The forgiving quilt, p.12
The Forgiving Quilt, page 12
“You do not have to do anything about me,” she said to erase that heat. “You really should let me be. I can find a way to my sessions. We do have cabs.”
He didn’t let go of her. “You have to be the most stubborn woman I’ve ever known.”
“I reckon you knew a lot of them out there in the world.”
“Jealous or just curious?” he asked, his eyes still on her.
“Neither.” She pulled away and caught her balance. “I’m just surprised you didn’t marry and get on with your life.”
“I did get on with my life, but I never found the right woman out there. But thank you for wondering.”
“I’m not wondering,” she said, curiosity making her even more aggravated. “I’m going inside. You can run errands or sit on the buggy or . . . find a shade tree.”
“I’ll be right here on the bench. And when we’re done, I’ll get you straight home.”
So no ice cream today. Gut. She would not eat ice cream with a man who’d insulted her and accused her of being a snob. Spoiled? A princess? Amish girls didn’t become princesses, and this was certainly no fairy tale.
She would put something new on her quilt, something to remind her that this man had found yet another reason to put a wall between them.
She’d do that. She’d put a fence on one of the panels and leave it up to the viewer to decide why that fence was there.
But she’d know the reason. She’d remember his words to her every day. And every night. She had not slept well since he’d told her he wasn’t gut enough for her.
Eliza gave Levi one last glance, then went inside and signed in. She would never, ever get married. Just trying to understand a man’s mind was torment enough.
Why had he pulled away? she wondered while Lynsey, the sweet female therapist, put Eliza through her paces. She stretched, going up and down on her toes at a slow pace, shifting her weight more to the injured leg as each week went by.
“Now try standing on your injured leg,” Lynsey told Eliza, her blond ponytail swinging, her sky-blue eyes always happy.
Lynsey was engaged to a pharmacist who lived in Shadow Lake, too. They were building a small house here in town.
Eliza liked hearing about Lynsey’s plans, but it hurt to think she might not ever have such plans. How could one man mess up her life in such a profound way?
She tried to stand on her healing leg, but she stumbled and groaned.
“You’re off today,” Lynsey said. “Is something wrong? Did you hurt your leg?”
“Neh,” Eliza said, motioning toward the window. “I got flustered earlier when I found out he was bringing me to therapy.”
“That handsome man on the bench?” Lynsey asked, craning her neck to get a glimpse of Levi out the big front windows of the building. “Didn’t he bring you last week?”
“He did, but I don’t want to be around him anymore.”
Lynsey glanced at Eliza and then back to Levi. “I see.”
“And what do you see?” Eliza asked as she tried to pose like a flamingo again. She’d seen pictures of the pretty birds standing on one leg.
“I see two people who’ve had a quarrel,” Lynsey replied. “A fight, a misunderstanding.”
“All of the above,” Eliza said through a breath. Then she lowered her leg. “Do you and your fiancé ever argue?”
“Many times,” Lynsey admitted. “But we love each other, so we talk it through. Work, the wedding, the house, life. It all happens. And it causes stress.”
“He is my stress,” Eliza admitted.
“You love him?”
“Neh, I just have a history with him. One I’d like to forget.”
“Right,” Lynsey said with a knowing smile. “For your sake and the sake of getting this leg well, try to make peace with the man. He looks miserable out there all by himself.”
“It’s the heat. I told him to find something to do.”
“Hey, it’s late October. Not that hot, and he is not going to leave you here alone.”
“He’s stubborn that way.”
Lynsey grinned. “Just like you, huh?”
Eliza smiled. “I’m not stubborn. I’m decisive.”
Lynsey laughed. “Decisive. I’m gonna use that one.”
Then she turned serious. “Don’t let being decisive mess with your therapy. You’re doing great, but being distracted can cause people to slack off on their exercises.”
“I’m not going to do that,” Eliza said. “The sooner I’m well, the sooner I’ll be done with needing his help.”
“That’s a shame,” Lynsey said. “The way he keeps glancing toward the door means he cares a lot about you.”
Eliza looked out the window. Sure enough, Levi was watching the door. Probably because he was ready to go home.
She thanked Lynsey, got her printed instructions for next week’s work, and managed to get herself out the door.
Levi jumped up to meet her. “How’d you do?”
“I did great. I’m getting better every week.”
“Soon you won’t need me anymore.”
“That’s the plan.”
She turned to face him and saw the dejection in his eyes. A hurt that he hadn’t meant for her to see. He quickly replaced it with a blank look and let her get into the wagon on her own.
She wanted to tell Levi she had always needed him and would probably always love him. But he’d made it clear he couldn’t love a woman who had more material things than he did.
Couldn’t he see that she’d give up just about anything to be with him, that she would have done that all along?
Neh, he couldn’t see, and she’d never voiced her thoughts to him, so he’d assumed the worst when he compared their lives. She could almost understand how her world made him feel. His parents had struggled their whole lives. But Levi had left them, left her, left Shadow Lake.
Maybe his guilt was holding him back.
Such a mixed-up confusion.
His rejection hurt even worse this time than years ago.
But you rejected him the first time. That fact hit her square in her heart as she silently settled herself into the back of the buggy.
Maybe that had led him to believe he could never prove himself to her. And maybe, just maybe, she needed to come down off her haughty high horse and show him that he was wrong.
* * *
Two days later, Eliza did a slow walk from the cottage to the stables. She carried her cane in case she lost her balance, but she was determined to get back to the chores she loved.
She’d helped in the inn’s kitchen this morning, under the watchful eye of Edith. The cook ruled the kitchen, but she’d sat Eliza down to peel potatoes and they’d had a nice talk.
“You and Levi—what’s going on there?” Edith had said with her hands on her hips.
“Nothing.”
Edith huffed. “Something. It’s always something when one says nothing.”
“It’s something that will amount to nothing,” Eliza had replied, while she took out her frustrations on the poor potatoes.
Edith turned back to her work but finally returned and put a hand on Eliza’s arm. “I think we have enough peeled and sliced potatoes to last for three days, dear.”
Working in the kitchen had not gone very well.
“Do us all a favor,” Colette had told her. “Go to the stables.”
So here she was, out of breath and with one leg throbbing. But she’d made it to her bench. She sank down, wondering what she could do to show Levi she wasn’t above him in any way. She wished she could carry a pitcher of lemonade, but she was afraid she’d spill it. And maybe some snickerdoodle cookies since Edith had offered them.
But here she was empty-handed and unable to help anyone in any way.
Then she looked up and saw Abigail coming up the alley between the stalls with . . . a pitcher of lemonade and a basket full of cookies.
“What are you doing?” she asked on a whisper. She didn’t want Levi to come around the corner and find her.
“I’m bringing lemonade and cookies. Edith said you wanted to bring some out to our men, but you were afraid you’d drop everything.”
“That’s true.” Eliza felt hot tears burning at her eyes. She never cried, so why was she such a mess these days? “Denke.”
Jonah and Levi came back from checking the livestock, laughing and talking until they saw the two sisters waiting for them on the bench near the front of the stables.
“Ah, my lovely wife has brought refreshments,” Jonah said, all grins.
“I’m not thirsty,” Levi replied. “Or hungry.”
Jonah grabbed Levi’s shirt, dragging him forward. “It would be rude to turn down fresh lemonade, bro.”
Levi frowned. “Bro?”
“Sorry, I revert to the outside world every now and then,” Jonah said, and his determined stare caused Levi to nod finally.
“Oh, I guess I am a bit thirsty,” Levi said, his tone not a happy one.
“Gut,” Abigail said. “Eliza was thoughtful enough to remind me to bring this out to you.”
“So thoughtful,” Jonah said, taking his glass of the icy drink.
“Ja,” Levi said, not even looking at Eliza.
An awkward silence followed as the men chewed their cookies and sipped their lemonade.
Abigail set the huge tray holding the plastic lemonade pitcher, small paper cups, and the cookies down on the bench next to Eliza. “Jonah, we should check the apple orchard. We’ve had a lot of pickers out there today. I need to go over preparations for the Harvest Festival, too.”
Jonah looked confused and then he smiled. “Oh, yes, we should do that. We should check things over.”
They walked away, in love and holding hands.
Eliza didn’t finish her cookie. She laid it down and stared at the dirt floor.
Levi cleared his throat. “You haven’t been out here in a while.”
“Neh.”
“You are still angry with me, then?”
“What do you think?”
“I think I shouldn’t have been so honest with you.”
“Well, you were and now we know where we stand.”
“I thought we could still be friends.”
“I thought you wanted nothing more to do with me.”
“That’s not what I meant, Lizzie.”
“You can’t call me that. We are from different worlds. My name is Eliza.”
He took off his straw hat and hit it against his leg. “You are a frustrating woman.”
“You are a confusing man.”
“So, are we going to fight like this every time we’re around each other?”
“We won’t have to be around each other much longer. I am getting better every day. Hardly a limp at all.”
He put down his empty cup. “Well, then, I’d better give you the gift I bought for you when I was in town the other day. I was saving it for a special time, but that might not work.”
Eliza finally looked up at Levi. “What are you talking about?”
He walked toward his shop in the back, nudging the horses as he strolled along. Then he returned and handed her a floral-colored tote bag. “It’s heavy,” he warned.
“What is this?”
“You like books, so I bought you some—they’ve been approved by your mamm, so you can enjoy reading while you’re here or when you’re resting at home.” Then he shrugged. “My mamm made the tote bag for you.”
Eliza reached in with all the joy of someone finding treasure. A book about horses. Another one about quilting. Then another about the history of Lake Erie and some of the houses along the lake. Finally, a book about flowers and landscaping.
“And one more,” he said, pointing to the little wrapped book at the bottom of the bag.
Eliza was speechless as she lifted out the little book. She opened it and stared. “There are no words. Is this a journal?”
“Ja, Lizzie. Your journal. You are writing your own story every day. I thought a journal might help you figure things out, in your own words.”
“What should I write?” she asked in earnest. “I’ve never thought of writing about my life.”
He leaned down, so close she could smell the mint and rosemary in the soap his mother had shown her when they were visiting. “You could write about us and what’s right with us. Or what’s wrong with us. Maybe then, we will both understand what went wrong so long ago, and how we could make things right in the future.”
Tears pricked at her eyes. “But you don’t want a future with me, Levi.”
“Lizzie,” he said, touching a finger to her cheekbone. “I have always wanted a future with you, but there are so many reasons it won’t work.”
“Such as your thinking I’m better than you—which you know is not something the Amish believe or use against each other.”
He kneeled on one knee and smiled over at her. “I do know that, but I want to give you everything, and I don’t have much to give.”
“So you’ll just . . . leave it at that?”
“I have to, for now.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means . . . I will find a way to make things right between us, somehow. We can start all over again.”
“And again, and again?” she asked as a tear slipped down her cheek and hit his finger.
“Again and again, until we both know it’s right.”
He caught the tear and then he leaned in and kissed her other cheek. “Enjoy your books. We will one day have a story to tell. I have to keep believing that.”
Then he grabbed a cookie and strolled back to his work.
While Eliza sat there alone with an open, empty book, its pages so white and bright, her tears fell and hit the paper, leaving an imprint of the stain that would always be there.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
That night, she pulled out the unfinished quilt. Tomorrow, they were having another quilting frolic, and Abigail wanted her to work on her forgiving quilt. She glanced at the books, knowing she’d add a book panel. Then she thought about cookies and lemonade, and how Levi had touched her cheek and caught her tears with his finger. She’d make a cookie panel with a glass of lemonade in the same panel—yellow and bright. And somewhere on the quilt, she’d add a floral pattern for the beautiful tote bag he’d given her. She planned to visit Connie and thank her for making the bag. What a thoughtful gift. That also meant Levi had talked to his mamm about Eliza. She hoped Connie could shed some light on him and help her understand the grown man he’d become.
Colette popped into her room and dropped onto the bed. “Have you written in your journal yet?”
Eliza nodded and picked up the pretty little blue book. “I have. I started with falling down the ladder and breaking my leg.”
“Why there?”
“Because that was what caused Levi to come back into my life,” she told Colette.
“It’s like Alice falling down the rabbit hole,” Colette replied. “Although Mamm wasn’t so keen on me reading that one.”
Eliza shook her head. “Ja, falling off that ladder started a chain of events that has left me puzzled and confused, but at least I’m almost back to my old self.”
Almost.
Abigail came in with her sketch pad and shut the door. “Jonah is with Mamm and Daed, so we have a few moments alone.” She leaned close. “Aenti Miriam will be here next week. At least now she can sleep in my old room.”
“We are both thankful for that,” Colette said. “She snores something fierce.”
They all giggled like teenagers. Then Abigail got the update on the forgiving quilt. “I thought you were through with quilting,” she said to Eliza.
“She was, but Levi has redeemed himself yet again,” Colette said before Eliza could speak.
Eliza explained, one hand on her eager sister’s arm. “So here we are.” She told Abigail what she wanted to put on the quilt next. Abigail sketched, her lips twisted while she concentrated.
“How would this look?”
Eliza took the small sketch pad and studied the drawings. “That’s it—the lemonade glass, a bowl of cookies, and my blue book. Very nice. Then we can find a pretty floral pattern for the middle panel.”
“So you’ll be at the frolic tomorrow?” Abigail asked, her expression eager.
“Ja, but why are you so excited? You know I’m not the best at quilting.”
Abigail smiled. “I just want both my sisters there.”
“Why?” They both asked, confused but mostly curious.
“I have a surprise.”
“You aren’t going to hide Levi in that powder room where Jonah heard about your quilt, are you?” Colette asked.
Abigail giggled. “Neh, nothing like that. You’ll find out tomorrow.”
She tried to stand. But her two sisters pulled her back down. “I have to go.”
“You can’t leave until you tell us. Your eyes are bright, and you’ve got that dreamy expression on your face,” Colette said. “What is going on?”
Eliza studied Abigail. “She’s rosy-cheeked and glowing.” Then she gasped and grabbed Abigail’s hand. “Are you . . . with child?”
Abigail’s eyes grew bright with tears as she nodded. “A bobbeli. Jonah and I are going to have a bobbeli.”
“Oh!” Colette let out a yelp so loud, Eliza was sure Mamm and Daed would come running.
Abigail put a hand to her mouth. “Shh. I want to surprise Mamm.”
“Does Jonah know?” Eliza asked, in awe.
“Ja. I told him on our walk through the apple orchard because when we were falling in love, he promised me we’d walk through there alone one day. And so we did. Again. We walk through there a lot.”
“We should tell Mamm and Daed right now,” Colette said. “I don’t think I can wait until tomorrow.”
Abigail sat thinking. “You’re right. I can’t wait either. Let me warn Jonah when we get downstairs, okay?”
They all hugged, then danced around in a circle. Eliza’s happiness for her sister outweighed the envy she felt. She’d never thought she wanted love and marriage, but now her heart seemed to burn for both. And a bobbeli.
So much to put in her journal. So much to put on her quilt.
Eliza had never been this conflicted about anything. She truly did feel like one of the lead characters in her beloved books. Would she find her own happy ending?
