Sparked, p.17
Sparked, page 17
I gulp, fear and longing swirling inside me like an emotional tornado. My gut says Evie is right, but it’s Harlow who seals the deal, “At the very least you could make him bring you those burnt pretzels you’re craving. End the relationship on a decent note instead of abject sadness.”
“I do want pretzels,” I say, though I know it’s just an excuse. Pretzels I can ask for. A second chance I’m still not sure about. Maybe I won’t be able to forgive him. Maybe he won’t be able to forgive me.
But at least we can share a bag of pretzels and a sunset and hopefully part ways with peace instead of anger.
Reaching for my phone while my courage holds, I text Sam—If you’re still downstairs and want to talk, meet me on the roof in ten minutes. Evie will buzz you up. And bring burnt pretzels, the kind from Pennsylvania in the paper bag. They have them on the third aisle in the bodega, by the good coffee.
Less than a second later, Sam texts back—Will do and see you then. Thank you, Jess. So much.
My thumb hovers over the message, but in the end, I don’t respond. I’m not sure if he should be thanking me for anything yet. Still, his obvious relief sends a wisp of smoky hope floating through my chest.
But is it the beginnings of a flame or the last gasp of a nearly tamped-out campfire?
I don’t know yet, but…it looks like I’m about to find out.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Sam
All the way up the seven flights to the roof, my stomach is a caldron full of acid and my pulse stutters wildly in my throat. I’ve never been this nervous, not even during my initial meeting with my angel investors my junior year of college.
There was never any doubt in my mind that the world needed Best Nest and that I’d find the funding to launch it somewhere. If my first batch of potential investors were too short-sighted to see the potential in my app, I would just keep taking meetings until I found people who were on the same page.
But with Jess…
I’ve fucked this up so completely—not once, but twice. First, by ghosting her when we were kids, then by being a control freak.
But I understand how I screwed up, and I’m determined not to be that person again. I don’t want to be a coward. I want to be the kind of brave, kind, trustworthy friend Jess deserves.
I want to be so much more than her friend but faced with the possibility of losing her completely or being downgraded to a bestie with no benefits, I’ll take the former any day. It would hurt like hell, knowing I’d never kiss her, hold her again, but at least I’d get to love her up close. I’d get to see her grow and find happiness and success and celebrate every victory with her.
I just want the best for her, even if that means eventually watching her fall in love with another man.
But fuck, the thought hurts…
It burns a scalding path from my core to my throat and back again.
Or maybe that’s the stomach acid.
Fuck. I should have bought some Tums at the bodega along with pretzels and a six-pack of beer, but it’s too late now. I’m at the top of the stairs, opening the door, squinting into the sun as I step out onto the Astroturf to find Jess standing at the brick wall surrounding the roof.
Her back is to me, but I know she’s heard the door open.
Her head turns ever so slightly to the right as she calls, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to jump. It’s safe to approach.”
“I’m more worried about you throwing me over,” I say as I cross the stiff, fake grass. I stop beside her, exhaling a shaky breath. “I’d deserve it.”
“No, you don’t. I’m still mad and hurt, but…” She glances at the bag in my hands. “Looks like more than pretzels in there.”
“I brought some beer, too. And…a surprise. That’s actually why I was at the bodega in the first place.” Setting the bag down at my feet, I pull the small cardboard envelope from inside, every cell in my body praying this was the right call. Passing it over to her, I say, “They’re one of the few places around here that still has a photo printing machine.”
Her brows dart up her forehead and her gaze flicks to meet mine for the first time, granting me a glimpse at the anxiety in her eyes. She’s nervous, too.
Taking that as a sign that hopefully she wants to find a way to make peace between us at least half as much as I do, I add, “It took me a while to find the pictures I wanted, or I would have been here sooner. I had some of them saved in my Dropbox, but some I had to hunt down on that old ‘best friend adventures’ blog we started in eighth grade.”
She blinks faster. “Oh my God, I haven’t thought of that in years. Is it still up online?”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not live. One of us must have unpublished it at some point, but I could still log in to the dashboard. I remembered the password.”
“ZeldaAndMario4Ever,” she whispers. “We were such nerds.”
“Yeah. I still am. I mean, you saw the name of my house.”
Her lips quirk. “Yeah, I would have made fun of you for naming your fancy mansion after the kingdom in The Legend of Zelda if I weren’t so pissed at the time.”
Wincing, I say, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve already said that, but I’ll say it a hundred times, a thousand, if it makes a difference. I never meant to hurt you, Jess. I swear I didn’t. I was just—”
“A control freak who thought you knew best?” she asks, cocking her head to one side.
“No.” I sigh. “I mean, yes, I am a control freak, but in this case, it wasn’t coming from a place where I thought I knew best. It was…fear. I was so afraid of fucking this up that I made a bunch of stupid decisions, and my fear became a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Her expression softens. “I get that.”
“You do?” My heart lifts.
She nods. “I do. I think that’s what happened to me at Brain Chill. I was so afraid of failing that I pushed myself way too hard and waited too long to ask for help. Then I ended up crashing and burning way harder than I would have if I’d just admitted that I was struggling to lead my team and asked for new staff a few weeks in.”
“It’s an easy trap to fall into. Especially when you want something more than you’ve ever wanted anything before.” I almost reach for her hand, but stop myself, sensing that if there’s going to be a first move, she needs to be the one to make it. It’s time to give her control and trust she’ll know what to do with it. So, I settle for saying, “I meant everything I said in New Jersey. You are so important to me. I’d do just about anything for another chance to be the man in your life, but if that’s off the table… Then I just want you to be happy and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Even if that means you just want to be friends or…never want to see my face again.”
Pain flashes behind her eyes, making me hope she finds the thought as misery-inducing as I do, but she doesn’t respond right away. She inhales, exhales, and lifts the envelope, opening the cardboard flap to reveal the pictures inside.
A soft, reverent sound escapes her lips as she pulls out the stack of photos, running her fingertips over the faces of the two beaming kids dressed as aliens, with green paint smeared all over their faces. “Oh, wow, Sam. We were so little. I can’t believe we were ever that little.”
“Or green,” I tease. “Whose idea was it to join the Alien Days Beach Parade?”
“Yours, obviously. You’re the UFO freak,” she says, flipping to the next picture with another breathy laugh. “My thirteenth birthday. Dear Lord, I look even more like my mother’s clone. That was before I realized there were brands of khakis that didn’t make your butt look like a sack of potatoes.” She laughs again, pointing to my face. “And your poor little moustache.”
“I thought it was so cool,” I say with a shake of my head. “Used to shave it twice a day on weekends, hoping it would make it grow back thicker. If I’d only known how furry I would be as an adult, I would have relished every hairless day of my childhood.”
“I like you furry,” Jess says, sending my hopeful heart pinballing around in my chest as she continues to flip through the pictures, her grin growing wider with every shot until she reaches the final image and her smile fades.
For a beat, I’m afraid I’ve made a misstep. I consider snatching the picture and tossing it over the railing but push the fear away. I’m not going to let fear call the shots anymore, and there’s a reason I wanted her to see this shot.
It’s the two of us on the last day of coding camp our junior year. Jess is holding up the trophy she won for best story-based game design. I have my arm around her shoulders, but I’m not looking at the camera. I’m looking at her, beaming down at the girl I love with my heart in my eyes.
She looks up at me, recognition in her gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I must have been blind,” she says, holding up the picture with a crooked twist of her lips. “But I’m not blind now. I see it there and I see it now, but I…” She swallows. “I don’t know if I can trust you. Or myself.”
I step closer, gripping the brick wall like a lifeline. “Of course, you can trust yourself. And you can trust me, too, Jess. I swear it. I know I screwed up, but if you give me another chance, I won’t screw up again. I don’t see how I could. I literally have nothing to hide from you anymore. You already know all my secrets and I’m glad. I don’t want to hide things from you. I want to show you every part of me, and I want to know every part of you.”
Her jaw muscle twitches. “I’m not so sure about that.”
I frown. “Well, I am. Give me six months. I’ll prove you can trust me with anything and everything.”
She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t mean… I meant, me. I meant I’m not so sure you want to know every part of me. Some parts of me are garbage, Sam. Like the part that tortures myself when I make a mistake or don’t perform up to my expectations. Or the part that doesn’t understand why you want me so much. Especially after seeing your gorgeous ex-girlfriend in the flesh.”
My head rears back. “What? Where?”
“At the cat rescue. Apparently, Erica is friends with Boob Woman from the other day,” she says. “We started talking, and I realized how serious things must have been between you two. That’s why I started digging into your past in the first place.”
My shoulders sag. “I see. Well, at least that makes sense. I was wondering if I did something to make you suspicious.”
Her gaze cools again. “No, you were a very good liar.”
“In the name of love, Jess,” I say. “And I know that doesn’t excuse it, but it’s the truth. I am crazy in love with you. I feel more for you than I’ve ever felt for anyone else in my entire life, Erica included. She was a great person, but she wasn’t you. There’s only one you, one brilliant, funny, quirky, loyal, talented, amazing you. The real question you should be asking yourself is if I’m worthy of all the incredible things you have to offer.”
Her forehead furrows and her eyes begin to shine. “I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, I just know that I cried for two hours after I left you at the bar. It felt like you’d died, but worse.”
Throwing caution to the wind, I take the folder of pictures and toss it back into the bag before gripping her hands tightly in mine. I lean down, catching her gaze and holding it. “I get it. Betrayal is the fucking worst, and I hate myself for doing that to you. But I can make it better. I know I can. If six months is too long, give me one. One month to regain your trust and we take it as slow as you like. Just don’t give up on us, Jess. Please.”
Tears slip down her cheeks, making my heart sink until she says, “I don’t want to take it slow. I want to jump right back into the deep end because I love you too, you jerk. I love you so much the thought of never kissing you again made me feel like Frodo after he got hooked on the evil ring and realized he had to throw his precious into Mount Doom and destroy it.” She sniffs and sobs, “You’re my dark ring of power, Sam. I’m helpless against your vibes, and it scares me.”
Fighting a smile, I gather her to my chest, hugging her tight. “Baby, I’m not your dark ring of power. I’m your magic wand, the one meant just for you, that’s been waiting at the wand store for you to come collect me. I’m here to amplify your magic, not get you hooked on mine.”
She tilts her head back, looking up at me with still-doubtful eyes. “I’m not sure about that, but I do love your magic wand, and I’d like to get to know it a whole lot better.”
Brows lifting and heart in my throat, I ask, “Does that mean what I think it means?”
“If you think it means that I want you to take me back to your hotel and make love to me until I know you mean everything you say in that visceral way, I know things when you’re touching me…” She gulps in a breath. “Then yes, it means what you think it means.”
“Thank God.” Tears of gratitude surge into my eyes and I squeeze her tight enough to summon a soft “oof” from her lips. “Sorry,” I say. “I’m just so grateful.”
“And I’m calling a car,” she whispers, pulling her cell from the back pocket of her jeans.
“Not if I call one first,” I counter, whipping out my phone.
I have a car on the way before she can type in her address, and we hurry back down the stairs to her place. She grabs her toiletry bag and throws some clothes into her backpack before waving to a beaming Evie and Harlow, who are parked at the kitchen table. Evie yells, “We love you guys and we’re rooting for you,” as we dash down to meet the town car already idling by the curb, making my heart soar a little higher.
Twenty-five minutes later, Jess and I are kissing in the elevator on the way up to my penthouse suite and stumbling through the door in each other’s arms. Jess takes a moment to toss her bag on the ground and make fun of me for booking a giant suite for one person like some kind of tech billionaire before jumping into my arms.
She wraps her legs around my waist, kisses me hard, and whispers, “Take me to bed, Burgos,” and I assure her that her wish is my command.
And that it always will be, tonight and every night that I’m lucky enough to call her mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jess
Yesterday I would have sworn there was no way kissing Sam could get any better, but tonight…
Tonight there’s a sweetness and ease that wasn’t there before. Tonight there are no more secrets.
Tonight there’s just Sam and me and all the love we feel for each other.
“I’m so glad you’re going to be my first,” I mumble against his lips as we roll onto the bed, kissing each other like starving people as we tear at each other’s clothes.
“I wish you were going to be mine,” he says, that blissfully pained look on his face as I toss my shirt to the floor and shove my jeans down around my thighs. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful, baby. Every inch of you.”
He runs a reverent hand down my stomach to curl under the waistband of my panties, making my pulse rush in my ears. “You, too, but I don’t think I like ‘baby’ as a nickname. I’m too much of a smartass to be anyone’s baby.”
He smirks as he grips my jeans and drags them the rest of the way down my legs. “How about Mario? And you can call me Zelda. Just like in the old days.”
I smile what I’m sure is a devilish smile. “How about peach, as in Princess Peach or…other things that are soft and a little fuzzy?”
His gaze darkens as it drops between my legs, making my eager peach ache with the need to be touched. “Perfectly fuzzy. I love that you don’t shave. Have I told you that, peach?” He reaches for my panties, dragging them down the same path my jeans recently took. “That I love burying my face in the soft, silky hair between your legs while I eat your juicy little pussy?”
My breath shudders out. “You have that dirty talk thing on lock, my friend.”
“So do you,” he says. “You’re a natural. Now spread your legs and let me show you how much I love you.”
“Yes, sir,” I say, moaning as his lips crash into my most intimate place, devouring me with an enthusiasm that leaves no doubt he finds me as irresistible as I find him.
He reaches up, capturing my nipples between his big fingers, setting up a diabolical feedback loop between my tingling breasts and electrified core that has only one possible outcome. I reach the edge and tumble over with a keening, moaning sound that makes me self-conscious for a second.
But then I remember that we’re in the penthouse, the only room on this floor, and safe from the prying ears of the outside world.
“I could scream your name at the top of my lungs, and no one would hear,” I mutter as I push Sam’s pants down his thighs with my toes.
“You could, and fuck, I wish you would,” he says, stripping off his boxer briefs, allowing his erection to bob free. “Preferably while you’re coming on my cock.”
A renewed whisper of worry about how that massive part of him is going to fit in a fairly dainty part of me drifts through my head, but it’s soon drowned out by another rush of longing as I watch Sam open a condom from the bedside table and roll it down his length.
“We’ll go slow,” he says, seeming to read my mind. “And if it hurts, we’ll stop. The second you give the word.”
“I don’t want to stop.” I loop my arms around his neck and pull him back on top of me, my pulse spiking as his heavy cock brushes my damp thighs. “I want you inside me. All of you. Every inch.”
“I want that too, but more importantly, I don’t want to hurt you,” he says. “If it takes a few tries for it to be comfortable, that’s fine. I’m in no rush. As far as I’m concerned, we have as long as we need to figure out what works.”
