Yours actually, p.9
Yours Actually, page 9
part #2 of Only Yours Series
“I’d love to see Bradford deal with a period,” Callan says when he comes to stand with us.
His arm brushes mine as Kristen excuses herself and I’m instantly aware of a new tension between us. A vibration that speeds my heartbeat and shoots electricity through my limbs. Callan’s eyes, deep and intense, hold mine in a magnetic gaze, suspending time around us. A rush of heat blooms at the base of my spine and radiates outward, making my skin flush with warmth.
I have no idea what’s happening. Surely I’m imagining it.
But it’s right there, in the way his gaze drops to my throat. In the way his eyes linger there. In the way heat flares between us.
I’m lost, floundering in this moment when he finally glances up and says, “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming, Ace.”
Butterflies in the thousands unleash themselves in my stomach and the air is sucked from my lungs at what I see in Callan’s eyes. He’s looking at me like he’s been waiting for me. Like I’m the only reason he’s here. Like I’ve completed his day.
I steady myself, because I think that if I don’t, my knees may just give way. “It’s been a day.” Those are the only words I can manage. In fact, they may be the only words I utter tonight if the current state of my brain is anything to go by.
I’m bewildered.
And I think perhaps still drunk.
That’s the only reason I can come up with for thinking Callan’s looking at me differently to how he’s always looked at me.
Concern flashes across his face. “What happened?”
We spoke at our usual time of eleven this morning but haven’t spoken since. It’s unusual for me to choose Blair to vent to, but because all my problems are because of Penelope, I haven’t wanted to drag Callan into it. So, he is unaware of any of the hell she’s causing me.
I bite my lip, trying to figure out what to share with him.
“Liv,” he says, his voice low and deep. “Don’t keep stuff from me. What’s going on?”
“Damn you for knowing all my tells,” I mutter softly, to which he simply raises his brows and waits. “Ugh. Your friend, Penelope, is what’s going on.”
More brow arching. “My friend?”
My arm flies up all by itself in a wild gesture I’m unable to control. “Yes, your friend. I have no idea how you can’t see her true colors. She’s spreading lies and rumors, causing problems for me and my clients. And she’s had the audacity to demand more information from me as to what she should cease and desist. Honestly!” I stop talking abruptly, having already said more than I intended.
Callan’s jaw clenches and anger darkens his gaze. “Tell me exactly what she’s done. And don’t leave a single thing out.”
Holy god, the intensity blazing from him is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
When I stall because I’m so struck by that intensity, he growls, “Olivia.”
I blink.
Callan has never used that growly voice on me. Never ever ever. And I can’t deny how much I like it. I can’t deny how much my body likes it.
I launch into an account of everything that has transpired today and he listens intently. When I get to the end, I say, “I will still be your friend if you ever decide you want her to be your plus-one again but you should know that I won’t be a fan of that decision.”
“I won’t ever make that decision.”
I feel immediate and immense relief at that.
“I’ll call her tomorrow and find out what the hell game she’s playing at,” he adds while I’m still processing my relief.
“Oh god, no. Don’t do that.”
“I’m not just going to stand back and let her attack you.” The ferocious determination in his voice reaches out to me and pulls me further into his web. Callan has always made me feel protected and safe; those feelings are heightened by his desire to stride into my problems and solve them for me. But I can’t let him do that. I need to protect him. Goodness knows what she’d do to him if he pisses her off too.
“You can stand back. I don’t want to put you at risk.”
“You’re not putting me at risk.”
I step closer and touch his arm. “Please don’t get involved. This is my work and I have to handle it appropriately.”
His eyes search mine for the longest moment. “Okay. But if she pushes this and it hurts you, there’s not one thing you can say that will hold me back.”
My heart melts.
I’m still convinced I’m imagining the shift in vibe between us, but for now I’m choosing to indulge in the butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach.
This is what it would feel like to be loved by Callan.
Deep intense affection.
Next level attention.
Steadfast protection.
I’m beginning to question if I could actually survive being with him because right now I’m finding it hard to breathe while he looks at me the way he is.
8
CALLAN
Olivia is glowing. She wasn’t when she arrived, but she is now. Actually, the glow in her cheeks is more of a blush, and fuck if I don’t like that pink on her.
Hell, there are a lot of new things I like about her. Far too many to count and they’ve all been messing with me since Saturday night when she got drunk and asked me if I ever think about us being together.
I’ve gone round and round with this for days, wondering if this is new for her too. I’ve not seen any evidence in our friendship that she’s thought about this previously, but then there are things she’s not felt comfortable telling me before, so I’m questioning everything.
She woke with a fucker of a hangover yesterday and no memory of the things we talked about or of the fact I helped her out of her dress. Knowing she’s a private person when it comes to her body and would be mortified over the knowledge I undressed her, I kept that to myself. I also kept most of our conversation to myself.
I’m un-fucking-sure what to do here, but I know for certain that if we get our feelings out in the open, we won’t ever be able to put them back in their box. And our friendship would never be the same.
“Thank you,” she says after I tell her I’ll honor her wish for me to not get involved in her situation with Penny.
I meant it when I said nothing would hold me back if Penny hurts her. I’ve never felt so decided on something as I do on this. Or felt a decision so deeply in my bones. Olivia is precious and there’s no fucking way I’ll allow anyone to cause her pain.
A text comes through for me and I’m stunned when I see my brother’s name on the screen.
Ethan
I got your text. I’m out.
“What is it?” Olivia asks after I read the message. My face must show my disappointment.
I meet her gaze. “Ethan’s out for the Alps.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you guys were still talking about doing that.”
I shove my phone in my trousers. “We weren’t, but I was hoping he’d pull his head from his ass and let shit go so we still could.” My words taste as bitter as they sound. Before he left New York, Ethan and I had been making plans to highline in the French Alps. Since I haven’t been able to get an answer out of him for months, I figured he’d changed his mind but I still held a glimmer of hope.
“I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to that.”
“I’ll still do it.”
Her eyes widen a little. “Oh. Okay.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. “Are you still planning on doing it at that place that has 400-foot cliffs?”
“You’re thinking of the canyon in Utah where we train. The Alps is higher.”
“That’s so high, Callan. What if you hurt yourself?” Now, her eyes go wider. “Oh god, you’re not going to do it alone, are you? Is that even possible?”
Fuck, her worry is endearing. “I’d never highline alone, Ace. I’ll find someone to do it with. And there’s no need to worry. You know I believe in safety all the way.”
I’ve been slacklining for five years and moved onto highlining two years ago. Walking ropes up high is the greatest challenge I’ve ever found in life. It pushes me physically and mentally and helps me shed fears as I progress to greater heights. I credit the sport for my success in business. The mental levels it pushes me through helps me do the same in my work. I know Olivia worries about it but I train hard and take all the safety precautions I can.
“I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier when I know you’re walking across a thin piece of rope over a canyon with a 400-foot drop. I much preferred it when you slacklined in a park and I brought you ice-cream to celebrate no broken bones. If you survive the Alps, it’ll be on you to bring me ice-cream to celebrate the fact I don’t have to order you a coffin.”
I chuckle. “I promise you I won’t require a coffin.”
She gets a bossy look about her. “You better not, Callan Black, or you will incur my wrath for eternity when I get to heaven and hunt you down.”
“Are you threatening him again?” Bradford asks, joining us with a smile on his face.
“Yes, because he needs a good threatening,” Olivia says.
“Before you get too engrossed in that, are we all still planning on heading to the Catskills next month?”
“Yes,” Olivia says before rattling off the date. “Tell me that weekend still works for you and Kristen.”
“I think so. I’ll check with her and let you know.”
“I’m praying it does. Wrangling you and your brothers is hard work, and settling on that date took over a month of back and forth with everyone,” she says.
“We like to keep you on your toes.” He grins. “I’ll make it work, Liv.”
“Are my sons giving you grief?” Mom asks when she joins our group.
“Always,” Olivia says but the affection in her tone reveals how much she likes wrangling our family.
“Well, you’ve got me now to help you plan these weekends,” Kristen says to Olivia while coming to stand next to Bradford, an adoring look in her eyes as she gazes up at him. The day he married her instead of Cecelia was a good fucking day. I shudder to think of what would have become of family vacations with that dragon woman along for the ride.
“This makes me very happy,” Olivia says. “Between work being super busy, planning a wedding for my cousin, and attending a million weddings with Callan, it’ll be great to have your help.”
“How about I take charge of coordinating the guys while you plan everything else? I don’t want to step on your toes, though, so whatever you need me to do, just let me know,” Kristen says.
“When she says ‘coordinate’, I’m almost certain she means ‘boss’,” I say.
Olivia grins at me. “Which is exactly the right word for what you guys need.” She looks at Kristen. “Thank you. I would love you to be in charge of bossing the boys.”
I turn silent while Mom, Olivia, and Kristen talk about the trip and the spa Olivia wants to visit. Olivia is radiating with the kind of beauty that can’t be dimmed. Not even a hangover and five straight hours of complaining like she did yesterday can lessen it. And while physically, she’s the most beautiful woman I know, so much of what makes her beautiful is her soul. Her way of loving people and caring for them. I’ve always been drawn to this, but now, I’m captivated by it.
I could watch her with my family for hours. Hell, I could watch her for hours period. It wouldn’t matter what she was doing, I’d happily dedicate myself to taking in every single thing she did. But watching the way she listens intently to my mother; seeing how she encourages Kristen when she appears uncertain; observing how she expresses her interest in everything being said; and receiving a smile or a sparkle of her eyes every once in a while throughout the conversation, this is something I could do day in, day out.
The thing about all this that confuses the hell out of me is that none of this is new. This is what she’s always done and somehow I’ve never seen any of it how I’m seeing it now. I’ve never felt it how I’m feeling it now.
The conversation shifts and changes, and Bradford and I offer our thoughts every now and then as to what we’re interested in doing during the weekend away. When the topic of hiking comes up, Mom mentions a trail she’s heard about. She drags Bradford and Kristen to her computer to show them while I reach for Olivia and hold her back so I can talk to her about the week ahead.
“I have to fly to LA tomorrow and depending on how my meetings go there, I may need to go to Vancouver after that,” I say. “So, I may not be able to meet with your contractor on Wednesday.” After getting quotes from five contractors, Olivia’s remodel is beginning this week and I want to meet the guy she hired. After much deliberation and encouragement from this particular contractor, she decided to also remodel both her bathrooms. I’m concerned the guy is rushing the job. I want to meet him so he knows I’m watching his work and looking for any corners being cut.
She waves me off. “I’ve got this, Callan. I know you’re worried about this guy, but I looked into his work history. His work is high quality. I don’t foresee any problems.”
“I know you did, Ace, but I still want him to know there will be repercussions if he screws you over.”
She smiles. “I appreciate you looking out for me. You can come over and meet him when you get back.”
“Trust me, I’ll be over the minute I get home.”
“When do you think that will be?”
“Hopefully by Thursday, but it may be Friday. I might be pushing it to get to the Hamptons on time Friday.” The second wedding we’re attending is for a couple we’ve both known for years. They’ve invited their guests for a welcome party that kicks off at lunchtime on Friday.
“Oh god, me too. I’ve got a day of interviews lined up for Slade and I think I’m going to have to hold his hand during them. If so, I won’t arrive until late Friday afternoon, which sucks because I was really looking forward to the spa afternoon with the girls.”
I push my irritation with Slade down and try to ignore it even though I’m doubtful I can. “We’ll take the helicopter, so that will help.”
“Yes, and I’ll do everything in my power during the week to convince Slade he doesn’t need a babysitter.”
I’m more than grateful when Hayden takes this moment to cut in on our conversation. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her what I think of a grown man being unable to handle his own shit.
“I hate to do this,” Hayden says to Olivia, looking as regretful as he sounds, “but can you give me ten minutes so we can go over something that’s come up for Bradford.”
“Sure,” Olivia says before leaving with him.
I watch her until they disappear down the hallway that leads to Dad’s office where I imagine Bradford and Dad are waiting for them. Hayden is Bradford’s lawyer and from what I heard them talking about earlier, they’re working on mitigating any headaches that arise from the disgrace Bradford’s ex-fiancée has recently found herself in. Besides being investigated for tax fraud thanks to a tip off from Bradford, her ties to a crime boss have been made public, along with rumors of complex financial crimes she’s supposedly committed. Her offices were raided today, and while Bradford’s not linked to her anymore, he and Dad want to ensure his name isn’t smeared.
“So, you’re finally opening your eyes,” Gage drawls as he hands me a whiskey.
“Huh?”
He nods in the direction of where Olivia went. “Liv.”
I throw some whiskey down my throat. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw how you’re looking at her tonight.”
My gut reaction is to tell him to fuck off, that he’s imagining things, but after weeks of being tied up in knots over my feelings, I’ve reached the point where I need to talk about it. “I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m pretty sure I’m about to fuck things up between us.”
He watches me over the rim of his glass while he takes a sip. “What’s happening is what was always going to happen. I’m only surprised it’s taken this long.”
I frown. Rhodes said something similar on the weekend and I haven’t been able to get that conversation out of my head. “Liv and I have never been attracted to each other, Gage.”
“Yeah, you have. Why do you think you’ve fucked your way through New York and never been interested in a relationship?”
“Fuck, is this going to be one of your therapy sessions? I’m out if it is.” Gage likes to dissect people and I’m in no mood for that tonight.
He ignores me and carries on. “Why do you think the only relationship you’ve had was at the same time that Olivia fell in love for the first time?”
I take another gulp of whiskey. “You’re connecting things that aren’t connected.”
“You hated watching her with that guy so you found yourself a girlfriend to distract you.”
I want to tell him he’s wrong, but my gut is insistent there’s some truth in what he’s saying.
He watches me closely while I work my way through a million thoughts. “You’re in love with Olivia, Callan, and you always have been. But watching Mom and Dad fucked you up and you’re shut down on relationships because of what you fear marriage does to people. Take another look at their marriage and you’ll see what’s possible when two people work at a relationship.”
Kristen waves him over to where she and Mom are looking at something on Mom’s laptop, leaving me alone with that bomb.
Jesus.
My parents didn’t marry for love. It was a marriage of convenience to bring their two families together. It was a long-term project to build power so they could eventually get a son into politics. They brought five sons into a marriage that was filled with turmoil and we all paid the price for that. Not that I was aware of much of this during my childhood. I was a happy child but I always sensed trouble and I sure as fuck knew it took a lot of effort to get my parents’ attention for the first decade of my life.
Some light was recently shed on that. It turns out my father cheated on my mother just after I was born and so they were both preoccupied with that mess for years. Looking back, I can see how that played out in our lives. Gage wasn’t wrong when he said I use my parents’ marriage as my reason for avoiding relationships. They may be happy together now, but I can never unknow the deep unhappiness we all lived through when they were fighting all the time.
