the start.
And then she’d ruined everything with that kiss.
Ever since that night last weekend, Madison couldn’t stop thinking about her. How she wanted to stroll through the streets every evening with her. How she wanted to reach out and hold her hand. How she’d wanted to invite her inside again once they returned to Madison’s duplex…and not to sleep in the guest room this time.
She’d realized that she was looking forward to Ashley’s visits more and more every day, and not just because the woman got Bacchus out of her hair for a little while. She looked forward to those visits because they meant time with Ashley. Time that turned into awkward silence after she’d made her move without thinking things through first. Without a proper conversation about how to handle things between them.
