Riding the sugar high a.., p.29
Riding the Sugar High: a Grumpy Sunshine Romantic Comedy, page 29
Tears strike her face as she nods. “Okay,” she says, her voice tinged with sadness.
Okay. I guess that’s something, but I intend to ensure she follows through.
Neither of us says anything else for a long while, and Barbie’s upbeat voice, blabbering all the time, is painfully absent. How can a place where I lived my whole life no longer make sense because she spent thirteen days here, then left? How is it possible?
“Does Prim hate me?”
My body twitches, and I shift position to mask it. “I have no idea. She dumped me.”
“What?”
I’m not repeating it, so instead, I bask in my misery, in the unbelievable amount of pain compressing my lungs. I let the thought of it poison me slowly and thoroughly. How I lost someone who tried her best to get to know me. To understand me and give me comfort.
“So . . . you’re single?”
My brows tighten as I turn to Josie.
“I know. You’ve just broken up,” she says with a shaky voice. “But I need to say this now, Logan, because I don’t think I’ll get another chance.”
“Josie—”
“I adore Prim, but you’re the love of my life,” she whispers.
Watching her distressed expression, I can recognize in her the same pain I felt for so long. It kills me to know she’s going through it, but at the same time, I feel none of it. None of the heartbreak that has followed me around like a ghost for the past five years.
Hearing I’m the love of her life means nearly nothing to me.
“I know it’s terrible that I only realized all of this when Prim came around. And if I’d told you three weeks ago that I love you, this would have been much, much easier, but . . .” She wipes her tears away, but more follow quickly after. “I had to try, Logan. You need to know before you choose.”
Rubbing a hand over my mouth, I rest my forearms on my thighs. I keep my eyes on the silent fireplace, then whisper, “Timing has nothing to do with this, Josie. You could have said this a year ago, and my answer would have been the same.”
She cups her face, shoulders shaking lightly.
“There’s no choice, because there isn’t a single doubt in my mind Primrose is the person I want to be with. But this has nothing to do with her. We were done the moment you chose my brother over me.”
“I made a mistake, Logan, I—”
“I’m not punishing you or . . .” I wave dismissively. “Whether he loves you or not—even if he’s given us his blessing—it’d hurt him. I don’t care if he’s done it to me, Josie. I’m not Aaron, and I would never, under any circumstance, date my brother’s ex.”
Tears create small dark patches on her jeans. “Yeah. And that’s why I’m in love with you.”
A bitter smile bends my lips as I turn to her. I think I spent the last five years missing her memory, before it was tainted by what she did. But seeing her for what she is is a sobering realization.
She’s selfish. She cheated on me. And the fact that she’d decide to tell me all of this once I’m finally happy, careless of my feelings, of Primrose’s, of Aaron’s . . . “I think you should go.”
Her face crumples at my words, tears flowing freely as she nods. “Okay. Yes.” She sniffles, then stands and looks around. “I . . . uh, I’ll—”
“Aaron is waiting for you outside. I’ll make sure you get your clothes tomorrow.”
She doesn’t look at me this time and quickly walks to the door as if she can’t escape fast enough. It reminds me of old times, when she ran away from fights. When she avoided confrontation until it exploded and tore us apart.
Not Primrose, though. She’s not afraid of a fight.
As she darts out, Aaron’s questioning gaze meets mine, then he nods with a half-smile. He points at the driveway and, with a wave, walks away.
Go after Primrose, he said. And I will. There’s only one hotel in Pinevale, so it’ll be easy to check if she’s there. If not, I’ll go through every single hotel in Roseberg. Her stuff is still here, so she can’t be far, and fuck me, I’m going to find her and talk to her.
If I can punch Aaron in his face and reject Josie, I can talk to Primrose too.
I walk to the door, but just as I head out, the sound of a car engine comes from the driveway. My heart thumps as I wait for an Uber to show up and drop my Barbie at my door, but I’m hardly that lucky. Instead, the car parking in front of my house is a police cruiser with Connor at the wheel.
What the hell is he doing here?
“How’s it going, Coleman?” he asks as he opens the car door and comes out. His cold and calculating eyes twinkle with joy as he pulls his pants up.
“What do you want, Harper?”
“I’m looking for your girlfriend, actually.”
The blood freezes in my veins. “Primrose?” I scowl. “Why? What do you want with her?”
With a shrug, he thumbs his ear. “That’s none of your business.”
“She’s not here,” I mutter. I’ll need to call the lawyers again, won’t I? If only this asshole would let this go.
“Well, where is she? I need to see her right now.”
My heartbeat quickens. I’m sweating, but I’m afraid the sun shining in the sky has little to do with it. I think I’m panicking again.
Why is he looking for her? They have nothing on us. They have nothing on her, and if someone should go down for this, it’s me.
I will die before I let anything happen to my Barbie.
“Why are you looking for her, Connor?”
After a moment of hesitation, he picks his teeth with his nail. “Fine. I’ll tell you, but only because, though I think you’re a bumpkin, I’d want to know if it was my woman.” As if his sudden display of humanity wasn’t surprising enough, he takes on a severe expression. “We have a witness placing her on Derek’s farm.”
They . . . what? That’s impossible.
There’s nobody out here—who could have seen her besides goats and sheep?
“I’ll need to arrest her, so if you could let me know where to find her, I’ll be on my way.”
No. No. He can’t arrest Primrose. She can't be locked up—I’ll do anything.
A surge of panic courses through my veins like a jolt of electricity, sending my heart into overdrive. My breath comes in short, shallow gasps, each inhalation feeling like I'm sucking in air through a straw. “I did it,” I blurt without a second thought.
“What?”
“I set the fire, stole the piglets. It was me, and Primrose had nothing to do with it.”
The words hang heavy in the air between us, and a deafening silence descends as the reality of what I've just done sinks in.
My mind spins. I’ll need to call Kyle, make sure that the piglets are safe. He and Simon will take care of the farm, use Aaron’s money, and fix everything. Primrose won’t be arrested and’ll get her dream job at Marisol.
Whether or not I end up in prison, they’ll make it.
“You did it?” Connor comes to stand in front of me. “Do you understand—”
“Yes,” I hiss. I understand that I’ll be arrested. That I’m confessing in front of a police officer, and there’s no coming back from that. “I did it.”
“Logan Coleman, you’re—”
“Wait,” I say as I raise a hand. “You need to wait until tomorrow to arrest me.”
He snorts, laughter exploding past his lips.
“Listen, if you arrest me now, I’ll clam up. Won’t say a word during the interrogation, making your job much harder.” I can’t be arrested before I talk to Primrose. She can’t leave before I explain—before I tell her how I feel. “But if you give me today, I’ll serve you my ass on a silver platter. I’ll confess, give you all the dirt.”
He shakes his head, gaze lost in the distance, until he turns to me with a click of his tongue. “Fine. You have until tonight. I’ll be back, and if you pull any crap, I’m arresting your girlfriend.”
I nod, watching him walk to the cruiser and sit at the wheel. Only once he’s gone, my eyes close, the back of my head hitting the doorframe.
This is it.
We’ve been made.
make sacrifices for me
Primrose
A noise wakes me up, and with a gasp, I frantically look around to see where it’s coming from, my eyes settling on the phone next to the bedside table lamp.
Right. I’m in a hotel room.
I rub my eyes as the events from yesterday hit me like a brick. Logan and Josie. His silence when I begged him to give me a reason to stay.
With a sigh, I pick up the phone and bring it to my ear. “Hello?”
“Yes, hi. I’m sorry to bother you, Miss Bellevue, but a man is here for you.”
Logan.
The terrified look in his eyes comes back to me, and pulling the blanket closer to my chest, I swallow. “Tell him I won’t see him, please.”
“Oh, he didn’t ask me to call you. He just won’t leave, and he can’t stay here any longer. I’ve waited as long as possible, but if he doesn’t leave the property, I’ll have to call the police. I figured you’d want to know.”
Goddammit. “No, wait,” I say as I peel the blanket off and set my feet on the carpeted floor. “Don’t call the police. I’ll handle it.”
“Ma’am, are you sure?”
“Yes, quite.” I think I’m done with the police for a while. I stand and look around, locating my clothes on the armchair. “I’ll be right there.”
I hang up, and on the way, I stop in front of the mirror, but there’s little I can do with my hands alone to cover up the fact that I spent most of today crying.
I untie my hair, then ruffle it, and exasperated by the lack of results, I grab my key and walk down the flight of stairs.
When I enter the hall, the concierge points to the right. My eyes follow, and Logan is there, sitting with his back hunched and his elbows on his knees. He’s staring at the floor, but as I step forward, his chin lifts from his hands and he stands, visibly nervous.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” I say when I reach him. Though I’m still very much angry, I also feel too tired for it, and pain has taken over sometime during the night anyway. “Logan, you can’t stay here.”
“I just wanted to see you.”
“You can’t make me see you. Make me speak.” I shrug lightly. “Loitering in a hotel lobby for a woman who doesn’t want to talk to you isn’t . . . okay.”
His eyes study my face, then he nods, as if it just occurred to him that this might be inappropriate. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I thought . . .” He shakes his head. “I don’t know what I thought. I’ll go.”
I nod, surprised that’s all it took, and the moment of silence stretches. His blue-gray eyes, filled with hurt and unsaid words, are hard to look at.
“Okay. Bye.”
“Did you spend the whole day here?” I ask as he steps away.
“Uh, yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry. It just made me feel better to be where you were. But I get it. It’s creepy, and I should respect your wishes.”
Yeah, all of that is true.
But he spent all day here, on this tiny plastic chair, not knowing if I’d even agree to see him. Not knowing if I’d listen to him, or talk. He tried. For me.
“Oh, you forgot this.” He holds out my flamingo scrunchie. He never did tell me why he took it. “You only have fifteen thousand. I figured you’d miss this one.”
I think of saying he can keep it, but he probably doesn’t want it anyway, and heart twisting, I accept it and hug it to my stomach. If this is the last time I see Logan, this will remind me of him.
“Okay. I’ll go now,” he says, but he doesn’t move. Instead, he rubs his jaw and presses his lips tightly for a moment. “Can I just say one thing?”
“Yes,” I blurt.
“I’m not in love with Josie,” he says, his voice steady. “Yesterday, when you asked, I hesitated, but it’s not because I’m not sure.” He pauses, and when I give him a nod, continues. “For the longest time, I was Logan, Josie’s boyfriend. And then I was Logan, dumped for his brother. Logan who isolated himself from his family because he couldn’t bear to be around her. Eventually, I found some balance in the everlasting unhappiness. But through it all, I was always Logan: in love with Josie. Unable to move on.”
My heart squeezes for him. With the shock I felt yesterday, I didn’t exactly stop to think about what happened between the three of them or how difficult it must be for him. Love or not, I don’t think you ever get over your brother marrying your ex.
“Then you showed up.”
My lips part, and his eyes soften when he notices.
“And since you came along, she never crossed my mind. Not in the way she used to. But I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t think about it at all—that’s the point. She was the cop after us, and my brother’s wife. But besides that, you consumed me. My whole mind.” He sighs, chewing on his bottom lip. “For the first time in five years, yesterday I knew the answer to your question. I wasn’t in love with her. I’m not. And I didn’t know how to process it right then and there.”
Tears fill my eyes.
I want to believe him so badly, and despite having this eerie feeling I’m headed straight for heartbreak, I think I do. But it doesn’t mean I can play fast and loose with my heart.
I have no idea if Josie talked to him. What if she didn’t? What if she does one month from now, when I’m even more used to his presence? When he’s even more important?
What if he’s saying all of this because he doesn’t know she wants him back?
“Logan, I . . . I think you have a lot of things to work through. And so do I, after . . .” Derek took a hammer on my confidence and trust. “Anyway, we should probably work on that before we—we consider anything else.”
“Oh.” His shoulders hunch, and I can distinctly see the moment the meaning of my words hits him. “Oh-kay, yes. Sure, I get it.”
He brings a hand to his face, rubbing his beard as his eyes bounce left and right over the floor, and tears sting at the back of my eyes, but for once, I refuse to cry. I know what it’ll do to him if I start sobbing, and the last thing I want is to hurt him. Actually, the last thing I want is to lose him, but I’m afraid that ship has sailed.
“I’m really sorry,” I insist. “I hope you know—”
“I know.” His lips lift in a bitter smile. “And you’re right. I do have a lot to work through. I understand that you didn’t sign up for any of it.”
“But maybe at some point . . .” God, I don’t want this to be the last time I see him. What I want is to go back to the farm. Sleep against his chest. Wake up with his beard scratching my skin as he kisses me.
“Yeah. Maybe.” He takes a step back, and it feels like my heart rips with the new inches between us. Then he takes one forward, and his arms spread. “Should we . . . uh . . .”
With a nod, I hide my face in his shirt and wrap my arms around him. His smell is comforting like it’s always been, but I wonder if it will remind me of pain and heartbreak from now on.
“I’ll work on it, okay?” he whispers into my hair. “On being a better man for you. And then I’ll call you, and if you still want to see me, I’ll come to you, wherever you are.”
Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry until you’re alone in your room.
“Thank you,” he says as his hold tightens. “For everything.” He breathes hard against my hair, then lets me go, and it feels against any logic to untangle my arms from behind him, but I do.
He needs to talk to Josie and make sure he has no feelings for her. He needs to process his emotions, as unpleasant as they may be, before I can trust him with myself. After being hidden by men, lied to, and used, I can’t live my life thinking I’m his second choice.
Even though he’s never made me feel like one.
“Bye,” he says, and this time, he looks into my eyes for the briefest of moments. But it’s enough for me to see the light in them dim.
For me to see him hate himself just a little bit more.
I settle on the chair and wait for my laptop to turn on. The hotel room is small, but still better than a porch for a meeting with Chloe. Of course, I’d rather be on that porch, smoking weed with Logan. In his kitchen, making candy, or in his bed, tracing the shape of his muscles with my fingers.
God, I miss Lola and Paco so much.
I open the video conference room and watch myself in the left corner. My skin is almost gray, the purple and blue hues under my eyes testifying to hours of crying. No amount of makeup could have covered this, and anyway, I left most of it at Logan’s. At least Kyle promised to swing by and bring me my stuff later today.
Did Josie talk to Logan already? Are they back together, or did he reject her? Maybe I could ask Kyle.
“Hello?” Chloe’s face fills the screen, and with a happy wave, she says, “Hi, Primrose! How are you?”
“I’m good, Chloe, thank you. How are you?”
She’s joined by Jessica, whom I recognize as part of their HR department from previous interactions. “We’re having a sunny day in Mayfield, so we can’t complain.” Jessica sits, and pulling her dark hair into a ponytail, she juts her chin forward. “When will you be back?”
“In four days,” I say with a forced smile.
“Okay, Primrose, let me tell you,” She chuckles on my laptop screen. “This recipe is incredible. We asked one of our cooks to make it for us, and”—she bumps Jessica’s shoulder—“Tell her what I said.”
Jessica’s eyes widen. “‘No way is this vegan.’”
My smile wavers, but I slide it back on. “I’m so glad you like it.”
“It’s brilliant.”
Chloe nods. “This isn’t candy—it’s art.”
“Look—” Jessica holds a hand up, her eyes narrowing—“we’ve seen some crazy flavor combinations on your page, so when you said strawberry?”
“Yeah, we were skeptical at best.”
“Believe it or not,” Jessica says as she smacks a hand against the white table. “This is my new all-time favorite.”
